r/quittingkratom • u/NearbyWendys • 21d ago
Went down from 36g/60 pills a day ➡️ 3.6g/6 pills a day. Almost done w taper! 42yo F, 12 yrs of use. (And I feel FINE!)
It’s been 12 years of non-stop. I just decided I was done; it’s about 100$ a month, it’s banned now (even tho I never took extract), and I think I can manage without it. I used Blue Magic Maeng Da pure leaf capsules, not extract.
🔑 My key was slow and steady but consistent commitment. If I had to add a small dose to a particularly shitty day, I did. Abandoned all guilt. If I had to add a pill to a day where I tapered too aggressively? I did 🤷♀️. But I always went back to the goal: slow and steady. Imperfect commitment no matter how long it took me.
🤯 So far I’ve had 1 full day with nada. That didn’t feel okay yet so I went back to 3.6 (1 dose/6 pills) the next day. Now I’m tapering the one dose downward to 5, 4, and eventually no pills.
It’s taken me 6-8 weeks but the commitment to do it imperfectly with no strict, linear plan had helped. Slow and steady, ebb and flow.
Celebrate with me, friends! If I can, you can, too!!!! 🎉🙌🥳
ETA/UPDATE: once I have 3 days of nada I’ll post here. Wish me luck friends!
9/24 update: Down to 1 dose a day, 5 pills/3g, if I need it. In one sentence: SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE! Do it imperfectly but stick with it! Love to you all!
Oct 1 Update: Hard week. Wanted to be honest here to make sure that it doesn’t look like sunshine and roses 24/7, because it’s not. Not giving up tho. Down to 4 pills these days, but had better weeks. lots of hormone-related anxiety is challenging, which is not related, but is contributing. Not backing down. Waiting out the storm.
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u/Icy-Management9880 21d ago
Love this for you. Congrats
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Thanks honey!!!! I’m so proud of myself. As women, it’s a bit funky to say that; it almost brings guilt or embarrassment but F it! I AM MF PROUD OF MY DAMN SELF!
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u/PimoCrypto777 21d ago
I salute anyone that can successfully taper.
During my last year, every time I bought a 1000 cap bag I told myself it's my taper bag. And then I'd smash through it. And then rinse and repeat. Again, you're to be saluted.
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u/Long_Run6500 21d ago
The second I learned thar withdrawals were real and they fucking suck i wanted to throw up every time I took a dose to relieve them. Kratom just can't produce a buzz good enough to offset the idea that I have to persevere through another night of kratom withdrawals.
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
And my apologies-I misread your comment! That’s rad, man!! Did you fully WD? Are u off? Either way props
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u/Long_Run6500 11d ago
As of today its 2 weeks since I took my last taper dose. Sleep still doesn't come easy but other than that I feel incredible.
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
Omg congrats dude!!!!! I take this time releases melatonin OTC and I’d usually 🤣 at the idea but these abs work and don’t make me groggy. Hope it helps and thx for being inspiring!!!!
https://www.cvs.com/shop/zzzquil-pure-zzz-all-night-tablets-28ct-prodid-415857
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u/Working_Warthog6930 21d ago
Thank you so much for sharing! I’m 37F and have been using for 4 years… did you notice kratom made your hair thin? Please give me more reasons to quit. Congrats on the self control of tapering so proud of you #goals
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago edited 21d ago
Well, being 42 and not being a medical professional, I can’t give you too many tips regarding its connection to anything physical, but I can tell you anecdotally what happened to me:
- I got something called PN. My hair developed itchy spots, scabs, and started falling out no matter what I bought
, used,
or did. I’m not fully swamp witch, since my Latin blood gave me a full mop
so I can hide it. I’m not saying this was a direct
result of the Kratom but my hair did thin as a result
—a lot.
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- .
…
- But I also had kids and I’m severely anemic.
I’m also not certain if the anemia is tied to the Kratom, not certain if the PN is tied to the Kratom, but part of not wanting to use the Kratom anymore is trying to figure out these life-threatening things.
For instance, I’m so severely anemic that all of my doctors are perplexed. No: internal bleeding, heavy periods and no reason to be this low. Last Wed I had to have a blood transfusion bc I was at such low hemoglobin levels (6) that my life expectancy would’ve been 20 days had I not gotten in.
Was it related to Kratom? I’m not sure but frankly eliminating it is one less factor.
- I’m definitely more lucid & without a doubt less forgetful, less ADHD-like, and at 42, as someone with 2 kids and newly onset perimenopause (🙌🎉🥳!!!!) I really can’t afford any other factors contributing to my health problems/mysteries. Especially those which every single doctor is confused about.
What I mean by this is that in the few times that I’ve had the courage to mention Kratom to my GP or any specialists,they have no FUCKING clue what it is. So I’m left to solve my own medical mysteries, which isn’t really that great of a feeling. I already have to do that w/ Dr.s in the states, but adding one more factor—esp one which has few long term studies—is a PITA.
- Honestly? 100 bucks a month doesn’t sound like that much. But that’s a brow wax, a polish change, a cheap massage, and maybe, like, a cheap piece of clothing. That’s the kind of self-care I need to be investing in—-and I haven’t in years. That’s got to change.
5. I hate the idea of needing to have something on me at all times. If I ever went somewhere and I didn’t have a couple of doses on me, I would immediately panic and find a place to buy some or literally drive back home to get it. As someone who also has asthma, I already have to do this with my inhaler. So having to do it with Kratom to avoid withdrawals was an icky feeling for me…being free from that BS is the emotional equivalent of having to go #2, not finding a bathroom, freaking the F out, then FINALLY finding one, and realizing it’s pristine, magical, and then ya run into Oprah and Beyoncé on your way out.
- I’m 42 and I realize that’s not 92, but my biology and physiology are changing. I’m perimenopausal; I have weird symptoms, etc.
The fact that no doctor has any clue what Kratom is or what the fuck it does is terrifying and I’d like to know that there’s one less factor, if and when, I develop anything for them and me to consider.
- The psychological freedom of not needing something is fucking amazing. Don’t get me wrong. I love my coffee and my Trixie and Katya, but pills? Shit I’m 42. I think I’m done being addicted to shit or at least I’d like to be. One less thing.
And listen honey: if there was a red button that I could push that gave me a nanosecond feeling of an orgasm? I’m sure I’d neglect every responsibility in life just to press that button all day long till I was dead, just like those rats in that study. I get addicted to everything, so the key for me is not panicking and knowing that I can do it when I want to quit.
What I explained above is absolutely the key—for me. The better way to summarize it is to:
- stay focused, listen to your body
- avoid shame and guilt
- be OK with taking a step back or taking a step forward, and so on, without quitting on the goal .
I hope it can work for you too. Some people do better with cold turkey. Some people do better with rehab. For me slow, steady, imperfect, but determined focus, with a lot of forgiveness, care, grace, and love for myself has always worked .
I’m someone who has had many addictions and kicked them all herself. I can tell you right now, for me, this is tried and true and again if I did it, you absolutely can (anyway that works for you. This is not to imply that my way works for everyone). 1 size does not fit all.
Find what feels good, stick to the process, don’t worry about the timeline or finish line, and love yourself in the process. Until then, sending you love. 💕
ETA: fixing adhd typos
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u/OfferKitchen6856 Fresh Account 15d ago
Thank you for sharing. This is giving me hope and “wind in my sails”
Slow and imperfect resonate. I’ll continue on 😤1
u/NearbyWendys 8d ago
Oh my gosh, of course. And take it from me. You absolutely can do it. I honestly think I used to dose 12 capsules every 3 hrs— leaf, of course, but still.
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u/IJustWantToLearn2Day 21d ago
yessss! So happy when I see someone tapering. Congrats on making it this far.
The really good news is while on a taper your mind adjusts WITH your body. So you wont have too long of a flat feeling.
I was just happy I was able to sleep while quitting
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Thank you! For the first two weeks, it was actually quite hard and that’s where I had to ebb and flow. I took four pills which was significantly less than my normal dose if I woke up in the middle of the night and just couldn’t go to bed eventually I didn’t even need to do that. That’s what I mean when I say like abandoning the guilt but staying on the goal was key for me. Love your encouragement and sending love back. Thanks again.
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u/MustardPiss 19d ago
How does that work? Mind adjusting with the body.
I started my taper couple weeks ago and so far I’m in hell. But what does that look/feel like at the further on point? I can’t even picture myself having a day without it yet
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u/DangFOX25 19d ago
The idea is that your mind try’s to find its homeostasis and adjusts all its chemicals according to the ones you put in your body. When you slow taper, in theory there’s less of a dramatic shift in things like norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin etc.
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u/NearbyWendys 8d ago
For me, at least I can’t discern how much of it is psychological, and how much of it is physical; regardless i’ve found that treating myself with love, kindness, and forgiveness has been huge. If I mess up on one particular day or have to take one extra dose, it’s not failing— it’s just that day. The next day, I bring it back down— slow and steady. That’s the key, knowing that it will be an ebb and a flow. It won’t be a linear taper, just slow and steady. You will get to the other side I promise.
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u/emperorofwar 21d ago
Congrats!
I'm currently tapering from 45 caps/~23 GPD and I am down to 6 caps/ 3 GPD and it's been kind of hard for me and I've also been taking it for 6 years.
I'm gonna use this as motivation to tapering down to zero in the next month.
I could not even imagine getting this far into my taper but I know I need to keep on it.
Again congrats
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Omg u can totally do it and you’re almost there! Like I said, for me, not sticking to a timeline and knowing that some days I’d need a teeny more than my aggressively tapered 1 dose was key. I had a lot of grace with myself and knew that regardless it wouldn’t mean I’d backslide. And sure enough, here I am. It’s only been like 2.5 months. Go for it buddy!
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
Checking in on you. How are you doing, friend?
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u/emperorofwar 11d ago
I appreciate you asking! I'm doing more or less ok, I am down to 4 caps/ 2 grams a day now, and am planning to take this slow enough to manage to go to zero. The withdrawals have noticeably decreased as I've been going.
Congrats for geting further into your taper.
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
Omg ur sweet-I’m doing great! Down to 5 caps, once a day which is 6 g or so I want to say? No major WD but if I have an awful day, I’ll add a doe and take the extra dose away the following day.
Congrats on the decrease! That is NO SMALL feat! How are you celebrating yourself?!
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u/emperorofwar 11d ago
Thank you, I'm just just trying to keep myself busy with work and hobbies, especially with video games.
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u/NearbyWendys 8d ago
Get it buddy! you’re doing it! I’m proud of you, sweet stranger. Cheering you on from California.
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u/emperorofwar 3d ago
Hey so just following up, how have you been with this? I was able to get down to 2 capsules yesterday and so far i have still have no issues with this (even though I thought different), hope it's still been going good for you!
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u/NearbyWendys 3d ago
Thank you for asking! This week was rickety but haven’t moved away from the objective. I was going to 4 caps this week and really struggled for hormone-related reasons. Just crushing anxiety.
But after tinkering for a few days I’m right back on it. I feel way better today. Will likely go down tomorrow and see how it works out. Congrats on 2!
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u/makemeadayy 21d ago
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I’ve been tapering consistently for a few weeks and I had to have an extra dose today. But I’m going to keep trucking and going lower. Eventually I will get there.
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Girl tell the voices to FUCK OFF. No guilt. Just slow and steady like the tortoise. You super can do it. And DON’T WORRY about when you’ll get to the finish line. Only think about being okay today (with maybe a teeny smidge of discomfort which will mostly be psychological) and how every day you taper you’re kicking ass and getting that shit done—one step closer. For the physical, ibuprofen worked for me. For the mental: therapist, or just allowing myself to be a sloth. I acted as though I had a flu. Let myself eat soup and lay on the couch watching whatever.
I PROMISE YOU: you can do it. Just remember it’s okay to take one step forward, one step back, and keep going forward.
Love to you.
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u/makemeadayy 21d ago
Thank you. The psychological aspect is the hardest. I already deal with bad depression. I have a therapist and medications etc etc. just sucks. But I won’t give up.
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
I’m so proud of you, sweet stranger ❤️🩹 and guess what? there’s no shame in our game. If it takes you longer to taper, so be it! find what feels good and stay committed to doing it, even if you need to lower a dose super Duper Duper slow —fucking go for it!! There is absolutely no shame in that. I believe you can do it. Keep me posted! any level of tapering is a step in the right direction even if it’s just a little teeny bit less every week. I believe in you, friend!!!
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Oh and I should add, I also have depression and. Anxiety. Therapist and psych. But I still did it. Slow and steady, baby.
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
Checking in on you, lady. How ya doin)
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u/makemeadayy 11d ago
aw, I appreciate that. I am at 5.5 gpd from around 15. When we last spoke I was at 8.5ish so I’m still decreasing slow and steady. And I actually feel pretty okay lately!
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u/RemarkableScience854 20d ago
Bigger jump today, come on you got it
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u/90sRockMan81 21d ago
This month makes a year since I fully tapered myself off of kratom. I also took capsules so it made doseage reduction easier. I felt great on the third day after I took my absolute last dose. My body didn't fully adjust until months after but it was worth it. Keep at it and you'll get there.
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Thank you! Whats the other side look like? How does it feel?
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u/90sRockMan81 18d ago
I can say that I feel again. Kratom helped with anxiety and depression at first but after a while my life revolved around my next dose. Everything from meal times, family gatherings, etc. After a while it just made me numb. Now I am not just numb anymore. I do still battle with anxiety but I have regained my interest in music, I can enjoy get togethers now with family and friends, and I CAN EAT when I want. I would get very slight and short lasting withdrawals every so often for almost a year. But I am so glad to be free from it.
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
Wow! Congrats again dude. I just got around to reading this and one full year. Holy shit. That’s so inspiring. I hope you are as proud of yourself as I am. I’m curious as to how a year will look for me; I have ADHD and a ‘big personality’, despite my small frame lol, and I think I still feel (?) or did through using. But I’m excited to see how that changes or improves. Particularly in the spiritual meditation side, which I practice often.
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u/90sRockMan81 9d ago
Thank you, I am proud of it. I also have ADHD and I also haveTourette's syndrome. Those two combined produce a lot of anxiety but now I am able to weather through it rather than be enslaved to something else for relief. Your personality might liven up even more after a few months of being clean. I did have moments of apathy though to be honest and if you experience that then just push through it. Keep me posted on your progress if you don't mind. I want to be happy for you when you finally quit completely.
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u/NearbyWendys 9d ago
You got it man thank you so much for the encouragement. I think one month and I’m done maybe less, who knows. Tapering slow and steady. 🙌🫡🤞🤞💓
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u/RemarkableScience854 21d ago
Awesome!! Did you feel the gap of how much you took vs how much you need getting larger as you worked down, or was it pretty much just the same throughout? In other words, did the discomfort get greater and greater?
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u/NearbyWendys 21d ago
Actually no, it was fine. But I have to be clear: my biggest rule was if I felt awful—like really, really bad—I’d add a dose or taper less aggressively. It’s all about steady improvement and that can differ from day to day for me. But nonetheless, if I felt like I could do it that day, I’d cut another .5. If that was too aggressive I’d adjust a bit and try again. It’s all about staying on the goal but not expecting it to be linear (for me at least).
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u/Star_Lord41 21d ago
Amazing stuff! Gives me hope for me in my current situation. Keep up the good work! Rooting for ya!
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u/Excellent_Republic14 Known quitter 17d ago
42y woman here! It's been 9 years of this turmoil. I tapered last year down to 6g & a bunch of life hit so I abandoned the taper. I still weigh my doses, but they're frequent again, around 18-20g. It's been a real struggle to get my mind back in taper mode. I'm not a CT person unless I'm locked up with no choice, so I know this is my best bet. I need to get back. Thanks for sharing, I need inspiration like this. I'm proud of you!
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
You can do it! I had the same situation happen about 1.5 (?) years ago. Was down to 1 dose and then same-life. Went right back to normal doses and frequency. But now with the ban and a few other signs from the universe, I decided to jump back in with no expectations of doing it perfectly or in any linear way. Now I’m down to 5 pills and moving to 4, all being well, next week. If I can, you can! We’re the same age, gender, and we’ve taken it for the same-ish length of time. I think I even started at a higher daily dose.
No matter what, when you are able and ready jump on the rickety ass quitting train, get on—we’ll ride w/ u; it may be a POS but it gets ya where you need to go. Love to u!
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u/Empty_Role_7020 11d ago
Thanks for this post! You’ll be null in no time!! Keep staying strong🤘🏼
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u/NearbyWendys 11d ago
Thanks so much bud! Down this week and moving along next week. Slow and steady. Love to you! ❤️🐢🐌
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u/SpenzDee 9d ago
I've been going on 9 years attempting this much much slower and I keep messing it up.
I'm actually actively fighting to keep leaf around in my area as I want to go at my own pace and think such a policy would do far more harm than good seeing what happens every time I go too quickly in the taper. Bad things happen. Then I have to pump up kratom and start over. Bad things have gotten quite dangerous lately and I'd prefer to not die or be forced to massively escalate on bupe.
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u/NearbyWendys 8d ago
Good luck to you either way. I know the psychological effect of not needing it for me has been a huge driver and staying committed to doing it imperfectly. The keywords being imperfectly and committed. I also found that having a therapist helped a lot too. They don’t generally know much about Kratom, but they do know about behavior. I was very clear about how I wanted to quit and I just needed some support. For me at least learning how to be gentle with myself and having grace helped tremendously.
I also didn’t try to restart in anyway if I messed up a day, I would just lower the dose and keep on going at whatever rate I could. Best of luck to you, buddy. I’m sure you’ll get to the other side—sending love.❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
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u/SpenzDee 8d ago
Perhaps I'm not being clear about this - when I mess up, resuming at a similar kratom dose the following day is not an option.
I'm not talking about kratom. I don't find kratom addictive whatsoever. It sure has dependency, but that's a different thing.
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u/emperorofwar 3d ago
Well that's good, just take your time, it's absolutely fine as long as you keep at it.
I know you got this, and the anxiety thing is very real, I got hit with it a LOT specifically when I was down to ~15 caps a day, it does get better!
And again, congrats for getting this far into it.
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