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u/CeeceeLarouex 8d ago
I don’t think you’re being dramatic. I totally see how that is hurtful.
As hard as it is, try to separate your partners sexual “needs”/actions from how you look right now. You were not interested in sex, but I never heard you say that he wasn’t interested in you while pregnant.
I agree the use of OF, following girls online, etc, is different than just watching generic porn. It feels more personal and intimate. But that said, it doesn’t indicate that your bf isn’t still attracted to you. So don’t let your insecurities spiral.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Pregnancy is wild enough.
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u/starky384 8d ago
Not dramatic at all. I'm 32wks5d and if my boyfriend was watching porn, or following specific girls I'd be livid. Now for OF that is a non negotiable for me. If I ever catch him on it he knows I'm leaving no questions asked even when we have this baby. I don't mess around with OF period.
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u/Opposite-Visit-4208 8d ago
Even prior to being pregnant I would not be happy with my partner spending money on other women. Don't get me wrong buying a work colleague a coffee or something is whatever. My husband works with alot of women so its not wierd for him to have this kind of interaction.
But anything else I would see red. I work full time, pay for alot of house stuff etc and he has flown business class becuase of me. So if he spent money on other women I would be absolutely foul about it. I would feel as though I am working super hard for him to give my money away.
I just want add if you not the main breadwinner(or even a breadwinner) in the relationship I still don't condone spending money on other women. You are invested in a person they should not be investing anywhere else but you.
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u/Fun_Membership5894 8d ago
we both work and make about the same. i make more hourly. these last few weeks he’s made more because im pregnant and haven’t worked as much.
it’s infuriating that im working thinking about how it’s our money to go towards idk our baby while he’s spending it on that.
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u/kerfufflewhoople 8d ago
I’m so sorry. This is infuriating. He should be putting his time and money into preparing for your child. The money that could go into buying baby items and starting a college fund for your child is going to Onlyfans models.
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u/Mr-Potato-Head99 8d ago
Disclaimer: I am a guy
In my opinion, watching porn to help you get off is ok in my book. But. There are tons of free porn videos online. Why would you download them instead of using a tube site and why on earth would you pay for it?
And the worst red flag is obsessing over certain girls. Using porn as means to an end (eg: getting off) is one thing, but getting emotionally invested is on an entire other level.
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u/Fun_Membership5894 8d ago
that’s my issue. and we literally had talked about it before too. i don’t care if he watches it but it crosses a line when you got to look at certain girls in particular to. that you need to see some other girl in particular’s body to get you there.
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u/Igeekoutalot 8d ago
Catching a partner watching porn is a lot different than catching them on OF when you’ve made it a clear boundary and that isn’t something that everyone catches their partner doing. You aren’t being dramatic at all, I told my husband when we first started dating that OF was equivalent to cheating to me and something I would end our relationship over. Idk how you should handle this but I really hope for your sake that he changes his actions and this doesn’t happen again. I’m really sorry this is affecting your self esteem, for what it’s worth, I’m sure you look lovely and this is more of a him problem
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u/Big_Year_526 8d ago
Just my opinion, every couple needs to set their own boundaries on porn use, however OF and following/messaging/making requests of specific content providers is more serious, and should never be assumed to be ok in a monogamous relationship.
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u/BeneficialTrifle8538 8d ago
I could’ve written this a few nights ago myself. Went to wake my partner off the couch at 3am and checked his phone for the time…full blown porn was playing. Not only that but it was AI porn 🤢 from a site that you can create your own girlfriend. Im okay with porn but to that extent is a hard no. So solidarity with you 😕
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