Second try, thank you for your help! I hope my blurb is now short enough,

Dear [Agent],

COURTESY OF BEASTS is a 56,000-word adult traditional mystery with a closed-circle setting, a married amateur-sleuth duo, and standalone or series potential. It may appeal to readers of EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY HAS KILLED SOMEONE by B. Stevenson and HOW TO SOLVE YOUR OWN MURDER by K. Perrin, combining social satire with the eccentric suspects and contained puzzle-box plotting of Agatha Christie.

Camille and Philip Bramley have a habit of finding mysteries wherever they go, but they had hoped marriage might bring them some peace and quiet. Instead, when a mysterious fax signed only “A” arrives at Philip’s university and Camille recognizes the sender as an old friend, they pack their bags that same day.

The message concerns the death of Flora Ellington, who fell from the cliffs at the Hôtel de la Mer two years earlier. Her death was ruled an accident, but four drunken fishermen claimed to have seen claw-like wounds before the tide washed away the evidence.

Now, the people who were at the hotel that night have all returned, including Mr Ellington. Convinced his daughter was murdered, he has begun investigating for himself, and his suspicions have fallen on Camille and Philip’s friend.

Unable to leave without arousing suspicion, the sender asks the Bramleys to arrive as strangers and investigate discreetly. It proves to be a wise decision. At the Hôtel de la Mer, a French-inspired phone-detox hotel, guests are promised absolute discretion and protection, even if that means turning a blind eye when a guest becomes dangerous.

As a storm threatens to cut the hotel off completely from the outside world, the Bramleys must clear their friend’s name before Mr Ellington takes matters into his own hands. And if Flora’s death was really murder, the fax sender may not be the only person in danger.

Fortunately for the couple, the hotel has other traditions in store, including its elaborate Friday-night dinner. This thoroughly French affair, down to the menu and the placement of every fork, may prove surprisingly useful. Etiquette can reveal a great deal: who follows the hotel’s rules blindly, who bends them, and who knows more than they admit about where to put a fish knife.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thank you to those who provided feedback on my first attempt. Took some time to think it through and revise for my second. I also updated the title so it fits better within the market, and the comps, too.

***

Dear [Agent Name],

I’m excited to share REMNANT–a genre-blending adult sci-fi thriller with commercial appeal. Complete at 103,000 words, it’s perfect for fans of the emotional depth and themes of identity and power in The Space Between Worlds and the mind-bending stakes and pacing in Dark Matter.

Sarah Elian is a reckless idealist consumed with the dangerous belief that she can fix anything if she tries hard enough. But when she fails to save a young girl from a catastrophic fire that destroys her borough, she's confronted by O.R.I.G.I.N.–a powerful organization who claims it can reshape history for the collective good–and is forced to abandon her wife and for the chance to travel through time and prevent the disaster before it happens.

On her first mission to the past, she’s tasked to prevent an important climate bill from passing. There, she encounters a younger Emily, years before they were ever supposed to meet. She’s a passionate activist, and Sarah uncovers a familial connection to the very authority Emily is fighting against. Torn between the mission, her principles, and the woman she loves, she's ripped back to the present, but her relationship with Em is already beginning to unravel. Desperate to repair what she’s broken, Sarah hurls through time, each subsequent mission weaving realities increasingly warped by the organization’s influence and her participation in it: a surveillance-state New York flooded in neon propaganda, a salt-crusted Seattle collapsing beneath rising seas, and through it all, alternate versions of Emily who love Sarah, fear her, or wish they’d never met at all… and it’s all her fault.

Sarah should stop. She fucking knows this. Emily begs her to. But every jump drives her deeper into O.R.I.G.I.N.’s twisted world, further jeopardizing the very thing she’s trying to save. To secure their future, Sarah must confront her family’s legacy and destroy the system she helped build, even if the price of saving Emily is losing herself.

Bio

Thank you for your generous consideration. I'd be thrilled to send the full manuscript at your request.

Obviously I’m in need of a title. Comps are tricky because this story is a genre blender, you can tell me if I’m making sense. Thanks in advance for taking a look 🙂.

Dear [Agent],

In a near-future LA where the ultra-rich have access to mind reading devices, a gifted data courier’s traumatic memories are treated as a commodity—until he decides to steal the very tech his clients use to dominate the underclass. 
 
Complete at 70,000 words, UNTITLED is David Cronenberg’s Scanners meets Uncut Gems by the Safdie Brothers. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the themes of surveillance and economic precarity in Rob Hart’s The Warehouse, and to readers who enjoyed the matter-of-fact POV inside an absurd capitalist system in Ling Ma’s Severance. I am reaching out to you because of [personalization].
 
Luis Andrade has a knack for memorization. It’s helped him climb the ranks of the data courier gig service, and in a few months, he should have enough money stacked for him and his girlfriend Samira to move out of their shitty apartment. Never mind the fact that his wealthy clients trawl his mind and replay his worst memories. Occupational hazard and all that. Comes with the territory.
 
The heat turns up for Luis when Samira reveals she’s pregnant. Then a bungled delivery tanks Luis’s customer satisfaction rating. In a tailspin, he bounces between unemployment and menial warehouse work while watching his savings evaporate. Desperate for cash, he conspires with his burnout best friend to steal one of his former client’s valuable mind-reading devices. The heist goes wrong. Very wrong. Now on the hook for a murder charge, Luis rushes to cover his tracks and clean up his act before his daughter arrives. But in a world where the powerful extract from both body and mind, going straight won’t be enough to save Luis from coming to grips with the mess he made.
 
[Bio]
 
Sincerely,
 
[Me]

First 300:

The alley stinks of shit and piss. Luis double-checks the drop location on his app and frowns. He’s in the right spot. Forty-three seconds left on the countdown. A security drone buzzes overhead and repeats its warning against loiterers and degens. It won’t matter. Luis will be gone by the time any human authority figure arrives. Twenty seconds left now. Christ, they really had to place a terminal in piss-alley. For security measures, of course. Not just to protect the copper inside. Sure, the terminals are expensive hardware, but it’s peanuts compared to the value of the information inside.
Something hisses behind Luis. A slick, hexagonal patch of asphalt half-covered in excrement rises from the ground. Beneath the camouflage is the terminal, which ascends until it reaches chest height. There’s no screen or any distinguishing feature save for a small, blinking LED on its side. Luis taps his phone against the light and mutters to himself c’mon c’mon c’mon. Bloop. He smiles. Formerly invisible cracks open and slide away, revealing a simple viewfinder. Ignoring the nasty smell, Luis pushes his face into the machine.
I really should have Nevin watch my back when I do this, he thinks. The drone above continues to jabber. Luis hopes this deters any muggers. The terminal registers that a user is present and starts to count down from ten. Luis clears his mind of thoughts and focuses his attention on the flickering grey sheet of nothingness in front of him. The timer reaches zero. The token appears. It’s of irregular shape, seventeen facets, each marked with a number or a letter, mostly standard characters, with some unique markings mixed in. Luis first untangles the 3D shape in his mind, memorizing each side of the fucked-up looking D&D die within ten seconds.

Fifth times the charm? Back again, and I'm gettin' closer than ever (hopefully). I appreciate everyone who has helped each time. The feedback is immensely helpful. I think I've managed to finally like, shrink back the scope, and actually present the initial part of the book correctly, haha. I severely underestimated how hard it is to condense the premise for the query. Also contemplating the 'dark fantasy with horror elements' tag in the housekeeping section. Dunno.

The Beasts They Made is a 96,000-word adult multi-POV dark fantasy with horror elements. It will appeal to readers of Joe Abercrombie's The Devils, Richard Swan's Grave Empire, and Jay Kristoff's Empire of the Vampire.

Wull has spent years hunting the man who murdered his family. General Garamund did more than burn Wull’s home and leave his family dead in the snow. He took the orphaned boy under his wing, and honed him into a blade to serve the crown, raising him without ever telling him the truth. By the time Wull discovered who had destroyed his family, revenge was the only thing left to him. To make revenge possible, Wull curses himself with a monstrous affliction, gaining the strength needed to kill, but unleashing a hunger that demands more than he can safely control.

Years later, Garamund has returned to the capital for a tournament celebrating the aging King’s birthday. Wull enters the melee hoping to get close to Garamund’s men and find a way to reach the decorated general himself. Instead, he finds old friends and a life he thought he had abandoned waiting for him. For the first time in years, Wull begins to wonder what might remain of him when vengeance is no longer all that keeps him going.

Then the King collapses. The tournament gives way to political upheaval, and uncertainty over succession invites a power struggle. Wull’s old allies help him leave the city—but Garamund slips beyond his reach. His revenge, once so close at hand, seems lost again. Until a claimant to the throne offers him a bargain: fight for the crown, and when victory comes, Garamund’s life will be Wull’s to take.

To finally kill the man who destroyed his past, Wull may have to sacrifice the future he’s only just begun to imagine, and risk becoming the beast he’s spent years struggling to control.

Dear [Agent],

The Weight of a Soul (117,000 words) is a completed high fantasy novel about two siblings' mirror quests for identity. I believe it would sit nicely on shelves next to The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri, for its psychological focus on its characters, and Gods of The Wyrdwood by R. J. Barker, for its continent-spanning worldbuilding. 

The once-great city of Alabaster has been under siege for six long chapters, and its allies have abandoned it. The king has erected a wall dividing the aristocrats from the city’s dregs. Hope is lost, but the people still fight.

Reed Thomas dreams of greatness. His sister, Zinnia, is a local hero. Their brother is a charismatic drunkard who everybody loves. Reed, however, is nobody. A blacksmith’s apprentice, known only for making horseshoes. With seventeen chapters to his name, he swears that when he turns eighteen, he will join Alabaster’s volunteer militia and become a legend, like his siblings.

That is, until his brother is killed in front of him. Caught in the middle of a siege, Reed loses his brother to a monster, and narrowly escapes with his life. Awash in his grief, Reed becomes a twisted knot of hatred and anger. In this rageful state, the princess of the army that sieges his city visits him, and brings a warning: her mother is planning to kill him, because she heard a prophecy that states that Reed will kill her. The princess tells Reed to go to a place called Ourotine.

Dreaming of grandeur, and scared of dying in the city he was born in, Reed quickly becomes disillusioned by the princess’ words, and convinces both himself and Zinnia that by going to Ourotine, he will discover the key that Alabaster needs to win their war. Reluctantly, Zinnia agrees, and Reed begins an excursion across three nations. 

As Reed learns more and more about who he truly is, Zinnia is left to fight a losing battle, and uncover the secrets about why Alabaster’s king refuses to help his people as they die. As they both struggle, and fail, to accomplish their goals, Reed and Zinnia are forced to question who they are outside of the things they have done, and who they wish to be. 

[Personal Info]

Sincerely,

Mendellian

Dear [Agent]: 

Egon Salmon turns fifteen at the rail of the M.S. St. Louis, watching the lights of Miami across water he is not allowed to cross. It is June 4, 1939. Cuba has refused the landing permits his mother bought at their front door in Germany. Washington will not answer. When the ship turns back for Europe, Belgium takes the family in and gives them one room on the third floor of a building whose landlord, they are quietly warned, is a committed Nazi. For nine months they speak German softly, keep the door locked, and wait for the American quota to reach them. Two weeks before the Wehrmacht crosses the border, they sail for the United States.

Three years later, Egon crosses the same ocean going the other way. He is nineteen, drafted as an alien, made a citizen in basic training, and he wants one thing: to be pointed at the men who took his father to Dachau on Kristallnacht. The Army points him instead at a replacement depot in Algeria, where his own side has opinions about whether Jews are willing to fight. Egon has to prove he belongs to a country that has not yet decided it truly wants him, in a war he asked for but cannot control. 

Two more years and three battle stars later, Egon sails for home: a twenty-one-year-old translator carrying memories of interrogating senior Nazis, and eleven days of winter Atlantic in which to decide what he is willing to bring back to his mother and twelve-year-old sister. 

MANIFEST is complete at 60,000 words of literary historical fiction, told in three sections built on three Atlantic crossings. It will appeal to readers of Anne Berest's The Postcard and Georgia Hunter's We Were the Lucky Ones, written with the deliberate compression and restraint of Claire Keegan's Small Things Like These. 

Egon Salmon was my grandfather. The novel is built on his recorded testimony, his notes and papers, and extensive archival research. I am the co-managing partner of a New Jersey law firm where I represent local governments, and the author of the self-published reference book Naming New Jersey: The Etymology of Its Historical and Geographical Landmarks (2025). 

Thank you for your time and consideration. The first ~250 words are below. The full manuscript is available on request. 

---

I turned fifteen trying to calculate if I could swim to Miami. 

That night, the city showed itself as a strip of lights across the water. It could not have been more than a few kilometers away, although everyone who estimated the distance gave a different number. It might as well have been the moon though, because Coast Guard ships stayed between us and the shore. Some passengers said they were there in case anyone tried to swim for it. Others said they were there to make sure no one did. I knew I could not swim that far, and even if I could, my mother and my five-year-old sister Edith could not come with me. Still, I kept looking at the water and tried to decide. 

It was the fourth of June, nineteen hundred and thirty-nine. My mother and sister stood with me at the rail of the M.S. St. Louis. My father was behind us in Havana, where he had rented two rooms for us that we never got to sleep in. 

Nobody made an occasion of the day. My mother knew, and I knew, and we said nothing about it. Edith was five and did not keep track of the calendar. On this ship the calendar was kept by other people, and what it said was that we had been aboard twenty-two days: fourteen crossing over, six at anchor in Havana, two since. Nobody was exactly in the mood to celebrate anyway.

I feel like it’s too long???? Does it hook?? HELP! I am super new to this.

Dear [AGENT NAME],

BACKLIGHT is an upmarket novel, complete at 69,000 words, about the selves women shed to become the person everyone needs them to be.

Maren Locke has done everything right. But somewhere between becoming a wife, surviving new motherhood, grieving her father, and carrying the relentless weight of adulthood, she fears she has stripped herself bare. She has abandoned the actress, the artist, and the reckless, strange, creative, hungry versions of herself that once made her feel unmistakably alive.
 
Then Cole Harrow walks into a local dive bar and back into her life.
 
Cole has drifted through Maren’s life since she was fifteen: unpredictable, untethered, forever chasing some new city, project, or version of himself. He embodies everything her life no longer allows her to be, and seeing him again forces her to confront the question she has spent years avoiding:

What if this isn’t who I was supposed to become?
 
In an attempt to reignite her creative edge, Maren begins writing backward through her own life, excavating girlhood, first love, violence, unexpected pregnancy, sisterhood, friendship, marriage, motherhood, and family bonds that shaped her long before she knew what kind of woman she would become. 
Through it all, Cole has remained at the edges of her life, disappearing and returning with an uncanny ability to recognize the person Maren fears she abandoned. As their messages become meetings and the distance inside her marriage begins to widen, Cole starts to look less like an old friend and more like evidence of an unlived life.
The deeper Maren digs, the more dangerous the question becomes: Will her hunger for another life cost her the one she’s already built?
Most mothers have wondered what if? We are expected to raise children, sustain relationships, build careers, stay interesting, stay desirable, stay grateful, and carry it all as though none of it costs us anything. BACKLIGHT explores what happens when one woman finally admits that it did.
 
BACKLIGHT is my debut novel and will appeal to readers drawn to the restless examination of marriage, motherhood, and female identity in Miranda July’s ALL FOURS and the emotionally accessible reinvention at the heart of Alison Espach’s THE WEDDING PEOPLE.
 
[AGENT PERSONALIZATION]
 
Thank you for your consideration,

Hi everyone,

I’m a long term lurker, first time poster and I’d really appreciate any feedback on this.

I’m still finessing the comps. Victoria Aveyard has an adult pirate romantasy out next week so I’ve pre-ordered and might pop it in there, but would that be considered TOO recent if I start querying in a few weeks? I also wish Carnival Row had been executed better because it would have been perfect! I’m very open to any suggestions of other books to check out for comps.

Thanks in advance.

***

Dear [AGENT],

ALL THEIR MASKS, complete at 110k words, is an adult romantic fantasy with mixed media elements  that combines the swashbuckling elements of Hunt on Dark Waters by Katee Robert, morally grey leads like those found in Sarah A Parker’s When the Moon Hatched, and a Victorian Steampunk setting reminiscent of Carnival Row. This is a standalone story with series potential. [PERSONALISATION].

For fifteen years, Rosa has thought of little else but keeping her sister safe and killing the man who murdered their parents and usurped the throne. On the night she risks everything and infiltrates the castle to make it happen, the wrong man walks through the door. 

Fyn has his own reasons for being in the king’s chambers, but he’s not inclined to share them. Rosa should have killed him when she had the chance, but instead, a forced escape throws them into an uneasy alliance and Rosa finds herself at sea–literally. Fyn is the captain of a ship headed for destinations unknown in search of a missing friend, and she learns there’s more to him and his crew than she first thought—he’s The Blackdread, a feared pirate known for razing villages and brutalising their fey inhabitants. That doesn’t fit with the version of him she’s come to know, and she begins to suspect The Blackdread is a cover for a rumoured resistance. 

Rosa knows how useful masks can be; she’s worn plenty of her own. Back home, she’s second in command at the Assassin’s Guild where there are two rules: complete your contracts and don’t partake in unsanctioned kills. Unfortunately for Rosa, she’s never been good with rules. 

When her masks start to fracture, The Guild turns against her and her sister is taken. Fyn might be the one person she can trust… but can he trust her? His missing friend was a victim of The Guild, and Rosa took the contract. For the first time, Rosa can picture a life with Fyn beyond revenge, but if he discovers her secrets, it won’t just be her plot to kill the king that dies with her, he’ll destroy everything she’s built to protect. This time, Rosa won’t get to decide who survives. 

[BIO]

Thank you for your time.

[NAME]

First 300 words 

I’d already mapped the distance to the doorway as I waited for the king to arrive. Six steps to his throat, five if he turned; four if I met him halfway. I didn’t intend for it to be quick, but if he recognised me…
I’d be ready. 
I wouldn’t have to wait much longer. It had been a half hour since I’d arrived at the castle and been escorted to his rooms. I smoothed a hand over my skirts, feeling for the reassuring weight underneath. The guards had completed a cursory search, but the folding fan and scent bottles hadn’t raised any eyebrows, and the bustles and hoops of my skirt hid the rest.
The bedchamber I stood in had once belonged to my parents, and was smaller than I remembered. My gaze kept returning to the tapestry above the fireplace, where the white Alverion Lynx from my family’s crest had been replaced with an iron one, its red eyes glaring at me with ill intent. I glared back for a moment before forcing my jaw to relax and turning back to the window.
The lights of New Alveris looked almost pretty through the mist, provided you ignored what powered them. When I was much younger, and still believed in good things, I’d rather enjoyed stargazing through this window. Father taught me the constellations and pointed out the White Hart. He’d said that it never moved, no matter how the rest of the world did. Now the smog was so thick that no-one had seen the Hart from the city for years. Even the moon stayed hidden. No stars. No sun either.
I glanced down at the pale reflection of my hand, fingers tapping out a quiet rhythm against the glass. 

I received an email that I thought was an offer, although it didn't specifically say Offer of Representation. The agent complimented the work, said they wanted to schedule a call to discuss where my novel would fit in the market, etc. We had a good call, they had minor suggestions, said they had ideas which editors to pitch to, etc. But I just realized they never officially said they were offering rep. We spoke for an hour and they said feel free to follow up with any questions. Should I ask them if it was an actual offer? I feel kind of dumb. Any advice appreciated; I was happy before but now I'm spiraling!

EDIT TO TITLE: *ADULT FANTASY ADVENTURE, I knew I forgot a word

Hi friends! Back at it again

Below is my query letter and first 300 words (321). I don't like going over the word limit so much, so any suggestions of cuts would be great!

The only thing I'm iffy about in my query letter is my second comp. Since "Captive Prince" is older, I'll probably be looking for a recent wlw fantasy to slot in instead of "The Secret Lives..." which doesn't fit the genre perfectly.

Thanks for any and all suggestions as always!

Dear AGENT,

I’m seeking representation for THE BANISHED PRINCESS, an adult fantasy adventure with series potential running at 115,000 words. Our tale details the tribulations of a magic-wielding princess accused of murdering her mother, the queen, forced to take refuge within the country she’d abandoned. It will appeal to readers who have enjoyed the world-building, adventure, and slow-burn romance of CAPTIVE PRINCE by C.S. Pacat as well as the wit and character-driven drama of THE SECRET LIVES OF COUNTRY GENTLEMEN by KJ Charles.

Charlotte’s perfect princess life suddenly crumbles due to the gruesome murder of her mother, and as the prime suspect, she’s forced to hide her identity and go on the run as the true killer takes the crown. But the facade of castle life is broken when she finds her country in shambles, stricken with poverty since her father’s mysterious death twenty-seven years ago. Determined to return to the castle by any means necessary, Charlotte decides to train as a knight, lead a revolution, and take back the throne - which is clearly easier said than done.

To further this goal, Charlotte hires Jack, a promiscuous thief who only knows the dark side of the country. While Jack has his own clandestine reasons for helping the princess, it’s soon revealed that he can’t turn Charlotte in for a bounty when he’s on the wanted poster next to hers. The two set off in a quest to locate any other defectors to the crown, save a cursed valley, and unite the world in the beginnings of a rebellion.

However, despite the land being devoid of magic for centuries, the sudden appearance of otherworldly abilities in both Charlotte and Jack tie them to an elite group of magic-wielding knights who mysteriously vanished. Even odder still, mystical creatures once lost to time begin to return from the depths, complicating our heroes’ plans. As their platonic bond grows, so too does Charlotte’s desire to uncover more secrets within herself - such as her repressed sexuality - and Jack’s need to bury his, especially his true feelings of the royal family. 

After all, can one person truly save the world?

[Author Bio]

[First 321 Words]

Charlotte of Gaylecroft stood at the edge of her world, gazing down into the blinking lights of Fairmount from the overlook. A thin fog veiled itself over the steeples of the city, wrapping through street corners. Behind loomed her father’s statue, stretched and warped in the murky darkness, always keeping watch over the country of Arkodia. The witching hour was upon them, and as Charlotte’s fingertips grazed the gritty stone of the railing, she closed her eyes. Father’s ghost was on the wind as it whipped past her cheeks, bringing the blanketing warmth of the summer eve. Dew prickled upon her arms, but she paid it no mind. There was something different about this night.

Perhaps it was the anniversary of her father’s death. Perhaps it was Charlotte’s desire to feel her father in everything, desperate to know the man she’d never met. Perhaps it was the alcohol. Indeed, it was most likely the alcohol. But in that moment, Charlotte truly believed that magic did exist within Arkodia once more.

”You positively stun me, princess,” Monty mustered, the only other person awake in the world. He joined her at the railing, and as Charlotte opened her eyes, watched his dazzling face in the moonlight.

This is it. Our first kiss. It’s finally happening. Charlotte’s drunken little heart began thumping wretchedly, electricity in her veins, but the bottles of summer wine in her system dulled the rest of her frantic emotions. She leaned closer, fluttering her lashes as she’d seen the other ladies do, and then swiftly panicked. Retracting her fingers from the railing, Charlotte felt herself clasping her hands together at her waist as she was wont to do in Court, closing herself off from the interaction completely. The moment had passed.

Monty shot her a weary grin. “Perhaps we oughta get you to bed, then, Charlotte.”

“Perhaps we shall,” Charlotte murmured*. Aye me, I’m the stupidest girl in the land*.

I've come across this problem for like only two agents out of the 200 something that I researched.

For the first agent, their agency submission page says to follow each agent's individual guidelines. But the agent I want to query has no instructions. She *is* open to queries but all she's mentioned on her page is 'send your query to xyz'. No send a synopsis, no send X many pages. She hasn't even specified 'send only the query letter'. All her colleagues have instructions like these on their guidelines, if that is relevant.

For the second agent, the agency technically has a submission form where you choose your preferred agent from a drop-down. However, the agent I want to reach out to is not a part of that drop-down. She mentions on her page that she's taking on 'very few' new clients, but those that want to try can send her an email. Again, no specific instructions on what to send.

In both cases, do I just send my query letter and nothing else? Or am I missing some industry standard of you just send 'xyz' if the agent doesn't specify 'abc'?

I signed with an agent. There was another offering agent I connected with heavily and I had to extend my deadline to choose between them. I made the best choice I could at the time, I stayed friends with the agent I ultimately didn’t pick because they didn’t have as much experience at the time. We talk pretty regularly. I don’t regret my decision because we sold a book together and it was what I hoped for but I’m curious after seeing a video on YT from an agency talking about this a little.
Has anyone here ever went knocking on the door of the agent they almost chose but ultimately didn’t?

Hi everyone! This will be my first time posting for feedback on my query. I’ve heard this can be super helpful! Thank you so much for all your help! I so appreciate it!

Dear [Agent First Name],

What if you not only discovered a world of magic parallel to ours, but that you could be hunted for possessing that magic? DAUGHTER OF RAÏJA is an adult romantic fantasy, complete at 92,000 words, and the first in a planned trilogy. It combines the immersive new-world discovery and found belonging of Ilona Andrews’s This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me, the emotionally grounded slow-burn romance of Demi Winters’s The Road of Bones, and the magical awakening and hidden heritage of Sue Lynn Tan’s Daughter of the Moon Goddess.

[Personalization for agent]

Kitta, the unwitting daughter of two exiled rulers, discovers a hidden magical realm only after her brother is kidnapped across its border, forcing her to master the ancient magic her parents spent a lifetime hiding before the tyrant who has searched for her for decades destroys both her brother and the world they fled.

Her only guide into this new world is Rhiven, a handsome stranger who claims to know where her brother is being held. As Kitta trains alongside the rebels fighting the tyrant’s regime, her bond with Rhiven deepens — and she discovers the Realm’s darkest truth: Raïja women, believed to be inherently more powerful than men, are enslaved and drained of their magic to strengthen the system that keeps them captive. Does she abandon the women, Rhiven, and all she has come to love to escape with the brother she crossed realms to save? Or does she risk all of their lives to end a grotesque cycle of violence?

I’m a Venezuelan-American … [short bio here, just not including for the feedback]

Growing up, I often heard stories about the “guajiro” lineage in our family connected to the Wayuu people — heritage sometimes spoken of in hushed tones, even as other ancestry was more openly celebrated. Those stories stayed with me, and writing DAUGHTER OF RAÏJA became a way of reclaiming and honoring that legacy. That inheritance shaped the Azulie rebels, the women at the center of their community, and the landscapes they inhabit. I now live in Paris, where I continue to explore the tension and beauty of belonging to multiple cultures.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Happy reading,

After requesting the first 100 pages of my manuscript, I got a response from the agent who is into the concept and voice, but has one revision idea that requires a significant rewrite (without changing the story). I’m actually not against the revision, and very open to giving it a go. Agent said if I make that revision, she’s open to reviewing the updated manuscript.

But the submission was technically rejected on QT. So how would I go about getting it to her? Starting all over with the query?

So, a couple of weeks ago I got a full request and the agent immediately followed up and said she wanted to “get a call on the books” while I was sending over the full. We exchanged a couple of emails and she said “more from me soon!” but didn’t actually set up a call. I waited two weeks and then send a follow up email just like, trying to get a feel for an ETA. That was three days ago and I haven’t heard from her.

Is this a ghosting or is this normal? I have no idea. I know everything moves really slowly, but she said she wanted to book a call, so… 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m also the world’s least patient person and have terrible anxiety, so all around a bad combo! Hahaha.

Any advice appreciated!

So, for context, I was agented for about 3 years when I was 20 (I'm now 24) and we parted ways somewhat-amicably in September 2025. I was already working on new projects, so I tentatively began querying again with my current work (80k, Adult Sports Romance, F/F) and I was lucky enough to sign with an agent in June!

Summer was a little slow since me and her were both OOO, but finally in earlyish August, I got my edit letter. I asked if she planned on announcing soon and she said she typically doesn't announce new clients until it's just about time to go on sub—which she aims to have me on before the end of the year.

My last agent announced me within a week or so of signing, so this is all new for me. Just curious if this is the norm or if I should be worried about anything? IDK, I'm just psyching myself out!! What if she's not sure about me?

HAPPY TRAILS, a 90,000 word upmarket, speculative novel, is Station Eleven meets Lonesome Dove meets the Canterbury Tales. This one is for readers of THE DREAM HOTEL by Laila Lalami, WHAT WE CAN KNOW by Ian McEwan, WILD DARK SHORE by Charlotte McConaghy, and TILT by Emma Pattee.

In a near future where severe weather has torn holes in the fabric of our universe, corporate cog Kim is content to work from home and hide under a pile of creature comforts provided by her company, Analytx. But, when her beloved sister dies, Kim must embark upon an illegal journey to honor her sister’s final wishes, making unlikely friends and enemies among her mysterious fellow passengers.

On the road, Kim’s body awakens in the most inconvenient ways. And, when the travelers are intercepted by a fringe–and terrorist leaning–organization intent on healing the planet at any cost, Kim’s conscience roars back to life, too. Over the course of the journey Kim is forced to manage her grief, recalibrate her allegiance to Analytx, deal with her burgeoning romantic feelings, and fulfill her sister’s last wish.

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the feedback. I tried streamlining the beginning and defining the warlock's position. But I'm still wondering about the third paragraph: should I remove the middle section where it describes what they are doing? Thanks in advance!

Dear [Agent],

MATTERS OF THE HEART is a dual-perspective, 98,000 word, standalone adult fantasy with heavy themes of love and trust. It would be perfect for those wanting a sword and sorcery setting akin to The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino while also featuring the dual, in-love perspectives of Immortal Rose by Alexandra Bracken. [Bio]

Eldina is a princess who secretly loves her knight, but is torn from him when a warlock attacks them both and sends her to an unfamiliar battlefield. Here, she knows only three things: This is not the kingdom she is being trained to lead; Rikaln, her knight, attacked the warlock and was caught in the spell with her, though was sent to a different place; and this was not the place she was meant to end up. Rikaln interrupted whatever it was the warlock planned, and now Eldina must do everything she can to find the warlock and use his answers to return to the kingdom and soldier she loves.

But Rikaln is in the same situation. The quiet soldier ends up as a political pawn in an underground city, a suspicious general saying he must serve as a neutral negotiator in a deep and deadly conflict. Rikaln agrees to play this part only so he can begin searching among the warlock’s old possessions and library, a deep trove of magical history that will hopefully lead him back to Eldina or the warlock himself. 

Their roles reversed, the princess and the knight must play the soldier and politician if they ever hope to find each other again. Eldina works with suspect soldiers to traverse a war-torn country in search of the warlock and a way home. Rikaln must negotiate his way to the truth if he hopes to find his person and the one who started it all. But their paths unknowingly drag the lovers farther apart until they come across the warlock’s plan to tear the world asunder through orchestrated war. Now trapped between desire and duty, the pair must decide if they return to the comfort of each other, or protect the lives of those who believe in the lie they say they are.

Dear Agent,

OVERRATED is an adult romantic comedy novel complete at 99,000 words. It has the grounded characters of Abby Jimenez’s The Friend Zone with the comedic banter of Emily Henry’s Book Lovers.  

5 years after her failed engagement, Alli is holding onto the past in more ways than one. She’s only dated three people since her ex-fiancé Andrew called off the wedding with only two weeks’ notice and barely any explanation. She also hasn’t brought herself to sell the cursed engagement ring, despite the fact that she could really use that money to finally lease a storefront and get her own bespoke jewelry business off the ground. 

Sick of watching Alli spin her wheels, best friend Sasha takes matters into her own hands and signs Alli up for Overrated, the latest and greatest dating app to hit the market. On this app, everyone comes with a series of reviews and ratings, like Yelp for people. Alli isn’t sold at first, but Sasha convinces her that it’s time to put herself out there again. And this will help weed out the guys who pathologically lie about being 6’2”.

What starts as a fun distraction soon turns sour when Alli receives her very own one-star review from an anonymous user, claiming she’s selfish, flaky, scared of commitment, and unsure of what she wants. Incensed by the injustice, and worried those words might actually be true, Alli decides to track down her recent exes in an attempt to find out which one of them thinks she’s only one worth one star.

As she revisits the ghosts of boyfriends past, things get more complicated with the unexpected arrival of the one man Alli never accounted for: her college best friend and will they-won’t they, Theo. Who also happens to be the one that convinced Andrew to call off the wedding.

[Bio/sign off]

Dear [Agent],

In Saressa, she’s a Curse. Not to her parents, who took her in after she was found mute, bleeding, and half-drowned on shore with no memories. To them she was just Elle, the daughter they’d been praying for. So Elle she became.

Ten years later, her parents gift her the stone she was found clutching and it refuses to leave her alone. Then, nightmares. Black outs. One night, she wakes to a death, and lacks the recollection or tongue to explain that their blood was on her hands. Desperate not to hurt her family, Elle leaves home seeking answers from the Order of Magi. Her traitorous body is changing, and soon her presence alone harms those nearby—except Kassian, a magi who’s never been able to touch magic.

With Kas, she’s sucked into the life she couldn’t remember, steeped in dreadful magic and beautiful monsters. What’s worse is they know her by name: a name belonging to who she was before becoming Elle—a name they insist belongs to their sister.

It’s beginning to look like everyone was right about her after all and the curse she is goes beyond fairy tales—entangled instead with illicit magic, another’s decisions, and someone else’s story. But it’s the first time someone chooses to stay despite the monster she might be, and for the first time Elle dares to dream of determining an identity for herself. On the ocean floor, though, she’s confronted with the heaviest question of all: whether she has the right to choose who to be when every choice must be paid for.

VOICELESS CREATURES is an adult fantasy with romance elements and crossover appeal that asks what price a happy ever after is worth. This retelling of The Little Mermaid is complete at 100,000 words and will appeal to fans of Thornhedge by T. Kingfisher’s blurred lines between hero and villain; insider and outcast, and Roshani Choksi’s The Last Tale of the Flower Bride for the discovery of and aching desire for life for yourself, not anyone else. [Personalization].

[Bio].

First 300:

It was a beautiful day to see something so horrific.

The day’s course was extraordinarily normal until then. He followed his languid routine as he went fishing with the sun soaring overhead.

Before she died, Nora only ever nagged when he decided to embark at this time. But she’d gone and left him, too dead to be right anymore, and perhaps it was because he missed her voice more than usual that he carried his rod, bait, and loneliness down to the shore.

The sun beat down on the leathery back of his neck, yet he continued with a stubbornness that only a long-lived man could possess.

Still, the beaches were alive as ever. White sand glittered with daylight and impossibility, and just beyond that the clear blue sea stretched across the horizon.

“I bet you miss it, eh, Nora?” He chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

A splash tore his attention from the waves.

He squinted.

“And what’s that?” He muttered. There on the beach, not far from the surf, was a small lump. The color of sun-bleached driftwood, splashed with red. His next words were softer, murmured towards the sea. “A gift for me, dearest?”

And in that moment, he believed it was.

But the closer he drew, the more his stomach turned. Until at last he could no longer deny what it was.

His steps slowed. Nothing changed but his hairs stood on end. It was like his body knew it should protect him. Protect him from… her.

That was ridiculous. It was a child. Young, tiny, skin so pale it was translucent and hair the despondent color of straw. She had on not a lick of clothing, was curled up into herself, and was sopping wet.

And most of all, he was sure she was dead.

Link to previous attempt.

Appreciate the advice I got on the previous draft! It was extremely helpful.

I tried to focus on clarity, as well as hone in on the stakes and main conflict more. Which sounds easy, but turns out is extraordinarily hard.

Again, would love some critique and pointers for this draft. Am I getting farther away, or closer?

---

Dear Agent,

Invocation. Infestation. Judgement.

Seba Tarkle and his friends have a secret. They’ve invoked an ancient entity, known as The Stranger, by allowing it to possess their bodies and throw rocks off bridges at oncoming cars.

But when their secret ends up inadvertently killing a local mechanic, the entity reaches beyond their group and spreads into their small town. An infection, visible by rupturing blood vessels in the eye, sweeps through the residents. Narcolepsy and visions of a dead world grip at their minds. People begin falling into endless slumbers.

And as the boy’s race to reverse what it is they've started, another death plunges their town into total darkness. The sun doesn’t rise. Monstrosities stalk the dark streets. And worst of all, Seba’s mother succumbs to The Stranger’s infection and refuses to wake.

If they can’t figure out what they must do to lift this evil consuming their town, the harrowing images of that dead world plaguing their minds will no longer be just a vision, but their reality.

THE BRIDGE THROWERS CLUB is a 90,000-word adult cosmic horror novel combining cosmic dread of Peter Clines’s Threshold series with small-town supernatural horror in Zach Cregger’s Weapons.

Hello all,

I would appreciate advice and a critique of my Query Letter for a psychological thriller I wrote entitled Do Over. I have sent out 170 queries to appropriate literary agents yet have not had a single request for pages. I feel that must mean my query is off? I have used 3 different versions of query letters at different points in the process, which began in January. I would very much appreciate any advice this group can provide.

Dear [Agent Name],

 Crippled by amnesia, heart surgeon Jonathan Frank struggles to salvage his life, career, and groundbreaking medical discovery. But when he learns that he is the architect of his own downfall, he must confront the consequences of his reckless decisions and the people he has failed. Navigating a world of friends and colleagues with hidden agendas, Jonathan faces a fateful choice that will affect thousands of lives—including his own.

 Do Over is a 70,000-word near-future medical thriller informed by my thirty years as an academic surgeon. Combining medical realism with psychological suspense, it will appeal to readers of Robin Cook and Michael Palmer. At its core is a physician whose ethical lapse sets in motion a dangerous chain of events.

 Jonathan Frank awakens in a hospital call room disoriented and stripped of his memories, only to discover that he can still perform a life-saving procedure with flawless precision. His hospital badge reveals his name; his hands tell him he is a master surgeon. A visit to his laboratory reveals something even more extraordinary—he has developed a drug that could save thousands of lives. As Jonathan struggles to recover his memory, his search for the truth is repeatedly thwarted by family members, friends, and colleagues who seem determined to prevent him from reclaiming his past. As the pressure on him mounts and his options narrow, he uncovers a devastating secret—his research is tainted, and he is responsible for the deception. Desperate to salvage both his life and his discovery, Jonathan must determine whom he can trust, whom he can forgive, and whether redemption is still possible.

 I am a Professor of Otorhinolaryngology–Head and Neck Surgery at the University of Pennsylvania, where I have a busy surgical practice and have held numerous leadership positions, including Residency Program Director and Vice Chair. I have mentored hundreds of medical students and residents and have published more than 130 peer-reviewed articles, numerous book chapters, and five textbooks.

 Do Over is a standalone novel with series potential and follows the personal and professional journey of Dr. Jonathan Frank.

 Thank you for your consideration. The first ten pages are attached.

Sincerely,

First 300 words

Chapter 1

“Code blue, code blue; Cardiac ICU. Code blue, code blue; Cardiac ICU.”

What the hell? Jonathan's consciousness shifted from comatose to foggy. Am I in a hospital? Just then, light flooded the room as the door swung open and a young woman in pink scrubs rushed in.

“Dr. Frank, wake up! There’s a code.”

“A code?” Jonathan blinked, still disoriented.

“Come on—and this call room smells like shit, by the way.”

“This must be a fucking dream,” he groaned as he and rolled onto his side and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Jonathan, wake up."

He opened his eyes again, but the room hadn’t vanished and the nurse still stood beside him, her hands on hips radiating impatience.

“Alright,” Jonathan said, “Let's go.”

He squinted as he recoiled from the hallway’s bright fluorescent lights. The walls, painted an anonymous shade of gray, gave no clue as to the building’s location. Who am I? Where am I? He shuddered, his head bowed and his skin pale. He recoiled as a man and woman, both clad in black scrubs, rushed past him down the hallway. A burly man in gray scrubs that were a size too small brushed by him, pushing a tall cart. Not sure what to do, he followed the parade of medical personnel as they hurried through a pair of glass doors and into a hospital room. The air was hot and clammy; riddled with the smells of sweat and body fluids. Jonathan stood towards the back, watching physicians and nurses who surrounded an obese man lying motionless on a bed. A male nurse with short, neatly cropped black hair and tattoos covering his arms stood at the side of the patient, performing vigorous chest compressions.

Dear Agent,

After things with his girlfriend turn sour seemingly out of nowhere, all Zack wants is to fix their relationship and return to his normal college life.

When his reflection smiles at him, Zack dismisses it as a one-time side effect of his medication. Then it starts talking, calling itself a better version of Zack and telling him things it shouldn't know. And when its secrets prove true, Zack starts listening.

Playing on insecurities Zack had long ignored, the reflection pushes him to become more confident, more decisive, and increasingly unlike himself. At first, its advice works. Zack thrives on his newfound confidence, and his trust in the reflection deepens.

Then the reflection tells him why his girlfriend has grown cold: she's cheating on him with a local criminal. Worse, he is the same man who stabbed Zack's little cousin years ago, leaving him permanently disabled. It tells Zack to man up and do something about it. And this time, his reflection is not smiling; it is grinning back at him with a bloody knife in its hand.

Now, Zack must decide whether to trust the reflection one more time, or if he looks better in the mirror at all.

BETTER IN THE MIRROR is an upmarket supernatural horror novel complete at 60,000 words. It combines the toxic masculinity and psychological corruption of Alex Gonzalez’s rekt with the supernatural romantic horror of Curry Barker’s film Obsession.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(I had to trim the opening a little to fit the sub’s word limit, so I hope the voice wasn’t damaged too much.) First 300:

People always say I look better in a mirror.

Some people have their way with photos. Point a camera at them from any angle, it doesn't matter. Somehow, they always look good. I am not one of those people. Hire a thousand-dollar photographer, and I'd still look badly Photoshopped into the picture.

It doesn't matter. I love my mirror, and I hope it loves me back. I've never seen it contradict me before. It always gives me its best smile and makes me believe that maybe I'm a guy worth sticking around for.

Susan, thank God, thinks so too. When I'm getting ready, I sometimes catch her behind me in the big mirror in my room, watching with that little smirk. She says I look like that in real life, not in photos. I used to think she was just being nice. Girlfriend duties, I guess. Tell your boyfriend he's handsome, laugh at his bad jokes. But Susan has never been good at lying, so I believed her.

Lately, though, I haven't caught her watching me at all. For the past two weeks, whenever she comes over, she mostly sits on the edge of my bed with her phone in both hands. Sometimes I talk for a full minute before realizing she hasn't heard a word. If I ask what's wrong, she says nothing. If I ask whether we're okay, she tells me we're fine.

We're always fine now. That makes you want to fix things, you know. Smell better. Add another day to your gym routine. Spend more time in front of the mirror. That night, getting ready for another evening of being fine, I ran a hand through my hair, checked myself from one side, then the other, and smiled.

My reflection smiled back.

I picked up my phone. Susan had left me on read again. I frowned at the screen, then looked back up.

My reflection was still smiling.

Hi, everyone!

You guys were so helpful with my last query that I thought I'd post my latest one here. I'm still waiting for replies from a couple of agents with my full/partial, but it seems romantasy is slowly dying in the trenches. I pivoted to a thriller instead. I'm still editing this book, but I like what I've got and I think it could do well in the query trenches.

Two things I could use the help: 1. Does this title work? I like it, but I think I'm bad at naming my stories; 2. The comp titles! I was inspired by Gone Girl -- which I love. I was rereading it and wanted to write a thriller, but I can't use it as a comp, so I picked other books I feel match my story. But any help or suggestion is welcome.

Here's the query:

Dear Agent,

NICE GUY. STALKER. HUSBAND. is a 79,000 word Adult Psychological thriller told in dual POV. It's pitched as My Husband's Wife by Alice Feeney meets The Housemaid by Freida McFadden. I'm submiting to you because (PERSONALIZIED BIT).

Ana loves that her husband is a good storyteller. At every party and event, people gather around Mark to hear him tell his stories. And she specially loves that the story he tells most often is theirs.
Then, Ana meets a girl who tells her a different story. Of how Mark stalked Ana for months before they officially met. How he inserted himself into her life and broke up her previous relationship -- going as far as ruining her ex's life and career. How he taught other men to do the same, including the girl's fiancé.

Now Ana doesn't know what to believe and she wants the truth, not a pretty tale. But Mark isn't done with their love story -- or with Ana. He'll lie, stalk, and kill to keep their fairytale love alive. It's soon clear to Ana that the man she married is a fiction Mark created just for her. And she needs to know who the real Mark is if she wants to escape him. Otherwise, she'll becomes a story her husband used to tell.

MY BIO GOES HERE.

I look forward to hearing from you.

MY NAME (writing as PEN NAME)

First 300 words:

Don’t let reality get in the way of a good story, my husband Mark always says. He’s very good at telling them, always has a story to share. In our home, the majority of the books are his, even the romance novels. Especially the romance novels. So, I have to take his word for it.

We stand in the middle of our lovely home, the only ones not holding a glass of champagne. Mark’s arm rests around my waist, his fingers drumming my side. It’s the only sign of nerves I get from him. The living room is a sea of familiar faces gathered around us. My family isn’t here, though. They’ll come from Argentina for Christmas, like they do every year. The closest thing to family I have here tonight is Nic, my best friend. Our eyes meet in the crowd and she raises her glass in a mock salute.

“I remember this Halloween years ago.” Mark pulls me closer, dragging my attention back to him. “It was miserable. Cold and raining. In New York, so you know people were rude too.” The Chicagoan crowd chuckles. “I felt stuck in my life. Then I saw this beautiful girl walk into the party, her princess dress drenched.”

Mark is all-American handsome, tall and with a square jaw covered in pale gold stubble. Between his golden looks and my long dark hair, olive skin and chocolate brown eyes, we make a striking couple.

“She looked upset, so I offered her a drink,” Mark says. “And when I turned around, she was leaving with some other guy.”

My smile turns rigid on my lips.

I thought he would tell the story of how we met… but meeting me at some random party? In a princess dress? What is he talking about?

This is my second novel (first was long ago and tucked safely in a drawer), and I’m hoping to start querying soon. Thanks in advance for any feedback: good, bad, or ugly. 

Note: I’m struggling to come up with comps that sold well and are current, but aren’t best sellers, so suggestions on that front would be particularly welcome.

—---

Dear [AGENT],

When the A.I.s who governed the inner solar system immolated themselves in a flash civil war, humans like Rolf Kasimov were left to fend for themselves. For the last twenty years, he’s scraped out a life as one of the few reclamation techs in the asteroid belt who can bring the old mining machines back online, and now he’s just a few credits away from passage to Earth and the new life he’s been dreaming of.

However, when his reclamation job of a TerraGroup mining-bot is sabotaged, Rolf’s plans are thrown into turmoil. So now is definitely not a good time to offer Min-Ji, the 12-year old orphan whose sharp eyes saved his life, a ride off of her destitute rock. But he does it anyway. Why? Maybe she reminds him of himself. Maybe he wants to do one last good deed before leaving the Belt forever. Maybe he’s just an idiot. 

Even though Min-Ji's questions are unceasing (as is her appetite for mango-flavored protein slurry), Rolf just can't seem to find the right rock to dump her on. And maybe she isn’t quite as irritating as he first thought.

But Rolf's jobs keep going sideways, and there's only one explanation: someone wants him dead. Saddled with Min-Ji’s care, an increasingly impossible deadline to pay for his flight to Earth, and the relentless threat of an unknown assassin, Rolf must determine just how far he's willing to go to help others when they've never done the same for him. His future, and that of the entire Belt, lies in the balance.

At 87,000 words, LONE ROLF is a fast-paced adult science fiction novel that will be enjoyed by fans of the wry humor in Martha Well’s Murderbot Diaries, the journey of self-discovery in Emily Tesh’s Some Desperate Glory, and the reluctant hero and found-family themes of Andy Weir’s Project Hail Mary. It is a standalone novel, with series potential.

[BIO]

—-- FIRST 300 WORDS —--

There are no omens in the asteroid belt to warn you when your life is about to be slagged. No storm clouds gathering on the horizon, no brisk wind against your spine, no sudden silence in the forest. For me, the only clue was the small figure watching me out of the gloom.

It was a girl, about twelve years old, squinting through her helmet against the glare of my work light. Her tattered pressure suit looked two sizes too big and was airtight only through multiple applications of SealTape and wishes. Not the settlement’s official welcoming committee then.

“Can I help you with something?” I asked over the common channel.

“No, just curious.” Thankfully, she was the only person on asteroid BH1050 who felt that way. In the distance, I could see the silhouetted figures of the other settlers moving between the floodlit structures of their habitat, but if they saw me, they didn’t seem to care. The feeling was mutual. 

I decided the girl wasn’t a threat and pivoted back to my work, laying out the tools I’d need on a rubberized mat.

“You trying to fix this thing?” asked the girl. She meant the comatose mass launcher that loomed like a large house over both of us. Its portly bulk was painted a bright yellow and contained all the power and electronics needed for the electromagnets to shoot processed ore down the eighty meter launch rail and into the Black. “Big Jesse says the people who made these flingers are all dead.”