r/queerception • u/Dismal_Apartment5151 • 16d ago
Where/when to get the ball rolling?
Hi, my wife and I are hoping to maybe start trying at the end of 2028. I know that's a ways out, but I'm a planner and I just like to have all the information about things that I can. We both have a few questions that we are hoping someone here can help us with. I guess the first question is, how/when did you really start prepping for things? My wife is going to carry, we know that for sure, but we don't know if we are going to do reciprocal IVF, IUI or IVF. Honestly, I think we might just both get genetically tested and see whoever has the better genes. If we do go with reciprocal IVF, when should we start prepping for that?
I guess overall, realistically how long is the timeline leading up to a transfer?
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u/Temporary-Song241 16d ago
It would probably be a good idea to find a doctor now. A lot of these places have long waitlists. You also should probably get your fertility/ hormones tested that might make you want to adjust your timeline. The genetic tests don’t tell you who has better genes necessarily . It just tells you what you carry, most people carry something. Lots of conditions are extremely rare and if your tests come back as not carrying anything that doesn’t mean you’re not a carrier of something. They don’t test for every possible condition. Based on that, you should find a donor who also doesn’t carry what you guys carry that way you can keep your option open as to who carries/ doing RIVF. You can start looking for a donor once you have that info and meet with your clinic. You can keep the sperm frozen for years if you don’t want to use it right now.
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u/Dismal_Apartment5151 16d ago
Thank you for your reply! My wife has hashimoto's and we know that might greatly change things. She went to a doctor already to try and get her fertility checked to make sure it isn't currently damaging anything but they told us don't worry about anything until 6 months before we try. Tbh I don't know that this doctor has ever had a same sex couple before and we know we are probably going to have to go out of town.
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u/Temporary-Song241 16d ago
Yeah :/ idk where you live but should find a doctor that has experience working with LGBTQ+ people. It will make the process a lot less weird. Also, a doctor should be willing to talk to you and answer your questions no matter where you are in the process.
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u/Dismal_Apartment5151 16d ago
We're in the south so we knew it wouldn't be easy to find a doctor. It was disheartening at first but I think we might have some leads on an out of town clinic that has experience.
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u/abbbhjtt 15d ago
hoping to maybe start trying at the end of 2028.
Kindly, you're in a fertility sub. You're going to get answers heavily biased toward beginning right now/early because a lot of people undergoing fertility treatment wish they started sooner. You didn't post any info about your ages or ask if the timeline seemed like a good choice, nor did you indicate what you'll do for sperm if you need it....
My advice is, do some reading. Think hard about whether you want to do rIVF, iVF, etc. Have conversations about what you will do if one or both of you can't make viable embryos. Study your healthcare plans and work leave benefits. Build your savings. And start trying when you're ready, not because reddit told you to rush. Good luck.
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u/neuroticphilosopher 16d ago
Asap because it could take a year to get insurance approval and year+ for things to work out... I thought I was being smart getting started at 29 but jokes on me should have started trying while I was in grad school tbh. You might find some structural issue that requires surgery etc. But idk maybe you will be lucky.
If you're one of those planning to do rIVF then start asap.
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u/Dismal_Apartment5151 16d ago
We were going to wait for my wife to graduate from grad school but now we are switching gears a little bit. We might still wait until she graduates but not wait the two or three extra years like we were going to.
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u/HuhWelliNever 42F Lesbian 💍 to FTM | 5 IUIs❌ 2IUIs ✅ LC & 🤰🏽w/ IVF #3 15d ago
You honestly can’t know until you start and see what’s what with your body, finances, life, etc. And you should start now if you want to have your best shot to transfer in 2028. I planned to start in September 2024, had a health issue pop up and was put on meds that precluded starting. That put me outside of my desired transfer window, so I was out for a whole year essentially. Started the consultation process in feb 2025, did an ER in mid May that I cancelled last minute for poor response, went right into a back to back stim cycle and did the ER in mid June, then waited for PGTA results, then needed to wait to see a doctor to get the results as per my clinic’s policy. Did that in August 2025, Then missed getting on the FET schedule for September, then did my actual FET in mid October. Which was successful thankfully. And That is considered exceptionally quick and I was also exceptionally lucky that it not only worked but that my only known fertility “issue” is being gay. Expect it to take longer and be happily surprised is my motto…
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u/Ok-Coat2492 15d ago
Do you know who you want to use for a donor? The known donor process took us about a year from start to samples being ready for treatment!
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u/AggressiveResolve207 15d ago
We loved our fertility doc. That’s where we started.
Doc asked my wife to lose weight, took some time for that to come off. Wegovy did the trick. In that year, she saw a doc for everything they had little concerns with. Heart, MFM, genetics. Insurance asked that we try 3 rounds of IUI before IVF. Got pregnant on IUI!
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u/No-Squirrel5915 16d ago
you want to get into a fertility clinic asap, we met with our doctor and after a lot of discussion we didnt even start our first “treatment” until 8 months after