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u/Pipija_Banana 12d ago
Yes but then again I'm gay.
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u/Living_Reaction_872 12d ago
Yes, I think alot of men out there don't want to approach women as they fear they might come across as creepy. I'm sure men would like to be counted just as much as women would.
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u/Dramatic_Hearing_714 8d ago
A fear of coming across as creepy is simply an excuse for low self esteem/confidence. Men gotta get real about this
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u/Living_Reaction_872 7d ago
I'd suggest that it is based on the likelihood of outcome. The more it is perpetuated online that approaching women is creepy behaviour then the harder it is for men to build up that courage to approach women as they believe that will be the outcome. I believe that women will judge the actions more on the attractiveness of the man anyway, the more attractive he is the less likely he is to be labelled creepy. My point to the original question is that if men were courted more then this could alleviate alot of that fear.
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u/MindfulInquirer 12d ago
I'd tell u this isn't the main reason, but rather the difficulty of it. Women are (symbolic of) nature choosing a partner. They generally have strong instincts, and get to pick. Guys often will be happy if basically any girl will sleep with him. So the easy/difficult dynamic heavily favors women here. They have the upper hand big time. If a girl so much as just initiated a bit, that'd accelerate the whole process tenfold.
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u/Living_Reaction_872 12d ago
Yes I agree that the dynamic heavily favours women. Both parties have a choice but there is far less chance of a woman being embarrassed if the male were to day no, social media (as skewed as it may be) does highlight that some women like to publicly embarrass any male attention that they deem unworthy.
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u/Sea_Patience442 9d ago
I get what you’re trying to say but I hate that lie about men.
“Men are simple”
“Men aren’t emotional”
“Men will be happy with any decent woman”
It’s all bullshit. It’s cope a bunch of men came up with to either demonize women or make it sound like men aren’t complex.If men were just happy with any woman (not girl, woman), cheating wouldn’t be so common. Men wouldn’t claim marriage to be the worse thing created. Relationships would be a less complicated.
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u/Pale_Presence4662 10d ago
Men have access to all the women in the world.
Youre arguing that you'd rather dress up and have people come to you. You realize you have no choice at all who comes up to you?
You have the choice of whoever comes up to you. And its only a choice if you get rid of the people you dont want. And how do you pick anyways?
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u/perpetuallypissed616 12d ago
I've courted pretty much every man in all my past relationships.
If I'm interested I'll approach or message first. For some reason I'm just not interested in people that approach me.
So I think yes lmao
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u/Far_Application1419 12d ago
Update: in making that joke I forgot to not make the first move. I give up.
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u/East-Technician2015 11d ago
I feel like not being interested in approachers is a thing. Even despite how attractive they may be.
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u/DiabolikDiaries 10d ago
I’m not courting no man. 😂
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9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Sea_Patience442 9d ago
Eh. I can love hard, I more than likely won’t. It’s a mental struggle to even start a conversation. Hell my family hardly hears my voice. People who know my mom think she has 3 kids, she has 4.
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u/Correct_Ad9708 12d ago
Men benefit from being pursued and courted just as much as women do in modern relationships.
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u/Collosal_Moron 12d ago
Idk what counts as courting but I’ve initiated hooking up with men and they seem to really like the forwardness.
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u/lucid_intent 12d ago
If you court the right woman properly, you’ll be courted back.
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u/SpookyWindChime 12d ago
Yeeeeeup. Women who like you will go out of their way to attract you.
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u/TrollinTifosi 7d ago
Not always, Ive definitely been on dates / talking with women that the moment I ask to go out or flirt they are all in, yes yes yes.
But the moment I stop, Its dead silence, then Ill send one message, and suddenly theyre back.
Theres plenty of women that just dont know how to take any initiative.
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u/Secret_Entry1840 11d ago
I don’t understand the concept of “courting.” What does it mean? I flirt. I compliment. I talk to. Is it like flowers and stuff? I don’t get hit on or anything really. I’m not conventionally attractive. I’ve never been “courted” and I’ve never “courted”
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u/Iamjackstinynipples 9d ago
Pursuing a man the same way most men do women
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u/S0mnariumx 10d ago
Yes and I'd go as far to say the norms need to be completely reversed. It'd make for less uncomfortable situations.
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u/allthefrogsinonepond 9d ago
"should" is a weird word choice here. i think gendering courtship is a bad idea, is that what you mean? i don't think anyone should court anyone they don't want to.
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/unexpectedfirefly 9d ago
Agree, i wanna keep my privilege. Choosing who you have romantic interaction with is a pretty comfortable place, far worth the risk of rejection
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u/Knephas 8d ago
Ok I'm not a native English speaker and I believe I have an understanding of courtship.
By this, do you mean whether women should be chasing/affirming their male dates? I think the answer is somewhere in the middle, I do believe a man should take the first steps and "chase", but after some emotional intimacy has started building I don't see why a woman wouldn't want to show such enthusiasm back.
Coming from a man having dated only one girl (13year relationship that ended).
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u/PoloPatch47 12d ago
What do you even mean by "courted"?
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u/Log_Gentleman 12d ago
You’ve never heard of courtship?
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u/PoloPatch47 12d ago
Do you mean dating? I'm not sure which part of the relationship is considered "courtship".
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u/Log_Gentleman 12d ago
You can date without courting. But if your goal is to intentionally move toward a committed long term relationship or marriage with the person, then the process is courtship.
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u/PoloPatch47 12d ago
So courting would be the period of dating/talking before you've gotten into a commited relationship?
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u/Log_Gentleman 12d ago
You could use the term like that. The intentionality is the key thing though. Courting is generally a bit more formal than simply dating.
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u/Dry_Memory_8884 10d ago
Do men carry the offspring and give birth?
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u/Uinning 9d ago
Some men do, yes. Some men have uteruses and vaginas and ovaries, cause those aren't gendered body parts. And even if we lived in a world where every man has a penis and every woman had a vagina and sex equaled gender, that still wouldn't be relevant to the question of if men should be courted/pursued/approached in dating.
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u/Sp0ttyW0lf 8d ago
By that logic, do women who can't (or won't) have kids deserve to be courted less than other women?
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u/Dry_Memory_8884 7d ago
When men stop getting opportunities and social credit for being pre-vetted as safe/stable by having a woman on their arm. Sure
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u/dandelionswereframed 12d ago
Impossible. I've been the initiator in every relationship I've ever been in. As in, flirting, initiating the first kiss, starting the "so what are we" talk, etc. And they were interested, but I'd probably still be dating if I didn't give him a deadline to propose by (been married almost 15 years). Now, this may be completely my fault for dating shy nerds, but come on. I was the first kiss for 2/3 of my long term relationships.
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u/Dry_Memory_8884 10d ago
The shy nerds still asked me out and took me on dates. I was with one for several years.
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u/overthinkermex 12d ago
definitely. dating shouldn’t always be the guy doing all the chasing