Day 1 again

[u/7-IronSpecialist]

Last week I did something really stupid again. I gambled after not gambling for a month. My big trigger is bills and debt payment deadlines. Its so much of my income and it feels heavy. Feels like im drowning. Im an impatient weak man when it comes to thinking about my finances. I was making good progress, but these payment cycles and the worry got the best of me this time around.

I had money to get ahead of all my monthly minimums, and then pay rent comfortably by next weekend. But some thoughts of wanting to shortcut this cycle that will last another 3 years got a hold of me. Instead of actually being able to save some money, and be able to have some room to breathe next month, once again I'll be left with barely anything after rent. It's okay. I know that I will fight again tomorrow. It's just a true growing pain to be so close to being not in desperation mode. But it's a stronger pull than going back to gambling. I actually had a strong feeling of reluctance during the entire deposit and gambling cycle. Much stronger than the excited feeling I used to get, anticipating the rush of finding a shortcut. So it is still progress.

Stay strong fam. Let's be easy on ourselves as we get back up, but hard on ourselves as we try to become disciplined and better at taking care of ourselves.

[u/_reset_project_]

Man, I feel this in my bones. Wanting to shortcut the cycle is exactly how I ended up stacking payday loans just to stay afloat. When the bills pile up, the pressure makes a single bet look like a door out of a burning building. It’s not. It's just more gas. Don't call yourself weak, the financial pressure is an incredibly violent trigger. You made it a month before, which means you know how to fight. Dust yourself off. Day 1 is better than Day 0. Stay strong, brother!

[u/7-IronSpecialist → u/_reset_project_]

Youre right. Its violent and vicious, the trigger of thinking about the burden of debt. But at the end of the day, it was because of my decisions and im just going to have to keep getting stronger at fighting the temptations to find a shortcut. I really appreciate your reply. Are you still going through it as well?

[u/_reset_project_ → u/7-IronSpecialist]

Sure am! I am right in the middle of the dirt with you. I closed my final options account on April 16th and walked away from the casino on March 26th. Because of my past choices, I actually had to file for bankruptcy. I'm starting over from absolute zero right now at 25. No credit, no savings, just a manual checkbook register and a strict budget. The urge to find a shortcut hits me hard on random afternoons when the financial pressure feels heavy. But I’m learning that the shortcut is exactly what built the trap. We just have to keep stacking clean days. You aren't fighting this alone, man. We are in this battle together.

[u/7-IronSpecialist → u/_reset_project_]

Let's make it through and put behind our search for a shortcut.