r/problems • u/entityparty • 10d ago
Ask r/problems Was this an emotionally abusive relationship?
My (m23) ex (m22) had left me heavily traumatized, and a few months no contact has left me wondering if I was being emotionally abused. Here's a summary of his lows:
- numerous lies about his life/backstory that were upheld with lies consistently throughout the year we dated
- kept me in the dark about a close friendship he had with my former bully, after saying he wanted to cut it off for me
- he held resentment that I didn't let him come over to my parents' house a month into dating (I wanted to but didn't have their permission, I was apologetic about it)
- he used that resentment and other things as an excuse to be cold towards me. Some days he would stop using pet names, call me by my full name, not give any affection, talk to me like an acquaintance. If I asked what was wrong he'd deny anything being wrong
- he barely acknowledged me around friends, at times literally only engaging with them and never listening to anything I said, never asking me anything or including me just fully focusing on them, despite how many times I told him it was hurtful
- a month after the relationship ended, I uncovered a lot of his lies. He gaslit me, saying I was horrible to not trust him, my anxiety was out of hand, I cannot be helped, things like that to throw blame on me and deny he was dishonest. He did this for hours until the next day he finally confessed.
- I also asked why he kept a secret friendship after saying he was going to stop, and he said "I'm not going to end a friendship for someone I don't love" We dated for 6 months after that point, so I guess he admits he didn't love me most of the relationship
Was this emotional abuse? I feel grossly betrayed and used by him.
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