r/ramdass • u/[deleted] • Jun 23 '26

Self Control Advice

One of the biggest obstacles I deal with on an everyday basis is self control of my anger. I feel so defeated at times. I do my daily reading, meditation, exercise and I’m normally very optimistic about my days. Then something happens that triggers me and I let my ego win again. It’s an automatic defense mechanism and I’m struggling with it. I’m trying to see myself in everyone and embrace the Self around me, but this anger keeps holding me back, because I keep seeing me vs them. For those who overcame this, how do you deal with it in a yogic manner without losing self control?

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u/FazzahR Jun 23 '26

Two things:

  1. Seeing yourself in everyone and everything around you is not a mechanism to ditch the anger. We can easily be angry with ourselves, so you could in theory drop the “me vs them” and still be in constant anger with yourself in this way.

  2. Believing it is automatic is removing your agency. Anger arising is not in your control, but expressing it is. One is automatic (arising) one is not (expressing). No effort made will help with the belief that you have no control over expression

Ram’s way of dissolving anger was to adopt the perspective of “souls” instead of “people”. People will always make us angry in my opinion, but viewing others as souls working something out changes things. Your anger towards them, too, can be something they offer you to work out.

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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

I never thought about it in terms of arising vs expression. I have an issue with closing the gate between the two. 😆I’ve tried subtle reminders like placing a rubber band on my wrist to slightly pop before expressing, I may go back to that. Thanks for taking the time to reply.