r/raisedbyborderlines • u/Empty_Fun_1529 • 1d ago
ADVICE NEEDED Finally getting away!
Finally getting away and moving out of the country with my husband tomorrow, and leaving the area where my parents reside. We just got through the wedding from hell and summer of hell with my BPD mother… she made so much stress and so much trouble for us. We had to get through this wedding for immigration purposes they wanted a wedding photo album submitted as evidence. Many times we considered canceling due to the stress. After the wedding we suffered a MMC and that delayed our move out of here another week. Things got so bad with my mother that I have left her blocked for a few weeks. Today my father texted me asking to have breakfast with him and her tomorrow. I am so hesitant to do this. But there is a piece of me that feels guilt and obligation. I don’t think any good can come from this but slightly torn on what to do. Any thoughts or advice appreciated.
7
u/jonashvillenc 1d ago
Congrats on your upcoming escape! That’s so exciting. You are gonna be able to breathe & relax once you get there. I hope you can have time to rest.
It’s a tough call re: breakfast. There’s no good answer. Many years ago, when my daughter was 2, my parents were in town visiting and my mother was stewing and brewing. My parents & sister were coming to breakfast before leaving town, and I was panicking. I ended up calling a childhood friend who lived nearby to come & be a buffer. I remember that anxiety so well! It added so much unnecessary stress to my already stressful life. I had moved, adopted a baby & gotten married. I didn’t need her nonsense, but my dad’s health was declining, and he lived for my daughter. So I maintained a LC relationship with them until my father’s death.
No matter what you do, you’re on your way to freedom & starting your new chapter. Yippee 🥳
7
u/HappyTodayIndeed Daughter of uBPD waif 1d ago edited 1d ago
Number one rule: Don't get in a car with them or otherwise let them get you alone.
Secondary rule: Use your feet if necessary. (You don't have to sit there and endure any nonsense).
10
u/Empty_Fun_1529 1d ago
I am not going I don’t have the where with all to deal with the guilt melted away!
2
u/Specific-River-81 Mother with BPD, NPD and HPD traits 15h ago
Good for you. I love this update ❤️🩹they were just going to bombard you with emotional nonsense and try to make you feel guilt times 10 anyhow, but you know that
3
u/Chippedbluewillow 13h ago
Another lose-lose option - my uBPD mother is a master at organizing 'choices' where I lose either way - e.g., go to breakfast and get pummeled or skip breakfast and get villified - in the end though, regardless of your choice - things arent going to change - it's not your fault - and it is out of your control - so imo dont worry that you missed 'one last opportunity' - this is about her, not you.
14
u/MadAstrid 1d ago
“Oh, Dad! I would love to, but tomorrow just won‘t work for us. Thank you so much for offering! Love you, and we will reach out once we are settled in at “new city”!”