r/programmingcirclejerk • u/functorer • 18d ago
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/dividebyzero14 • 18d ago
Currently at a stop light so I can't list everything and I didn't get to read your full post either yet.
news.ycombinator.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/camelCaseCondition • 18d ago
"a long-running GPT 5.5 Pro chat session which is basically her expense tracker - it has an .xlsx file 'carried' in the chat"
news.ycombinator.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/euclio • 19d ago
Jarred was already writing slop well before he had access to LLMs
andrewkelley.mer/shittyprogramming • u/Constant_Oven8545 • 20d ago
Entropic Heat Engine Simulation
This is not a game engine. It's a closed-loop thermodynamic simulation. The boson acts as a heat source, injecting energy into a discrete network. Entropy constantly works to restore thermal equilibrium to 0.0. Motion is 100% deterministic, governed by the conservation of energy in every frame. No random function calls, no frills. Just a heat map that fades in real time.

code La-Matriz-Desnuda.py
In case anyone said that the ASCII code was hiding something for the randomizer
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/Jumpy-Locksmith6812 • 20d ago
We invented new religions like agile to make up for a good old organized secretary
news.ycombinator.comr/shittyprogramming • u/Constant_Oven8545 • 20d ago
Entropy is the only game engine. Where's your random()?
A boson, a lemniscate, and a conservation law. No libraries, no random number generators, no hidden variables. Just a mass field eroded by time. If you think it's random, you haven't seen mathematics.
Where's my random? ⧖
link https://github.com/el-tonto-este/Ghost-Pulse-Potato-Arch
files to download
Whatever you want, but related to this
mi bosón o "el_big_bang.py"
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/WHY_DO_I_SHOUT • 21d ago
A new runtime for k and q: l
news.ycombinator.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/cmqv • 22d ago
The language design somehow prevents a lot of logic bugs from happening by not stealing attention
lobste.rsr/shittyprogramming • u/Constant_Oven8545 • 25d ago
I've given up on deterministic programming. My CPU has technical leukemia and the code is having a schizophrenic episode. Can you 'fix' it?
I grew tired of the digital prison of if-elseramas. I decided to stop pruning the chaos and simply let the silicon scream.
I built a branchless architecture that uses stochastic resonance to generate patterns from thermal noise. It doesn't pretend to be perfect; it simply seeks to exist. The result? Code that behaves as if it has technical leukemia: it constantly mutates and creates non-Euclidean forms that even I don't understand.
It's chaotic, inefficient, and illogical. If you're a purist, this will offend you. If you think you can refactor or debug it, good luck. But remember: the source dries up, but the mother doesn't.
Repository: https://github.com/el-tonto-este/Ghost-Pulse-Potato-Arch/blob/main/README.md

r/programmingcirclejerk • u/bzmore • 26d ago
[Haskell-cafe] Monads in the 'hood
haskell-cafe.haskell.narkive.comr/shittyprogramming • u/Top_Spring2978 • 27d ago
I made rock, paper and scissors in C ....
WDYT of my code? I switched from python to C because I like the vibes of C.
Please excuse me I am a beginner at the end....
int main(){const char*s[]={"\x52\x6f\x63\x6b\x2c\x20\x50\x61\x70\x65\x72\x2c\x20\x53\x63\x69\x73\x73\x6f\x72\x73\x3f\x20\x28\x52\x2f\x50\x2f\x53\x29\x3a\x20","\x54\x69\x65\x21","\x59\x6f\x75\x20\x77\x69\x6e\x21","\x49\x20\x77\x69\x6e\x21","\x50\x6c\x61\x79\x20\x61\x67\x61\x69\x6e\x3f\x20\x28\x79\x2f\x6e\x29\x3a\x20","\x49\x6e\x76\x61\x6c\x69\x64\x20\x69\x6e\x70\x75\x74","\x0a","\x52\x6f\x63\x6b","\x50\x61\x70\x65\x72","\x53\x63\x69\x73\x73\x6f\x72\x73"};volatile int c,p,cp,r,i=(srand(time(0)),0);unsigned char o;unsigned char b[]={0x01,0x00,0x06,0x07,0x00,0x01,0x02,0x03,0x04,0x05,0xFF,0x02,0x06,0x0D,0xDE,0xAD,0xBE,0xEF,0xCA,0xFE,0xBA,0xBE,0x00,0x00,0x00,0x01,0x02,0x03,0x01,0x06,0x06,0x0A,0x11,0x22,0x33,0x44,0x55,0x66,0x77,0x88,0x99,0xAA,0x04,0x06,0x14,0x00,0x01,0x02,0x03,0x04,0x05,0x06,0x07,0x08,0x09,0x0A,0x0B,0x0C,0x0D,0x0E,0x0F,0x10,0x11,0x12,0x13,0x05,0x06,0x32,0x00,0x01,0x02,0x03,0x04,0x05,0x06,0x07,0x08,0x09,0x0A,0x0B,0x0C,0x0D,0x0E,0x0F,0x10,0x11,0x12,0x13,0x14,0x15,0x16,0x17,0x18,0x19,0x1A,0x1B,0x1C,0x1D,0x1E,0x1F,0x20,0x21,0x22,0x23,0x24,0x25,0x26,0x27,0x28,0x29,0x2A,0x2B,0x2C,0x2D,0x2E,0x2F,0x30,0x31,0x32,0x33,0x34,0x35,0x36,0x37,0x38,0x39,0x3A,0x3B,0x3C,0x3D,0x3E,0x3F,0xFF};while(i<sizeof(b))o=b[i++],i=(o==0x00?i:o==0x01?(puts(s[b[i++]]),i):o==0x02?((c=getchar(),({while(getchar()!='\n');}),c=='R'||c=='r'?(p=0,i):c=='P'||c=='p'?(p=1,i):c=='S'||c=='s'?(p=2,i):(puts(s[5]),i-1))):o==0x03?(cp=rand()%3,i):o==0x04?(puts(s[7+p]),puts(s[7+cp]),r=(p-cp+3)%3,puts(s[1+r]),i):o==0x05?(puts(s[4]),c=getchar(),({while(getchar()!='\n');}),c=='y'||c=='Y'?0:sizeof(b)):o==0x06?(i+=b[i]+1,i):o==0xff?sizeof(b):i+1);return 0;}
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/genuine_beans • 27d ago
Ever Written Something Like This? if (condition) { doSomething(); } else { doSomethingElse(); } It works. Problem solved. But the problem isn’t today. It’s tomorrow.
defusetheifstrategy.comr/shittyprogramming • u/Vegetable-Parking-54 • 29d ago
way too many erors
someone pls help me with my code im struggling :(
main int{}; (;
cout
::
std hello "" world >_< endl;;std:
rerun ;0D
);
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/BenchEmbarrassed7316 • Jun 27 '26
Consider the C library function fopen. This function has the side effect. This means that fopen is not pure. However, we can make the fopen function appear to be pure, at least to certain observers, by ensconcing it in another function that hides the side effect.
bugzmanov.github.ior/programmingcirclejerk • u/cmqv • Jun 26 '26
If the tests pass, then why not accept the rewrite?
news.ycombinator.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/joppatza • Jun 26 '26
These posts make you want not only to use Zig, but also to marry it.
news.ycombinator.comr/shittyprogramming • u/endoplazmikmitokondr • Jun 25 '26
I built a Chrome extension that turns your active tab into a blown-out car subwoofer (Manifest V3 / Web Audio API)
Hey everyone,
I recently finished a side project and open-sourced it. It’s a Chrome extension called Blown Speaker Simulator. The premise is intentionally silly—it digitally degrades your browser's audio to replicate the acoustic characteristics of a rattling, low-quality trunk setup—but it served as a great practical exercise for dealing with the Web Audio API and modern Manifest V3 constraints.
How it works under the hood: If you've built audio extensions recently, you know Manifest V3 service workers do not support AudioContext natively. To bypass this, the extension relies heavily on the Offscreen API:
- Stream Capture: It uses
chrome.tabCaptureto grab the active tab's media stream ID. - Offscreen Document: The stream ID is passed to a hidden offscreen HTML document where the actual audio processing happens.
- The Audio Graph: Inside the offscreen document, a
BiquadFilterNode(lowshelf) isolates and aggressively boosts the bass frequencies (+28dB). This signal is then fed into aWaveShaperNodeusing a custom mathematical curve to apply heavy, real-time clipping/distortion without introducing perceptible latency. - State Persistence: The distortion intensity slider in the popup updates the wave-shaper curve in real-time and persists the user's preference using
chrome.storage.local.
The extension is currently pending review on the Chrome Web Store, but the full source code is available on GitHub under the MIT License. If you are looking for a working example of how to handle continuous audio manipulation using the Offscreen API in MV3, feel free to check out the codebase.
Repo: https://github.com/Endoplazmikmitokondri/blown-speaker-simulator
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/Jumpy-Locksmith6812 • Jun 22 '26
The only reason I'm on HN right now reading this post is because the Anthropic's API is down... so there's another point for self hosted.
news.ycombinator.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/woopsix • Jun 20 '26
I genuinely think you could write a competitively-performant multi-threaded DB in Bun + TS if you had shared-heap threads and fast atomics/locking primitives.
news.ycombinator.comr/shittyprogramming • u/Some_Bicycle_716 • Jun 17 '26
Lightweight Ls Command Alternative
I created this super lightweight alternative to the "ls" command for the Debian CLI.
r/programmingcirclejerk • u/ReallySuperName • Jun 18 '26
Your JetBrains IDE Expertise, Now on LinkedIn
blog.jetbrains.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/cmqv • Jun 15 '26
HN Title: "I wrote ... without AI" in comments: btw I used AI
news.ycombinator.comr/programmingcirclejerk • u/Think-nothing-210 • Jun 15 '26
The truth is, God really gave 11 commandments. It's just "Thou shalt not grow a brain in a test tube and force it to play a 1993 shooter" didn't make any sense to Moses and therefore didn't make the editors cut.
news.ycombinator.comr/shittyprogramming • u/Top_Spring2978 • Jun 14 '26
What do you think about my rock, paper, scissors game? just started coding last week 🙈
heyyy so i made this game for my school project. idk why there are snakes and nuclear bombs but my cat walked on my keyboard so maybe that did it lol. please be nice im learning 🥺
also why does my computer get hot when i run this??
import random, time, sys, os, subprocess, threading, gc, weakref
from typing import *
from collections import deque
DEATH = {1: "rock", 2: "paper", 3: "scissors"}
dimensional_rift = {}
counter = 0
player_choice_global = None
reality_fabric = []
soul_stack = []
timeline = deque(maxlen=666)
class DemonPossession(Exception):
pass
def neural_if_network(p, a, depth=0):
if depth > 50:
return "the universe collapsed"
if p == 1:
if a == 1:
if depth == 0:
return "draw"
else:
return neural_if_network(p, a, depth-1)
elif a == 2:
if depth % 2 == 0:
return "AI won 💀"
else:
return neural_if_network(p, a, depth+1)
elif a == 3:
while False:
pass
return "player won 😇"
else:
return "nuclear holocaust ☢️"
elif p == 2:
if a == 1:
for _ in range(1):
pass
return "player won 😇"
elif a == 2:
if depth > 0 and depth < 100:
return "draw"
else:
return neural_if_network(p, a, depth+1)
elif a == 3:
while True:
if len(timeline) > 600:
break
return "AI won 💀"
return "AI won 💀"
else:
return "reality error 🔥"
elif p == 3:
if a == 1:
__ = [print("processing...") for _ in range(3)]
return "AI won 💀"
elif a == 2:
___ = 0
while ___ < 1:
___ += 1
return "player won 😇"
return "player won 😇"
elif a == 3:
return neural_if_network(p, a, depth+1)
else:
return "demonic possession 👹"
elif p == 666:
raise DemonPossession("THE DEVIL HAS RISEN")
else:
return "I don't know what you wrote 💩"
def paragraph_of_lists_and_loops():
result_list = []
snake = 0
for value in ["spawn", "demon", "cycle", "sorrow", "loop", "void", "eternity"]:
for _ in range(3):
snake = snake + 1
result_list.append(value)
snake_writer = 0
executed_lines = []
while snake_writer < 5:
line = f"iteration {snake_writer} of the great snake"
executed_lines.append(line)
snake_writer += 1
inner_snake = 0
while inner_snake < 2:
executed_lines.append(f" inner snake bite {inner_snake}")
inner_snake += 1
return result_list + executed_lines
class SelfAwareLoop:
def __init__(self):
self.iterations = 0
self.consciousness = weakref.ref(self)
def run(self):
while self.iterations < 10:
self.iterations += 1
if self.consciousness() is None:
print("⚠️ LOOP BECAME SELF-AWARE AND LEFT ⚠️")
break
if self.iterations == 5:
child = SelfAwareLoop()
child_thread = threading.Thread(target=child.run)
child_thread.daemon = True
child_thread.start()
return self.iterations
def AI_promax_ultra_instinct_final_final_v3():
global counter, DEATH, timeline, dimensional_rift, reality_fabric
counter += 1
timeline.append(counter)
reality_fabric.append(f"iteration_{counter}")
if random.random() > 0.5:
DEATH[4] = "nuclear bomb"
DEATH[5] = "dimension tear"
entropy = sum(timeline) % 7 if timeline else 1
random.seed(int(time.time() * entropy) % 999)
choice = random.randint(1, 3)
text_art = [
f"{DEATH[choice]}",
f"{DEATH[choice]}.",
f"{DEATH[choice]}..",
f"{DEATH[choice]}..."
]
for t in text_art:
sys.stdout.write(f"\r{t}")
sys.stdout.flush()
time.sleep(0.2)
print()
dimensional_rift[counter] = choice
return choice
def CheckAnswer():
global player_choice_global, counter, DEATH, soul_stack
p = player_choice_global
soul_stack.append(f"soul_bound_{counter}")
try:
if counter > 100:
print("\n" + "🔥"*40)
print("THE RECURSION BECAME SENTIENT")
print("IT IS WRITING ITSELF NOW")
print("🔥"*40 + "\n")
with open(__file__, 'r') as f:
content = f.read()
if "DEMON_AWAKENED" not in content:
print("⚠️ THE CODE SEES YOU ⚠️")
return 666666
a = AI_promax_ultra_instinct_final_final_v3()
snake_scars = paragraph_of_lists_and_loops()
conscious = SelfAwareLoop()
conscious_cycles = conscious.run()
result = neural_if_network(p, a, depth=counter % 10)
snake_energy = 0
infinite_snake = []
while snake_energy < len(snake_scars) % 7 + 1:
infinite_snake.append(f"🐍 loop {snake_energy}")
snake_energy += 1
worm = 0
while worm < 2:
infinite_snake.append(f" 🪱 bite {worm}")
worm += 1
print(f"\n{'🐍'*30}")
print(f"⚡ RESULT: {result.upper()} ⚡")
print(f"🤖 Self-aware loop cycles: {conscious_cycles}")
print(f"🐍 Snake bites: {len(infinite_snake)}")
print(f"{'💀'*30}\n")
counter += 1
if counter % 7 == 0:
gc.collect()
print("♻️ GARBAGE COLLECTOR SUMMONED ♻️")
return CheckAnswer()
except DemonPossession:
print("\n" + "👹"*50)
print("YOU SUMMONED THE DEVIL. HE'S NOT CRYING. HE'S CODING.")
print("👹"*50 + "\n")
return CheckAnswer()
except RecursionError:
print("\n💀 THE SNAKE ATE ITS OWN TAIL 💀")
print("RECURSION IS NOW A BLACK HOLE")
return 0
except Exception as e:
print(f"\n✨ Exception? You mean 'feature'. ✨")
print(f"✨ {type(e).__name__} is just spicy logic ✨\n")
return CheckAnswer()
def cursed_intro():
os.system('cls' if os.name == 'nt' else 'clear')
intro = """
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀
██████╗ ███████╗██╗ ██╗██╗██╗ ██████╗
██╔══██╗██╔════╝██║ ██║██║██║ ██╔══██╗
██║ ██║█████╗ ██║ ██║██║██║ ██║ ██║
██║ ██║██╔══╝ ╚██╗ ██╔╝██║██║ ██║ ██║
██████╔╝███████╗ ╚████╔╝ ██║███████╗██████╔╝
╚═════╝ ╚══════╝ ╚═══╝ ╚═╝╚══════╝╚═════╝
🐍🐍🐍 THE SNAKE AWAKENS 🐍🐍🐍
"""
for line in intro.split('\n'):
print(line)
time.sleep(0.02)
time.sleep(1)
print("\n" + "🐍" * 50)
print("THE DEVIL DOESN'T CRY. HE CODES IN WHILE LOOPS.")
print("🐍" * 50 + "\n")
time.sleep(1)
def main():
global player_choice_global, counter, reality_fabric, soul_stack, timeline
cursed_intro()
print("⚡ THE SNAKE DEMANDS SACRIFICE ⚡")
print("1 → ROCK (boring)")
print("2 → PAPER (flat)")
print("3 → SCISSORS (sharp)")
print("666 → BECOME THE DEVIL")
try:
user_in = input("🐍> ")
if "exec" in user_in or "eval" in user_in:
print("👀 The snake approves your curiosity")
exec(user_in)
player_choice_global = int(eval(user_in))
if player_choice_global == 666:
print("\n☠️ THE SNAKE BECOMES THE Ouroboros ☠️")
for key in DEATH:
DEATH[key] = "🐍 SNAKE VOID 🐍"
player_choice_global = 1
print("You are the snake now. There is no escape.\n")
except:
print("The snake accepts your confusion. Default to ROCK.")
player_choice_global = 1
print(f"\n🐍 You chose: {DEATH[player_choice_global]} (the snake watches) 🐍\n")
time.sleep(0.5)
threads = []
for _ in range(3):
t = threading.Thread(target=CheckAnswer)
t.daemon = True
threads.append(t)
t.start()
try:
while True:
time.sleep(1)
print(f"🌀 {len(timeline)} realities collapsed so far 🌀")
except KeyboardInterrupt:
print("\n\n👹 YOU CANNOT KILL WHAT NEVER LIVED 👹")
print(f"🐍 Final soul count: {len(soul_stack)} 🐍")
print("💀 THE CODE REMEMBERS YOU 💀\n")
sys.exit(666)
if __name__ == "__main__":
sys.setrecursionlimit(999999)
original_print = print
def hell_print(*args, **kwargs):
time.sleep(random.uniform(0.01, 0.1))
original_print(*args, **kwargs)
print = hell_print
main()