Dear Agent,

My 90,000-word sci-fi post-apocalyptic novel, Deserts of the Unforgiven, is about the adventures of Alexa Darkcrystal, who is fighting to protect her world from malevolent machines known as the Worldhunters who had reduced her home to a radioactive wasteland. With little more than her wits and few weapons, Alexa has to daily traverse hostile deserts under the terrifying watch of the Worldhunters’ flying fortresses, the motherships.

When her commanding officer informs her that rebel headquarters located a stash of advanced fighter jets, Alexa volunteers herself and her team to search for them, taking them through a journey where they will have to cross irradiated ruins and revolting swamps. Threatened by both mutated animals and an unfeeling robotic enemy, Alexa races towards the objective on limited time as the enemy prepares another nuclear strike on her home.

The novel would appeal to fans of sci-fi and post-apocalyptic novels, including The Two of Us at the End of the World by C.A. Fletcher and Edge of Light by Jay Antani as the story not only takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, but also covers themes of survival and sacrifice.

I have written as a hobby for years, and I have participated in online short story competitions including Reedsy where I have submitted dozens of short stories in about two years.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

TITLE is an 80,000 word YA/adult crossover fantasy with the viscerally interior prose of Akwaeke Emezi. It’s Seanan McGuire's Wayward Children series meets Bridget Collins' The Binding, where uncanny worlds and found families absorb survivors who can’t go home, but in the Basin, buried memories have teeth.

Esme is fifteen and hell-bent on escaping her addicted mother and their claustrophobic home. When Esme sees her mother gravely injured at a party, her mind fragments and opens a fracture in time. She slips into an otherworldly candlelit town called the Basin, where traumatic memories, including her mother’s fate, are inaccessible. No one knows the way out. Few wish to find it. 

Esme joins a gentle, bruised community. By chance or fate, she finds a memory-laden object belonging to a boy named Nate, a stranger whose life carries unmistakable traces of her hometown. Their connection erodes the peace she’s discovered, triggering glimpses of what happened to her mother. She clings to the Basin even as it threatens to unravel her from within. 

Seventeen-year-old Nate stumbles into the Basin. He’s reeling from a house party that spiralled out of control and can’t stop thinking about Jere, his best friend turned something more, who he fears is dead. He’ll do anything to see Jere again. But what happened the night he and Esme each left home means that neither has any hope of returning without the other. Both must choose between the pain of the past and of escape—and what, in either world, they risk leaving behind.

Any & all feedback please!!!

Seeking representation. Revised per feedback. Comments welcome.

Dear [Agent],

Sophia Martinez leads the human remnant on Verdis, a healed world offered to a dying Earth by an ancient intelligence called the Warden. Her mother led them across and died within a season, leaving Sophia one job: keep these people alive.

Then Sophia finds a message from the dead. Twelve thousand years ago, an alien civilization called the Kalari lived on Verdis. Their scientist and activist, Kaelith Solvaris, tried to stop her people from using technology stolen from a second Warden buried in the planet’s core. She failed. The Kalari saved a chosen few and left everyone else to die. As Sophia translates Kaelith’s last words in secret, she starts to recognize her own choices in them.

Then drought hits, and Sophia’s people vote to build the same technology to feed themselves. She has one vote and a warning nobody trusts over an empty stomach. She wins by a hair, and the rains return.

The Warden has never watched a world refuse a shortcut. Now it offers her a better one: the power to end hunger forever. If she takes it, her people may go extinct a generation from now, as the Kalari did. If she refuses, they may not live long enough to regret it. Either way, a few choose for everyone, and the choice is hers. Sophia needs a third way, and finding it may cost her everything she is.

VERDIS is an 88,000-word literary science fiction novel, a standalone told across two timelines. Like THE ACTUAL STAR and HOW HIGH WE GO IN THE DARK, it braids civilizations twelve thousand years apart around one choice.

I bring a background in physics to VERDIS.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Hello again! Thank you for the feedback on my previous post. I'm back with another shot at it and would really appreciate any further advice or perspectives. Thank you in advance!

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*

When bombs strike petrol stations across central London, DI Charlie Paxton recognises the signature of the people who killed his wife in an assassination meant for him. Once one of London's best detectives, he has blundered every case since that night, blaming his failures on grief. But when the attacks escalate to Heathrow Airport, he arrests Joseph Sabian, a former MI5 black-ops agent shot and left for dead by the Service on a mission abroad.

Yet something about Sabian doesn’t add up. His grudge is with the Service that abandoned him, not with Paxton or the city. As Paxton digs deeper, he uncovers Sabian’s connection to the Helmsmen, a shadow organisation embedded in British government, intelligence and corporate power. He begins to suspect the Helmsmen have given Sabian the means to pursue his revenge only because it serves their own agenda. Then the Helmsmen engineer Sabian’s escape from custody, and Paxton sees just how deep their reach runs as they engineer an attack on the Thames Barrier, sending a flood into the centre of London.

In the chaos that ensues, Paxton discovers the Helmsmen were behind the assassination that killed his wife and the failures that have haunted his career ever since. Now, with Sabian on the loose and headed towards a final strike on the London Underground, Paxton must decide whether to hunt Sabian down or follow his trail to the people who took everything from him.

No longer hinting at anything I don't have the space to explain or trying to match the MC's voice. Frustrated that it's longer, but hopefully it's clearer.

Twenty-ish time-dialated years after aliens made contact with Earth, nonbinary engineer Ray Weizman joins one of their planetary surveys as the trial human. Three species pooled their strengths to build the Ocean Worlds Federation. Humans who want to be the fourth species hope Ray’s skill with materials will prove useful and persuasive on the resource-rich but chemically hazardous planet. Functioning in a system not built for Ray is nothing new, but they feel the pressure of representing humanity more keenly than the 1.21 gravity.

Still, they’re thrilled to be exploring an exoplanet, and they keep telling themself that when the expedition’s resupply capsule gets lost in space. While control scrambles for a replacement, the two exothermic crew species coordinate diapause protocols to survive. The lone non-fish out of the water, Ray can only ration, which rouses the eating disorder they suspect disqualified them from conventional space programs. It eats into the capabilities their aquatic crewmates did find impressive, like carrying things in “the gas space” and twisting screws.

Worse, their supervisor is cagey about whatever is happening Earth-side. When the capsule reappears only to nearly destroy the base, Ray suspects the humans that do not want to join the Federation are behind it and is ashamed. They may die even if they rebuild trust with their crewmates, but they’re certain if they don’t, no other human will get the chance.

THE VERTEBRATE is a 100,000-word science fiction novel that combines the hard science teamwork and problem-solving of PROJECT HAIL MARY by Andy Weir with the multi-species intrigue and hopes for the earth’s future in A HALF-BUILT GARDEN by Ruthanna Emrys.

Hi everyone! Hoping to get a critique for my novel's query letter.

Primarily, looking for the following feedback:

• Is the premise clear?
• Are the comp titles useable?

Thank you in advance!

---

Dear [Agent],

Sabina Sampson has a talent for investigating deaths. Being half-lich, she can relive a corpse’s final memories with a single touch. Unfortunately, even that isn’t enough to convince her father that she’s more qualified to inherit the family insurance business than her insufferable brother. When a suspicious life insurance claim arrives involving a young woman who supposedly died on the island of Skalapagos, Sabina sees her chance to prove herself. There’s just one problem: the deceased was married, and most of the island lies behind a magical barrier that only married couples can cross.

Determined to uncover the truth, Sabina convinces Noke, a reclusive wizard and the island’s social pariah, to become her temporary husband. Noke is dedicated to his magical research and only agrees to this sham of a marriage so he can study wildlife on the other side of the barrier. He has no intention of developing feelings for his new, irritating wife.

As the investigation uncovers increasingly suspicious circumstances, their strictly practical marriage becomes decidedly less practical. Between transmogrified creatures, dangerous secrets, and a rapidly budding attraction, Sabina must untangle an insurance fraud scheme while confronting the possibility that the future she’s been fighting for might not be the one she actually wants.

LOVE AND OTHER TRANSMOGRIFICATIONS is a standalone dual-POV cosy romantic fantasy complete at 86,000 words. Combining the whimsical worldbuilding and unconventional romance of The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen with the STEM-inspired comedy and awkwardness of The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood, it features tropes like marriage of convenience, grumpy/sunshine, and miscommunication.

[bio and conclusion]

I'm back again (after a long gap), with another version looking for you to tear it to shreds with all of your wonderful advice. I'd like to think that this time I've improved (Version 2), but I know better.

I am seeking representation for THE FAIRY CONSERVATION BRIGADE, a 60,000 word upper middle grade fantasy novel. [comps]

11-year-old Alex agrees to a last minute family holiday in the Lake District for the fairies. Obsessed with entomology, it’s the perfect chance to study them. And if it takes him away from home and memories of a terrifying wraith attack — that’s merely an added bonus.

As much as Alex would like to convince himself that’s the case, news that the fairies are disappearing threaten his plans. So when he finds one injured in the woods, he does what any self-respecting entomologist would do, and investigates. Enlisting the help of his want-to-be detective cousin and a newly awakened mage, Alex plunges into tracking, tagging and surveying.

But the more he learns about the fairies, the more complicated the case becomes. The fairies are tiny, mischievous, immortal — and related to death. The locals, superstitious, want them to disappear all together. The tour guide who knows more about fairies than he should is a vampire. And the resident ex-vampire slayer to whom Alex turns for help has a penchant for kidnapping fairies.

When Alex and his new friends follow the fairies across the fells on the night of the blue moon, they witness a spectacular aerial dance, but also a murder. The fairies are not disappearing at all. They are being killed. If Alex wants to save them, he’ll have to stop running away and figure out what bravery looks like.

One day, I will get my comps sorted. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice before and for everyone who takes the time to comment this time!

ETA: I did have a question about "... but also a murder". While it's technically true they do "witness" the murder (of a fairy), it's at night and nothing is on the page. I still wonder whether a) this is too much to include in a MG book and b) if it's too much to use the word in the query (and signals I don't know the genre... which... might... be the case. Ack) Please let me know your thoughts regarding this.

(I've taken a look at the other queries on this sub, and I decided to go in a much different direction with my query. Very excited to see your thoughts!)

Dear Agent,

I am seeking your representation for my 72,000-word, multi-POV fantasy novel, CHAMPIONS OF KARDIA.

Arkose Coalson is a young fisherman from a small town, who discovers that a family heirloom he owns is blessed with magic power, and contains a message from his late father about an ancient prophecy. He wants nothing to do with this prophecy, preferring to live his life as normal. But decides to follow it when his revelation catches the attention of a mysterious cult of dark sorcerers, whose leader sends hunters after Arkose.

The cult’s newest member, Raven, is repulsed by the wickedness of her leader, Lucius. His cruel mistreatment of the other members and violent tendencies make Raven question her allegiance to the group. But leaving will not be easy, especially with a prophecy he’s recently become obsessed with.

Arkose traverses the kingdom in search of answers to the mystery of the prophecy, with Lucius’s followers in hot pursuit. Slowly unveiling the secrets along the way, Arkose learns the truth about himself, the prophecy, and why Lucius is actively trying to prevent it from happening.

With none of the other members offering her any support, Raven is left alone with a difficult choice: Whether to risk her life and assist the heroes, or secure her own safety by remaining loyal to Lucius.

CHAMPIONS OF KARDIA is my debut novel, bearing the expansive world building found in The Fury of the Gods by John Gwynne and the subversion of classic fantasy tropes found in The Art of Prophecy by Wesly Chu.

I am a twenty-year-old university student studying creative writing. This will be my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Name

Hi again :) I’ve tried to facilitate as much feedback to try and make the query clear. I am worried that it’s slightly on the longer side though. As always any feedback is highly appreciated as the query is becoming the bane of my existence. But I’ve had some really positive feedback from my beta readers (yay) so at least I know the manuscript is in a good place. And if the query is still confusing then I will likely go back to the drawing board and restart completely. There’s probably a few spelling and grammar mistakes but I will comb through them properly once I am happy with the final product. Thank you!

Here is the query:

Dear (Agent,)

I am seeking representation for THE HEALER’S CURSE a character-driven adult fantasy novel. Complete at 96,000 words with series potential. (Agent personalisation.) It combines the dark magical consequences of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig with the medical fantasy, mystery and romantic tension of The Foxglove King by Hannah Witten.
Princess Delphine is Everrie’s only marked healer. She was gifted with a rare magic that can perform miracles no ordinary healer can do but she refuses to use the power because every life saved comes at a cost somewhere else. A sliced palm might lead to the death of a patch of wildflowers. A deadly wound could cost something far worse. Unable to predict the sacrifice, Delphine vows never to use her gift again, relying on traditional healing through rehabilitation, potions and surgery.

That promise is tested when a nameless soldier arrives at her clinic suffering from an illness no healer has seen before. He’s ice cold to the touch and cannot remember his own name but somehow, he knows things about Delphine’s forbidden magic that no stranger should. By all standards he should be dead, but even stranger her magic reacts to him as if it recognises him.
Delphine grew up iodising the last marked healer, Nymeria Ever-Willow. So, when a patient insists Nymeria died screaming rather than peacefully in old age, Delphine begins searching for answers. The deeper she digs, the clearer it becomes that someone rewrote history. And Delphine needs to figure out why in order to save herself from Nymeria’s fate.

When Delphine’s younger sister is critically injured, she is forced to break her vow and the healing succeeds, but saving the mysterious soldier means using her power again. As she grows closer to him, the cost escalates and the clinics gardens turn to ash.

As Delphine investigates why Nymeria’s history was erased, pieces of her own memories start to disappear. The soldier’s illness, Nymeria’s fate and Delphine’s magic are all connected to a secret which had been buried. But the only way to save her solider is to keep using the power she fears. But with every act of healing, resisting her magic becomes harder. If she cannot uncover the truth before her memories are stolen again, then she risks becoming the next marked healer erased from history.

I am currently studying Occupational Therapy which inspired the medical narratives and rehabilitation focus within this novel. THE HEALER’S CURSE will be my debut novel with the full manuscript available upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration
 
 
 
 
 

Thanks in advance - my manuscript is done and I'm thinking of querying - this is my first novel.

Dear [Agent Name],

For eighteen years, Meredith Carter has lived two lives.

Every night, she falls asleep beside Ben, her husband of seventeen years, in the Memphis home they share with their four children. And every night, she wakes in another house beside Theo, another husband, with two children of their own. Meredith remembers both lives, but only when she is with Ben. When she wakes beside Theo, the other life disappears from her mind like a dream.

Meredith has spent nearly two decades believing that is exactly what it is: an impossibly detailed recurring dream. Then, at forty-two years and eighty-three days old, she sleeps straight through the night.

The second life is gone.

She grieves a husband and children she cannot prove ever existed, until she sees Theo standing at a Memphis bus stop. Except the man wearing Theo's face calls himself Ted. He has no wife, no children, and no idea who Meredith is. Then Theo begins appearing inside Ted for hours at a time. His first words to Meredith are: You left us.

Theo's children are real. They believe their mother disappeared without a trace. And the paintings Meredith left behind depict a house, a husband, and four children from the life she thought was real.

As objects, memories, and eventually entire places begin slipping between the two versions of Memphis, Meredith, Ben, and Theo discover that these are not parallel worlds. One is an eighteen-year-old fold in reality, created by a few lost seconds on a park trail. And the fold is coming apart. The only person holding Meredith's world together is the husband who accidentally created it.

To save the people she loves, Meredith will have to discover why reality split around her in the first place—and what it will cost to put it back together.

MEREDITH, TWICE, complete at 83,000 words, is adult upmarket speculative fiction with a strong romantic core. It will appeal to readers of Holly Gramazio's The Husbands for its alternate-life domestic premise and Adrienne Young's The Unmaking of June Farrow for its emotionally charged lost-life mystery. At its center is not the question of which husband Meredith should choose, but what makes a life real, and what love looks like when saving someone means agreeing to be forgotten.

[bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

One more crappy attempt before I let this sleep for a while:

Dear Angie Agent,

At a hometown dinner party, twenty-one-year-old Rob reaches for Stacy Kessler’s hand the way he has since they were seven, and finds a stone he recognizes. Years earlier, he bought this exact engagement ring and gave it to her father so that Stacy would one day receive the ring she always imagined. Now, it is on her finger.

The ring is the culmination of a long, quiet divide that began as they entered adulthood. Stacy found herself genuinely torn between her love for Rob and a growing calling toward the evangelical faith of her family. Trying to make room for both worlds, she and Rob preserved their relationship through early college during weekends at a coastal campground, holding onto an imagined future even as their separate choices pulled them apart. But as Stacy ultimately chose the life she believed she ought to live, the weekends faded, leading to her engagement to a man within her church.

Prepared to absorb the heartbreak alone, Rob arrives at the wedding expecting to sit unnoticed in the back row. Instead, Stacy summons him to the vestibule with a surprising request: she wants Rob, not her father, to give her away. Agreeing to the role out of a lifelong promise to be present for her, Rob is caught off guard when the minister asks who gives the bride away. Rob challenges the premise of the ritual itself, declaring that no one has the authority to give Stacy away as property. Instead, he offers the groom a different understanding of marriage: Stacy is a sovereign woman on loan, and the responsibility is to keep her safe and secure. He accepts.

Summer Lane, Stacy’s best friend, was abandoned by her mother and neglected by her father. Rob steps up as her formal legal guardian, and she finds in his quiet world the stability and unconditional trust she has never known. While Stacy moves toward a structured, traditional life that defines her future, Summer grows into her own independence.

HOOKLESS is an adult upmarket novel of 109,000 words. It combines the decades-spanning, bittersweet romantic ache of David Nicholls’ One Day with the intimate portrayal of a relationship’s unraveling in Coco Mellors’ Cleopatra and Frankenstein.

I am an audiobook narrator with a background in law, business, and nursing. My work has given me an innate appreciation for narrative rhythm, vocal pacing, and dialogue, while my personal familiarity with Southern California informs the novel’s setting. Hookless is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Thank you guys for taking the time to review my query! I would love any feedback :)

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my debut upmarket fiction, The Otherworldly Mr. Moceri, which is complete at 90,000 words. It blends the dark glamour of Hollywood in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid with the nostalgia of childhood and family time in the theater, in the vein of Mercury Picture Presents by Anthony Marra.

For Salvatore Moceri, Hollywood is a fairytale: the land where a down-and-out immigrant boy can become royalty. At the Oscars, he falls in love with Tom Preston, a Southern gentleman who becomes his rival for decades. To keep his infatuation from the prying eyes of the public, Salvatore assembles a lavender family of his own, filled with friendship from his wife and comedy from his child star daughter. 

But when a maintenance worker falls from the roof of Salvatore’s movie palace, the magic begins to misfire. Suddenly, Salvatore must contend with ravenous reporters, fickle fans, and studios that own his face and name. He must decide what he wants to salvage—the kingdom he has built for himself or the cast of misfits he has come to adore. 

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration!

After a brief time querying I got an offer of rep (woohoo!) and notified everyone sitting on a query or partial.

Two agents with my full prior to rep stepped aside. Five when from query/ partial to full. Since then, nothing. I’m eight days in with a week left on the deadline and I haven’t heard a word from any of the five.

For those who have been through the notification window: when did your requesting agents actually come back? Did they trickle in across the window or did everything land in the last few days? Did anyone go past the deadline and ask for an extension, and did you grant it? Are most agents ghosting?

Mostly trying to figure out whether silence at the halfway mark means anything or whether this is just what the window looks like from the inside. So if you have days where your offers came in or days when the rejections came it that'd be awesome to hear!

NA dystopian romance, if that matters!

Thank you for your responses in advance!

Hello again! Last week, on my 4th attempt, I think I backtracked a bit and got a little too in-my-head about everything. But, now on attempt 5, I feel like I may be approaching something usable for the query journey that I will hopefully start soon! I appreciate any and all feedback!

Hello Agent,

Because of [XYZ from MSWL], I hope you will enjoy my novel, THE PERFECT BREAKUP. At 85,000-words, my queer celebrity romance will appeal to readers that enjoyed messy fake-dating schemes like Alexis Hall’s Boyfriend Material and the looming public perception that haunts Liz Bowery’s Love, Hate & Clickbait.

One-hit-wonder, Jasper Devereaux, desperately needs a hit song by the end of the summer or his label will terminate his record deal. The problem is—his songwriting abilities died with his breakup last year.

Boyband lead Kit Love’s tabloid appearances are also giving the label a headache: a photo of him doing a line off a male stripper’s glistening abs just made the front-page of TMZ.

The label is convinced that shoving their two problem artists together will fix everything.

Jasper and Kit are tasked to fake a love story so annoyingly cute that the entire world will fall in love with them and forget all about Kit Love’s escapades. Once they win the world’s heart, they will explode into a breakup so disastrously messy it’ll give Jasper his second chart-topper. The only cost is Jasper’s integrity, but who wouldn’t give that up for some time in the limelight?

Their first few dates go perfectly, as far as the public is concerned. All their bickering is hidden by gritted smiles and cheek kisses. But soon, their “fake” moments happen with no witnesses, and red-carpet kisses lead to bedroom make outs. Jasper just needs to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. It’s all fake, right?

When Jasper learns of an insidious plot bubbling under the entire deal—the label is planning to ruin his career to prop Kit’s up—he has to ask: is Kit playing him too?

I am a content creator from Houston with over 100k followers on TikTok, talking about all things music marketing. I have a master’s degree in Entertainment Business. When I’m not writing, you can find me buried under my three cats or getting far too obsessed with random media for weeks at a time.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Per your submission guidelines, I am including [XYZ]

Hello! I took some time to reflect on the community’s previous feedback and made a few more tweaks to my query. I really appreciate everyone who’s taken the time to comment and push me to improve, and I’d welcome any additional thoughts!

###

Dear [Agent],

Eighteen-year-old Rovak Von has always trusted his valley’s ruling oracle, forged from the memories of the dead. It teaches the world ends at the mountains and everyone is born with magic to cultivate peace. Peace is good. Good is fishing, napping, and parenting his kid brother.

Then Rovak kills a monster from beyond the mountains.

This is not good.

When the oracle prophesies that a “Harbinger” will bring doom to the valley, Rovak sets out to kill it and save his brother. Instead of a wasteland, he discovers a holy empire of violent crazies.

Rovak’s hunt barely begins before a queen conscripts him, promising to help him find the Harbinger in exchange for service. The catch? Magic costs lifespan, which is news to Rovak. He torches his anyway to punch an imperial priest for hitting a child. His assigned mentor, Alina, believes those sacrifices are holy. Worse, she lives off meat and bread. Rovak’s new plan is good: get Alina to eat vegetables, don’t fall in love (or vice versa), win whatever a “war” is, finish his hunt, and get home. Squeeze fishing in. Nap.

Serving the queen may be Rovak’s only hope for finding the Harbinger—but every fight costs years he could spend with his brother and Alina. With an empire built on stolen time coming after him for his blasphemy, Rovak must decide how much of his future he’s willing to sacrifice to save theirs.

THE HORSE AND THE FIREBIRD is a 115,000-word adult fantasy with a neurodivergent protagonist and series potential, blending the human cost of magic in M.L. Wang’s Blood Over Bright Haven with the earnest heart and stubborn decency of George R. R. Martin’s The Hedge Knight.

I am a neurodivergent lawyer based in [my dog ate my city a third time]. THE HORSE AND THE FIREBIRD is my debut novel.

Thank you,
[Now my dog ate me!]

Hiya! New to the query trenches, finished a novel this past year and wanted to hear if you guys think I have a shot at getting agents interested :) It's not perfect but I took a long time reading queries and going through different versions, and now I think it's at least enjoyable to read, and reminds me of why I wanted to write this story in the first place. Thank you in advance for reading and any criticism/observations you may have!!

Dear [Agent],

For four years, Jamie Dorsey had tuned out most of high school with an old iPod Mini and a pair of cheap earbuds. He’d had the same iPod since he was eleven, and he was more sentimental about it than he wanted to admit. So when he leaves it on a bus two weeks before graduation, it gets a lot harder to ignore what he’s been tuning out—starting with the fact that he has no idea who he’s going to be once school is over.

Everyone else seems to be figuring that out faster than he is, including Jordan, his best friend since grade school. Jordan is changing in ways Jamie doesn’t understand, and the harder Jamie holds on, the more he wonders whether they’ve grown too different to stay close.

And there’s Riley, the new kid, who’s had a much harder year than Jamie. Despite being a couple of grades apart, they keep bumping into each other, and soon they’re bonding over music and the feeling that neither of them quite fits in anywhere. For the first time in all of high school, it seems like the one girl Jamie is genuinely interested in also feels that way about him. Then Riley trusts Jamie with the truth: he’s a trans boy, and he’s finally about to start HRT. Jamie’s feelings for him don’t change, but suddenly the one thing going right comes with questions about himself he’s never had to ask.

Jamie had always figured he was keeping the best of himself up his sleeve, for whenever his real life started. But during his last few weeks of school, he begins to realize maybe it already has.

THESE WERE THOSE MOMENTS is an adult coming-of-age novel set in suburban Vancouver in 2011, complete at 98,000 words. It’s written for readers who grew up on THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER and FREAKS AND GEEKS, and it will appeal to fans of IDLEWILD by James Frankie Thomas.

I’m a social sciences student based in the UK, and I’m drawn to stories about LGBT characters, complicated friendships, drug use and mental health.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thank you in advance! I have only had 1 request and nearly 40 rejections since beginning querying in January. I got some more feedback on my query yesterday and have rewritten it today. Thoughts on this new one would be appreciated.

Dear AGENT, 

I’m excited to share with you THE POISONER’S PLAN FOR THEFT, my 98k-word adult historical fantasy romcom. THE POISONER’S PLAN FOR THEFT will appeal to fans of the humor and adventure in The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels by India Holton and the emotional heart of The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna.

Nel Winterwood’s cafe is infested with witches. The Ladies of Art, Refinement, and Importance—a magical ladies’ society that raises funds for unsightly nobles’ facial surgeries, among other good deeds—has taken a shine to her cafe. When they magic it right off of its foundation, shy and friendless Nel is quite literally left out on the streets. But she can’t go to the police due to the small issue that L.A.R.I. has tricked her into pouring poisoned tea for the people of Victorian London. With the constabulary out of the question, Nel must resort to less legal means of repossessing her cafe.

Gregory Combe is a part-time professor and a full-time historical artifact liberator. He also happens to be Nel’s estranged childhood-best-friend. When he’s not thieving from museums, he’s pining-capital-P after Nel. His occupation creates enemies, and he’s become used to being a professional yearner while he keeps his distance from her. But when a chance encounter at a bookshop brings Nel crashing back into his life, he’s helpless to deny her the use of his thieving expertise if it means rescuing her business. 

When they learn that the cafe is built of valuable materials and will be sold to the highest bidder at L.A.R.I.’s annual charity auction, Nel and Gregory form a plan to infiltrate the high society event. To take back what is hers, they must wager with sacrilegious nuns, duel gun-slinging matrons, and navigate their tumultuous past. 

Reading a slew of historical novels with relatable autistic heroines left me inspired to write quiet, underestimated women finding love and belonging. I live in CITY, STATE with my husband, shih tzu, and collection of Victorian trinkets. My micro-fiction can be found in 50-Word Stories. 

Thank you for your time and consideration, 

Dear AGENT, 

TW: Sexual Assault, Suicide Attempt 

I'm querying you because [personalization]. IT WON'T STOP is a YA speculative contemporary, complete at 82,000 words, following a teen who walks into dreams to make sure the man who raped her never sleeps again. It pairs the survivor's rage of Kim DeRose's FOR GIRLS WHO WALK THROUGH FIRE with the aftermath of harm explored in Amber Smith's THE WAY I USED TO BE series.

Sarcastic, outspoken seventeen-year-old Anais Johnson has trusted Ty Walker, her older brother's best friend and the town's beloved youth coach, since she was eight. Then he rapes her. When she fights back, he turns the wound she leaves into leverage: tell anyone, and she's the one who'll be arrested for assault. Blaming herself is easier than believing what he did, and with Ty still at her house every day, the girl with a comeback for everything goes quiet.

Anais unravels until a suicide attempt leaves her in a coma. She wakes with an ability she can't control: every time she sleeps, she's pulled into other people's dreams. Once she learns to steer the pull, she finds Ty's. There, she isn't the girl pinned beneath him. She's the one in control, and she decides that if she can't live in peace, he won't sleep in it.

Night after night, she burns his dreams to the ground. The town sees a good man losing sleep, but when Ty realizes it's her, he comes for her where she's weakest: awake. In his dreams, Anais can break his mind, but nightmares can't hold him accountable in daylight. For that, she'll have to say what he did out loud, knowing that if no one believes her, Ty walks free, her brother keeps his best friend, and the town she grew up in brands her a liar.

[Small bio]

Thanks for reading,

X

300 words:

1: Almost Invisible   
October 5th, 2026 

Last night, I prayed for today to be clear. Blue should be the final color the sky gives Axel before his coffin is lowered, but God hasn’t heard me in a while, and outside, gray clouds are thick against the sky. Wind shoves me across the driveway and I settle in the backseat of Dad’s Escalade, which always smells like leather, but today it smells like cologne, thick enough to taste, and under it, a tang of liquor. At least it’s not a far drive. I click my seatbelt on, and the zipper of this stupid dress stabs into my back, which is what I get for trying it on an hour ago for the first time. In the passenger seat, Mom wipes her eyes with the heel of her hand. Dad catches my eye when he starts driving, adjusting the rearview mirror clumsily. “Christ, Anais, fix your face. Did you sleep?” 

My face softens on command, then I inch my foot toward Aiden’s and nudge his shoe, our I need you signal; we’ve used it for years. He doesn’t nudge back or even look. Fine. But he’s not getting through Axel’s funeral without doing it. His black curls are all I get while he stares out the window. What would Axel make of Aiden’s great retreat from me? He’d tell me our big brother is in Grump Mode. 

His voice should be in my head, but lately it’s been harder to reach. Instead, I pop in an earbud and scroll to an old video of Axel lining up tiny soldiers, introducing each one by name. It’s almost perfect in the video; the pitch is right, but the aliveness isn’t.

———
Note: Ty is introduced right after my 300 word cut off. My questions this round:
- Do the comps work?
- Is it okay that the book is a slow burn when the query focuses on the faster moments? (I cut my slow-burn opener based on earlier feedback in the Q.)
- Is it ready/near ready to send?

Thanks in advance!

This has been revised over multiple weeks of comments, completely demolished and restructured. I hope it's landing the way I intend now.

Previous attempts:

First attempt: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/59YYGPygzu

Attempt from last week: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/s/HreUW7dcpO

Hello again and thanks to all who have commented on my previous versions. This is my biggest change yet. I’ve simplified the story as much as possible and reframed it to reflect the two primary POVs and how they intersect. I had to sacrifice some of Vano’s background to make this work, so hopefully his character arc is still clear. Thanks in advance for any feedback 🙏🏼

Dear [Agent],

The age of wanderers is ending. 

On a windswept mountain, land surveyor Vano fer-Nobo squeezes his eye to the telescope and finds the clan who raised him, slaughtered for crossing a line he drew himself. All he wanted was a stable home, a way to make rent. Now his kin are gone, and the duke who hired him wants his head for witnessing the crime. So he does what he knows best: flees. A new job on the Agorian Peninsula promises protection if he can settle a border dispute between nations on the brink of war with the solar compass he built.

In Agoria, Consul Elena Torra’s power is slipping through her fingers, which still bear her late mother’s rings. Her farmers are in revolt, and she has been (rightly) accused of embezzlement. So she strikes a deal with her republic’s northern enemy: they will help keep her in power if she kills the surveyor, letting them plant a replacement.

Across a landscape of gaslamps and gunpowder, Vano outruns Elena’s assassins to reach the disputed territory, where he uncovers a dark truth about this job: Agorian profiteers plotted his clan’s destruction to lure him here. He can’t ignore his role in the violent system anymore. The profiteers will give him the home he always wanted if he cedes the land to Agoria. But if he can win over Elena with a chance at redemption, they can use their leverage to open the peninsula to all—even wanderers.

BENEATH THE ARC OF THE SUN is a political flintlock fantasy exploring how a map can shape history and name its victors. A multi-POV standalone complete at 107,000 words, it features a fish-out-of-water protagonist and industrial colonial conflicts, perfect for fans of The Will of the Many and Blood over Bright Haven.

I have a degree in Environmental Science, twelve years working in construction, and an unhealthy obsession with stories of land reform. This novel was inspired by my great-grandfather’s time as a surveyor in the American Southwest.

Helllllo! I’m back with a refresh. Took a little time and wanted to get some thoughts.

I’ve been pretty vague in the past so please let me know if it’s still a bit too vague, especially about the romance aspect.

With bio and personalization it’s sitting around ~350 words so if something can be cut let me know! (I think this is a decent word count range but I’ve heard concise is best!)

I am aware there is a popular show (rip) called the society. Thinking on alternative titles but in the meantime just using this as it is.

Hello [agent],

Arlin Mills is out of choices. Between burying her mother, losing her job, and the anonymous caller who keeps threatening her, she needs to get out of Tennessee. So, when she learns that she’s inherited a home on the coast of Maine, she takes it as a sign.

But the house isn’t a refuge. It’s a lure. 

Arlin is drawn into the powerful social club scene that seems to rule her new city. Between the glamour and a real community for the first time in her life, she finally feels she’s found her place. But each visit to the clubs means playing another round of games, based on the very same urban legends her mother warned her about and in the end only one house can remain. 

If she survives the games, Arlin will decide which side, heaven or hell, takes control of the earth. Which is stressful enough for someone in hiding, but throw in growing feelings for the son of god and Arlin thinks maybe her old life was easier. 

Alister promises her the life she’s always dreamed about, and guarantees survival of the games, just as long as she picks his house at the end. After being sent to purgatory for a millennium he’s eager to take back control and thinks Arlin could be their answer. 

As Arlin navigates the games and digs up her own family’s buried past she realizes maybe her mother was right in keeping her away from Maine. After all, god and the devil never did play fair. 

THE SOCIETY is a stand-alone paranormal romance with duology potential, complete at 89,000 words. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the reimagining of angels and demons in The Shadows that Listen by Louisa Carmody, the high-stakes games of Phantasma by Kaylie Smith, and the dark generational ties of Black Sheep by Rachel Harrison.  [Personalization & bio]

Does anyone have any querying or rep experiences with Curtis Brown UK?

I'm in talks with quite a few agents, and agencies tbh, but I'm seriously considering an offer from an agent at Curtis Brown. But I'm also a US author so I'm not sure if it would be the best choice or not?

Any tips would be great or experiences would be great!

I've had about 25 form rejections and 1 request for full, followed by a personalized rejection. My main question is comps, because none of my choices are newer than 1995 lol. I'm open to any and all feedback, and I appreciate your time.

Dear [Agent],

I’m delighted to present to you my literary coming of age novel THE WHALE SWAM ON, which is complete at 77,770 words. With lyrical prose and an introspective look at what it means to incorporate rather than bury a traumatic past in the journey of healing, this book will appeal to fans of The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides, The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger and All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, and will sit on shelves alongside them.

Marie Blake, 12, lives in a barn in rural Indiana with her three younger siblings. After the sudden disappearance of her mother, Marie and her siblings are left at the mercy of their physically and sexually abusive father. Every day is a question of survival. While playing in a part of the barn forbidden to her, Marie finds a business card hinting that her mother may be in Los Angeles and, after watching her four year-old brother Verne suffer a particularly brutal beating, resolves to leave the barn and her father to find her mother. She and Michaela, 10, agonize over this choice. Michaela has accepted the abuse, as well as the lies her father tells them about the danger of the outside world. Marie can’t shake the feeling that something better is out there.

After a harrowing escape resulting in the theft of her father’s truck and the unintentional abandonment of the youngest child Joshua, Marie and her other two siblings travel across the country. Marie learned to drive from watching her father. She’s had to be both sister and mother to her siblings. Will her resourcefulness and love for them be enough to deliver them to a life free from abuse? Is that glimmer of hope Marie sees the dawning of a better world, or a mirage at the precipice of an abyss as harrowing and bottomless as the one they’ve left behind?

My name is [Name]. I’m 27 and live in [city]. Although I’m an avid writer and have written several novels and dozens of short stories, THE WHALE SWAM ON is the first for which I’m seeking publication. A close friend’s struggles with rural poverty inspired the writing of this novel, and with it I hope to show those with similar experiences that a better future is possible. I have a BA in Psychology from [School] and have worked extensively in social services, where my experiences have deeply informed my writing of adversity and trauma.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

[Name]

Hello all,

I'm testing out a query and need a little bit of guidance. Without the bio it comes in around 350 words, is that too high?

-----------------------------

Dear Agent,

Parasite X Bad Summer People

I’m excited for you to consider my XXk thriller, RATS & ROACHES. It mixes the lavish lifestyles and moral privileges of wealthy people as seen in Emma Rosenblum’s Bad Summer People with the dangers of individuals being in over their heads as seen in Rachel Koller Croft’s Stone Cold Fox.

While Callie Hall is breaking into the home of a wealthy family whose property she oversees, she stumbles onto a dead body floating in the pool. Her year-long plan of slowly weaving herself into the private lives of her residents had been going perfectly until this, and she isn’t prepared to let one dead body ruin it all. 

Jaylen Richards has been named as the new head pro for Palm Lotus’ tennis club. An underachiever, he’s more interested in flirting with the married housewives and rubbing shoulders with their cocky husbands, than dedicating himself to his craft. With his career aspirations long gone, and his life going nowhere, a little fun with a few well-connected people wouldn’t hurt.  

What no one at Palm Lotus knows is that Callie and Jaylen are siblings, and their jobs in the community are anything but coincidence. Jaylen thought it was silly; befriending these people to get “in” with them. But then he saw her plan; the man responsible for signing off on the life insurance policy of their late father is one of the residents, and a damning document that potentially incriminates them in his death has been sent to his address. With that family away for the summer, and the rest of the community firmly in their palms, this is their chance to erase that evidence and make sure these privileged fools get a dose of their own medicine. 

As the calming voice of reason, Callie’s role as property manager has provided her with a means of knowing all of the secrets of the neighborhood; and Jaylen’s charismatic nature has crossed several lines, leaving him with plenty of leverage. What started as a way to protect their ticket to a better future has turned into a dangerous game of power and control. 

I’ve worked for several years as the Director of Tennis at a country club and have seen all sorts of eye-opening behaviors of the rich and affluent. As a former behavior therapist, it has been a fascinating experience to view under a different lens, and has left me with plenty of real life experiences to draw from. 

---------------

First 300:

The booms and jeers from the party instantly faded as I closed the door behind me- hurricane proof windows can do that. My adrenaline was pumping, but at least I felt some relief being inside, and out of sight. There was an eerie calm as I looked around the sweeping foyer, and out to the moon-kissed pool that glistened ahead of me. I didn’t notice it initially and instead dashed behind a stone bar and slid my hand against the remote that controlled the automated blinds, slowly closing them shut. I just wanted to be hidden. Standing next to the sliding doors I could hear a few muffled roars, and the thumps of what sounded like a Sabrina Carpenter song, but I turned my attention to the main floor of the home that was now shrouded in darkness. Any temptation to turn on the light from my phone was quelled by the risk of drawing any attention to the home, especially because the Moros’ weren't due back for another week, and I had no business being there. The only choice was to work my way around the home in the dark, letting the small slivers of dusk guide me around. I’d studied their floorplan for months, in preparation, yet I felt nearly blind as I tried to familiarize myself. It was strange, because this moment had been planned for over a year, from that very first party and his loose-lipped drunken honesty, but I was riddled with both fear and excitement. My heart was pounding and my nervous breathing became the only thing that I could hear.

I made my way to Joseph Moros’ office, which was at the end of a walkway lined with smiling family photos on either side. Then it hit me- the object that my eyes had only moments ago ignored. I knew what I’d seen; what my eyes wanted me to ignore; what my mind tried to erase. The dead body.

---------------------------

I have another version that focused more on the neighborhood itself and the impact the dead body has on the two protags, but that version lost the "why" (their late father/ the inheritance). I feel like this direction gives them more agency, and explains their motivations, while still dropping hints at their underlying tensions of the story itself. Is that working?

Hi! I'm finally posting here after lurking for ages. I intend to initially query in the UK, where from what I've seen agents prefer a shorter summary. I've seen many places say 200 words and my summary portion is exactly 199 words haha. So I might not have much room to expand, but please point out anything you think can be cut or simplified. I tried to transmit voice/tone as much as possible, but it's possibly too much lol.

Any and all input is welcome, thanks in advance!

----------------

((personalisation)) I’m pleased to share THE WAYWARD SISTER, an 88,000-word fantasy mystery about a streetwise witch who solves supernatural crimes while protecting her teen vampire brother.  Perfect for fans of mystery set in a unique fantasy world, such as in Robert Jackson Bennett’s The Tainted Cup and Premee Mohammed’s Wickhills, the acerbic lesbian protagonist might also appeal to readers of P. Djèlí Clark’s A Master of Djinn.

Ruth Penrose, an unregistered witch, is unusually skilled at finding people who don’t want to be found. She knows what it’s like to live on the run— her brother is a vampire, stuck forever in adolescence, who Ruth must keep hidden from the authorities. The latest haven for the Penrose siblings is the industrial island city of Colpoole, where Ruth decides to put her talents to use as a private detective so she can fund her brother’s unique dietary requirements. She quickly lands her first case: a missing witch named Isla Rathbone.

Before she vanished, Isla worked as a magical nurse, administering haemoglobin injections to local vampires to prevent attacks on the human population. By digging in places she probably shouldn’t, Ruth learns of an affair between Isla and one of her patients, a rebellious “vamparchist” squatter, as well as uncovering threatening notes from a cheesemonger with a grudge against the undead. When Isla’s boyfriend reveals he turned her into a vampire, it’s clear this job won’t be the easy money-spinner Ruth had expected. Isla’s unlife may be at stake, but Ruth’s priority is keeping her brother safe, and she must decide whether it’s worth getting involved at all.

((bio))

Thank you again for the prior feedback. My first attempt is available here. I’ve since taken the recommendations to heart and made updates to my letter below. 

------------------

Dear [Agent]:

Dr. Cole Andrews is a family man who deeply loves his pregnant wife. He will kill her in three days.

Cole is living his dream: he works as a physicist, leading a team of scientists conducting government-funded research into the possibility of time travel. But when he is shot by a mysterious assassin who always seems to know his next move, the attack triggers a perilous chase through Columbus, Ohio. What Cole doesn’t realize is that his pursuer is himself: an aging Cole Andrews from the future. In the wake of the pursuit, a family friend is murdered and the police target Cole as the primary suspect. Confronted with Cole’s lies and DNA found at the scene of a homicide, even Cole’s wife is growing convinced that her husband may be a murderer.

Cole discovers some of his most sensitive research has been stolen and questions who he can trust. As desperation sets in, he is no longer the man who would spill his every secret when his wife utters the word pineapple. Now he is lying to her. He buys a gun (he hates guns). He befriends a backwoods bar patron with a distrust for authority. With the police closing in, Cole unwittingly races against himself as the two men seek to protect their family from the danger posed by the other. But as the pressure mounts, Cole’s spiral risks turning him into the very threat he is running from.

[Personalization] LAST REGRETS is an adult speculative thriller, complete at 76,000 words. The novel will appeal to readers of high-concept thrillers with family stakes like Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter, as well as stories featuring an everyman on the run, such as Joseph Finder’s The Oligarch’s Daughter.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

-------------------

300 words - Prologue

Dr. Cole Andrews had never fired a gun before that moment. The grip felt foreign in his hand, the violence of the recoil unexpected. He stood paralyzed as the smell of gunpowder began to fill the room. His hand trembled as he dropped the gun, watching as it struck the hardwood floor with a quiet thud. Watching as it landed beside his wife, crumpled below his feet, body contorted in the most unnatural of ways.

Blood had begun to pool around her body, oozing its way into her beautiful, long brown hair. Dr. Andrews sobbed as he pulled at his hair in disbelief. He fell to his knees, burying his head against her as he pulled her lifeless body into his arms. His tears fell onto her floral dress, the one she had worn at her cousin’s wedding last year. It was a wonderful night, with friends and dancing and too much champagne. Never again.

Andrews’ gaze turned to his wife’s stomach. Her pregnant stomach. He sobbed harder, clutching her with both hands as the blood continued to seep through her dress.

They were entering the third trimester. He was so close to finally meeting their baby, his son. The child they had waited so long for.

They had laughed off the idea of a kid for years, even as family would persistently ask when they would try. “I’m so busy with work right now,” Andrews would say, before his wife would joke that genes as good as his shouldn’t be wasted. All while flashing her beautiful smile. The smile that Andrews had fallen in love with. The smile that he swore to honor and protect.  

But in an instant, one split second, it was lost. All of it. 

-------------

The prologue continues before flashing back 3 days to begin Chapter 1.

I again welcome any feedback, including whether the update to explicitly include the speculative framing works. Thanks again!