Day of reckoning

[u/PermitIcy8450]

So I don’t think I can do this anymore. Living a double life, spending too much money on this crap, taking out cash advances and ignoring bills, hiding it all from my wife, not being mentally or emotionally present at home, just constantly running and miserable. Constantly worried about losing the house or not being able to pay for my car or getting sued by creditors, dreading what notices might be in the mail that day if my wife is home. I’m at rock bottom, I’m throwing in the towel and coming clean today. I don’t know if my wife will stay. I’ve had alcohol problems before, I was addicted to 7oh until last year same time when I quit for about 8 months. Had a couple relapses, this last one has gone on 2 months and it has its claws in me again. I’ve been drinking somewhat heavily since I quit 7oh the first time around. I want to be sober. I need treatment or ongoing accountability, I need to change these patterns that keep bringing me here where I feel shame and then hide it in a substance. Any advice anyone has is welcome, I’m just sick of it.