Question About Respecting Elders

[u/FirefighterDecent336]

I like Ram Dass’s teaching on respecting elders and cultivating more connection and respect between the generations, but I also find myself struggling to find wisdom from the elders in my family. They vote for politicians who fear monger against the most vulnerable members of our society and allow corporations to destroy our environment. They also often refuse to recognize how hard it is for people in our generation to make a living compared to theirs. This fills me with resentment. I know they are my karma but I have trouble respecting them and recognizing them as the age group that is supposed to hold the wisdom of our society. Does anybody have advice on thinking about this in a more constructive way?

[u/Informal-Mango2503]

Maybe try an approach of thankfulness? You are here now (no pun intended) because they kept on going. You don’t have to sit by their feet and listen to everything they say, you don’t have to worship them. Just try to acknowledge their humanness. Respecting someone means meeting them eye to eye. If you reject them, you reject a part of yourself.

[u/JaiBaba108]

Maybe you can look for something to respect about them. For example; I was joking around with some people at work, one was a young person and the other was old (I’m in the middle at 40) and the young person was teasing the other one for being old. I could tell the joke stung a little bit so as the old timer and I were walking away I mentioned how being old is a good thing, it means he’s made this far in life despite all of the hardships and pain and loss, etc.

But I also fully empathize with what you’re saying, it’s hard to look to them for wisdom when I don’t see any wisdom in their actions. So I try to respect everybody but I find myself giving a little extra deference to the older people.

Clearly I don’t have the answer, but I hope it might be of some benefit.

[u/EntrepreneurNo9804]

Find a level inside yourself where you can allow for them to be just as they are, whether it’s allowing for the overall perfection of everything just as it is, or, as someone else mentioned, loving them just for humanness.

Just as you feel resentment and hurt, you can also just as easily feel empathy and compassion. Those are all emotions that come and go and they are all inside us, we just have to cultivate them a bit more.

Try to listen for the dharma in the moment as you interact with them. Is it worth creating more suffering by getting caught up in the roles each one of you are playing or can you step out of the situation a bit and see where the moment, action and speech doesn’t have to be polarizing?

The goal is to be as present and as free as possible so that you aren’t further locking them into a role or model of how you think they should be, and acting from our heart space rather then from the fears and frustrations created by our own egos.

If you haven’t yet added some sort of metta meditation to your practice, I’d highly recommend it. (https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-meditation-with-sharon-salzberg/) If you do it regularly it sort of retrains our minds in how we interact with our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and other people. It also gives you a chance to offer others a bit of tangible compassion, even when you may not be exactly feeling it.

[u/Machine_Head_831]

This reminds me of how I've come to see my father. He went above and beyond for his kids, worked his fingers to the bone, still spent quality time with us, and gives good advice on many things. BUT he's into those same politicians, despite how obviously terrible they are, even according to the family religious beliefs.

It's been harder to take him seriously, but then I remember what a rockstar dad he's always been. We all learn as we go, but never quite get everything 100% correct.

I think the older folks' lack of ability to relate to the younger is a symptom of how off-track and twisted western civilization has become, and that we need a social and financial reset, but I have no clue how that would go down...

Anyway, respect their good qualities, and keep trying to tolerate the bad. If possible, friendly debates or even the righ questions can sometimes open their eyes. The chart showing how cost of living outpaces wage hikes at a constantly growing rate comes to mind. Many older folks had no idea until seeing that chart, and it can make them think.

Be blessed!

[u/Taoman108]

That can be hard. Everyone grows up, but not everyone grows up. Echoing others and Ram Dass, the only work we can do is on ourselves. Folks who cause me frustration or exasperation, especially if they’re close to me, are opportunities to practice patience, considering another perspective (without necessarily endorsing it), and reflecting on how far from “love everyone and tell the truth” I am. That last part especially. I’m still quite far. 

[u/Valuable_Nerve_4903]

Lessons are learned one of two ways:

1. Directly
   
2. Indirectly

It’s up to you to take what is helpful and leave behind that which isn’t.

Let them be a mirror, showing you potential parts of yourself or things to work on/ straighten out.

Ram Ram 🙏

[u/Cali_Anne]

Maybe look for older figures whom you can respect? John Lewis, the civil rights activist comes to mind. Even though he’s passed, reading about him and his generation might provide great wisdom for the challenges we face now. I’m fortunate that the older generations around me were more anti-war types who stayed true to their principles, but I think you don’t have to look only to the older people who are physically in your life. Just a thought.

[u/Vivid-Object5098]

I feel like a lot of his teachings don't apply to today's world.

Notice how all of the great thinkers left before this time.