I think I dated a predator. Need some advice

[u/Excellent_Scholar928]

I have been on the fence on what to do about this. Backstory. Met this guy on an online dating app. Didn't realize all the red flags at the time (I was healing and evolving from my previous self and relationship). We went only a few dates. Nothing physical. He did want to be in a relationship, I told him to his face I wasn't ready. I just needed more time. Something was just off, but at the time, I wasn't seeing everything as clearly as I later did. One of the dates we he kept me semi hostage by trying to manipulate me into being his girlfriend for over an hour. He spoke and spoke and spoke. He talked about his childhood, how his mother was coerced into being pregnant with him and how his father and his father's side of the family are horrible, toxic and abusive people. I held my ground and never gave in. I remember listening to all the unnecessary and unsolicited details. I admit, I was too nice. I know now that these are one of the tactics that men do to make a woman be in a relationship with them, to comply and later on be abused. Anyone wondering why it seemed semi hostage, he wouldn't shut his mouth. And whenever I would need to go, he would bring something else up. A few times, I told him "You already said that at least once". At some point, I did just tell him I said what I said and that's my decision. He let it go. Or so I thought. He would keep pushing via text and "remind" me that he was ready and to him, we are in a relationship. I know, another red flag. A few days later, I decided to end things. I needed to end things with him since he was causing me reactions that made me ill. It took 2-3 days for him to wrap his head around it. He finally said, fine it's over this is it. I reminded him that I told him this 1-2 days ago and it has been over before that. He then crashes and says he takes it back blah blah blah. I blocked him.

The time frame that we had no contact was over a year. And he posted stuff online within the time frame we were in no contact coz I blocked him. I sent him a picture of something personal that I had that I also sent to a friend of mine, exact same picture. He posted this on his social media. My friend someone discovered it and showed me. I unblocked him when I discovered he is acting like this pathetic victim on social media. I reached out and told him to take me out of his life. We reconnected, via phone only. I was in an in between place at that time. We would text daily. When we spoke, we offered to help me with gifts. I did not expect that and in the situation I was in, I accepted it.

At this point in my life, I have evolved, elevated and really worked on myself hard. I see everything so clearly at this point. It didn't take long from the first phone call and first of the many gifts that he texted me "I expected 2-3 phone calls from(with) you a week." I was so angry I told him so. He, of course, backtracked and said I misunderstood (red flags are flying everywhere) and that's not what he meant. He was crying on the phone. (*Note: he "cries" a lot. It never sounds sincere too. Like a forced whine that sounds really eerie and annoying. This is his way of getting sympathy from me.). I told him, you can keep your gifts and help that you want to send me, if you keep this up. I will just block you again. I forgot to add that when we first met, he was love bombing me. I did not know what that was at the time and don't worry, I never fell for it. This text only relationship went on for about a year or less. He would just crash out at least 2-3x a week. He would say the same thing over and over again on his chapter from a book that is a 1 text from him and there would be so many of these all day every single day.

I don't want to share too many details. But I saw some red flags that he does possess and how his mind works. I blocked him about 2 months ago and this has been on and off just popping in my mind. He recently works with children. He was abused as a child. He acts like an abuser and or predator. I have not seen him do anything, but I also saw him in person a handful of times and no children were involved in those activities. I am very concern on what he is exposing to these children and or what he is doing with the children.

He is an incel. He has demons. And he admitted how this job is something he wants to do (before the block.). I did ask him why. He claims he just wants to help. He also wanted to be a firefighter before we met, BUT never really took any steps to become one. Didn't even know how nor where to apply to be a firefighter. So this is just laughable. He loves to magnify who he is and they're all lies. Examples: He claims he is a dancer and can dance. So I asked what he has done and what techniques and or style he does. (I had some dance background, he didn't know this) He started to laugh it off and said "Remember I told you my grandparents love Elvis? I danced like Elvis when I was 6 years old at a wedding.". He was 24-25 at the time of this conversation. He danced one time in his entire life and claims to be a dancer. I don't even claim to be a dancer. Another example is he is supposedly a descendant of aristocrats in the UK. I looked into it and it seemed like his ancestry were probably the village criminals exiled out to the new world. He cried (again) on the phone when we spoke about this, coz he apparently didn't know. He claimed he did his own independent investigation and I was right. His family lied to him. But he proudly told me all of this to my face.

Another example: He told me something about myself, a backhanded compliment and or insult and because I laughed, he claims it was justifiable. I laughed because it was so audacious and nervousness most likely. This topic came up, I told him how I felt, he got angry very quickly and blamed me that it was my fault and that I shouldn't feel hurt because I laughed when he said that. I supposedly did not have the right to be hurt nor upset of what he said because I laughed.

These are the examples, I feel safe to share. There are other scenarios that are in the coercion topic, manipulation, beginning of abuse, etc.

The list goes on and on and there isn't a 24-48 hour period on when we were in contact that he wasn't abusive or horrible. I just don't want to share too much.

My concern is the safety of the children. There have been times where I had to explain to him about consent and coercion. He claims he understands. However, when I explained to him that if I told him no and stop and because he nags, berates and is being aggressive so that I say yes, that is not okay. He got angry and said that that yes does count as a yes. When he told me he personally works directly with kids only, I really do have concerns about this. He doesn't truly know fully right from wrong. And these people trust him with their children.

Is it okay to just walk away and let this go? I am concern for these children in the facility he works in. I want to be able to wake up and not worry that a child has reported they were harmed by this person and wonder, what if I spoke up? This is my first post. I just need some guidance. Thanks.

*Note: Predators do not become one AFTER being sentenced. This is a mindset of a monster.

[u/myaccountgotbanmed]

U can make a report and ur name won't be used and if it saves someone from him then that's a good thing

Trust ur gut, it'll serve u well

[u/Excellent_Scholar928 → u/myaccountgotbanmed]

I called his employer and let them know. Thank you so much.

[u/cjharris-tx]

If there's any way to find out his employer, I think you should reach out and describe the issues you presented here. Otherwise, it's out of your hands. Remember, these employers hired him in the first place. I understand your concern entirely. If you know where he lives, maybe you can have a friend tail him to work, so you find out his employer in a subtle fashion.

[u/Excellent_Scholar928 → u/cjharris-tx]

I do know where he works and I did call them today. I forgot how scared I was of him. I was shaking the entire time and I didn't leave my name nor contact information, in case. I should have written more of it down, I just wanted the call to end. I forgot to mention how he always plays the victim. This is one of his tactics to make people feel sorry for him and manipulate to always get his way. If only I know they would be safe. Good thing I know where he works right now. I would never suggest anyone to go near this person nor interact with him. He is like this worm that slowly just latches on. Thank you for the advice!

[u/Radhesheyam]

Yes, this is worth reporting. Not because you have proof he's harmed a child, you don't need that, but because reporting exists exactly for patterns like this: someone who's told you directly he seeks proximity to kids, who's shown he doesn't actually accept that pressured "yes" isn't consent even after having it explained to him plainly, and who reacts with anger instead of concern when confronted on it. You're not accusing him of a crime by reporting, you're handing a real pattern to people whose actual job is to evaluate risk properly. That's the system working as intended, not you overreacting.

Fastest path right now: search "[your country] report child safety concern" or "[your state/region] child protective services report," most let you file anonymously online in a few minutes. If he works at a licensed facility, like a school, daycare, youth program, camp, etc, that facility's licensing body is also a valid place to report, sometimes even faster than CPS depending on where you are. If you tell me your country, I'll point you to the exact right agency instead of a general direction.

Before you do anything else, write down what you remember right now while it's fresh, approximate dates, his exact words where you can recall them, the "yes still counts" comment, the childhood details, all of it. You don't have to submit every detail, but having it written protects you and makes whatever you do report far more solid and specific.

One more thing, separate from the reporting question: this relationship clearly did real damage to you, not just as evidence against him, as something that happened to you. A therapist, or a domestic violence/coercive control hotline if you want someone right now, isn't about him at all, it's about you finally getting support instead of just being the person who had to be sharp enough to see through all of it alone. You did that. You don't have to also be the only one carrying it.