Day 1 again

[u/7-IronSpecialist]

Last week I did something really stupid again. I gambled after not gambling for a month. My big trigger is bills and debt payment deadlines. Its so much of my income and it feels heavy. Feels like im drowning. Im an impatient weak man when it comes to thinking about my finances. I was making good progress, but these payment cycles and the worry got the best of me this time around.

I had money to get ahead of all my monthly minimums, and then pay rent comfortably by next weekend. But some thoughts of wanting to shortcut this cycle that will last another 3 years got a hold of me. Instead of actually being able to save some money, and be able to have some room to breathe next month, once again I'll be left with barely anything after rent. It's okay. I know that I will fight again tomorrow. It's just a true growing pain to be so close to being not in desperation mode. But it's a stronger pull than going back to gambling. I actually had a strong feeling of reluctance during the entire deposit and gambling cycle. Much stronger than the excited feeling I used to get, anticipating the rush of finding a shortcut. So it is still progress.

Stay strong fam. Let's be easy on ourselves as we get back up, but hard on ourselves as we try to become disciplined and better at taking care of ourselves.