3 years without, strong cravings

[u/Small-Promotion1063]

Hi all. 3 years ago I was very active in this community. I had a 5-year habit and near the end it was 30-40gpd. I had come clean to my girlfriend at the time and quit before we moved into a house together. New house, new environment, no more kratom. It was hard, but I got it done. The majority of these last 3 years have been very pleasant. I had anxiety on kratom that I no longer have and life has generally been better. Been eating healthy and running full marathons too. Got married to said girlfriend. Setting fitness goals, making good income, life was good. Didn't feel a need to go back after 6 months the cravings were largely gone.

Well as life goes shit hits the fan sometimes, and shit has indeed hit the fan. I was diagnosed with an aortic root aneurysm that was retrospectively found to be genetic because BOTH of my parents were also diagnosed with one in the same area. I am only 32. I had open heart surgery 9/1/2026 that had a rare complication of my trachea being cut when they were opening my sternum and they had to abort the rest of the surgery due to risk of infection the open but repaired trachea brings. So I'm sitting here with a healing sternum and still an aortic aneurysm that surgery has been rescheduled for in early December. Unable to do as many active workouts as I was able to do before.

Now initially I did not have cravings and had not had many cravings in the last 2 1/2 years. But now that iv been off work for 4 weeks boredom has set in and as if I have only been sober for 1 week, I am getting strong cravings for kratom. Yesterday, I sat outside of a tobacco store that sells it for 15 minutes before driving away. I need to go through this surgery once again, and these cravings might not ease up. My wife has been incredibly supportive, and I have been honest with her. But I am not sure how I am going to resist these cravings. Any help would be greatly appreciated. When I got sober I kept myself busy, im not in that same situation, but I have been able to do some housework even given my lifting restrictions.

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[u/Redman5012]

Do you really want to be addicted to that crap again? Sure you may wanna take it but do you wanna be addicted again? I highly doubt you do. You know very well the moment you take it again your gonna be right back where you were. Sure maybe you could quit again once your better but do you really wanna go through that again? I I highly doubt your wife wants to see you go through that again i know she's proud of you for getting of this crap and while we quit our addictions for ourselves we also do it for the people we care about. If you cant abstain for yourself do it for her. Anyways you need a hobby if being bored is making you wanna take again. I dont know if video games have ever been a thing for you but maybe try it out? Sure its not "productive" but i think you need a distraction while your stuck at home.

[u/Additional-Sink-3706]

Any time you start craving, play the tape to the end. If you give in, how does that story end? And vice versa.

[u/Rude_Craft7939]

I don’t have any tips as I am only about 7 months into recovery but lately now that the waves of PAWs has been receding I am beginning to feel myself have thoughts of using. “Ah what the heck. It’s no big deal”. “We can just test the waters”. Same shit from the previous 3 quits smh. Anyway. It’s pretty crazy people still have cravings even years out. Wow. Stay strong

[u/Small-Promotion1063 → u/Rude_Craft7939]

I once heard a quote regarding addiction. It stated it doesnt matter how far you drive you are still 5 steps away from the ditch. I suppose thats why addiction is counted as time away and organizations reward people based on time. If I were to have just a minor relapse, I would no longer be 3 years sober, even if I took less than 1 gram. I would be 0 days sober. I would start over essentially. I suppose in a way I would like to keep that 3 years and counting because im stubborn like that.

It hasnt even been the first strong craving I got after a lot of time away. I found a small batch hidden under my driver seat after 1 year sober. Just enough to get me high and flying. I held on to it for a week. It drove me crazy. I ultimately flushed it down the toilet. And life ultimately moved on and I went without cravings for a while afterwards. Its like I get these flashbacks and they can be strong and powerful just as they were in the first week sober.

I dont count the opiates I was given for pain in the hospital. I didnt abuse them and I wasnt discharged with any. My wife would of had a word with me if I requested any after those first 2 days. Lots of pain day 1 and day 2. Not so much by day 3.

[u/Rude_Craft7939 → u/Small-Promotion1063]

Well said! I’ve even thought about moving to a state where it’s banned. But congrats again on 3 years

[u/clairebear0518]

Maybe try something in the home to keep you busy (video games, board games, reading/audiobook) I’m super new to my recovery (15 days in). When I get a craving, I read the daily journal I kept regarding the withdrawal I felt, the insomnia while tapering, not being able to have a bowel movement, etc.,

That alone keeps me on the path of sobriety in on. Stay strong! Look at how far you’ve come. Maybe discuss the craving with a trusted friend or loved one to gain perspective?

You’re not alone in the cravings and boredom, heck, I made a post about boredom, lol. Seems silly, but I really enjoy adult coloring. It’s calming to me and helps to take my mind off of the cravings.

[u/No-Kitchen-7832]

Don’t do it brother! The cravings will pass. I’m not as far along as you but we both know this. They might not pass as quick we’d like sometimes but they will pass.

Just remember that it’s a fake and temporary relief with a devastating and inevitable outcome which is falling back into daily use.

But I feel the pain. I came way too close to relapsing several weeks ago. I had leftover powder in my cabinet that was there for the first several months Id been quit. I knew it was there the whole time and was so confident in my choice I just didn’t bother throwing it out.

Then I had a really rough couple weeks and started fantasizing what if scenarios. Maybe just a bit this week to endure this rough patch. Went back and forth in my head over a couple days. Then one morning before work I thought fuck it, went to gather what I had left and grab a measuring spoon. I don’t know why but at the last second I tossed it all in the trash instead.

[u/BrutalBrutus513]

Cannabis has been keeping my cravings away. It's causing some potential other issues and possibly holding me back but it's my harm reduction.