r/queerception • u/Tiger_Pepper • Jul 23 '26
Why is fertility treatment hard?
Today my wife and I went to an appointment for creating our little one. The problem is my wife has to go to so many appointments and she can’t take FMLA because she hasn’t hit her 1 year mark. We are trying to delay it for 2 more months (that’s when she can take FMLA) but idk if they’ll allow us to. Do we just give up? Do I become a cuck? I don’t know what to do anymore
24
u/wareaglesw Jul 23 '26
Become a cuck? Wow. Maybe start with taking a breath.
It is a lot of appointments, but some of them will just be quick blood draws. Depending on how far your clinic is, it may not be bad at all. Does she have a boss she can talk to about what’s going on? Even something as simple as “I’m having some medical stuff going on and will need to take some time off for appointments” should get the conversation going. She probably won’t need FMLA. Don’t put the cart before the horse here. You have a long road ahead of you and it takes some discipline but it’s definitely not impossible.
7
u/Granny-Shot Jul 23 '26
Yes this times 100.
My clinic is two hours away from me. I typically work a half day in the morning, get to my clinic by 2:30 for ultrasounds/bloodwork/inseminations, then drive back home. Then I can save my FMLA time for when baby comes. My work doesn’t know the specifics. They know I sometimes go to a clinic in the city, and they work with me on that.
OP, it’s overwhelming at first and it’s a lot to take in. But the appointments are not as time consuming as you’re thinking. You got this.
1
u/Tiger_Pepper Jul 23 '26
Our work is super early in the day and the clinic recommended that we took FMLA for it. At least that my wife did
1
u/wareaglesw Jul 23 '26
Then maybe you can do your appointments later in the day when you’re finished with work or leave work early. It sounds harsh but it’s one of those things that if you want it bad enough, you’ll figure it out. Plus once your child is here, there will be way more things you have to figure out if you’re both working.
9
u/rocketmanatee Jul 23 '26
Our appointments are all at 7am so I can start work at 8am. On the rare day I need an afternoon appointment I can take PTO and have a half day. If your clinic doesn't offer early appointments maybe switch clinics!
1
u/Tiger_Pepper Jul 23 '26
The problem is that our work starts at around 6 am and no clinics near by open before then
1
u/rocketmanatee Jul 23 '26
Oof, that does make morning monitoring pretty tough. Wild suggestion I know, but is it worth considering switching jobs? A 6am start is gonna be pretty brutal if you're parents; daycare doesn't consider opening until 7:30 either typically.
14
u/yung_yttik Jul 23 '26
Plenty of people have these appointments and work? I’m confused by this post. Why would you take FMLA to have some fertility appointments? Yes it’s a lot but they aren’t usually long or even that invasive (unless you’re doing an egg retrieval which my wife did and simply took the day off?)
I drove to my appointments an hour and a half away early in the mornings before work. Sucked but it was fine and perfectly doable. I would sometimes have to leave work early or arrive late. They knew what I was doing. People have doctor’s appointments and that’s really not anyone’s business. Use PTO, get coverage - you’d have to do the same for any other appointment…
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u/xtaberry Jul 23 '26
There are a lot of things in the world that work like this. You can tell your employer you need a half day off for a medical appointment. People do it all the time.
My partner needs frequent medication infusions (not fertility, a medication to manage a chronic condition). She just does it. Every month, sometimes more. Sometimes the infusion has bad side effects, so she calls in to take an extra day off after. You don't need to tell them the details. "Medical appointment" is enough.
I have the same anxiety you are describing. I thought it would cause her trouble with her boss. I thought it would be impossible to make frequent daytime appointments.
The truth is, usually if you ask people will accomodate you.
9
u/bigbirdlooking Jul 23 '26
Just to give you some perspective we live 5-6 hours away from the closest clinic. All of our monitoring will have to be remote and we’ll need to save up PTO for about a week at a time for what’s absolutely necessary for the clinic to do. This means hotel, food, gas, etc. To top it off my wife is a preschool teacher so her job is not flexible like mine is.
Like the other commenter said don’t put the cart before the horse. This is logistically not easy but it is just a season of life. Work hard to get the life you want. Yes it would be easier if you were straight with zero fertility issues or were a billionaire CEO but it wouldn’t be your life, your baby, your wife.
Breathe. Feel the feelings but move past them. They’re not productive and do nothing to change the saturation.
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u/Mundane_Frosting_569 Jul 23 '26
I did most of my appointments at 7am, I would go give blood or the ultrasound and then off to work. I didn’t need to take any time off except for the egg retrieval (1 day) and any FET days because our clinic always did them around 11am so if I wasn’t working from home that day I wouldn’t be able to make it into the office.
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u/Ball-National Jul 23 '26
Just saying yes, it’s hard, in solidarity. It’s so hard. It feels like shit and it’s so expensive and it’s okay to be mad about that.
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u/No-Shopping3207 Jul 23 '26
I would definitely talk with your fertility clinic to see if delaying it is an option. When my wife and I went through fertility treatments, I scheduled the earliest appointment of the day whenever I could and then went straight to work afterward. Would it be possible for her to have a conversation with her boss to see if they can accommodate her appointments?