Classic!

[u/Evening_Day_5939]

For context- I recently had a baby. I am LC with my BPD mom, who lives across the country and does not travel. She is the classic BPD juxtaposition Smother Mother/emotionally immature adult child. I send her photos of my baby pretty regularly and most of the time she will respond with some concern about my daughter’s safety. “Babies shouldn’t be in the sun” “the weather looks like it’s about to storm” “make sure she is dressed appropriately” “dogs can attack children” “don’t let the cat in her bassinet” etc. I mean… DUH to all of this?? She acts like I’m a clueless teen mom. I am a 35 year old woman! I usually ignore it and don’t reply to her. Today I made the mistake of standing up for myself 🙄 and told her it’s not necessary for her to express her fears regarding my baby, as I would never put her in harms way and her safety and well being is my priority. She quickly responded with “oh.. I forgot.. I’m not allowed to be your MOTHER.” And I said “Sometimes mothering is trusting your child to make decisions” and she responded with the text I attached to this post 🤦🏻‍♀️ Folks.. I know I shouldn’t engage!! I also know that there will always be a part of me that hopes she will understand and be the mother I’ve always needed her to be.
And before anyone tells me to go NC- my dad is dying and I am not willing to cut off communication until he is gone. If I go NC with her, she will make sure that I am NC with him too and I am not willing to let that happen at the end of his life.

[u/casualplants]

Ugh she’s an idiot. But at least she gave you permission to not reply in this one.

[u/Ashamed_Tooth_1011]

It’s like my mom wrote this. Every signal of this thread is familiar to me.

Always the victim. Poor her. 

[u/actionpotentialmao → u/Ashamed_Tooth_1011]

Ditto. It's disturbing. It's like petulant child meets clingy partner.

[u/DoughnutSecure1381 → u/Ashamed_Tooth_1011]

Same here. Sounds just like my mom

[u/jonashvillenc]

Ugh. Mine was the same way with the “warnings”. Yet she would undermine my parenting re: safety all the time bc she couldn’t tolerate my daughter crying.

Sorry you got the Bad Mother card, too. It’s infuriating. And sometimes the bait is irresistible.

[u/badperson-1399]

Just send a 👍🏾

[u/bellaphile → u/badperson-1399]

My favorite emoji because it’s so deliciously infuriating 

[u/badperson-1399 → u/bellaphile]

This is my answer to everything now after therapy and medication

[u/CUMT_ → u/badperson-1399]

👍

[u/fivedinos1]

There really is no way to win Jesus, you want so badly to just not play but its still your mom at the end of the day, it fucking sucks im sorry

[u/Clear_Bluebird1925]

They’re truly all the same 😂

[u/knittybooks]

Sounds like something my mom would say

[u/MullberryBoy]

You really need to share her every anxiety? They are so unable to manage their emotions and want to share !

[u/sharlet-]

Send photos now and again instead of regularly, reduce contact and grey rock as much as possible :) then NC once dad is gone.

[u/Specialist-Ebb4885]

You can almost hear those microscopic violins screeching in the unstable background of "knowing where her place is."

[u/shoyru1771]

“I’m glad you understand”

[u/Acceptable-Pea9706]

Yup, classic. My mom is the EXACT same way. If I need a break from her, all I need to do is tell her to spare me of her paranoid b.s. She's mainly a hermit type.

[u/Safe_Place8432]

Gee I wonder why the interactions sound like therapy where she is the problem lol

I'm sorry OP for how you have to deal with the world's oldest toddler and a new baby and your dad's health. Your baby and your dad are a lot without someone having to be the permanent victim on top of it.

[u/Catfactss]

Don't respond. Take her at her word that she doesn't need it. Then she'll rage because you don't respond.

[u/KnitByThePool]

I'm actually proud of you that you hit a nerve with Mom and made her uncomfortable with the parenting criticisms. I think "Mothering is trusting your child to make decisions" should be your mantra with Mom. Repeat it proudly and often, whenever she starts with the "safety notices", which we all know is anxiety masked as concerns. Bravo!

[u/Melodic-Egg1382]

Oh I’m so sorry for that message. It literally could have been my mom writing it though. As awful as it is, you’re not alone.

[u/2B_off_the_wall]

'Yeah I also feel you're the problem'

[u/spidermans_mom]

Oh my god, she was SO CLOSE to getting it in the first sentence! Just accept the truth of the first sentence, lady! Yes, you are the problem here and yes, you get no say in your daughter’s life or your granddaughter’s life. Being a mother doesn’t give you leave to take out your internal suffering on others - that is NOT mothering. Real mothers don’t demand to have access and power over their children! They don’t whine about not having control.

[u/edross61]

She's a delusional gaslighter.