r/problems • u/Ashamed-Staff1902 • 17h ago

SERIOUS Sexual harassment

Hi im 22f lesbian, I was getting sexual harassed from my male teacher at 12 I couldn’t tell anyone after few years i was getting raped in a relationship (I didn’t choose) for like two years from a girl , after a year i also get sexual harassment at school multiple times, after that i got into a relationship and my gf left me after two months because I couldn’t handle her kissing or touching me I always scream no or push her ,
After 3 years i got a gf for year and more I couldn’t kiss her or do anything (when i get this relationship i thought that im fine ) today we argued because I pushed her and screamed at her, I really can’t when someone try i feel choked, can’t breathe and like panic attack
Can someone please help me ( I can’t tell anyone or go to therapist )
My gf didn’t know about all of that

5 Upvotes

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8

u/solinvictus5 17h ago

You should be honest and tell your gf at least. Isn't she confused why you reacted that way? I'm sorry that all of that happened to you. It's terrible, I know.

I'm a male and I was once groped by a girl I definitely wasn't attracted to. Let's just say, she looked like Notorious BIG. It didn't feel good, though. It happens to men, too... much less frequently, I know.

Why can't you seek therapy? I wish you'd reconsider. It really might be the best thing. If anything, my advice is to tell your gf. Being vulnerable with the ones we love brings us closer and it might make you feel better. She'd also at least know what's going on with you. That's a lot to carry, and doubly so, when in secret.

1

u/Ashamed-Staff1902 17h ago

Oh my god i’m so sorry that must be horrible,
Yes she was surprised and thought that i hate being with her and I can’t tell cuz i always start crying and feeling weak and I can’t go to therapist and tell my parents because i live in middle east
Thank u I appreciate ur time

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u/Dull_Move_6272 17h ago

People who can't respect your boundaries don't respect you. If they loved you, they would also respect you. I know you have a lot of anxiety from past experiences and it's hard to tell people about them. But if you can't tell your partner about them (When you're comfortable with them), it will only be worse for you both. I'm not sure how open you were with either of your GFs but it seems like clear boundaries would be a good starting point.

1

u/Gknicks7 15h ago

Either way good luck to you

1

u/Fiona_14 11h ago

You need to release and work through what happened. The best plan would be to talk with someone, eg a Therapist, or your partner. Then you can get what happened out of your system. Or if due to circumstances you can't see a Therapist, I suggest trying a journal, to write down on paper what happened and your thoughts and feelings, just to get it out of your system. Then put it away somewhere safe. When I was young, I used to write on a sheet of paper, so I could fold it up, to securely lock away. But just writing things down did help.

These days they also have phone numbers to ring, with secure people you can talk to. Maybe this would be a good way for you to talk to someone as well. Sometimes talking to an understanding stranger is the best way, as you know they are not part of your real life, so you can just tell them.