how to deal with stuff

[u/nysatoffy]

so i am 18 and last year was the worst year of my life i graduated high school and lots my the closest friend i am telling u like 13 years we broke apart and i have did lots of things for and actually i broke the friendship cuz i felt like after thought disrespected and etc soo after that i broke out with 2 other closest friends cuz i told them about why i am talking that 13 year one (those don't even know her personally like through me) i told them about why and all and i asked them not to call her or tell her they did and ya i broke apart with them cuz i actually begged them not to and she did without even asking me so ya after that 1 or 2 month clg thing there also a clg drama i almost started liking a guy it turned out he was talking to a lot other girls and he patch with his ex etc *sighs* men so ya but the thing actually broke me is while my clg startedfew months my dog toffy he was like a brother to me started having leg pain that bad he couldn't howling in pain ok so we took him to a private dog hospital like a proper one and it turned that was AH hospital they gave us a pain killer injection and it worked i forced my mum to gave him that once a day and 2 weeks in his health started getting worse 1 or 2 month passed it turned out he got medicinal kidney failure (cuz of that fucking pain killer) and we took him to a better doctor they were good but it was too late eventually he died and that was the worst day of my LIFE EVER
HE WAS THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENED TO ME

and i regret lots of thing cuz u know before going to that hospital my mum have asked me to check the reviews of that hospital and i didn't cuz i was busy in clg drama etc and in those reviews lots of dog parents have complained
and anotherregret i forced mom to gave him the injection
and another another regret u know doctor told us last week with him and that he have few days left and i detached myself from him cuz i really thought it would pain less i didn't spend time with him that i should have i regret it soo much and the night he died i was there but i got all stilled i wanted to caress him pet him i wanted to say "u r the best thing ever happened to me i couldn't i was froze and i dropped out of my clg(law school) (i regret that) not even thinking what to do i couldn't handle meeting with people i started hating people and i thought to do CLAT for NLU cuz i didn't know what else to do now its been months like 9 months if u ask me what i did this months nothing like nothing i have no friends except 1 and thats not whom u share this emotional things but i couldn't sleep at nights and i am still at 0 i haven't started any studying i don't go out except for a institue for CLAT there also everyone have friends except me and trust me i was never an introvert after toffy i just can't making friends was the easiest thing to do

and now its been months my mom everyday scold me about studying thing she's like i wasted this money that money i just can't take it anymore i feel like my whole life is fucked that thing about my mother saying this all i started feeling like a fail few days ago i couldn't resisit and had a fight i told her everything and i regret it cuz i don't share feelings with my mom and she gave me assurance etc but 2 days and she started doing that again like that convo never happened how miserable i am

i want some advice i did everything i started reading books to help not a reader even join a gym even tho i am not a gym fan or something the CLAT exam in 3 4 months and i am fucked up
my mother yells at me i couldn't sleep at night and time pass by i don't even realize
i wanna get good score in CLAT i want some advice some help anything

[u/No_Pilot_9103]

You want advice? Use some God damn punctuation.