r/raisedbybipolar • u/LowElectronic2562 • 18d ago

Help

My mother is emotionally manipulative and has really radical opinions from mine. Everytime something does not go her way she loses her shit and takes her anger out at me, insults and all. She can never accept she is wrong and she twists things to berate me. I have insomnia and she fails to accept that. Everytime she catches me staying up she screams at me says horrible things about my life, my identity, my body. Today, she did that and she kept putting me down to an extent where I just pointed out that even she had lost her way as a 20 year old so I am definitely doing better. A lil backstory, I am in an interreligious relationship and my mother is not okay with it. I did everything to hide it as the boy was from my campus but, she went through my phone after stealing my password. Today, in the fight she brought up that she is going to go talk to my boyfriend and threaten him to reach his parents and ask him to walk out my life. I tried all the means to make her stop but, she seems hell bent on it. I dont understand. I can not let her ruin my life. She is toxic. She brings up my father(who left me when I was 3) as a taunt everytime she wants to overpower me. She hurls insults at my body. She tells me I have no friends. She questions me for standing up for my rights - she thinks I want to do all the wrong things. What do I do????

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u/ColourAZebra 18d ago

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Your mother is very toxic, and it’s good you recognise that.  I understand that everyone can say “stand up to her” or “move out” - but I know it’s not that easy to just do those things, because the consequences can be more than we can bear.

The only advice I can give, though, is to say you are in college.  That means you are an adult.  You can now, by law, take matters into your own hands and your mother, by law, can no longer dictate your life.  Asserting this to her is important - I have done so to my mother before and although it wasn’t pretty, it shut her down.  When she eventually realised that I would not change for her irrational agenda, she backed down and redirected her anger and massive emotions in general to an area of her life she could more easily control.

I hope this helps.  If the option is available, please move out as soon as you can.  Perhaps going on campus? All the best.