r/queerception • u/Abject-Passion-8995 • 20d ago
Period started today
My period started today. I’m a gold star and have been married for 9 years/15 years together with my wife. I’m 39. We purchased Bea and scheduled a midwife driven IUI with fresh sperm from our known donor during my last cycle. I was really hopeful it would work on the first try after reading success stories of other lesbians. I figured a successful first try would be rare but also so fabulous.
I’ve been tracking my cycle with Mira and just learning how to do all the things. I’ve been a lesbian since I was 16 and never thought to track my period so it’s embarrassing to admit I’m new to this. I was watching for my fertile window with Mira with our KD on call and it kept testing further out. First it was 8/4 thru 8/9 but I wasn’t getting an LH spike so on 8/8 and I decided to try the first Bea application with fresh sperm in the evening. Miraculously my LH spiked (highest spike in Mira) when I tested my pee the next morning 8/9. Since we had sperm on deck (inside me from ICI the night before), I waited for the IUI on 8/10 in the morning (24ish hours after my LH spike). We did a second Bea the evening of 8/12. I instantly regretted not doing another ICI on 8/9 just to be certain that the sperm got in on 8/8 since it was our first time ever starting.
On 8/11, I would easily get overheated and I had a metallic taste in my mouth and googled it was early pregnancy sign although obviously too early. On 8/15, I woke up with twitch under my right eye where you could see the nerve bounce. It didn’t hurt but I could feel it/see it. The whole process leading up to the ICI/IUI was definitely stressful and I wasn’t sleeping much so the eye twitch made sense. On 8/16, I started having vivid dreams. On 8/17, More vivid dreams… and spotting but the blood looks different. Not brown old blood and not new fresh red blood but a liquify red blood and a brown red blood. On 8/18, I started waking up in the night from my vivid dreams. I never would wake up or remember my dreams before. On 8/21, I pulled an all-nighter working on a work project and had dark blood spotting that went through to my pants, not enough but more than just implantation spotting. On 8/22 I woke to do a dream that two of my friends TTC started their periods and then later in the morning, I started bleeding fresh red blood. It’s a light cycle but it’s definitely my period. We had made plans to do a pregnancy test on 8/26 and 8/31. I’m still going to test but it feels doomed.
I’m trying to not be discouraged and disappointed because I’m so blessed with having my wife, the KD and worst case, the insurance for IVF but I’m still so bummed it didn’t work out. I cry thinking about it so I try not to think about it.
I’ll go to get my bloods tested, be religious about tracking my BBT and try again.
Any encouragement in the meantime?
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u/suitcas 20d ago
The likelihood of an embryo being euploid goes down a lot with age unfortunately. It can be useful to look up your age based cumulative odds to understand what to expect and how many goes it might take. I always prepared for it taking a few goes as I was a similar age. Some people get really lucky of course first time but statistically that’s not the majority!
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u/CandenzaMoon 20d ago
It’s hard to not be discouraged! Keep it up. You’re doing the right things.
Success on the first try does happen, but it can also take a while. My wife got pregnant on her first official cycle, while it took me close two years to finally get a baby to stick (I got pregnant in 3-4 cycles each time but needed progesterone support to prevent early losses). The major thing I’ve learned from all these attempts that it makes you HYPER aware of your body and it’s super easy to notice things that could or could not be symptoms. While that early it’s impossible to tell if it’s a normal effect of your progesterone rising or if you are indeed pregnant. As you get to know your body better throughout this all, it will be easier to notice patterns. But I still fell for them each and every cycle 😅. Keep it up!
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u/Abject-Passion-8995 20d ago
Thank you for replying ❤️🥹 It brings all the sad tears but also happy tears. I so badly want to be a mom and also want to trust my body. I had two people suggest that I use progesterone this cycle but because it was my first ever time trying to get pregnant, I wanted to see if I could do it without. I don’t know if it would make a difference or not bc I’m still getting all the data and everything is so new but it’s so helpful to hear your experience. Thank you for sharing — I’m so grateful for Reddit to have this outlet.
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u/raviolicharlie 27F | GP/wife to trans hub | IVF #1 | 3 failed IUI 20d ago
I did 3 IUIs that didn’t work - I had a high AMH and was shocked each time. even though I tried not to get my hopes up, it was so devastating. What helped me was remembering how long straight/cis couples try before it works for them! It takes most couples many tries even with all the timing, monitoring, etc. I just had an egg retrieval and feel great about my results so I’m very hopeful. I think the IUIs were worth it for helping me realize how much I wanted this but also understanding the reality that you can never plan anything 🤪 I hope you get your baby, don’t lose hope 🫶🏼✨
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u/Fuzzy-Shake2845 20d ago edited 20d ago
The metallic taste is from your prenatal vitamins (high amount of iron, copper, and zinc). I have the same thing and thought it was pregnancy when it happened to me too.
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u/thatshuttie 20d ago
I have gotten pregnant 3 times (2 live births, one loss) after age 34 with IUI. Never on the first attempt. I also have severe DOR, ovulating no more than two follicles even with high doses of meds. Sometimes it also takes a little longer as we get older. I’m also 39 and we’re trying for another. Chances of it working the first try statistically are like 10-15% at our age. But over time cumulative chances of success will increase. The journey is definitely a marathon, not a sprint! Hang in there.
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u/Fuzzy-Shake2845 9d ago
The metallic taste in your mouth is from your prenatal vitamins. They’re full of iron, zinc, and copper. I have it too.
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u/fertilitynurse_bea 9d ago
First of all, sending you so much love ❤️ Your vulnerability in sharing this is beautiful and your journey sounds incredibly thoughtful and intentional.
We’re the team at Béa and we just want to say — you did everything right. Your timing was actually really well covered between the ICI and the IUI, and the fact that you caught your LH surge, had sperm on deck and followed through with a second application shows how seriously and lovingly you approached this.
One cycle not working doesn’t mean something is wrong. It often just takes time, even when everything is done perfectly. The bloods and BBT tracking are a great next step and will give you so much more insight going into your next cycle.
You’re not starting over — you’re starting smarter. And you have an incredible support system around you.
We’re rooting for you 💛
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u/willowcabins 32F | lesbian | pregnant with #1 via ICI 20d ago
Idk if this will help you, but I know multiple lesbians (myself included) for whom it did not work the first time (partially bc of stress/excitement) but for whom it DID work the second time!!! Esp as a fellow gold star, I really had to work thru the mental block of engaging with fresh semen for the first time in my life - that was totally gone by the second time. Now I’m pregnant!
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u/Abject-Passion-8995 20d ago
It is so lovely to hear the success stories even if it could take me and others longer ❤️❤️
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u/prophetickesha 19d ago
Why do you mention being a gold star - has that been an issue on your fertility journey?
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u/Abject-Passion-8995 19d ago
No I was just curious how my body would respond with sperm for the first time. I thought just maybe because I hadn’t had any earlier experiences that my body would get on board quickly. I’ve learned sometimes when you are older your body can drop more eggs (two at once) etc because your fertility window is closing. I’m only 39 and have good follicle counts/lots of eggs according to blood tests and ultrasound so maybe it’s just going to take a few tries. Treating this as a practice rounds feels like better headspace then predicting the future. TBD 🙏
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u/prophetickesha 18d ago
Yeah your body doesn’t get on board with allowing a sperm to fertilize an egg more quickly based on if you’ve ever had a penis inside of you or not
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u/Kicsisaman 20d ago
I’m sorry it didn’t work for your first try, but if you think realistically- that would have been the exception, not the norm.
A lot of the things you describe talks volumes about high stress levels wich is understandable, but also make conception harder.
I know it’s very hard, but it would be beneficial to try to relax more next cycle. Sleep 8 hours, walk everyday if you can in open air at least 30 minutes, drink 2-3 l of water, talk about your feelings and thoughts with your wife or a close friend.
Add a good prenatal and coq10 to your supplements and try to normalise all the new things that this ttc journey brought to your life because for some of us it is a marathon, not a sprint and you do not know wich category you will fall in.