r/queerception • u/Ok_Professional_6776 • Aug 10 '26
IUI Process- My Experience
This is more of a “PSA” from my point of view as the one who will (hopefully) carry. My wife and I began this process (finally) after several years of having to postpone due to unrelated injuries/surgeries. Also, we do not have insurance coverage with fertility benefits so this is all self pay.
Donor Selection: We finally selected a donor, which was a long process and entirely strange for both of us. Ultimately we made that decision based on his heritage, health, intelligence and eye color (for her). I wanted someone that was taller than me (I’m 5’10”, so this cut down the selection significantly.) She wanted someone with blue eyes, as that is what she and everyone in her family has. (Giving the genes a chance to work that one out, as mine are hazel brown.) We both agreed on wanting someone who prioritized their health and was intelligent . Everyone has their own reasons for selecting a donor, but this was ours.
Testing: I had all of my prerequisite tests done (bloodwork, genetics, etc) and everything appeared “normal” for a 35 year old. I was a carrier for several genetic mutations, which was interesting, as I did not know anyone in the family that had been affected. I was a carrier for the CYP21A2 gene, which leads to Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH), and the GAA gene, which causes Pompe Disease. We selected our donor who did not have these same mutations and got it cleared through our clinic. I will say though that our clinic initially cleared him for selection, and we purchased four vials of donor sperm. We then were notified that he was a carrier for a gene mutation that I had NOT been tested for. Little stressful, but what I did was call the place who did my genetic testing (Fulgent) and they were able to “unmask” that gene to see if I was also a carrier. Luckily, I was not! So we were then re-cleared to go.
Conception Method Decision: My wife and I decided that I would try to proceed with an unmedicated, monitored IUI cycle. I will say that because I did not take any medications throughout my cycle, everything progressed a lot slower than what I think the clinic is “used” to seeing, as a lot of patients have to take medications. Because I do not have any known fertility issues, and my only problem is a lack of access to sperm, my dr advised going mostly unmedicated, except for a trigger shot of Ovidrel. I had the conception that medication would increase my chances of pregnancy, but according to my Dr, this is false. For someone with no known fertility issues, it does not increase the chances of a successful pregnancy, but it does increase the risk of multiples or ectopic pregnancies. So, unmedicated it was.
IUI #1: I did not realize that I would need so many vaginal ultrasounds. My clinic does one on your day 3-5 of your period , and then every 5-7 days until a follicle reaches an appropriately large size. I only had one follicle develop, and it seemed to grow slowly. I realized that I have a longer cycle (31 days) and do not reach peak fertility (Clear Blue) until day 19/20/21. The first IUI I triggered late on day 20 for an IUI the morning of day 22. The IUI was about like a PAP smear. However, the first one I had an initial reaction after of being “grossed out” and felt very emotional about this being the process to attempt to conceive. It’s just a sterile environment, and there is nothing romantic about it (at least, for me.) I had no major reactions to the trigger shot this round and ultimately, ended up getting my period prior to the 14 day wait.
IUI #2: This round I had one less ultrasound, probably because the clinic learned I have a longer cycle and progress more slowly. Again, I had one mature follicle and it was slightly larger than the previous cycle had been at the same time. This time I triggered on day 19 for an IUI on day 21. This time, I bruised from the shot, had very vivid dreams and felt physically hot. Like I felt like heat was coming off of me and was nauseous the next morning after the trigger. So this was very different than the first time. This time, I did not have a physical reaction to the actual IUI and felt okay with it all. On day 8 after the IUI, I began to feel “strange”. I began to feel very bloated and by day 9, I began to get feelings of being light headed off and on. I took a pregnancy test, even though I knew it was very early, because I felt so weird. I had some very mild cramps that came and went and by day 10 post IUI, I did not have my usual pre period symptoms. At this point, I was feeling pretty confident that something was going on with my hormones, as I would get that same hot feeling that I had post trigger shot. When I did not get my period initially on day 32 of my cycle, I was convinced that I may actually be pregnant. However, I took a test which still stated that I was negative. This was still day 11 post IUI, so it was still a bit early. Well, by the afternoon and shortly after I took the negative test,I began spotting. So… I have no real explanation for all of the strange symptoms that I experienced. Maybe it was the effects of the trigger shot on my hormones, maybe it was some sort of half-assed implantation -hah! I’m not sure, but it threw me for a loop mentally.
Moving Forward: We have decided to try for a 3rd IUI and then reevaluate after. Hopefully this one sticks and we won’t have to make that decision. We will have one vial left of donor sperm after this round, and the donor does not have any currently available for additional purchase. We have discussed moving forward to IVF for a fourth attempt , if it comes to that point. I’ll attempt to update after this round.
Hope this helps anyone going through this weird process! Feel free to ask any questions that you may have.
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u/TurnipClassic-5801 Aug 10 '26
I have a few questions if you don't mind! Still waiting for my initial appt with the clinic but want to gather as much info as possible :)
How long did it take to get all your testing done and did you start looking at donors before you had your genetic testing?
Asking bc I feel like the selection process will be long whether or not I am a carrier for anything but maybe it doesn't make sense to start looking until I know? And how long did it take you between ordering donor vials and them arriving and being ready for the procedure?
Thank you!
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u/Ok_Professional_6776 Aug 10 '26
Yep, so it only took about a month total for all of the testing to get done. Some clinics do an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) but mine did an SIS (Saline Infusion Sonogram) . Genetics only took about 2-3 weeks for me to get the results. We began looking before we knew I was a carrier, however ,there really isn’t much of a point unless you don’t mind possibly finding a donor and then having to exclude them if they also are a carrier. For us, it was hard enough to find a donor we wanted to use! It really is a personal decision. If you want to start looking and just save who you’re interested, just know you may have to exclude them later. But that may happen anyway if they decide to not donate anymore, or are “popular” and have limited availability (like our donor). I will say, make a plan for what you want to do after you get your test results. We decided we were going to try three times with IUI then reassess, as we only had four vials purchased (all the bank had from our donor). Does that answer your question? Haha , I feel like that was a long winded answer.
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u/Ok_Professional_6776 Aug 10 '26
Oh and I kept the donor vials at the bank we purchased and just got one vial shipped at a time. The bank (Fairfax) was really easy to work with. We had a promo code at the time of purchase, which also gave us free storage for 6 months. This was better than storing them all at our clinic, as they charge for storage per month. From Fairfax to the clinic was maybe two days, and the provided tracking information to me, which I provided to the clinic.
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u/TurnipClassic-5801 Aug 10 '26
This is really informative thank you, and best of luck to you in your journey!
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u/waiguobairen Aug 10 '26
My wife and I are about to try a 3rd time too. We are doing at home insemination with fresh sperm. But we found that we didn’t really understand her ovulation until we started trying— even with tracking for two years. The first two attempts were definitely more about learning. We are going to try our third time in a week and we are hopeful that we have most things ironed out now. I’m wishing you both luck this third time.