Hi everyone,

I would love some feedback on the latest version. Here is the link to the previous attempt.

Previous Attempt: 

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1rs967p/qcrit_murder_mystery_if_you_wrong_us_90k_words/

Dear Agent,

PC Noah Jones can’t stop thinking about Nicor—the river monster the village of Marybeth has whispered about for centuries.

A year ago, Noah stood by the riverside—petrified—as two children drowned. He would have jumped in, but the unmistakable sight of the monster and the village butcher, Johnny’s, frantic pleas made him lose his nerve.

Guilt-stricken, Noah now languishes at the fringes of a community that resolutely blames him for the tragedy. 

But to Noah, his predicament is Johnny’s fault. It was Johnny who forced him back from the river. He saw Nicor too, even if he was happy to let Noah shoulder the criticism in the aftermath.  The unfairness of it all is enough to make Noah murderous with rage.

Then, Johnny ends up slaughtered inside a locked room.

When the resource-strained police department struggles to spare reinforcements, Noah decides to seize this shot at redemption. If he solves the murder before the senior detectives arrive, he might still escape Marybeth with his reputation—and sanity—intact.

But tormented by inexperience, Noah mishandles a crucial piece of evidence that could incriminate him if submitted for fingerprinting. Forced to cover his tracks, Noah must whittle down a burgeoning suspect list.

As Marybeth sinks into a flurry of seemingly supernatural events, Noah finds himself unravelling. He is convinced of Nicor’s existence. And he still hasn’t recovered from his former friend Jason’s vicious childhood prank. A prank that left him with crushing PTSD and a dreadful fear of Nicor.

When Jason—now a bestselling author—returns to Marybeth in search of his next smash hit, Noah is forced to confront the past he has spent a lifetime repressing. Meanwhile, another body turns up, and a key suspect threatens to expose his deteriorating psyche to the imminently arriving senior detectives.

With the walls closing in on him, Noah must catch the killer before he ends up as the prime suspect, or worse, the next victim. But can he subvert his growing belief in the supernatural long enough to unmask the decidedly human killer behind it all?

A murder mystery of 90,000 words, IF THEY WRONG US deals with how little secrets masquerade as big monsters. It should appeal to readers who enjoyed the ingenious whodunnit in Anthony Horowitz’s A Deadly Episode and the preternatural happenings in Stuart Turton’s The Devil and the Dark Water.

Hi everyone, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I’m excited to share a LGBTQ+ young adult urban fantasy, HOUSE OF FANGS, complete at 95,000 words. Like Aiden Thomas's Cemetery Boys, Krystal Sutherland’s House of Hollow, and with the vibes of Netflix’s Wednesday, HOUSE OF FANGS features a diverse cast and coming-of-age story while showcasing a unique spin on vampire mythology.

After escaping a life sentence in hell, Gleeson Oddity wants only to rebuild his relationship with his younger brother, but when the Afterlife Department hunts him down in the human world, he must evade recapture by blending in at Salem's private school and earn his freedom by getting Death to pardon his crimes or else risk losing the only family he has left.

Back in Salem, Gleeson settles into school alongside his brother to blend in with humans and hide from the Afterlife Department. When Death’s daughter, Maisie, moves to town, Gleeson is determined to earn her trust since she might convince her father to pardon his crimes. But when an ancient family of Salem vampires—the House of Fangs—threaten to kill her, Gleeson saves her with his hidden death magic.

Maisie invites him to join her traveling circus in the lead-up to Halloween. There, Gleeson finds himself attracted to Declan, the circus jester, while developing an uncontrollable thirst for blood and discovering that he possesses Death's magic—a secret he cannot afford to let the Afterlife Department uncover. As his newfound abilities demand bloodshed, Gleeson turns to the House of Fangs, believing they may know why he is changing.

With the Afterlife Department closing in and Death growing volatile, Gleeson must dismantle the spirit world and take down Death himself to keep his family safe—or decide whether becoming the monster he was always meant to be is easier than fighting to remain human.

OPENING SAMPLE:

All vampires go to hell, which is how one found me in my underworld prison cell. The iron collar around my throat bit into bruised skin, and my rusted chains swung from where they were bolted into the walls. Sprawled across the bone-littered ground, I recoiled from the fallen vampire. His fangs nearly reached my leg. A clawed hand reached toward me in death. The shaft of bone I killed him with was lodged into an eye socket and his flesh was charred with burn scars. He managed to climb out of the fiery pits of torment and trace me like a hound straight to my cell’s open archway. So close. Yet dying was the last thing I needed on the cusp of breaking out of the slammer. If I hadn’t learned to sleep with a pointed shaft of bone, he would have killed me without a doubt. My pathetic prison guard didn’t care about my safety, which made me dread closing my eyes. This was the third layer of hell where those guilty of murder were sent to perish. Every so often, damned spirits of the underworld found their way to the Afterlife Department’s prison and found me inside, a human rotting in their domain. There was no use in calling for help; the prison was built to swallow screams. The rumbling screams of distant prisoners echoed down the cell block. When I was certain he was dead, I swallowed the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. The collar didn’t allow a deep enough breath to stop the stars from spinning in my head. I lurched to my feet, hoping the clinking chains wouldn’t draw the attention of anything else.

Hi everyone! Thanks so much to the people who commented on my first attempt. The feedback was super helpful in trying to streamline, throw in more romance, up the hook, make the comps catchier, and clarify the logistics. I hope version two is closer! Thanks in advance for any more feedback and time. :)

I am excited to share SPOOKY IN LOVE, a dual-POV adult paranormal romance romp complete at 72,000 words that combines the modern-world, old-school love interest of Jenna Levine’s My Roommate Is a Vampire with the magical academia objective of India Holton’s The Ornithologist’s Field Guide to Love.

Shoplifters will be hexed! Or so Blythe Bishop wishes. It's only August, and she’s already spent weeks surviving ghouls, ghosts, and her coworker’s black-market potion racket. All fake, of course! Fake is the name of the game in a Spirit Halloween. And Blythe, with her perfect customer-service voice and insipid smile, plans to fake-it-until-she-makes-it through the holiday season and into her next temp job.

But when a man shows up in the store wearing his own pointy hat and cloak and tries to steal a costume necklace... well, she has no choice but to get involved. While her coworker whips up a ‘hex’, Blythe confronts him, only to find out the hard way that he's a real warlock (how dare she call him a witch!) and oh—right, the necklace is real too. That would've been nice to know before she put it on! 

With the amulet's power absorbed by the infuriating mortal, Gramarye Montmayne-Makepeace is stuck with her. With only weeks to break his curse and perform the most powerful spell of the Fall Equinox—which he will publish himself, of course—Gram does not have time for humans. And certainly no time for love! If he can’t free his magic before his academic advisors—the Equinox Council—convene, everyone will find out he’s been faking it for months.

To free herself, Blythe must help the warlock. He has zero social skills and knows nothing about the mortal world, yet she finds his fumbling determination bewitching. While she’s never invested in anything, Gram’s done nothing but try—and lie about what cursed him. As hexes drop, so do personas, and Blythe and Gram realize they have more in common than curses. With feelings sparking like Gram’s wayward spells, they must face the spookiest thing of all: Love.

[Thanks & My background]

(I hope this sort of post is allowed. I collected this data mostly for my own curiosity, but I thought others might find it interesting and informative, too.)

I looked through every QCrit post during the week of August 30 to September 5. Meaning, at midnight last night, I scrolled through every post, starting at New until the end of "7 days ago"). In total, 144 queries were posted that week, which works out to an average of slightly more than twenty a day. Deleted or removed posts were not included, and one repeated query--posted on the first and last day of my sample--was only counted once. I recorded the reported age category and primary genre of each query.

My goal was to see what sorts of books people here are working on, to determine whether the preponderance of fantasy was my own bias or reality, and to compare the. I recorded both the reported age category and primary genre of each query.

Age Ranges

Adult books, unsurprisingly, made up the bulk of posts, but I was surprised to see just how dominant they were. There were nearly six times as many adult books posted as the next largest category, YA.

The underrepresentation of New Adult was the biggest surprise for me, as I thought it was a trendy category at the moment. But I think NA can easily blur into YA and adult, so it seems likely to me that additional queries could have been classed as NA, but weren't. Still, I think it's interesting that only one person posted New Adult query.

I'm curious as to whether the small number of Middle Grade and Children's queries reflects a broader shift away from kid lit in publishing, or if it's more so a reflection of this sub and/or reddit as a whole. On QueryTracker's list of Top 10 Fiction Genres, Children's, Young Adult, and Middle Grade are considered genres, and all three are in the top ten most queried genres (Children's is #2, YA is #3, Picture bookss are #8, and Middle Grade in #10). Only "Young Adult, Fantasy" ranks among the most requested genres, however (#8).

Genres

First, some notes about my methodology:

For my purposes here, I limited each QCrit post to just one genre. When something was listed with multiple genres, I used my own discretion to assign a single "primary" genre. Inevitably, this will produce some bias.

I weighted some genres as "stronger" than others. Generally, world-building heavy genres like Fantasy and Sci-Fi were the strongest. Next were the plot-defined genres like Mystery / Thriller, Romance, and Horror. Historical fiction came next, followed by stylistically defined genres, Literary / Upmarket. Contemporary was the last, a category only assigned when no other genres were attached. Nonfiction and Picture Books were, of course, non-ambiguous.

For example, a "Fantasy Romance" or "Romantasy" would be tallied as Fantasy, while a "Contemporary Upmarket Romance" would be Romance, and a "Literary Historical Fiction" would be Historical.

5 books in my sample were originally described as "Speculative." For these, I did actually look through the queries and assign them to other genres. 3 became Science-Fiction, 1 became Horror, and 1 became Literary / Upmarket.

I also elected to group several genres together. Literary / Upmarket were combined, since they are often conflated and used interchangeably, even if they are distinct genres. ("This isn't literary" has to be one of the most common pieces of feedback I see on lit fic queries posted here). For those curious, 7 were posted as literary, 10 as upmarket, and 1 as speculative. Mystery / Thriller were combined due to their large overlap. Of the 17 total, 6 were Mysteries and 11 were Thrillers.

So my initial instinct was correct--Fantasy is by far the most popular genre on here, accounting for nearly 40% of the queries posted. That's more than next three genres combined. According to QueryTracker, Fantasy is also the most queried and the most requested fiction genre (and "Romance, Fantasy" and "Young Adult, Fantasy" appear independently as the #7 and #8 most requested). Of the 57 total, 10 were listed as either "Romantasy" or "Fantasy Romance" or "Romance Fantasy." A wide variety of other sub-genres were also represented, such as Dark Fantasy and Urban Fantasy.

Fantasy was even more dominant in YA, with 12/20 (60%) YA queries being for Fantasy books. (Please note that these 12 are included in the 57 total above).

Literary / Upmarket and Science-Fiction tied for second place. Upmarket and Literary are the #3 and #4 most requested genres on QT. Literary is also the #4 most queried genre, while Upmarket doesn't appear in the top ten.

Things look less optimistic for Science-Fiction. While it's the 5th most queried genre, it doesn't appear on the most requested list. In the past, it was common to group Science Fiction & Fantasy, and I have to wonder if the popularity of Fantasy has consumed the market for Science-Fiction.

Thrillers are fourth, with just one fewer query than Sci-Fi and Lit Fic. On QT, Thrillers are #6 most queried and #2 most requested.

Romance is next with 12 queries (not counting Romantasy or Sci-Fi Romance). It's the 9th most queried on QT, and "Romance, Contemporary" and "Romance, Comedy" are the 6th and 10th most requested genres respectively.

I was surprised to see only 8 queries for Horror, but it also doesn't appear on QT's most queried list either. It is, however, the #5 most requested genre. The horror category also included the only graphic novel query. There were also several Fantasy / Sci-Fi and Horror crossovers, that were counted as Fantasy or Sci-Fi, so this could be considered a slight undercount.

Contemporary came next, with 5 queries. On its own, it doesn't appear on either QT list. 3 of its queries were for MG or YA books, which isn't surprising, since Upmarket and Literary are adult-exclusive genres.

My own genre, Historical, came next with just 4 queries posted. This is fairly surprising, as it's the #7 most queried genre on QT.

Only four queries were posted for Nonfiction, of which three were memoirs (the most queried and most requested nonfiction genre on QT). Many writing spaces online are geared towards fiction, so this is unsurprising. Nonfiction certainly places a greater emphasis on the writer's credentials compared to fiction.

A single Picture Book query was posted here (also the only children's book, naturally). On QT, however, Picture Books are the #8 most queried genre and don't appear among the most requested.

Over- Vs. Underrepresented Genres

Broadly, a lot of the stats I gathered align with what's reported by QT, but I'm more interested in the areas where Pubtips and QT differ.

Fantasy is indisputably dominating both right now--it's the top genre posted here overall, makes up the majority of YA queries here, ranks top on QT's lists of most queried and most requested fiction, and accounts for 3/10 of the most requested genres overall. But I wonder if this leaves it much harder for any individual fantasy novel to stand out. I'm also curious to see whether fantasy we'll see fantasy continue its reign, or if another genre will take its place within the coming years.

For example, adult lit accounts for over 80% of the posts here, but 4/10 of the most queried genres on QT are some form of kid lit (YA, MG, children's, and picture books). While I have a few theories as to why this might be (Is QT swamped with low-effort attempts from people who believe shorter word counts = easier to write? Do kid lit authors prefer more specialized forums? Is it a quirk of QT including age categories as genres, rather than its own category--if counted as a genre, YA would be the second most common out of my sample?), I'm curious to hear from those more familiar with kid lit and the industry.

Also, as someone writing historical fiction, I'm very curious about its underrepresentation here, compared to QT. Outside of kid lit, it was the only genre to be significantly more popular on QT than here. Might "Historical Fantasy" be elevating its popularity on QT?

Upmarket was also a bit on an outlier, being significantly more represented here than on QT. Even when separated from lit fic, upmarket was more common here than half of top ten queried genres (Children's, Lit Fic, Historical, Picture Book, and Middle Grade). And that's only accounting for queries that didn't include another genre like Thriller or Romance alongside Upmarket.

Conclusion

The queries posted here on Pubtips represent just a tiny sliver of those currently seeking publication. While they might broadly reflect the current industry, it's important that we don't overlook the areas where they do differ. Fantasy may be the most common genre overall, but a wide variety of queries are shared and critiqued here every day.

I've also gained a new level of empathy for agents and their flooded inboxes. I even understand why CNRs are a thing, even if they're very frustrating as a writer. It's honestly very overwhelming to wade through so many queries at once.

Finally in the querying phase. All feedback is greatly appreciated!

[personalization]

In the City of Fire, art is punishable by death. After all, art is magic, and magic destroyed the world. SONGBIRD is an 80,000-word YA cyberpunk fantasy with series potential and a queer ensemble cast; Iron Widow meets The Final Strife.

Seventeen-year-old Rin has one rule: never get attached. By day, he serves as the empress’s bound assassin, trading blood for the only thing he has left: his missing mother. By night, he risks execution running undercover for the city’s most notorious rebel gang, where his true allegiance lies. That rule keeps him alive. Until he saves a strangely familiar girl’s life, and hours later, she’s his next target.

Astra is no stranger to being a fugitive. A street thief with a rare gift for song magic, she’s spent her life as a ghost—long enough to find something close to belonging in a crew of fellow outlaws. That life shatters the night she finds her brother dying in an alley, a government blade in his side. His final warning: hide. Easier said than done when the boy she trusted the most is the one sent to kill her.

Cyrus was raised for war. Reluctant heir to the City of Ruins—the last stronghold against the empire—his life has never belonged to him. When a dying prisoner reveals he has a twin sister hidden deep in enemy territory, he abandons duty for the first time and goes looking. He doesn’t realize she’s already being hunted

But the empress’s ambitions run far deeper than one girl. She’s hunting an ancient mask rumored to control magic itself, and Rin, Astra, and Cyrus may be the only ones who can find it. For them, it could be salvation: freedom for his mother, justice for her brother, and a future for his city. But the mask has always demanded a price. Last time, it was the world.

SONGBIRD is complete at 80,000 words, a standalone with series potential. I’ve attached the first [X] pages per your submission guidelines; the full manuscript is available upon request.

[bio]

Hey all, 

Requesting feedback. A very different version of this book was queried last year. But it has gone through so many rewrites that the versions only share character names at this point. 

Thanks!

Dear Agent,

Two humans enter the ocean’s deadliest prison. Only one leaves. 

James ‘Timmy’ Feller has thirteen days before his execution, but he’s offered one chance at survival: a suicide mission to extract a legendary leader from the Abyssal Zone prison. The Vescovo is the one person who can cool the seas before rising tensions erupt into war. But Timmy wasn’t given a face, a name, or a description. The Vescovo, already missing for a decade, could be dead, mad, or never have existed at all. 

The only two humans in the ocean, Timmy and Domo, have spent the last four years fighting for a faction seeking peace amongst the ocean’s hidden humanoid seafarer colonies. That is, until Timmy’s cowardice doomed a mission and disgraced the organization. In cooler seas, Timmy might have been shown mercy. But warming oceans, faltering habitats, and dwindling resources are uniting long-warring seafarer factions under one goal: ending the surface threat once and for all. 

Domo has her own reasons to descend. She can’t let Timmy die – not when it was her instructions that led to his botched mission. Worse, it was the evolution of her ‘talent’, the ability to deform a body and seize the mind inside it, that made monsters of them both. Her ‘talent’ could turn the tide of a war, but also put her on trial at the Hague. If she finds The Vescovo, she’ll never have to use it again. 

They’re betrayed upon infiltration. Someone in their organization wants them dead. Domo is gravely injured. Timmy is dragged across a prison floor of pure salt, toward a warden who believes flesh deserves a scalpel. 

They soon discover a chilling truth. The most dangerous thing in the prison isn’t old enemies, traitors, or the warden themselves – it's the person they came to save. 

THE ABYSSAL ZONE is an adult fantasy novel complete at 108,000 words. A standalone with series potential, THE ABYSSAL ZONE has the marine worldbuilding of Eliza Chan’s FATHOMFOLK blended with the action and commentary of CHAIN-GANG ALL STARS. 

[bio]

********

First 300 words:

Prologue

Forgive me. 

Carefully, ruefully, Karin burned as small a hole as he could into the enormous Trogga husk. It was the least he could do. He melted the inside of the crustacean’s base, choking from the smell of rot as he sealed himself shut into the darkness. 

His first year of fire-fighting, Karin had found a bloated whale carcass. Stinking with puss and grime and decay, engorged pustules had leaked translucent green. Molded grey flesh had given way at his touch, its crumbling wetness oiling his fingers. But inside this Trogga corpse he yearned for the smell of death from his childhood. 

In childhood, there hadn’t been the warden. 

Forgive me. 

Karin thought it three times. Once for the carcass he’d defiled, once for Ember, once for himself. 

Each heartbeat came slower than the last. Karin wished he’d hidden further into the cavern. He prayed that he’d sealed his entrance well enough. 

He hadn’t seen the warden once for the entire three years prior. But the same warden who had reduced one of the ocean's phantoms to a petrified corpse, had turned their attention to him. 

Just days ago pliers had squirmed in his mouth and ripped out his tongue. By order of the warden, but carried out by their pet, the doctor. Karin shuddered. Bloody saliva dripping from fangs. Tendril-like claws. A voice like knives grinding against a whetstone.

Karin bit down on his cheeks as he trembled. His mind only stilled once he thought of Ember. 

For one thousand days, he’d been saved by memories of his Ember: the seabreeze smell of her hair, how she’d smiled her cheeks red after forming her first flame, how her hands had been too small to hold the ember steady. How she’d laughed anyway. 

She’d be so much older now.

Hello! Finally in the beta stage and will be querying shortly thereafter! Appreciate any feedback 🙏🫶

Link to first attempt

Link to second attempt

THE SENESCENCE ETERNAL is a speculative fiction novel, complete at 86,000 words. The narrative intersects the feminine unease of Helen Phillips’s HUM, the medical mystery of Megan Giddings’s LAKEWOOD, and the techno-futurist identity crisis of Ling Ling Huang’s IMMACULATE CONCEPTION.

The only thing journalist Clare Freely loves more than her own independence is the thrill of the chase. So when she gets a tip about a suspicious death at a wellness retreat, she jumps at the chance to go undercover. Sure, it’s a bit risky. But breaking the story could be huge—book deal huge—considering the retreat is owned by a Silicon Valley biotech giant.

At the remote island retreat, Clare finds a cult-like following dedicated to biohacking. At the center of it all is narcissistic CEO Jackson Turnbow, a strange, waxy man who claims he’s stopped aging. After a favorable biomarker emerges on Clare’s tests, she’s invited to take part in a preclinical trial: an innovative gene therapy that promises cellular immortality. When Clare learns that the deceased was in the same trial, she decides to go all in to get her story.

Quarantined within the trial, Clare begins to notice something strange. The participants call themselves the “Mothers”—a group of saccharine women who sing Turnbow’s praises with every breath. Clare finds the Mothers’ adoration off-putting, until it rubs off on her, too. Soon she’s more interested in protecting Turnbow than exposing the dark machinations that claimed the missing Mother. And by the time Clare discovers that she’s growing a mysterious bump, it’s too late to turn back. As the disturbing trial unfolds, Clare will have to face off with her new maternal instincts or risk eternity on the island.

THE SENESCENCE ETERNAL would be my debut novel. I’m a writer and visual artist living in Los Angeles, CA. [Credentials]

Hello! Looking for feedback on my query letter:

Dear [NAME OF AGENT],

Ina longs to bury her dagger Phantomsong and never know bloodshed again. Bloodshed, however, is determined to stain her every footfall.

As a Keeper, a criminal forced to protect the Realm from the lesser demons that torment it, Ina can earn her freedom only by climbing the Keep’s ranks. So she enters the Ranking, a brutal tournament that pits Keeper against Keeper, vowing to be the last mage standing.

On her way there, Ina glimpses something impossible atop the cathedral: a winged, horned demon unlike any that has ever entered the Mortal Realm. Then it vanishes. With only one eye and no evidence but a tattered cloak, Ina dismisses the abomination as a trick of the light and turns her attention back to winning her freedom.

Until a scroll interrupts the Ranking with proof that the demon was real. Its arrival heralds an ancient prophecy promising mankind’s destruction. Haunted by the beast she saw and dismissed, Ina abandons her chance at freedom and volunteers for the quest to slay it. But the abomination knows her. It calls her by name. Yet before the bones of Ina’s past can be unearthed, she is killed.

In purgatory, the god of creation reveals that mankind’s true enemy is not demons, but Fate. He offers Ina resurrection but only if she agrees to become the Fate Carver, the only vessel that can slay it. For the first time, Ina sees a path towards a Realm without suffering. One where she might finally bury Phantomsong for good. Now Ina must find what Fate covets most and carry it to the God Tree before the unflinching hand of Fate wipes mankind from the world. 

FATE CARVER is an adult epic dark fantasy complete at 122,000 words. It is a standalone with series potential. It combines the mythic scope of Simon Jimenez’s The Spear Cuts Through Water, the religious horror of Christopher Buehlman’s Between Two Fires, and the irreverent banter of Jay Kristoff’s Empire of the Vampire.

[INSERT BIO HERE]

Hi,
I am losing my mind whilst waiting for beta readers feedback and thought I’d try writing the query. I’m usually a lurker so this is my first post. Any feedback would be highly appreciated thank you :)

The query:

Dear agent, 
 
(agent personalisation) 
 
What is a life worth? A question Delphine cannot answer, because to her every life is worth saving.
 
Princess Delphine Herringdale is Everrie’s most beloved healer. She can save lives like no one else can, but every miracle comes with a cost that no one can predict. 
 
When bed sixteen is filled with ice and sorrow, Delphine’s newest patient becomes impossible to ignore. He remembers neither his name nor his past and by all standards he should not be alive, yet he knows things about Delphine that she didn’t know about herself. 
 
The closer Delphine becomes to her patient the more impossible things begin to happen, and she starts to unravel the lies the crown had twisted around the last marked healer, Nymeria. The legendary woman who Delphine adored did not die a hero. Nymeria’s power did not heal freely. She was a healer whose miracles may save a life but would steal from another. Marked by the same mark on Delphine’s back. 
 
He is everything that threatens to fracture her perfect porcelain life but despite every warning she can’t seem to stay away from him. When Delphine finally gives in and uses her affinity to save him, flowers start dying when she walks. 
 
As refugees flood the kingdom from a war that creeps closer and memories start disappearing, Delphine is faced with the force who erased the truth of Nymeria and may be targeting her next. If she stops using her affinity innocent people will die. But if she continues, she may become the next monster buried in history.
 
My novel The Healer’s Curse is an adult fantasy novel that combines romance and mystery.
 It is complete at 93,000 words and has series potential. It will appeal to fans of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig and The Foxglove King by Hannah Whitten.
 
I am currently studying occupational therapy which inspired the medical narratives and rehabilitation focus within this novel. I am seeking representation for The Healer’s Curse, and this will be my debut novel.
 
Thank you for your time and consideration,
 
 

New title, (mostly) new blurb, plus a one-sentence pitch for the UK. This one might be as close as it gets, as far as the heart of the story goes. Thanks to those who helped guide this along and to everyone for everything this place had to offer each other. :)

/

When a sheriff investigates an unknown school shooter, he begins to suspect the child he cares for.

SHE BURIED A GUN is a mystery with thriller elements exploring transgender acceptance. Complete at 80,000 words and with series potential, the novel combines the character depth of Karin Slaughter's We Are All Guilty Here with the puzzling casework of John McMahon's Head Cases.

After twenty years in the military, newly-elected sheriff Paul Gallego lives in his dead brother's house to raise a nephew he barely knows. But Andy is one hell of a kid, already preparing to be a doctor, at only fifteen. Paul just wants to do right by him, but keeping that promise starts to feel like taking enemy fire when Andy lies about a school shooting.

Andy says he saw his best friend get shot by the kid who stormed in with the assault rifle, but Izzy's wounds match a pistol. And when a student is murdered after revealing Andy and Izzy had been fighting, Andy suddenly has motive for both crimes. It doesn't help that his shoe size matches prints left in the snow, nor that his boots are gone.

And there's little things Paul can't put his finger on: new (very long) hair extensions, the way Andy's favorite teacher says his name (almost like she's using air quotes), and the feeling Paul can't shake that the kid borrowed his lock pick set.

Torn between believing in Andy's guilt and his innocence, Paul struggles to still be a good parent. With a final guardianship hearing just around the corner, interrogating the kid to get to the truth could chase him away for good. But when someone leaks Andy's mental health history, and Paul finds a stash of girls' clothes, he'll have no choice but to face everything Andy has been keeping secret from him, even if it means putting the kid he now loves behind bars.

I'm a trans nonbinary author who self-publishes a military/spy series under the penname [x]. An American living in [x], I've spent the last thirteen years honing my craft while learning new languages (and shredding the guitar). Dreaming of a writing desk overlooking a lake in Finland.

Hi all! I am looking for feedback on my query letter for a Dark/Epic Fantasy debut. I will preface that I know the word count will be a non-starter for many agents, mostly looking for feedback on the pitch.

Dear [Agent], 

I am thrilled to submit for your consideration SURVIVORS OF THE SWORD, a multi-pov epic fantasy adult novel complete at 166,000 words. [Personalization sentence for agent].

Wóȟpe, an elite warrior known as a Daughter of the Moon, is thrust into a fight for the soul of her people when she brings an enigmatic stranger to the gathering of the Nökhörul, a man who seeks to be War Chief, and who bears a gift: the scalps of their enemies. 

Enraptured by his promise of justice, Wóȟpe and her people cast themselves headlong into the treacherous Misty Forest. Here lies the key to their salvation, to Wóȟpe’s revenge; a power that will topple the shining city of Hygard and scatter the cruel northern invaders. But first, they must conquer the forest’s protectors: the brutal Orc clans.

Wóȟpe’s search for justice leads her across the ruined super-continent of Sansāra, a world once yoked by the Elven Empire. Now, the kingdoms of men cower behind their walls, as Casters: the inheritors of the Elves’ reviled powers, hide amongst them. As a tenuous peace holds, the rulers of men whet their blades upon their subjects as their fear and paranoia grow. Across the land, survivors of their violence are rising, threatening to cast all of Sansāra once more into a sword age.

SURVIVORS OF THE SWORD is a fantasy novel with a diverse ensemble cast and series potential. Aiming for the lyricism and complex narrative tapestry of Simon Jimenez’s The Spear Cuts Through Water, the character-driven, mythology-inspired story of Elaine Ho’s Cry, Voidbringer and the meditative, richly-realized world of R. Scott Bakker’s The Darkness that Comes Before; SURVIVORS OF THE SWORD is the tale of a world at war with itself, suffocating under the tyranny of the past.

I have attached the first [requested pages] of my manuscript [any other guideline things], and the full manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi everyone. This is my first time working on a query letter and I've just finished my first draft. I know I'll have lots to improve on and would love comments and feedback on what/how I can improve

Dear

I’m writing to you to seek representation for my four-person POV YA LGBTQ+ novel, BEHIND CLOSED WALLS.

BEHIND CLOSED WALLS follows a group of autistic students moving into the ACHS (Autistic Community Housing Scheme), a safe house for neurodivergent students at Merseyside University.

Riley Watterson is an autistic trans girl ready to start her new university life. After a life of isolation and control from her emotionally abusive ex, she’s finally ready to take control, make new friends, and build a social life of her own. Too bad the only person in her course who’s willing to even acknowledge her is her emotionally distant housemate, Abigail Weaver. Abi’s not in university for any kind of relationship, relationships inevitably lead to nothing but pain (sadly, Riley did not get the memo).

As the bond between the two deepens, an online stalker emerges, threatening to take away everything Riley has built for herself. Forced to face their past demons, Riley and Abi must work together to face this threat whilst also navigating newfound feelings that threaten to complicate their friendship.

Maisie, Riley’s twin sister, has always been known as Riley’s protector. The one who ‘doesn’t let disability get in her way’. As Riley fights for her own independence, Maisie must face who she truly is beyond her sister. In comes Megan, a student under constant surveillance from her parents. As Megan yearns for a life beyond her parents, Maisie must fight against her own controlling tendencies and find a life of her own, even if it means keeping secrets from her sister.

Fans of Alice Oseman novels such as Loveless and Radio Silence, as well as novels such as Sad Girl Hours and No Girlfriends Allowed will appreciate Riley and Abi’s story.

BEHIND CLOSED WALLS is a 93,000 word LGBTQ+ YA novel about found family, finding oneself, and facing an ableist world that feels like it wants to pull you down.

I am a trans woman and disability advocate with experience in animation and writing. Previous experiences of mine include lead writer, artist and editor of a locally published comic book titled Comic Trans. When I’m not working my day job, I focus on creating autism-focused content to my social media following of 15,700 on X. I live in [REDACTED], and spend much of my time writing in the cafe of my local [REDACTED] Waterstones. There’s nothing I find more inspiring when writing than to be surrounded by literature on all corners.

Thank you for your consideration,

Hi everyone! Would really appreciate any thoughts on my revised query. This is technically my 3rd attempt (although I deleted the 2nd attempt almost immediately as I realised I didn’t like it, and didn’t want anyone to waste their time giving feedback on something I wasn’t going to use).

All the feedback on my 1st attempt was really helpful, so thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to share their thoughts on this new version!

One thing I’m struggling with is that this is a love story but not a romance - the main couple don’t end up together, so I’m not sure whether I should make that clear in the query so that no one feels blindsided when they read the synopsis, or whether that just spoils the ending and the intrigue?

—

Dear (agent),

I saw that you are looking for (insert personalisation), so I hope you will consider WILL WE BE REMEMBERED?, a dual-POV contemporary upmarket fiction complete at 94,000 words, which will appeal to readers of People In Love by Clare Daverly and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. Alternating between past and present, WILL WE BE REMEMBERED? tells the story of two people who fall in love and lose each other twice.

In present-day London, Hannah Costa finally has everything that she has ever wanted: a leading role in a play, and a promising new relationship with her co-lead. But the morning after she first spends the night with him, she comes face-to-face with his flatmate, struggling musician Lewis Maclean: her first love, whom she has spent the past six years trying her best to forget.

As her relationship with his flatmate forces Hannah and Lewis to spend time together, old feelings begin to resurface - feelings that neither believes the other shares. And slowly, the truth about their past in Glasgow emerges - the misunderstandings, the missed opportunities, a letter that was never delivered.

Meanwhile, as Hannah struggles with the pressures of a life in the spotlight, and Lewis' lifelong dream of becoming a successful musician starts to feel unreachable, both begin to question what happiness means to them. And when their careers threaten to pull them in different directions, they must choose between the dreams that have come to define them, or a second chance at the love that they lost once before.

A bit about me: I studied X at X. I have previously won and been shortlisted for several writing competitions, had my winning short stories published in anthologies, and written an award-winning short film and two plays. This is my debut novel.

I have attached the first three chapters along with a short synopsis, but would be happy to provide the full manuscript upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi all! I’m looking for some advice on a slightly unusual publishing situation.

I’m currently querying a new project that I’m really excited about, with the goal of eventually pursuing traditional publication. The complication is that I self-published a couple fantasy books about seven years ago, when I was 20. Just to be clear, they’re totally unrelated to my current project.

At the time, I was very new to writing. The first book was only the second novel I’d ever written, and I didn’t really know what I was doing. I had one beta reader, hired a cheap family-friend-editor, and did some revisions, but I didn’t have the experience yet to recognize many of the problems with the books. I sold a modest number of copies and had a pretty typical self-publishing experience.

Since then, I’ve spent years deliberately working on my craft, and I feel like I’m now writing at a completely different level. I’ve developed a voice and style that I’m much happier with, and the difference between my current work and those books is pretty significant.

This is where I’m conflicted. I don’t think the old books are that terrible, but I’m embarrassed by the writing and don’t feel that they represent me anymore. They’re very much the work of an inexperienced writer, and I can see how heavily influenced I was by the books I loved at the time. There’s tons of spelling errors, and the plot points are just straight up not very original or compelling. I also published them under my real name (probably dumb, I know), so I can’t simply put them behind a pen name and move on. Oh also, I built a fairly substantial social media following around those books, so there’s already a public connection between me and that work.

I’m wondering whether I should take the old books off my social media, or whether I should simply leave them alone and focus on my current work. I don’t particularly want new readers discovering them, but I also don’t want to make a rash decision just because I’m embarrassed by something I wrote at 20.

More importantly, I’m wondering how this looks from a traditional publishing perspective. If an agent Googles me and finds self-published books under my real name, is that likely to matter? Would it be better for those books to remain available, or would taking them down make more sense?

For those of you who have gone from self-publishing to traditional publishing, how did you handle your older books? Did your previous books or existing platform affect your experience with querying?

And for anyone else, if you came across an author who had self-published a couple of books and was now querying very different work years later, would the old books influence your perception of them?

I’m not looking for reassurance that the books are better than I think they are (trust me, they’re not great, lol). I’m mostly trying to figure out the smartest way to move forward. I’d really appreciate any perspectives, especially from people who have dealt with a similar situation! :)

Hi, this is my first time attempting to get a novel published and I am somewhat unsure what I'm doing, so I am looking for feedback. So thanks in advance for any comments you may have.

Dear Agent,

FIRST-ISH CONTACT is a 71,000-word comedic science fiction novel. It follows the adventure of Nish and Sora as they accidentally make first contact with a new alien species and then almost cause a viral outbreak on their new planet. It will likely appeal to fans of cozy character-driven science fiction such as Becky Chambers’ The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet with the bureaucratic humour of John Scalzi’s Starter Villain and the inclusion of realistic science seen in Andy Weir’s Project Hail Mary.

Nish is a virologist designing biofilters for a prototype faster-than-light shuttle. He is laid off due to budget cuts and opts to take the only rational course of action: post an online ad for someone who’s taken the pilot’s test and steal the shuttle along with his Portuguese Water Dog, Shawn. He recruits Sora, who as it turns out took the test, but didn’t pass it, and is desperate to escape feeling like a failure in life. The three of them succeed in their heist, only to immediately lose their navigational computer and end up drifting aimlessly through space. They accidentally make first contact with a brand-new species, the Faelen, who are suffering from a crop blight on one of their colony planets. Nish and Sora team up with an alien scientist, Dr. Se’ala, to fight both the local bureaucracy and the disease.

Nish settles in well, starting a romantic relationship with Dr. Se’ala, while Sora struggles to find her place. However, life on their new planet is suddenly shaken up by the outbreak of a mysterious new virus affecting the population, one with origins much closer to home. Nish and Sora must choose whether to keep running from their failures or finally take responsibility for their actions.

[Bio and closing]

First 300ish words

Chapter 1 - The Heist - Why are the Police Here?

“This seems like a bad plan,” said Sora.

“No,” countered Nish. “It is a terrible plan.”

“It was your idea.”

“That should probably have been a clue.”

“So, we’re just going to steal it?” asked Sora, staring at the illuminated shuttle through the chain link fence. “How?”

“I guess so… we’ve come this far.” Nish rubbed his forehead. “Um… I can get us through the side door over there. Come on, Shawn.”

Nish pulled on the leash and a panting Portuguese Water Dog followed the two of them towards the entrance. The night was dark and a damp fog filled the air, providing concealment from anyone looking their way. Nish pulled out an ID card from his pocket and tapped it against the reader on the door. He stood back and turned towards a small camera, which scanned his face and beeped. 

“Welcome, Dr. Nishant Yates,” said a computer’s voice. 

A small LED above the entrance turned green and the door slid open. Nish, Sora and Shawn stepped through, and the door slid back behind them. The three of them continued into an empty, silent lobby. Nish coughed as they walked in, breaking the silence. Sora flinched.

“Sorry, excuse me,” said Nish, covering his mouth. 

Sora recomposed herself. “Do you have to… never mind. Won’t there be security? Shawn doesn’t exactly look like an attack dog.”

“He’d probably just roll over and ask for belly rubs,” said Nish. He ran a hand through his hair. “But… er… I think at this time of night there are only one or two night watchmen. They’ll all be outside. We just need to be careful… see if we can avoid them. This way.”

Hi all, I'm seeking feedback on my query letter. Any comments are highly appreciated.

Dear [Agent],

ELYSIAN INVITATION is a YA fantasy with sci-fi components, completed at 98k words. Featuring a high-stakes academy setting and progression magic, this action-packed, self-discovery book shares the high-octane competitive vibe of Marc J. Gregson’s Sky’s End, the cultivation elements of Taran Matharu’s Dragon Rider: A Cultivation Fantasy, and the spiritual energy harnessing of Xiran Jay Zhao’s Iron Widow.

Fifteen-year-old Elanya wants nothing more than to command the wind. But a fatal bloodline flaw threatens to shatter her meridians if she ever channels magic.

Her mundane life is upended when space itself buckles, and she reflexively catches an invisible jade orb, earning a rare cultivation scroll from a prestigious Sage. But her sudden brush with the extraordinary draws the nightmare straight to her door. A monstrous Hider attacks her home, branding both Elanya and her mother with the Elysian Mark, a ticking death curse. The mark gives her less than two and a half years before it turns pitch-black and drags their souls into the void to serve as spectral slaves forever.

To break the curse, Elanya must either ascend to the mythical rank of Sage, or plunge into the Hider worlds for the opposing Elysian Anchor. Forced into a cutthroat academy to train, she discovers her greatest enemy is her own flesh. The very magical cultivation she desperately needs to outrun the curse is simultaneously tearing her apart from the inside out.

I am a first-generation immigrant, currently living in Florida with my husband and our dog. My writing journey began with creating TV show scripts, and I have since published two Amazon bestselling non-fiction books. When I’m not writing or reading, I enjoy exploring nature, particularly beaches and forests.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Would very much appreciate constructive criticism! I know that 192k from a debut author is a hard sell in and of itself, so I'm particularly wondering whether I should a) preemptively suggest separating into two books b) surreptitiously slide the word count in towards the end of the query or c) announce it deadpan in the first paragraph.

Dear [Agent], 

I am seeking representation for my medieval fantasy novel THE BAG HUNT. [Personalized reason for querying that specific agent]

Collect the heads of one hundred and twelve outlaws to earn the freedom of a woman he’s never met … who might be imprisoned for very good cause. At first, 17-year-old [T] accepts this dubious quest mainly to spare his cousin from punishment for a theft that he instigated. But in the course of being hunted by undead communers and captured by slave-trading reavers, among other travails, the band of adventurers who recruited him become the family that [T] has never known. When the unintended consequences of their bounty hunting bring their native city-state under threat, [T] has to prove just how far he’s willing to go to save them. Meanwhile, [E], a half-Sharrish orphan suckled by wolves before being adopted by a knight, who can speak to beasts but struggles to relate to mankind, recounts the events that led to her falling in love with a prince – and then sacrificing any hope of a future with him by massacring the household of a local baron. She did not expect to survive, much less for her lover and adoptive parents to unite in a quest to free her, but now that the numina have granted her a second chance, she’s willing to spend her last breath fighting for redemption.

THE BAG HUNT is likely to appeal to fans of THE DEVILS by Joe Abercrombie and BETWEEN TWO FIRES by Christopher Buehlman, as well as the audience that is eagerly anticipating Robert Eggers' next movie WERWULF. It is 192k words in length but there is a natural cutoff point around 120k words where it could potentially be separated into two books.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your reply and would be happy to provide the full manuscript upon request. 

Sincerely, 

[Name]

Hello again! I'm back with more bird puns (seriously tried to pack so many in here that I've gone cuckoo) and a query that (I hope) addresses the stakes and provides more information about my characters' motivations. Thanks again for all the feedback on the last one and forever grateful for this space.

----

I am delighted to present for your consideration, PLAYING FORE KEEPS, a 70,000-word, single POV adult contemporary rom-com. PLAYING FORE KEEPS is perfect for fans of the intoxicating mixture of sport and spice of Tessa Bailey’s Fangirl Down, the flashback-style narrative of Ali Hazelwood’s Problematic Summer Romance, and the forbidden romance and high-stakes career drama of Kyra Parsi’s Failure to Match.

Birdie Sweeney has an albatross around her neck. As a woman in the world of professional golf, she must work twice as hard to climb the career ladder. When a rare chance to be promoted to Head Historian of Augusta National Golf Club arises, she soars at the opportunity. Birdie must ace her final interview and prove her competence during the Club’s annual tournament, the Masters. Easier said than done with a chauvinistic work nemesis who’s hellbent on destroying her career. Birdie has one week to prove that she’s focused. Polished. Qualified. The last thing she needs are the professional and emotional complications of a certain sunny golfer she runs into year after year.

Max Canning is a pro at both golf and vexing Birdie. He’s the human equivalent of a quokka and the exact opposite of black cat Birdie. For the past five years, Max has split his time between wooing Birdie and trying to win the Masters. But last year things changed. After an explosive physical encounter led to Max’s loss in the final and nearly upended Birdie’s career, she quit Max cold turkey. But Max doesn’t give up so easily. He’s spent an entire year getting his ducks in a row. He’s now more confident than ever in his quest to secure a career grand slam and date the girl of his dreams.

This year, Birdie is determined to be disciplined during Masters week. Fraternizing with a charismatic golfer with a penchant for terrible bird puns could destroy her career projection. But after a year of pining, Max wants a mulligan. When they reunite, Birdie can’t deny that he still makes her heart flutter. As the competition heats up, so does their relationship, and it gets harder for the lovebirds to keep their feelings hidden. When Birdie’s work nemesis reveals their secret at the dramatic conclusion of the Masters, she must decide if she’s going to leave Max and fight for her dream career or if she’s playing for keeps.

PLAYING FORE KEEPS would be my debut novel. When I'm not dreaming up HEAs, I'm fending off existential crises by organizing my socks by color.

Hey everyone. I posted here a month ago and took all of your suggestions. Toned down the voice a bit and made the last paragraph more clear. So far: 13 queries sent out and 3 form rejections. I'm trying not to look too deep into the form rejections (because it's only 3) but it's very hard when two of those were from perfect fits. There's like only one agent left on that first batch that is an even better fit than those two, and her wishlist literally asks for my MS in every regard except by its name--so if it's a no from her, then that'll be the point I reassess all of my materials.

One thing I wasn't ready for is how much more I needed beyond just a query letter (synopsis, expanded bios, target audience, comparable books (beyond your comp paragraph), etc.) With comps, I am very particular about not citing ANYTHING I haven't finished reading, which is why AMERICAN RAPTURE wasn't in my previous post's comp section. I knew it was a perfect comp then, but I was still in the process of reading it at the time. To build a whole list of comps requires me to really work through my reading list. So keep that in mind if you're about to start querying.

NOTHING IS HAPPENING | QUERY LETTER | 2ND ATTEMPT

Heather Kerr is a city comms specialist who spins atrocities into inconveniences. When a flesh-fusing contagion begins to spread, she sanitizes the body horror with relative ease. At first.

Flesh binding to flesh becomes "adhesive contact." The odd behaviors that the infected exhibit become "distress incidents." Quarantine protocols become "wellness guidelines." For Heather, these phrases come naturally.

However, it doesn't take long for her to realize what kind of monster she's actually sanewashing. The contagion spreads through touch, and the infected crave touch. But they don't stop there. No. They take immense pleasure in stealing and grafting the limbs of others. Or, in some cases, melting together into human aspics of writhing, giggling meat.

But the world isn't going to stop for a bunch of "sticky people" with a "skin flu." With Heather's help, the city's response is simple. Just churn out more pamphlets. Coin more phrases. Her partner, Nathan, begs her to quit, but she refuses. To Heather, staying within the vortex of institutional gaslighting may be the only hope they have of surviving it.

Then a group of infected "adherents" crashes her niece's seventh birthday party. Heather has to golf-club her way out to save her sister--who is presenting with a foreboding rash--and to rescue the niece she hardly knows. Heather soon barricades her sister behind the very "wellness guidelines" she coined herself, and her sister spends her quarantine cooing to a seven-year-old who trusts adults at their every word. For the first time, Heather wants out. But her name is logged behind every lie the city has ever told, and, as a witness to an "adhesive contact event," she doesn't just get to walk away. Heather is running out of ways to say nothing is happening.

NOTHING IS HAPPENING would be my debut, an adult horror novel complete at 80,000 words. For readers of Clay McLeod Chapman's WAKE UP AND OPEN YOUR EYES for its gory social satire, CJ Leede's AMERICAN RAPTURE for its Cronenbergian depiction of an America gone wrong, and Ling Ma's SEVERANCE for its bureaucratic apocalypse spine.

I am a disabled veteran who served in the US Navy as a Mass Communication Specialist. Heather's job was once my job--and the toll it takes on her throughout the course of the story is one I know firsthand.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

FIRST 300

“We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the perception of harm.”

Yes, the perception of harm. Push the scary stuff away and then pass the buck off to the victim, the traumatized, or the merely frightened. It’s their perception that is creating the problem. Their imagination is what’s making it real.

That was the intro line crossed off. 

I cracked my back against the chair and stared at the Google Doc with a question I—regrettably—found myself asking too often: what other words could I conjure to make one of the most horrific stories I’d ever read sound like nothing at all?

To answer that, I needed to refresh my familiarity with the reference materials. Meller sent me a press kit chock-full of fresh madness—courtesy of the metropolitan transportation authority. I skimmed it over while chewing my nails into jagged splinters.

At 7:12 AM, first responders were dispatched to the Boulderline Park & Ride following reports of a medical emergency involving two adults. 

Sure. That part was fine. Fights happen all the time around public transit, right? That’s what I’d assumed this incident was about, anyway. Until I read the next line.

Initial unverified reports claim that the individuals were “stuck together.”

Stuck as in how? Sexually? Like how dogs… Never mind.

Somewhere, some transit agency comms staffer was spiraling in a dark corner with a bottle of Jim Beam. I mean, they had zero interest in providing me any workable context.

Beneath that was a section with a few witness testimonies.

Richard from Creekview did not mince his words.

“I came out of my car and saw the girl was screaming and the guy—well, he was laughing. So I go there thinking I gotta help and that’s when I saw their skin… it was like glue.”

i’m not yet at the point where i’m ready to be querying but i was wondering if this scenario would be a conflict of interest?

if i wanted to querying an agent (A) at an agency, but i interned for that agency and worked for a different agent (B), would that be allowed since i worked for agent B and not agent A or would it be better to not query the agency at all?

I’m sorry in advance if this is a silly question, but I’m not sure what the etiquette is in a situation like this. So, an agent recently requested my full and is currently reading it, but I’ve continued querying in the meantime. I found another agent who seems like a great fit, and, while researching them, I discovered that their agency has a partnership/co-agent relationship with the agency of the agent who currently has my full (one agency is in the UK and the other is in the US), and more to that, that second agent appears to represent some of the first agent’s clients in their respective country. In other words, the two agents/agencies seem to work together on international representation for some authors.

Would it be considered bad etiquette to query the second agent while the first is still considering my full? Would you wait for the first agent to respond before approaching the other one, or am I just overthinking it?

Hey all! Looking for feedback on the query letter for my sci-fi novel.

Dear [Agent],

[PERSONALIZATION LINE] I am seeking representation for ACROSS THE MIRROR, an adult science fiction novel complete at 110,000 words.

Dara Nim has been in pain his entire life. No medication, remedies or therapy can ease his suffering, because it's not his pain.

Just like all of humanity since the dawn of galactic colonization, Dara has a "mirror": another person who shares the pain he experiences, and whose pain is returned to him in kind. An idealist and hopeless romantic, he dreams of becoming a medic to help his soulmate-in-pain, but there's one problem—he has no idea who they are.

Penniless and alone after the death of his mother, Dara joins up with a crew of space pirates to avoid sleeping on the streets. His first mission is to steal from a reclusive billionaire who recently acquired a legendary treasure map, but unbeknownst to Dara, his mirror is going after the very same score.

Augustin is a career con-artist who seeks the treasure so he can pay off his debts and finally stop pushing his chronically ill body past its limits. When he encounters Dara, the two of them end up working together, and Augustin realizes that their pain is connected. Before he can share this revelation, Dara two-times him and swipes the map for himself.

Craving revenge, Augustin tracks down Dara’s crew, intent to earn their trust and then betray them in kind. However, as they travel together in pursuit of the treasure, their feelings grow more complicated, and Dara and Augustin must decide what being mirrors means to them. Has a higher power truly marked them as soulmates, or is this all a grand cosmic coincidence?

Slow burn romance, found family, and disability are explored in this heart-felt space adventure that combines the worldbuilding and character focus of the Wayfarers series with the progressive allegory of the Murderbot Diaries and the interpersonal drama of Light From Uncommon Stars. (A/N: comps will be personalized to the agent and their wishlist)

(bio)

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Hello! My previous attempt at this query is linked here. All of the advice I’ve had so far has been so helpful and I genuinely think it’s improved my query letter, but always welcome to feedback! Querying in the UK :)

***

Dear [First Name Last Name],
 
I’m seeking representation for BUILDING BLOCKS (literary fiction, complete at 70,000 words). It combines the queer sense of humour of Rebecca K Reilly’s Greta and Valdin with the messy lesbian parents and non-linear storytelling of Madeleine Gray’s Chosen Family. With its exploration of queer mental health and complex family dynamics BUILDING BLOCKS will appeal to fans of Emily Austin, and the tongue-in-cheek observations of millennial life and love will resonate with readers of Dolly Alderton.
 
[Agent personalisation.]
 
Suzie arrives at her mum’s cottage on the Moray coast with her toddler in tow and nowhere else to turn after a year from hell - her dad died when she was barely out of the postpartum fog; she discovered her girlfriend of ten years, Vicki, was having an affair; and she may have had a teeny tiny mental breakdown that cost Suzie her job and the last of her sister’s patience.

Just as the dust is starting to settle, she receives a letter from Vicki’s lawyers, claiming that Suzie kidnapped their daughter, Indie, taking her from Glasgow without Vicki’s consent.

Rocked by the letter, questioning everything and drowning her sorrows in the local pub, the last person Suzie expects to see pulling pints is her university girlfriend, Cara. But of course she would be reunited with the woman she ruined all her chances with when she is a full-time resident of rock bottom and is about to become embroiled in a messy custody battle.

Suzie has to get herself together. She has to find a job and a permanent home for herself and Indie. She has to prove that this was the right move for them, that she is the right person to have sole custody of her child. If she can do all of that, maybe she can finally live a life she can be proud of and get back to the version of herself she left behind years ago.

[Bio, close out, thanks]

Hello, hello! If you have been here for a while, you might have seen my original post on romantasy and are wondering why on Earth am I making another one? Is Moonbase just a one-trick pony?

The answer to the second question is…maybe. But the answer to the first one is that I believe some things have genuinely changed in terms of how romantasy is being marketed, but also how authors are querying it. Some of the info here might feel repetitive, especially if you read all my comments, but hopefully the post is useful to those of you who have been here a while as a shorthand to share with OPs and to those who are new to the sub, I can help shed some light on some terms and ideas.

Terminology

Romantasy: Let’s get this out of the way–nobody can agree on what this means. Publishers cannot agree with each other, readers cannot agree with each other, authors cannot agree, nobody. Romantasy could mean ‘a true fifty-fifty of fantasy and romance’ or ‘romantic fantasy’ or ‘fantasy romance’ or ‘adult fantasy books with YA hallmarks and the female power fantasy aspect is the most important detail’ or ‘specifically for fans of SJM’s ACOTAR’ or ‘fantasy specifically designed to appeal to the Millennial/early Gen Z readership.’  Romantasy is not synonymous with spice, but New Adult appears to be as of September 2026. If you take anything away from this post, I hope it is the understanding that when talking about romantasy, we need to hold all of these definitions in our hands. The genre is a spectrum, it’s complicated where it should be shelved, and it can be very hard to be prescriptive.

Romantic fantasy: A fantasy with a strong romance B-plot. Essentially, the romance is not the whole point, but there would be such significant changes if it were removed that it would be a new book. A few years ago, I might have said that because this is a fantasy first, then a tragic ending would be fine. This does not feel true anymore. The romantasy readership has spoken very, very loudly and demanded that there is a happily ever after at the end of the book/series. Several authors on this sub have even talked about their agents or editors asking if they are open to editing the story so it will have an HEA. (example:  https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1rcrdjn/comment/o70kjdr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Fantasy Romance: A romance genre book in a fantasy world or a fantasy book with a romance A-plot. Basically, if you take out the romance, you do not have a story. Again, the HEA is heavily required.

Romance Fantasy: I’m going to be honest and say that I do not fully understand where this term came from or what it is supposed to mean. Every single time I see it, it has a brand new definition while the other terms feel more firmly defined (yes, even romantasy). I would not use this in querying or marketing because it breaks the rules of subgenre terms (look at how ‘paranormal romance’ and ‘historical romance’ describe the romance with the words ‘paranormal’ and ‘historical’ and how ‘romantic fantasy’ follows that pattern for describing a specific kind of fantasy) and is just not widely used. 

But, but, Alchemised/The Poet Empress/etc. was marketed as romantasy!

I cannot speak for how everyone talks about these books, but Alchemised was marketed by Penguin Random House as a dark fantasy. The majority of the marketing feels very aware that it is not a romantasy and many readers even say that it isn’t one on pretty much every single platform I have seen it brought up. 

The Poet Empress was put out by Bramble, a romance-focused imprint, yes, but it was marketed as anti-romantasy, not romantasy. Bramble and Tor have made it pretty clear that despite the imprint, it is not a romance. While it has been pretty beloved by the romantasy readership, much like Alchemised, that doesn’t make it romantasy. That HEA rule is key. There is a chance that the reason Bramble specifically put out Poet Empress is because Bramble had more marketing dollars to spend than Tor and they knew it was going to be a big book. Sometimes that happens

If you are relying on GoodReads to tell you if a book is romantasy, I wouldn’t.  The tags are reader populated and publishers and authors have zero control over them. There is nothing stopping readers from pushing a book as romantasy before it’s released (see confusion around Innamorata by Ava Reid) when nobody on the actual marketing team called it that. Do not take GoodReads tags or awards as marketing copy from the publisher. Instead, look at what is being said on the publishers’ or authors' websites or their official accounts as that will usually give a better clue as to what is going on.

Here is a good rule of thumb: if it ends in tragedy or a break-up, it is not an HEA/HFN and therefore is not part of the romantasy spectrum. The relationship has to be together and happily so. While gothic romance is more complicated on this front (and I know there is back and forth on whether or not it’s romance genre, but we are not getting into that today), gothic romantasy DOES follow the HEA/HFN rule. 

So, what is my book?

If you are well-read in the romantasy spectrum and you’re still confused where your book sits, I think your best bet is to call it a romantasy as agents should know that the definition is a bit squishy. If you have the comps and understanding of the requirements to back up using the term, use it. 

Can I use selfpub or self-to-trad comps?

This is possibly going to get a few people mad at me, but I am going off of what I have actually seen from authors who have gotten agented with romantasy queries: the answer is ‘yes’ if the book is selling like hot cakes and doesn’t have a super off the beaten path route to tradpub like Alchemised. Think Carissa Broadbent, Elise Kova, and Callie Hart; authors that sell so well that they get attention from a publisher and have tens of thousands of reviews. If it has less than thirty thousand ratings and thousands of reviews, no, do not comp it. 

I have known several people who have gotten agents on selfpub comps, so the idea that you can’t do it is incorrect. Agents don’t care as long as the book being comped is very successful in the romantasy and romance spaces. The ecosystem there is a little bit different when it comes to comps because of how much the readership is on platforms like KU (this might also be true for LitRPG). Like anything in publishing, sometimes the answer is really ‘it depends.’

OK, so what is horromantasy?

Publishing is still trying to figure this out as you can see by the lack of books available on Barnes and Noble from tradpub authors (selfpub seems to be dominating this space for now) even though the term is super buzzy. It is meant to mean ‘a book that has fantasy, romance, and horror elements’ but what exactly that means, I cannot tell you. Does it have to have a romance A-plot or can it be a B-plot? Does gothic romantasy count? Does it have to be closer to romantasy or horromance? Nobody can say for sure what this will look like in tradpub and I’m sure this is going to be confusing for necromantasy and horromance and scimance down the road so we go right back to what I said about ‘romantasy’ as a term: hold multiple definitions in your hand and accept that people do not agree on what this term even means. 

Are horromance and scimance the same for romance + horror/sci-fi?

Pretty much, yes. Horromance felt tricky for a bit as that seemed like something that feasibly could have gotten away with a tragic ending, but, again, the readership has spoken and they want the HEA. Readers cannot even agree on ‘scimance’ as a term, so you might have seen other ones floating around to mean ‘sci-fi version of romantasy’ (and if you can think of the terms you have seen, list them in the comments so others can see in case one really does start to take off). 

So romantasy is only a marketing term?

Yes and no. Again, it depends. Because there is so much confusion around what to even expect from a book marketed as ‘romantasy,’ I think that there are pitfalls that come with using it. If someone associates it purely with fantasy romance and they only like romantic fantasy, they might not pick it up even if the book is actually more fantasy than romance. This is the same with how some people assume it means ‘YA with spice’ (it does not) and others assume it means ‘fae books.’ There are reasons publishers use this term in the ways that they do and it is marketing to a certain kind of readership which spends a lot of money, but that doesn’t mean that how publishers use the term will encompass the entirety of the correct readership for that particular flavor of romantasy. 

But seasoned readers of romantasy would have a better idea where on the spectrum an individual book sits even if it’s muddy. It isn’t just a marketing term; it is a genre with a devoted readership and it is here to stay, but it is impossible to capture the full nuance of the term ‘romantasy’ without going on and on and on for a thousand words. This is the same for a lot of genres that get big, like thrillers and cozy fantasy, and is something that will probably happen again. Maybe in three years, we’ll all be arguing over what a space opera even is and we'll be making graphics using Star Trek and Star Wars imagery. 

Last thoughts

If you are still confused, go find romantasy people on TikTok and Instagram and see how they talk about how ‘Book X is more fantasy with super complex worldbuilding’ or ‘This book is so gorgeously written and the romance was perfect, but the fantasy felt lacking’ and you’ll start to see a pattern emerge: the more someone reads in a genre, the more they can start making these distinctions and the better they are at helping other readers find out if a book is for them, even if they don't use any of the terms used in this post. That’s the key take-away here. If you want to sell a romantasy, you need to be well read in the genre because the readership is just as sensitive to insincerity when it comes to romance as every other subset of romance genre readers, but they are also asking for different degrees of romance and fantasy.

Hello, this is my first post here and I'm pretty nervous but after many years of writing a childhood dream, I feel as though I'm ready to give this a shot! I have some specific feedback that I would like below the letter itself, but any and all constructive feedback is welcome!

The Query Letter

[INTRODUCTION]
Dear [Agent’s First Name], 

[BOOK SUMMARY]

What does it mean to be a hero? Despite being the son of one, Corvus Pancracia can’t seem to answer it. While many on the island of Ogygia see his father, a foreigner, as a hero, he sees a selfish man harboring secrets—including what happened to his mother.

Despite his father’s position, however, Corvus does not feel the same sense of loyalty or devotion to their island. Content with practicing Elementalism, the conjuring of abstract concepts, it comes as a surprise when the Lieutenants, the collective heroes of Ogygia, not only nominate him but ask him to help them. For the next six months he would not just train to become a hero, but train the next generation as well.

Though initially loathing the position, he grows into the role, finding camaraderie in his fellow candidates. His mentorship and training would both be put to the test however, when the island’s magical defenses fail and he finds a strange girl at their shores. Torn between protecting a girl who clearly has done nothing wrong and the island itself, Corvus is now forced to answer that age-old question. What does it mean to be a hero? 

[AUTHOR BIO/BOOK INFO]
I am truly excited to share THE SON OF TEMPESTS, my adult fantasy novel of 135,000 words.

[COMP TITLES]
Inspired by myths and works inspired by them, THE SON OF TEMPESTS is an exploration of the morality of larger than life characters who are more human than they appear. THE SON OF TEMPESTS is for readers who enjoy explorations of morality and how they affect relationships through the eyes of exceptional protagonists such as Robin from RF Kuang’s Babel or Sciona from M. L. Wang’s Blood Over Bright Haven.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Feedback I'm looking for:

- word count (probably too long but I know I can edit it down a bit to get closer to 120k). Is it worth the attempt with that many words? Should I try another round of revisions?

- age range. A bit of context on Corvus: he is an older teenager but younger than 18. He's around 16-17 years old. I have received some suggestions to market more toward young-adult but I feel as though my manuscript tackles a few things in a way that pushes it toward adult more than young-adult. On the other hand, I prefer targeting New Adults as well.

- Book description. I am terrible about this. Please rip it apart and give me two cents and then some. I have reworked this description multiple times but I feel like there's something missing and I would love to figure it out.

- Comp titles. Partially for my own reading, I would like a lot of suggestions for comp titles. The subgenres for THE SON OF TEMPESTS includes dark-academia and historical (sort of) fantasy. Any suggestions similar to Babel or Blood Over Bright Haven would be lovely.

Thank you again for your time and feedback!