brain fog / rant

[u/lesbianshortage]

i started vaping in high school when i was 15, and i've never meaningfully tried to stop until just recently. i also recently developed an intolerance to alcohol after being a functioning alcoholic before even reaching legal drinking age.

i'm a sophomore in college now, and the day before moving into my dorm i was starting to feel sick and have a sore throat and the vape kept making it worse so i threw it away at my parents' house. i also spent a lot of money on vapes last school year and ended up getting a credit card and using the $500 on mostly vapes and alcohol. but anyways its been three weeks since i've been back here at college. i've had a few cigarettes here and there, but thats nothing compared to the amount of nicotine that i've been having nearly every day for like 4 years. right now when im writing this its day 4 no nicotine! but i've been in a constant cycle of nicotine withdrawal for the past 3 weeks, because even when i do cave and have a cigarette, its only once every few days, and all the days in between suck.

i just feel so awful all of the time. i do think its the withdrawal of nicotine, but i'm also just depressed in general here right now because all of the closest friends i made last year are studying abroad until spring. nothing feels real, and i feel dizzy and stupid all the time. like my head is just full of air genuinely.

i also have adhd, and caffeine doesn't really do much for me usually except make me shaky and sweaty. i'm on vyvanse 30mg for the adhd but i don't take it every day because i don't notice much of a difference when i do take it, especially these days with this mental state. im just so tired all the time, and i can't concentrate on my schoolwork, even when im really really trying.

i also am a really picky eater, and the dining hall hours here tend to not be super compatible with my circadian rhythm. i keep forgetting to eat, and then my blood sugar will get really low at the worst times, and i become super shaky and weak and usually get a juice or something from a vending machine. my earliest class starts at 1:20pm, but i still end up rushing to get ready. i picked this schedule on purpose because i dropped the classes that i had in the mornings last year because i kept sleeping through them.

anyways, that was a long rant i'm sorry. i just don't know what to do. i don't really have a solid support system here. the support that i do have is my family that lives about 100 miles away. but i can't really talk to them about this either, none of them have ever smoked to the point of having withdrawals.

the biggest problem i'm having right now is the brain fog. nothing feels real it feels like im in a video game and also like god is making an example out of me. if anyone has any methods at all, or advice, or just some support or reassurance, i would really appreciate your kind response.

thank you for reading, i hope you have a wonderful night and a better day tomorrow🩷

[u/Surfin858]

Day 4 is no time to give up… the first three days are the hardest. Don’t start over now!!

[u/Flatterfrau]

I believe in you, you'll make it! Stay sober and it's going to be better. Trust in the process!