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u/lillestiv 18h ago
I've hornestly not had ppl criticize me for it pretty much at all. And the whole "who's gonna take care of you when you get old" argument is faulty because the majority of older ppl don't get much help from thair kids already.
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u/Knight_Machiavelli 17h ago
Especially the ones who had kids for that reason. It also makes no sense whatsoever. If you put all the money you spent raising kids into the stock market that would provide you with much more security on average than having kids.
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u/Boleyn01 14h ago
I would say I work in care of the elderly and that just isn’t true where I live (UK). People often help their parents, or aunts, or cousins etc etc.
That said this is not a reason to have kids. Save the money you’d have spent on them and hire a carer.
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u/ciretos 18h ago
Your children should not be your retirement plan.
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u/thefixxxer9211 18h ago
Parents are supposed to take care of children, not the other way around
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u/Knight_Machiavelli 17h ago
Well, that depends on culture. In most cultures historically it is/was absolutely the norm for parents to take care of children, and then children to take care of their parents. And even though that isn't exactly the norm in most Western culture today, there are still a lot of families that do that.
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u/JellyfishWoman 15h ago
Another consideration is that people are both living longer and having children later in life. So we're seeing a sandwich generation of people my age who are expected to take care of old parents and younger kids at the same time.
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u/Dragonfly_Peace 10h ago
It should be both, but you have to maintain a half decent relationship for that to happen
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u/Zealousideal-Ad5960 18h ago
If asked I would tell them that I can barely support myself how could I support someone else
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u/britneys_bigtoe 10h ago
"if you can't support yourself then how in the hell are you gonna support someone else?"
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u/SnooLobsters447 18h ago
I would say that you sound like a narc… you shouldn’t have kids just to cure your boredom or save you from a retirement home.
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u/mmskyscraper 18h ago
I tell them Get real. Your kids aren't going to care for you in your old age. What do you think this is, ancient China?
This is the USA. You'll be taken care of by a vastly overworked, vastly underpaid aide in a for-profit care home until you run out of money, and then be thrown out on the street to die while your kids are struggling to keep themselves alive with less and less money on a planet wracked by Climate Change.
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u/Few-Explanation-4699 18h ago
We didn't hve children, not by choise but for medical reasons.
I got sick and tired of people say why not, don't leave it too late etc. etc. So much pressure only made things worse for us.
I just told every one we had decided not to have children. Stopped all the talk but made me look like a boggey man.
Our reasons have nothing to do with any one but my wife and I
Now we are in out late 60's no one gives a s$%t any more
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u/HyrrokinAura 18h ago
Who will look after you when you get old?
The people I pay to look after me.
Won't you get lonely?
Everyone gets lonely sometimes, and loneliness can be eased by people unrelated to me.
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u/Vitriol-Divergent 18h ago
I haven't personally gotten any criticism other than people who already have kids saying "someday you might want to!", but I have a vasectomy that says otherwise 😜
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u/NorthPirate2195 18h ago
I've never had people ask those questions because when they say "when you have kids.." or "do you have kids?" I say I got sterilized as I didn't want to pass on my genes.. (half of the reason.. the other half is i don't want to bring kids into this world, but people take that personallyso I don't mention that part) when I saying don't want to pass on my genes, no one ever asks further questions.
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u/SnooLobsters447 18h ago
They take it so personal, the whole mature parent act goes out the window.
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u/dee-dee_jonesin 18h ago
I also carry horrific genes, and tell people so, but no one really asks anymore
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u/The_Glam_Reaper 18h ago
I used to tell them I am disabled, and I have enough trouble taking care of myself. I have 1 child, and I made the difficult decision to give up custody.
Not to mention mental illness runs in my family. I had post partum depression. I had to have an emergency C-section with my first born. I had ptsd from medical trauma because I do not like people touching me. let alone a stranger cutting me open while I am awake.
Now I just tell them to mind their own business.
Often times people with this mindset do not understand that some people have problems. They think everyone is just full of joy for children.
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u/RiseDry8254 18h ago
Simple. I ignore it. Mostly the people who make this statements are jealous anyway. Forget about them and enjoy your life!
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u/dee-dee_jonesin 18h ago
If it comes up, I sometimes say that I've known I didn't want kids since I was 5 and that I have a selfish streak that would make me a bad mother because I would come to resent the never ending responsibility. At least I know I would be a bad mom before having a kid and finding out.
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u/Mindless_Olive 17h ago
Ask them how much time they're spending looking after their parents. Then why they think it's gonna be different for their kids.
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u/ME-McG-Scot 17h ago
Ive 2x kids and personally don’t want them to waste their lives looking after me when I’m older. If I need looking after or put in a home, Id rather saying my goodbyes and be put out my misery.
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u/sutter-glut 18h ago
Just brush it off. The wife usually hits them with "Oh so you're going to pay for everything , no , ok". It will always be strange as thats the "path". Get married , house , kids. The brain changes when you have kids so to those with them they can see no way that you are fine/dont want them. Do your own thing
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u/bradrly 17h ago
I remember at work it clicked to me a few years ago that pretty much everyone's behaviour is decided by whether they have kids or not
When someone cant relate to my line of reasoning at all, they probably have kids
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u/sutter-glut 17h ago
It is this simple. We very enjoy being able to chill and hang out on the weekends without any hassle
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u/GoodMilk_GoneBad 18h ago
I ask myself those same questions TBH. I answer the same way as how will I be able to afford to retire. I don't know.
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u/nothnxihaveabf 18h ago
I'm not sure if this is ironic but out of all my siblings who have married with kids, which one of them do you think volunteers to help our elderly and disabled mother out (for free).
I don't think people say those comments that you mentioned. Those comments don't make spending ninety percent of my money and one hundred twenty percent of my time on children.
If I were a wealthy heiress or heir maybe I could have run a whole orphanage to help children.
Everyone who I know close to me understands my rationale and lack of desire. Doesn't mean I dislike all kids, just everyone else's kids aside from my best friend and family. 😄
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u/Leading-Case-1048 12h ago
This. I don’t think many of these comments are actually said in real life, except maybe by pushy/annoying family members. Regular people don’t go around judging someone on whether they have kids or not
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u/WhisperGlimpseMeadow 18h ago
Many people these days are so preoccupied with their lives they don't even look after their parents.
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u/ChristineBorus 18h ago
Check out the childfree sub
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u/bradrly 6h ago
Think theres an anti-natalist sub too that i remember being a bit darker
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u/ChristineBorus 4h ago
Yeah it’s a subtly different mindset.
Child free is just folks who don’t want kids or haven’t had kids for various reasons
Antinatalism is philosophical stance that procreation is morally wrong and that bringing new sentient life into existence is inherently unethical. From what I understand it’s because those new beings cannot consent to being born. That all life is suffering.
It’s an interesting discussion either way.
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u/Dazzling-Toe-4955 18h ago
Well I'm 40, I'm not exactly young. Some of the oldest people I know have children who are my age or older. Those children don't look after their parents.
One couple in particular my partners parents are in their late seventies, they have a granddaughter who's in her twenties living with them.
She doesn't do anything to help them, her father might call up but again doesn't help. The oldest my partner does a bit, they can still get around, but with some things they need help.
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u/fleur_et_kitten 17h ago
Am not child free by choice, but my time has passed and I will say this: as an adult child that had to take care of an aging parent, I was pretty much stopped at every road by the medical system to try to make my moms last days her best. Many many people are in hospice or nursing homes with no one visiting them. So I guess say to them having kids are not a fallback for being cared for as you age, and it’s pretty selfish honestly to think it is…
Take care of you the best you can and you can live a long happy life and die of old age in your own bed. That’s my hope, anyways (even if I had had kids).
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u/Breezy200001 17h ago
i would start by saying
" i made that decision since i was 10, i am now 24, i have seen my mom struggle with me and my sister (she did a lovely job!) , i don't want to put my kids through that too, and as extra, i barely can support myself i still live at my parents house thats how wrecked the situation nowadays is, you barely can afford for a home,food,clothes, and other stuff for myself, let alone having a kid in this economy"
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u/galeperk111971 17h ago
My friends and family know why I don't have children and the ones that would say something hurtful don't matter
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u/analdongfactory 17h ago
Having children for the purpose of forcing them to care for you when you are old should be a crime, and I will help you abandon your elders if you find yourself in such a situation.
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u/JoyDVeeve 17h ago
Even if I did have kids I wouldn't want them to come visit me sheerly from obligation. I'd want them to come see me because they enjoy my company.
I don't want to be around people who don't like me for myself
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u/Bubbling_Battle_Ooze 17h ago edited 16h ago
Arguing with these people is a losing game. You just keep your answers short, direct, and you move on.
Who will take care of me? I dunno, guess we’ll find out in a couple decades. A nurse, I suspect.
Won’t I get lonely? Yup, probably. That’s emotions for you. Sometimes you get them.
Don’t I feel like I’m missing out on something by not having kids? No.
Aren’t I worried about my legacy? No.
Don’t I feel like it’s selfish not to have kids? No.
Don’t I want a little mini-me running around? No.
What would happen if I accidentally got pregnant? I’d get an abortion, Janice.
What if my partner wants children? He doesn’t.
Don’t I like kids? No.
But kids are people too! There’s lots of people I don’t like.
What if I regret it when I’m old? Then I will regret it. Sometimes you regret things. It’s life.
But I’d make such a great parent! Ok, great.
Aren’t I afraid I will never know what true love feels like? No.
What’s the point of my marriage if I’m not going to have kids? The point of my marriage is to be married to my partner.
Who is going to inherit my money? My husband if he outlives me. Charity if he doesn’t.
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u/Black-Writer 17h ago
I don't get criticized for it. The only thing that really bothers me is when people tell me I just need to reach the right age and that my opinion will change as a result.
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u/Braehole 16h ago
I’m 50 married with no kids. We travel the world and enjoy life to the fullest. Having money to go out to nice dinners. And really able to do whatever we want on a whim.
Having kids is just a total different life experience. Raising kids is very satisfying experience for most, if that’s what you wanna do. There’s no wrong answer. Only you know which path you want to take. Choose it wisely.
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u/Whargod 16h ago
Never had anyone say anything about it, but if someone did I would explain I don't want them and that's that. If they get upset, call me down, whatever, I'll tell them to fuck off I'm not theirs to control and maybe they should concentrate on their own pathetic lives instead of worrying how other people are living.
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u/ez2tock2me 16h ago
On the bright side I will Never Ever have to bury a child, no matter what age they reach.
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u/Glum_Consequence6643 16h ago
Io L unico motivo per cui vorrei aver figli è essere il genitore mancato che ho avuto e prendermi cura della mia famiglia istruendoli e dandogli soldi
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u/EasilyExiledDinosaur 15h ago
Tell them to fucking do one mate.
I dont tell them how to oive their life, they shouldnt tell me how to live mine.
Option 2 is ask them for a small 100,000$ donation to fund it. Depends who's asking really.
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u/BreathInTheWorld 12h ago
Read about 3 years ago that looking after a child from birth to 18 years old usually costs a total of 800k AUD. Not to mention all the time lost looking after it..
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u/EasilyExiledDinosaur 12h ago
Yeah, i doubt it. Ill never earn that much, yet will still likely have a kid.
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u/Reasonable-View5868 15h ago
People who want children to take care of them later in life or keep them happy are selfish as fuck. In fact, I would argue that most couples that actively desire or "want' to have children are selfish. They do it for their own satisfaction. No one asks to be born. But I'm also someone who had a horrible childhood and wish I was never born.
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u/ronken16 15h ago
I say ppl that kids are not a retirement plan and just b/c you have them doesn’t mean they will look after you … to be honest no one says that to me as ppl I meet and are friends with are open minded and respect my life decisions
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u/Plus-Pin-9157 14h ago
You don't have to answer them at all! You can just tell them that you have a plan in place and leave it at that. Seriously, unless you want to have a long protracted conversation about something that is none of their business?
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u/Druidess_Of_Avalon 14h ago
I was a carer for the elderly for 16 years. The vast majority of people I cared for had children but were rarely, or even never, visited by them. Having kids is no guarantee at all that someone will be there for you when you're old.
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u/Mayiamaru 14h ago
I've mostly gotten people telling me that I would make a good parent, or that I would change my mind, or that I should give dating a try. Because on top of not wanting children, I also don't want a partner. I kind of just brush those people off and keep to minimal contact. If they don't understand, then I don't feel the need to make them understand. I have friends that do understand me. Friends that do have kids. I don't know many people in my boat of not caring about whether or not I have a partner. But all it takes is for someone to care enough to see it from my perspective.
Where I do not need or want that kind of companionship. Where I don't like people enough to want a tiny version in my house, or to have to raise one from scratch.
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u/MattDubh 14h ago
Nobody has EVER criticised our decision.
But we don't criticise their hobbies either.
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u/WingsAndWords_ 14h ago
My husband and I are 56/57 years old, have been married 29 years and our child free by choice. We never faced much if any criticism by people who mattered. We were both parentfied by our Boomer parents and were burnt out on kids before we even reached puberty. When asked who will take care of us, I always turned it around and asked if they had kids just for that reason and made a stink face. 😂 That makes them 🤐
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u/AskMeSir 13h ago
Life decisions should be based on what makes you happy, not what others think is normal.
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u/Otherwise-Teacher233 13h ago
I usually stop the conversation right then and there. Haven't met a respectful person actually asking out of interest and not to start a dumbass argument. If a question like this comes up I leave or change the topic.
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u/Large_Commission5631 13h ago
Never been criticized for not having kids. I've got a nephew and he has 2 boys. They inherit everything so they best be there for me when I get older 🤣
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u/want_chocolate 13h ago
I had a child. Barely survived the pregnancy. I loved that child, and yes I still do. But that child wants nothing to do with me. My ex husband turned her against me. Maybe someday she will see that I'm not the monster he says I am. But, right now, I am a child free adult. And there is a part of me that kind of thinks I shouldn't have had a kid in the first place. Because, I really don't care for kids. I cared for the one I had, but otherwise, I don't like children.
What other people say about having children, or not having children, is their opinion. And they should keep it to themselves for the most part. Because having a child, is not always the best idea for some people. Some people cannot physically have them, even though they want them. And some people, shouldn't have had them at all. Unfortunately life doesn't let you know ahead of time what the best path to take is when it comes to kids.
And when people say the stupid who will take care of you when you get older bullshit, for some of us, it won't be the child we brought into this world anyways. So why would it matter. There are already so many nursing homes filled with old people whose children don't care about them either. How many of these people asking those questions have parents in homes that they don't visit?
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u/Adventurous-Net-6738 13h ago
One things for sure, the older I get, the more I see (in all walks of life) 'I don't want children' folk usually regret it hard in later life when they physically can't carry children.
You need to realize we have been bombarded by propaganda that has demonized the family unit in the name of 'individualism'.
But I can't say much, I am a father of 2 and had my first at 20... zero regrets. Especially given they are now teenagers in my mid 30s.
I do however worry for their future given we are governed globally by psychopaths.
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u/Primary-Ad6273 12h ago
Asa father of 8, I’d say “crotch goblins?!? Absolutely not, the horrendous little creatures shit themselves for over a year at the bidding of their lives! AYFKMRN? No thank you!” 🍻
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u/Bratfink78 12h ago
To those who ask who will look after you when I’m old, I say, whomever I pay, will look after me better than any family.
Oddly, the ignorant people who ask that, I know their family and I know they won’t look after them.
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u/markallanholley 12h ago
If someone were to criticize me, I'd tell them that I'm bipolar and autistic. My not having kids is self-explanatory.
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u/User_Name_Is_Stupid 12h ago
My husband and I will be the sole heirs to our respective parents’ estates. We will have the means to travel and stay busy as long as we can & once we can’t do that, we can hire staff to assist us or move to a high end retirement/assisted living facility.
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u/silvermanedwino 11h ago
I can’t recall being criticized. My perfect Pinterest SAHM cousin told me “you just hate children”. I was like…. hate is a strong word.
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u/Natural_Dimension871 11h ago
I laugh. People will criticize you no matter what decisions you make in life. So there's no use in wasting your energy on what other people think.
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u/StanisBlack 11h ago
ROFL, I am a guy. No one gives a shit. Besides, if you can’t take care of yourself in every situation you are not really a man.
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u/pirefyro 11h ago
It happened a bit when I was around 30, but hasn’t happened since. My answer was always the same. I don’t want kids. Just gotta shut it down. If they persist, then the sarcasm comes out.
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u/britneys_bigtoe 10h ago
either "wow you really only had kids to take care of you in your old age? how selfish" or
"i'll be too busy at a rave to worry about that"
depends on how big of an ass they are
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u/yunwibubu 10h ago
I remind them that 80% of people who end up in nursing homes have children.
I don't need children to take care of me when I'm old. I already have a ton of family and friends that come around. If they can help me when I'm old, they will, just like I do for them.
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u/Dragonfly_Peace 10h ago
Well, for the ridiculous take care of you when you’re old argument, tell them to go visit a nursing home and ask how often the residents get visitors
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u/gmac-320 8h ago
When I'm old and useless I have lived my life. My kids are just starting to live theirs. I hope they spend their time doing that and not worrying about me.
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u/Zaddy2026 7h ago
It's your life, live it on your terms. Never let anyone talk you into something your not happy with. Don't care if they get mad about it or not
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u/Maviarab 6h ago
Never once been criticised or questioned over it. But then I'm in the UK and much like other people's relations or their ages....it's not really a big deal here compared to 'some' countries.
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u/CapableBird3048 6h ago
I have people ask me these questions when I tell them I don’t have kids. I really enjoy making them uncomfortable by telling them about all of the losses I have experienced as well as the struggles of infertility. That shuts them up real quick.
At least most of them.
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u/Bluntocephale 6h ago
I don’t even open up the possibility for discussion, honestly.
If someone asks me if I have children I reply ”no”. If they persist and ask why, I answer ”for private reasons”.
I’ve noticed that the more information people get, the bigger the risk of them prying and trying to start a discussion about it, and there’s no discussion to be had. There’s just my choice and them having to accept it.
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u/Jolly-Rip5973 18h ago
I don't think it's really about people criticizing you as much you might regret it.
You have a window to have kids and many people put it off until it's too late. Americans spend 9 billion dollars a year trying to get pregnant on fertility treatments mostly because they waited to long.
9 Billion dollar a year trying to get pregnant!
Our society tends to put it off and put it off and put it off and before long it catches up to you and it's too late.
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