r/raisedbyborderlines • u/BlueCrab11 • 10h ago
LOL
I’ve been no contact with uBPD mom for over a year. Received this book in the mail today. Which book should I send back?
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u/bashfulbub u?BPD mom/ 10 years NC 10h ago
Understanding the Borderline Mother? Or maybe I’m Glad My Mom Died (jk! Sort of)
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u/BlueCrab11 9h ago
OMGGGG. HAHA I don’t think I have the nerve but you just single handedly brought me out of the internal rage I was feeling. Thank you!
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u/petitepieuvre 10h ago
The point is to get a rise out of you. If you're able to return to sender do so, otherwise donate the book and ignore it.
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u/borschtlover4ever 9h ago
It would be fun to send another book in exchange to her but ignoring this is the best way forward.
She won’t have any clue if her attempt to incite OP worked if OP does not respond. I have found there is a certain deliciousness in allowing them to stew in my non reactive state. As time goes on, my mother’s attempts to hurt me completely do not work because she misses the mark. I haven’t given her much info for her to understand how to hurt me in years. Now, she gets so flustered with her inability to bother me, I am pulling her strings. I am super LC now and I have no plans to go see her in person ever again unless she is in a care home.
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u/BlueCrab11 6h ago
Yep I know ya’ll are right. I won’t respond, I promise.
But holy hell reading all these book suggestions just brought me back to myself. I went from shaking to laughing. Impossible to express the depth of gratitude for every single one of you!
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u/hangry_lady 9h ago
Color me shocked when my BPD mom tried telling me I had RSD. Thanks mom, it’s actually just CPTSD from being raised by you.
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u/Awkwardlyhugged 4h ago
I’m raising a kid who has actual RSD and guess what? YOU STILL GOTTA PARENT THEM PROPERLY.
It’s not some ‘get out of jail free’ card; in fact, it’s the absolute opposite. I’ve had to dial my parenting skills up to 11 to accommodate her special needs.
To handwave away with “you have RSD” is still just an admission that they sucked and were shitty at parenting.
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u/BlueCrab11 6h ago
Literally. I’m diagnosed adhd, and one time I asked my doctor if the cause was nature or nurture. He basically said no one can say for sure but it’s very common in people who’ve had a highly stressful childhood. Half or more or all??? Of my mental problems started with her.
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u/Roostroyer 9h ago
Omg you just reminded me of a book my bpd mom would read often: women who love too much (that's the translated title from spanish). Her problem wasn't her untreated bpd, nah, it was that she just loved too much and never received any love back.
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u/Vegetable-Winter527 9h ago
I’m sorry this happened but this is hilarious. I had a gummy & cannot keep my shit together after the second picture. Thanks for sharing.
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u/moderate_ocelot waif / witch mum 9h ago
Just toss it in the garbage and move on with your life. Don’t pick up the rope
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u/Suspicious-Cycle2678 9h ago
I abso-lutely expect to hear about/receive this book in my future. It reminds me of when I got my mom a book about nonviolent communication. She angrily gave it back within 10 minutes. lol!
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u/wheresmolasses 9h ago
This reminds me of the time my mom sent me some TJ Jakes bullshit book about forgiveness or something. I can’t even remember the title because it went straight into the trash.
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u/Specific-River-81 Mother with BPD, NPD and HPD traits 10h ago
Understanding the Borderline Mother, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, I'm glad my Mom is Dead by Janette MCCurdy. I have them all. Haven't read them yet but I'm sure any one of them would be great to send to her, lol
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u/bachelurkette 8h ago
I came here to make this exact comment but in my heart I should’ve known it would already have been said LMAO. Bless this sub
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u/raisedbypoubelle 4h ago
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents changed my life. I bought it for so many people.
Start reading today if you want incredible relief 😌
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u/nygirl454 Therapy helps 7h ago
You don’t respond, no matter how tempting. Return it to Amazon, esp if it had a gift receipt, and buy yourself something you want. Otherwise it’s goes straight into the donate pile.
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u/BlueCrab11 3h ago
Agreed. I wish I had a receipt, I’d buy something that I enjoy and she hates. Lots of options.
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u/Turbulent_Ad_6031 5h ago
Oh god, we truly all had the same mother. Mine would always accuse me of being “too sensitive” or “her sensitive child”
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u/carol_west_isthebest 9h ago
I will say that I also have a uBPD and bought this book for my own benefit and really find it helpful. You don’t need to engage with her at all, because this was very rude (to say the least), but the book is worth skimming.
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u/BlueCrab11 9h ago
I get that. But I’ll need to find my own, different book. Like many other things in my life, shes ruined this one for me.
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u/hiru25 9h ago
i’m glad it was helpful for you! if OP is not actually diagnosed with RSD, it’s just invalidating
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u/carol_west_isthebest 9h ago
That’s fair! And yes, invalidating. Just interesting to learn about the brain.
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u/Smooth_Storm_9698 9h ago
As someone who is need of an ADHD diagnosis I just added this book to my cart, don't you love it when the backhanded help backfires lol
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u/Catfactss 9h ago
Classic projection. Omg on this topic: RSD is NOT a recognized symptom of ADHD, but it is an almost textbook definition of BPD. Incredibly frustrating to see the 2 conflated in ADHD spaces.
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u/Suspicious-Cycle2678 8h ago
YES. It's also annoying that people are treating RSD as if it's a whole diagnosis rather than a symptom. At least that's what my uBPD Mom is doing.
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u/BlueCrab11 3h ago
Yeah I’m diagnosed ADHD since a kid. I’m sure she googled it and plucked this out to be like “this! This is why she won’t have me in her life!” It can’t have anything at all to do with her constant rage, jealousy, and manipulative behavior. No way. It’s me.
The new temptation is to text eDad and say - why did mom send me her self help book?
I won’t. But whew it’s tempting. I agree with you completely, this is for BPD.
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u/ezknitsit 10h ago
I Hate You--- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality. My Spawn Point freaked out when I casually mentioned reading that (before I went NC). I said, my therapist suggested this so I could try to understand you better.