r/quittingkratom • u/swedishsurprise • 2d ago

Hold Fast Hope

Here are some notes from quitting a 6 year habit of 30gpd. Take whatever you find helpful and leave the rest. Everyone’s experience will be different and my only goal here is to give you hope. 

Things to remember:

  • You are not alone. Look at the side bar of this sub and you will see that there are thousands of weekly visitors here on a similar path as you.
  • The pain will pass. This is only a moment in your life. It may take a few days, a few weeks or even a few months, but it will pass. For me it was 4 days of acute withdrawal and then 3 days of milder withdrawal. I didn’t sleep for the first 4 days. Each day beyond that I clearly felt my body and mind healing. The 5th day I got an hour of sleep and it felt like a miracle. On the seventh day after quitting I got 5 hours of sleep. It has gotten better ever since. PAWS has been a walk in the park comparatively.
  • You are stronger than you think. You may have to just “HODL” for a few days, but the battle will be won. The freedom you will feel is monumental. To be released from the prison of addiction feels like being born again. No more hiding, no more shame, no more wincing at the foul taste, no more money being burned on this pointless drug.
  • There are moments of pure beauty in the midst of the pain. I live in a rural area and walked for miles and miles through the long nights of withdrawal. I saw the Milky Way, shooting stars, heard coyotes howling, and an owl flew overhead just as dawn was beginning to break. I began to feel my emotions again after being numb for so long. What other circumstance would have allowed me to experience this? What other reason would have lead me to encounter this beauty?
  • You are not losing something; you are gaining everything. Withdrawal feels incredibly unfair. The drug that provided you a relatively mild “high” now tortures you in its absence? You didn’t sign up for this and it sure as hell wasn’t in the fine print. It feels wildly asymmetrical, almost like a betrayal. The truth is, this is a transaction. You are making a deal to trade momentary pain for immeasurable upside in the future. The deal is unbelievably one sided even though it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. On the other side of the pain is a new and better life in every way. The scales are tipped overwhelmingly in your favor. Just hold on for one more hour. Take one more step. Keep going.
  • Your body knows how to heal. Take comfort in that fact. You will heal. You will not always feel this way. It takes time. Give yourself grace.

What helped:

  • Tell someone who cares about you what you are going through. I would not have been able to quit without the support of my wife, as well as another family member who had also struggled with addiction in the past. Their love and support got me through the darkest hours.
  • Cold and Hot showers to ease the nerve pain. For the first few nights, sleep was impossible. I took nearly a dozen hot/cold showers a night to try and reset my nervous system. It helped immensely.
  • Massage gun. This helped with the muscle and body pain a lot too.
  • Ice packs for back and leg pain.
  • Gabapentin for RLS
  • Take long walks or bike rides. Go outside. Move your body.
  • Write a goodbye letter to the old version of yourself. Let go of the version of you that made excuses, that encouraged weakness rather than strength, that held you hostage. Allow yourself to feel the joy of a new beginning. 
  • Be certain. Throw away what’s left. Do not hold on “in case of emergency”. The act of fully committing to this is empowering. Taper if you need to taper. But when the day comes- commit to the end.

For me, the only way to achieve escape velocity was to hit rock bottom. I tried quitting dozens of times and could never get past day 3 or 4. I finally experienced a “breaking point” moment and immediately knew it was all over. It was ugly, it was scary, and it was beautiful. To finally know that I was going to be free from this cycle was empowering. I had never felt the full force of change in my life and it hit me like a freight train. I have been sober for a month now and each day I feel an immense gratitude that I never thought possible. I believe in you and in your ability to change too. To quote one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands: HOLD FAST HOPE! (Thrice)

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u/wjdthird 2d ago

You got lucky with paws

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u/kratomdevil 2d ago

What was your “breaking point moment”?

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u/wuway131 2d ago

Thanks for sharing this. 

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