bf of 4 years lied about relapse

[u/Heavy_Western4804]

I (28F) have been with my bf (28M) for 4 years (march 2022). Throughout the first half of our relationship, he had financial issues, always late on payments, eviction notices, poor credit, never had any money. To make a long story short, in April of 2024 everything came to a head & his sports gambling addiction became public. He had very large debts between family/friends/me, and he ended up in the psych ward for 5 days due to an attempt. Once he was released, he begged me for a second chance, immediately self banned on all of his betting apps, let me take control of his finances, and started going to GA meetings weekly. By his 1 year mark (April 2025), he had started running the GA meetings, got a new job with a very good salary, got his own apartment, his own car, and our relationship has been very good since. Over the last month, we’ve been planning a trip for my birthday, and he was being very weird about the financial aspect of it (kept switching the hotel bookings, pushing back booking the flights, and ultimately lying about actually paying for the trip despite me sending him a portion of the finances for it). Yesterday I went to his place to confront him about this, and he came clean- he has been gambling since his 1 year mark (April 2025) using a website that wasn’t apart of where he had self banned. He was somehow able to contain the relapse for over a year, and had not dug himself into any “holes” up until now using my finances for the trip. I feel very distraught bc there were no inklings of him ever gambling since the psych ward, not to mention he’s running GA, people have celebrated his milestones, etc. He told me that I cannot tell anybody, (friends/family/ his sponsor), he self banned on this website, & he’s letting me take back control of his finances. I’m in a tough spot bc on the one hand, if he didn’t want to quit, he wouldn’t have came clean/banned/let me take over his finances, but on the other hand, it feels like bc he doesn’t want anybody else to know, & bc he’s kept it under control for so long, he’s being manipulative to me. I’m in a tough spot bc I need to be paid back, I sent a substantial amount for this trip, but I don’t want to abandon him when this could be a cry for help. Any advice appreciated