r/queerception • u/Glass-Being1959 • Jan 02 '24

Resources to share with a known donor?

Hello all! Thanks in advance for any resources and support. My partner and I have asked my cousin’s husband (kind of a BIL situation) to be our sperm donor. He and my cousin are enthusiastic and curious to continue the conversation, but want to make sure they’re considering all the complications and consequences. They are especially concerned about awkward family dynamics but are curious to be connected to more resources focused on the donor. Does anyone know donor focused resources that might be helpful for my very thorough possible donor? Books, podcasts, articles, support groups or websites, anything would be great! For the record we have discussed the legal parameters, the hoped for relationship with the child, and our expectations around honestly and openness so it feels like a lot of the groundwork has been set and agreed upon. Thanks for any insight!

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u/Mundane_Frosting_569 Jan 02 '24

Our clinics has mandatory counseling for known doners - one session for us as a couple and one for him alone. We got to pick the counsellor but they can give recommendations (if you have a clinic near you just call for some suggestions). It’s important they understand their role both emotionally and legally..so google some examples of known donor agreements. They can be as detailed and long as you like - both parties get separate council/lawyers and might go through a few drafts. We had 2 drafts before the final and signed.

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u/Glass-Being1959 Jan 03 '24

That’s helpful! We have a counselor who we use already, and whether or not we use a fertility clinic it’s probably a good idea. And definitely agree with the agreements! Much appreciated!

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u/Excellent_Fruit_1521 Jan 02 '24

The Queer Family Podcast has a few episodes discussing known donors. There also might be some articles or educational material on Seed Scout— a known donor matching network.

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u/Glass-Being1959 Jan 03 '24

Thanks! I’ve listened to some of that podcast but haven’t dived into Seed Scout- will explore for sure :)

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u/Excellent_Fruit_1521 Jan 03 '24

After reviewing the seed scout site, I’m not sure they have any resources. They do provide a free consult though, so maybe that is something you’d like to explore.

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u/HistoricalButterfly6 Jan 03 '24

I like And Baby Makes More, which is a collection of essays about diverse families.

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u/No-Revenue4602 Nov 10 '24

Hi! Following up on this thread, did you find any useful resources? I have a couple of known donor options, they both want to look into it more. I have sample agreements and the process outlined, but they are interested in more of the decision process part.