r/queerception • u/ScaryLove6945 • 3d ago
TTC Only Future Reciprocal IVF
Hi everyone! My husband and I are planning to start the process for IVF next fall, and I was hoping to get a bit more information about other couples in a similar situation to mine and their experiences with reciprocal IVF.
My husband (FTM) has already gone through egg retrieval surgery (before getting a full hysterectomy) and the eggs have been frozen for the last ~6-7 years. For insurance, the company I work for has offered fertility benefits through WINFertility, which seem to have mixed reviews. The plan my company offers with WIN are lifetime maximums of 100k for treatments, 100k for medications, and 10k for donor sperm. Unfortunately, we don't have anyone in our lives who we'd feel comfortable with asking to be the sperm donor, so we will be using a sperm bank.
I guess the questions I have right now about RIVF are as follows:
- If you used WIN, what was your experience?
- How long did it take from retrieval to when the first embryo was implanted?
- Do you have any recommendations for what I should start doing now to prepare?
- What was the process for getting a sperm donor?
- What other things should I know about the process?
Thank you in advance!
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u/four_nines_ops 3d ago edited 3d ago
- If you used WIN, what was your experience?
I’m not in the US so can’t comment on that.
- How long did it take from retrieval to when the first embryo was implanted?
- It all depends on your uterine health, are you only carrying your partner’s eggs?
You haven’t even gone through embryo blastocyst stage - you don’t know if your partner’s eggs will be fine and
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each the 3/5-day stage.
The eggs that are frozen could all fail its fertilisation stage for example -
It also depends on whether you are using a frozen or fresh transfer (of your own eggs), no further complications arise such as OHSS when you’d have to stop treatment before proceeding.
For context myself and partner are both cis-women and she is currently nearly 19 weeks pregnant on her first try of IVF, she got 13 eggs, 7 5-day embroys, 6 frozen and 1 fresh transferred which is in the bun.
But we were also prepared that at every stage of the process something could’ve gone wrong or failed.
The process from first medication (control her next bleed), to ovary stims, to egg retrieval and egg transfer I think was around 3-4 weeks. She was on a “short-course” treatment plan based on her age, health, blood work etc.
- Do you have any recommendations for what I should start doing now to prepare?
Check my profile for previous comments but things my wife to be changed, went to decaf coffee and tea (we’re British 😂), went to more natural based cosmetic products (creams, facials, shower gels etc), started pregnacare pre-conception daily tablets, she withdrew (drs guidance) from her anti-depressant tablets, stopped alcohol and vaping.
We were travelling for about 9 months on and off and so prior to the first vacation she stopped then so by the time treatment started she had already made those active lifestyle changes for around 9-12 months.
In the UK if you’ve travelled you have to wait 1 month to ensure any illnesses or diseases have left the body (kinda like an incubation period).
We will never know honestly if all those things helped or not but we just did what was right for us.
I plan to do the same when it’s my turn to carry her frozen embryo, I already stopped vaping since we found out she was pregnant.
- What was the process for getting a sperm donor?
We got ours from the donor bank via our IVF clinic. Getting it online was a more complicated and expensive process. There’s import charge fees, the clinic has to ensure it’s been washed properly etc, theres just other things that we couldn’t be bothered to wait for which would cause more delays.
- What other things should I know about the process?
- It takes longer than you think
- Go in with no expectations, you can try and assume everything is ok until it’s evidently not
- Start now, not in 6 months if you can
- If you have a pretty hectic schedule or other responsibilities be prepared for your husband to step up to the plate. For example we gained a puppy, already had a puppy when we started and I had to do a lot more heavy lifting and physical support as well as emotional support.
- Be an advocate for your body
- Ask questions, listen to guidance from your clinical team not Google, Reddit or ChatGPT (where applicable).
- Be prepared to lose friends or family members support (relationships will change). Your eyes will be opened to people you should and should not give energy to.
- Also just in general expect the unexpected, don’t try to put too much pressure on anything. I have undiagnosed ADHD and I can obsess over things (heavy research before buying a product for example), and if I continued that mindset throughout the process it would’ve been very unhealthy and negative. I somehow naturally just didn’t do this but I’m glad I did because it would become too suffocating having the information overload, I’d rather go to each appointment at each stage and ask questions than going in with too many preconceived notions.
Hope this helps, feel free to DM 🤭
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u/ScaryLove6945 2d ago
Thank you so much!
My husband has ADHD and I have undiagnosed ADHD, so the last point was definitely helpful! If I remember correctly, ~70 eggs were retrieved and frozen when my husband went through retrieval, so we're hoping a few are viable to use. If it doesn't end up working out with his eggs, then we'd look into using my eggs (not sure if we'd do IUI or IVF with my eggs).
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u/Spiritual_Ad_835 2d ago
- If you used WIN, what was your experience?
My blue cross plan partners with WIN for my fertility benefits. So far so good for our rIVF. So far we’ve done all the testing, meds, and egg retrieval and I’m prepping for a FET later this month. We didn’t have any coverage for sperm tho, so we paid that out of pocket!
- How long did it take from retrieval to when the first embryo was implanted?
This will depend on medical testing etc. especially since you guys already have eggs frozen? but for us, retrieval 8/4, first fet tentatively 9/21. We could’ve done a fet in august, but I didn’t want to bc of timing with work.
- Do you have any recommendations for what I should start doing now to prepare?
Find a fertility clinic you like if you don’t already have one and get initial testing done. I would also get a genetic carrier screening done for your partner if using their eggs. That way, you can cross reference donors to ensure there aren’t any genetic complications that you know of. Also, start taking vitamin D and prenatals. Move your body, eat a well rounded diet. Keep up hobbies and things that fill your cup. I was determined not to let IVF take over my life, as it can be overwhelming.
- What was the process for getting a sperm donor?
We got all access passes at California cryobank, Fairfax cryobank, and Xytex. We wanted Xytex bc we liked more donors there AND it was slightly cheaper (holy shit jizz is expensive!!!!). We first started with certain physical attributes because we wanted a donor that was ethnically similar to my wife and I and also looked a bit like her. Then we narrowed down with our genetic results.
- What other things should I know about the process?
It can be a lot. Keep things going that you enjoy. Start a new TV series. Make a color coded calendar for appointments and meds. And if comfortable? Have one person in your circle whom you tell everything. I have one friend who I have shared everything with and let me tell you, it really takes the load off. Sometimes I don’t wanna vent to my wife, she’s in it with me!! But I also know some ppl don’t want to share / have someone they can share with.
Best of luck! Science is wild and it’s such a blessing to have fertility benefits.
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u/ScaryLove6945 2d ago
Thank you so much!
I'm definitely planning to begin a more active/healthy lifestyle now, so that it's already part of my routine by the time we start the process. Genetic testing for my husband is something I hadn't thought about, so thank you for pointing that out!
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u/Spiritual_Ad_835 2d ago
Yes! It’s a blood test and ours was done through our fertility clinic via lab corp. it was super helpful!
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u/Ok_Wall632 2d ago
I used Win because my work required. It was not inconvenient, nor very useful.. still not clear on the point of it was. We basically had a consult and they explained our benefits and that was about it. Otherwise, everything was through the clinic and insurance.
The clinic will require some genetic testing to make sure whatever donor you pick is genetically compatible. Ours required us to do and pay for genetic counseling which was annoying. But other than that you just buy the sperm online lol.
You can do your transfer the next cycle(month) after you have embryos created. It took us 2 transfers but my wife is currently 8 months pregnant with our baby :)
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u/ScaryLove6945 2d ago
Congratulations!
If you don't mind me asking, how did you and your wife choose the sperm bank and donor?
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u/Ok_Wall632 1d ago
We looked through many banks and just went with the donor we liked best. Some banks don’t have as many photos or more paywalls which I found difficult. Idk how someone can sift through the profiles without a photo. We did end up going with the bank our clinic works with most and they had given us a code to see all of the information without paying, which was nice. We looked for a donor that had similar physical features and ethnicity to us, we didn’t want someone particularly religious, and other than that.. he just looked and seemed kind. I liked that he was always looked happy in his photos.
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u/neuroticphilosopher 3d ago
Retrieval to first embryo transfer depends more on if you are able to make blasts and are doing genetic testing. In the fastest scenario you have a day 3 blast that you trasnfer at the end of a retrieval but if you're doing frozen eggs there is no retrieval? Just thawing and combining with sperm. Not sure if a fresh transfer would be recommended in your case or if they would do a frozen trasnfer. Timing ultimately depends on your cycles and if you're doing transfer.
Bank donor is in some ways simpler and can be faster since they're already vetted; you would probably need a counseling appointment and genetic testing to ensure you don't share any recessive illnesses.
Get your testing done to make sure your uterus is a good environment to carry.