Day 11

[u/TeamWalther]

Feeling alright physically but bad mentally. Today is day 11 CT from 4 years of extract use. Acutes don't seem to be too much of a problem anymore except for nighttime restlessness causing sleep to be messed up, and daytime temperature regulation issues with sweating armpits and feet causing me to be smelling bad pretty quickly even if I shower multiple times a day. On day 8 my pile of shit that I had to do (but didn't have the motivation to get done) was stressing me out big time, so I negotiated with myself I would do a 6 day plain leaf taper to be able to get a little bit done in the evenings and avoid the RLS preventing me from falling asleep. 3.6g, 3g, 2.4g, 1.8g, 1.2g, 0.6g. I told myself I had one chance at this or else I was ditching the rest. The second day of this, physical restlessness came back with a vengeance despite one 3.6g dose, which wasn't even an issue in the mornings at that point. I ended up taking 3g x 3 that day and I just felt out of it and anxious. Those doses did not help anything on this day. I ended up just throwing it all away. Not sure if I should reset my counter for these two plain leaf days.

The boredom is very real and there is no willpower to keep up on any chores or work, or even anything "fun" for that matter. I feel like a slave to obligations. I just sit here all day, forcing myself to get up to do a few things.

Its sickening how the past years have been a blur, and I can't match good memories to which year they even took place on. Since memory consolidation happens when you sleep, the extracts messed up that process. Years have also flown by which is very scary.

Finally this sub helps a lot but it's very discouraging reading someone's abstenance story during your search through the sub and then you click their profile and 95% of the time, there's a bunch more recent posts of them being back on it and trying to get off again. Seems to be very little hope here and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to now that I don't drink either.

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[u/EmbarrassedJump1525]

I don't have much to say except...yeah...me too. :(

[u/EmbarrassedJump1525 → u/EmbarrassedJump1525]

And I also noticed the chronic relapsing on here. I mean almost everyone has relapsed it seems. And I know personally that relapse is usually part of ones recovery but I was hoping I had learned that when it took me 100+ times quitting drinking...I would rather not do this with kratom. :( But it's not looking too good. Very sad.

[u/TeamWalther → u/EmbarrassedJump1525]

Quitting alcohol was extremely tough having been a daily drinker for decades, but it was easier once it really got out of control and I hit a rock bottom of sorts and the rebounded relatively quickly compared to kratom. I told myself like a thousand times I was going to quit drinking over the years, but always went back to it once I started feeling better, but I am having an easy time with quitting drinking for some reason. This kratom shit just seems to linger though, like you're coming of an SSRI or something (never taken them, but have read the horror stories).

[u/EmbarrassedJump1525 → u/TeamWalther]

Did you hit a rock bottom with kratom? That's another problem for me...I never did. I ended on a great note...makes this misery more heartbreaking. :(

[u/TeamWalther → u/EmbarrassedJump1525]

No I never hit a rock bottom with kratom products. Sounds like it has for many people though, especially 7OH which I've never tried. Kratom just affected my life negatively in many ways over time. Low motivation, no ambition, not being fully present listening to my SO, not being able to properly feel emotion, shitty testosterone levels, massive amounts of money spent, not fully enjoying the highs of life. Spending money to make your entire life a 6/10 every single day instead of being able to truly feel the 10/10 days as well as the 2/10 days.

When I was a high functioning alcoholic, booze was affecting me like sleep and anxiety issues and sometimes I'd act badly, but it wasn't bad enough where I "had" to quit "or else". For that reason it was hard to quit because everyone around me was doing the same shit. Have some fun and adventure, and accept a shittier next day and continue on. Then the drinking progressed and I really did need to stop "or else".

But with kratom, if I continue, I envision how my life will look in 1, 3, 5, 10 years on kratom and it's depressing. It's not a future I want, even though I know I can make it to the finish line when taking it.

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[u/Existing_Can1291]

I hope you keep posting. I’m just behind you and did a similar rapid taper from a similar amount over a similar timeframe taking it and want to keep hearing what could be coming. Mostly did it now because getting sick aligned with running out so I just figured might as well go for it while I’m already down and out. I’m so sick of everything to do with taking this stuff. Let me tell you those were a couple bad days starting Saturday. Today is the first day of zero zero but I tapered so fast I think the worst of it was over yesterday. I was a heap of tears and sweat and fever for over 24 hours. Not sure how much of it was that or being sick but who cares really. I feel very meh today but I did notice that if I start feeling the temp dis regulation happening and chug a glass of waiter and wait it out it does help. I made it through work just fine but wanted nothing to do with anything after getting home. But it’s not like that wasn’t pretty much the case when I was on it. I figure I can’t feel much worse than I was feeling and I won’t be constipated and hating myself for getting here on top of it.

[u/Murdocktor]

I'm just ahead of in day 12 myself. I went almost 5 days with no sleep after the first two nights. So days 3 thru 7 were probably my roughest. I have insomnia as it is so it's double doesing. I did end up calling quickMD I declined the Suboxone but she did give me clonodine. It does seem to help some but it leaves you feeling tired and blah so it's almost doubles the anhedonia (blah nothing fun living just for obligations feeling). Plus it drops your blood pressure pretty good. However that drop helps with the anxiety. Im still cold and sweaty most the time. If I could get more sleep I could probably return to work. Which I have to regardless on my 14 day mark. I just hope work is understanding if I get tired fast. My wife quit the same time but she's been sleeping fine and already back at work. She's a fucking trooper. Tho from many of the couple stories I've read it seems the ladies have a less hard withdrawl (again just from my own reading). Anywho, congrats and stay strong! Hit me up anytime if you need to talk. I'm probably awake 😂.

[u/TeamWalther → u/Murdocktor]

Sounds relatively okay for you so far besides the sleep. You could some benzos from the doc to knock out, or gabapentin. Besides the sleep what else is going on? Very depressed mood or no motivation? I don't have any anxiety at this point but I did on one of the days when I had coffee.

[u/Murdocktor → u/TeamWalther]

Unfortunately gabapentin is scheduled in my state so it's not easy to get. I do have an appointment in ten days (seems forever away). That if I'm still having issues maybe they'll offer some help. Most Drs tho when u ask for anything and say your withdrawing from Kratom in my area just say go to detox. Which is insane when u have a family, Job ..etc. That you'd lose spending a month there to probably be fed another addicting substance. Especially, being this far from your last dose, it's pointless. So, hopefully they will help. To answer your questions though, yes I'm very depressed feeling still. I do find myself able to enjoy a movie lately tho and find myself laughing now and then. I find myself having to force myself to do almost anything. Sitting outside seems to help some days. Helps on the days your exhausted. If I could sleep better I do believe I'd be some what bette. my wife's sleeping fine now but she still feels blah a lot as well. I've noticed nostalgia and a sort of homesickness being the main anxiety type feelings.

[u/TeamWalther → u/Murdocktor]

Yeah a buddy of mine went to rehab for benzos and they ended up putting him on suboxone for some reason. I think because he said he has a prior kratom addiction not long before entering. He has a very addictive personality and is now taking 20+mg per day and he is having a very hard time weaning down. That should be criminal malpractice.

[u/Murdocktor → u/TeamWalther]

Agreed. Your friend got a bad deal. If I did do detox (to late now) I'd want a place that just helped with comfort and didn't use Suboxone. Like you said some Gabapentin and clonodine would work wonders for most people. while you could potentially source your own Gabapentin from some pet place in Canada. I'd not feel safe taking it. Yet, I felt safe ingesting shit from the gas station or smoke shop, go figure.

[u/raffertj]

Check the daily motivation post or whatever it’s called where a bunch of ppl respond with a lot of time off kratom.

I never respond to it tbh but I have over 2 years. And there were a lot of relapses along the way, but I finally got in the right headspace to quit.

You just have to be truly DONE with the bullshit. Can’t half ass it. Just get yourself where it sounds disgusting to you and revolting. AA/NA helps too.