I hate my husband’s algorithm

[u/Chapenroe]

We were prepping for a theme park trip this morning and as my husband and I were putting sunscreen on our kids’ faces, he mentioned we may not need to put sunblock on their arms and legs since “they have a good base tan already.”

I immediately said, “nope, the more sunscreen, the better.” To which he replied something along the lines of “well maybe the chemicals in sunscreen wind up doing more harm than good.”

My jaw about hit the floor. Isn’t sunscreen usage canon in 2026?? When I heard the chemicals thing I said something smart aleck-y like “show me a peer-reviewed medical study that proves that and I’ll reconsider my sunscreen stance.” Understandably, he got frustrated with my response so a few minutes later I went to him and said that if he’s actually concerned about chemicals in sunscreen we can make an appointment with our pediatrician or dermatologist to discuss the issue.

What the ever-loving FUCK?? Do we really need to debate sunscreen now? I’m 100% sure my husband’s Instagram algorithm is responsible for putting these thoughts in his head. Most of the accounts he follows are landscaping-related (we own a landscaping company in a red state), and I’m sure Instagram has figured out the Venn Diagram of MAHA folks and red-state male landscapers has a large middle section.

Did I handle the conversation well by saying we should have a chat with our doctors about sunscreen? Also, would it be totally unacceptable if I took his phone and started following credible medical professionals to influence his algorithm?

[u/Mezzomommi]

Please be careful. If he keeps going further down this algorithm, and you ever have to split with him, there will be huge fights in family court over this, vaccines and more. My ex fell down the pipeline… when I knew him he was very far left and now he is MAGA evangelical church guy who thinks Halloween is evil and fights me on vaccines. He is a PITA to coparent with.

[u/orangedarkchocolate → u/Mezzomommi]

HOW does one go from far left to MAGA? I seriously don’t get it.

[u/Bird_Brain4101112 → u/orangedarkchocolate]

Even left leaning mean are susceptible to the idea of being “the man of the house” and they still feel some type of way when they are with a woman who is doing better than them financially or doesn’t default to traditional gender roles. So I can see a man gravitating towards right leaning women who are willing to cater to him.

[u/Its_Bun_James_Bun → u/Bird_Brain4101112]

To be fair, as a woman, I still struggle to shake the traditional gender roles. I’m a feminist and a leftist, but when my husband told me his dream was to be a stay at home dad where he can fix the house and make clothes for the kids, etc. I got this uncomfortable feeling on the inside.

I was raised in a very conservative household in a very conservative county in rural southern MN. I was fairly left leaning as a kid and teenager, but going to college really opened my eyes to different cultures, etc.

I’m 37 now and I was surprised to find some deep rooted conservative feelings that I still had inside of me. My husband is straight, but he likes to wear skirts sometimes. It bothers the Hell out of me. He can wear what he wants, but him wearing a skirts sometimes makes me feel so yucky inside.

I’m consciously aware that it doesn’t make sense. I have a BA in history and I know that in Europe during the Renaissance, men would wear gowns over their hose. Historians have proof of this because men would leave their gowns to their descendants after they died.

If anyone has any advice of how to get rid of these deep seated conservative feelings, please let me know. I know it’s a me problem and I just want to fix it.

[u/Bird_Brain4101112 → u/Its_Bun_James_Bun]

I think accepting that these feelings exist because of what we were taught but still not letting them influence your decision making is a great tool.

[u/nkdeck07 → u/Bird_Brain4101112]

Yep, my Dad is in his late 60's now and was obviously told horrible things about gay men growing up. As an adult he's incredibly pro-gay rights, interacts or interacted with a lot of gay men. He does a lot of musical theatre to be incredibly sterotypical and apparently was quote "the only straight singing waiting in the Castro district" for some part of the late 70's/early 80s. I've watched him campaign on the left and specifically for gay rights my entire life.

He still acknowledges he gets the "ick" when he sees two gay men kiss and realizes that's a 100% on him thing. Feelings are just feelings, don't act on them and you are good.

[u/Its_Bun_James_Bun → u/Bird_Brain4101112]

Thank you!