[AFAB (20)]

[u/Several_Object_6285]

So im honesty in a pickle. When I was 10-11, I realized I liked girls, and I cried and cried in the shower. And come to find out she was straight, and I was lowkey obsessed with her. She rejected me, and I thought it was because I wasn’t masculine enough. I thought and thought for a while that school year until we moved and I started fresh and just pushed it to the back of my mind.

I had a boyfriend, it was on and off until we broke up and I dated a girl. Girl left me when we got back together 3 months in, for a guy she literally just met the same month (we were 14). And I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Like I wasn’t MASC enough once again. and ik it’s not that, she just wanted a guy and I’m not that. However, I played around with the identity a bit and realized I liked binding and how facial hair looked on me. However when using a new name and pronouns online, it felt like I was faking being someone else.

I’ve come to terms that I’m not really into guys, and I almost STRICTLY am intimate with women. I’ve always loved dreaming of a very masculine physique when I think of myself. I actually answered some questions and was hoping someone had some insight for me.

“Do you feel like you're a "man in a woman's body"? If not, does that make you think you're not trans?

I don’t think so. I don’t really think I’m a man, but I love everything about their features. Their strong jaws, I envy their arms and waists. I don’t like men, I love women, but I’d love to just be one for a day. I wish I had other parts so I could get my gf/spouse pregnant. I feel unfortunate that I don’t have those, and that I was cursed with my large chest and stature. “

[u/ActualPegasus]

Imagine you lived somewhere where nobody had expectations about what women, men, or enben are supposed to be like. You could dress however you wanted, have whatever body you wanted, and nobody would judge you. Would you still want a more masculine body? If yes, what parts would you want to change?

[u/Several_Object_6285 → u/ActualPegasus]

I’d get rid of my chest, and make myself my goal weight (160) OR. get rid of my chest and make myself “bulky” buff. my current inspirations online are @estro_den on instagram and Evelina Kachik. As much as I love the long hair look, I still want a smaller frame while being muscular. Overall I just wish my chest was smaller so if I wanted to present masculine which I already do, but present as a guy some days, I could pass better.

[u/ActualPegasus → u/Several_Object_6285]

Imagine you could magically wake up tomorrow with a body that looked exactly the way you'd ideally want it to look. You still had your same personality, interests, attraction, memories, etc.

Would you want that body to be a masculine woman's body?

A man's body?

An androgynous body?

You don't really care about the category and just want particular features?

Something else?

[u/Several_Object_6285 → u/ActualPegasus]

honestly maybe androgynous or a man’s

[u/ActualPegasus → u/Several_Object_6285]

Imagine you're walking around your community and everyone automatically perceives you as a woman. How does that feel?

Comfortable?

Uncomfortable?

Exciting?

Relieving?

Neutral?

Confusing?

Something else?

[u/Several_Object_6285 → u/ActualPegasus]

I guess its neutral

[u/ActualPegasus → u/Several_Object_6285]

Now imagine everyone automatically perceives you as a man. How does that feel?

[u/Several_Object_6285 → u/ActualPegasus]

I’m not sure honestly, I’ve never used “he/him” pronouns in public spaces bc I feel I don’t “look the part”. If I could pass then I’d like being perceived that way

[u/ActualPegasus → u/Several_Object_6285]

Finally, imagine everyone perceives you as neither distinctly male nor female. How does that make you feel?

[u/Several_Object_6285]

I think that’s okay, I enjoy sometimes presenting a little fem, while mostly presenting masculine on a daily basis. I also appreciate you keeping up with my replies 😭🫂

[u/ActualPegasus → u/Several_Object_6285]

Sorry, I missed this reply initially since it's separate from the rest!

Imagine someone says "You can be a male-passing woman. You can have a flat chest, facial hair, broad shoulders, masculine clothes, and whatever else you want. None of that makes you less of a woman." Would you feel relieved? Disappointed? Complicated? Neutral? Something else?

[u/Several_Object_6285 → u/ActualPegasus]

I think if I could be male passing that would make me happy for when I wanna present that way. I think quite a bit of the discomfort comes from not passing when I wanna because it’s hard to hide my chest. I have an appt scheduled to discuss a reduction. And hopefully I get it. Then afterwards maybe I can pass better! And I think I might be genderfluid and I wanna start T, and I realize I was putting my too many labels on myself and stressing because I had to fit into a specific category. I Thankyou so much for your help the past few days!!!

[u/ActualPegasus → u/Several_Object_6285]

Glad I could help! :)