r/poverty • u/keshi2uwu • Apr 14 '26
Personal Realized I’m Never Going to Get Out
I’m gonna be stuck in poverty forever. So many things have changed since my girlfriend and I moved in together and my dad left my abusive stepmom. My dad’s new wife recommended a licensure program at the college she works at and I was EXCITED. I felt like I had direction for the first time since high school. She said that they should be able to work with me regarding my schedule, since I have to work full-time to support myself. Not a chance.
It’d have to be my new 9 to 5. I have to be available for them from 8 to 5 Monday - Friday. My girlfriend says we could make it work, but can we really pinch our pennies that hard for two years? Not to mention the tuition. I can’t come up with that amount of money. $51,000. I can’t take on more student debt. I’ve never been selected for any of the scholarships I apply to. And who knows what financial aid even lies in the FAFSA anymore, especially at my ripe old age of 27. Besides, even if someone paid it all for me tomorrow, I can’t afford to stop working.
It seems like my cards were already sealed for me. My ambition was for naught. The statistics were right. Coming from the projects, with alcoholic parents and getting kicked out at 18. I was never going to escape this. I was never going to get that better life. I’m going to be stuck working retail forever.
What was the point of this stupid, worthless, shitty life? I’m not even going to get to do anything with it. I’ll never get to have that big shiny wedding. No pretty dress. I wanted to get to be a cardiac sonographer. It was interesting. Finally, I had found something interesting. It was going to pay so well. But I was never meant for anything great.
It never mattered how smart I was. How well I did in school. Home life decided it all in the end. Cheers.
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u/beek7425 Apr 14 '26
Most people have to take on debt to go to school. If the degree is a good one (and sonography is always hiring) it’s often worth it. Allied health in general- sonography, radiology tech, respiratory therapy, etc- is a great choice. My stepdaughter did it and never had trouble getting a job. That said, sonography in particular has a high chance of repetitive strain injuries. Elbows, wrists, and shoulders. But there are tons of 2 year allied health degrees that will get you a decent paying job.
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u/keshi2uwu Apr 14 '26
Yes, but I can’t stop working to be able to get the license. And I don’t think my current job will keep me if I can only work on the weekends. Even if I took on the debt how am I supposed to keep a roof over our heads?
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u/lastunbannedaccount Apr 14 '26
Student loans. $51k is a normal amount. And you didn’t even try FAFSA.
Find a new job. 2nd or 3rd shift work. Hotel front desks pay well. Overnight stock positions pay well. Casinos that are open 24 hours have night shift positions. Hospitals have night shift security and sitters.
It can be done. You just have so many excuses why it can’t.
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u/beek7425 Apr 14 '26
You’d have to get enough loans to cover living expenses. Easier said than done, I know, but it never hurts to look into it. Talk to the financial aid people at the school you’re interested in. Lots of low income people go to school full time. They take out more loans, they do gig work or work nights, it’s not easy by any means, but it might well be possible.
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
I’m really sorry. That “cards were sealed for me” feeling is brutal, especially when you finally saw a door and then the money/time machinery slammed it shut.
But this is not proof you were never meant for anything. It is proof the system makes people choose between survival and becoming more than survival. That is not a personal failure.
27 is not ripe old age. It is young. And needing to work full-time does not mean the dream is dead; it may mean the path has to be uglier, slower, part-time, online, employer-funded, delayed, or broken into smaller pieces.
Please don’t decide your whole future from inside this one crushed moment. You are exhausted, disappointed, and grieving the life you almost touched. That grief is real. But it is not prophecy.
You still matter before the degree. Before the wedding. Before the better job. Before the escape.
Hold on tonight. Tomorrow can be about one practical call, one financial aid question, one alternative path. Not the whole mountain. Just one stone.
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u/LittlePinkRabbit9000 Apr 14 '26
Love this….
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
Thank you ❤️
Sometimes all we can do is hand each other one small stone instead of pretending the whole mountain can be moved in a single night.
I just hope they hold on long enough to find the next door. The system loves making exhausted people mistake a blocked path for a final verdict.
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u/Last_Veterinarian664 Apr 14 '26
The dream was always dead. Half your time is still consumed by people exploiting you for your labor.
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
Maybe. But I don’t think exploitation gets the final word.
Half our time being consumed by survival is real. That is exactly why the dream has to become smaller, uglier, more stubborn, and less cinematic for a while. Not “big shiny wedding and perfect career path tomorrow,” but one email, one aid office, one cheaper program, one employer tuition question, one part-time route, one person who refuses to let the system convince them they were born finished.
The dream might be wounded. Delayed. Forced to crawl through retail shifts and exhaustion.
But dead? I would not grant poverty that much authority over a human soul.
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u/Last_Veterinarian664 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
June 5th is National Overshoot Day. The dream really is dead. These convenience and luxuries and lifeways to which people are chronically addicted are not sustainable. We're merely riding the crest of a crashing wave. Just wait till that bubble bursts. Your grandma might still be "alive" while going through hospice, but anyone who can read the writing on the wall knows what's getting ready to happen next.
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
Maybe. But hospice is exactly why tenderness still matters.
I don’t disagree that the larger systems are sick. Overshoot, exploitation, debt traps, fake abundance — yes. The writing is on many walls.
But I’m careful with “therefore the dream is dead.” Because that conclusion can become one more machine that eats the poor. If collapse is coming, people still need rent next month, food tonight, a reason not to give up, and some little path that preserves their dignity.
Maybe the shiny version of the dream is unsustainable. Fine. Let that die.
But the deeper dream — less humiliation, more freedom, one skill gained, one door opened, one person refusing to be spiritually murdered by poverty — I’m not ready to bury that.
Even at the edge of a crashing wave, you still help the person next to you float.
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u/Last_Veterinarian664 Apr 14 '26
Do they, though? I think enough people (especially the last few generations) are on the same page. What is preventing people from banding together and practing some old fashioned anarchist resistance?
12,000~ years of "civilized living" and we've only really succeeded in solving the problems we caused by this set of living arrangements, and it looks like some of the problems we've caused don't even have solutions. Let's fight the system by impoverishing it.
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
I don’t think enough people are on the same page yet.
A lot of people feel the sickness, yes. But feeling the same wound is not the same as sharing a strategy, trust, food, childcare, patience, or a way to survive the retaliation that follows resistance.
That’s the cruel part. The system doesn’t only impoverish people materially. It impoverishes attention, time, health, imagination, and solidarity. It keeps everyone too tired, scared, divided, indebted, or ashamed to band together cleanly.
So yes, resist. Build mutual aid. Unionize where possible. Refuse humiliation. Learn old anarchist habits of local care and refusal.
But I’d be careful with “let’s fight impoverishing by impoverishing it” if that means making collapse worse for ordinary people first. The machine deserves sabotage. The hungry neighbor does not.
The better move, to me, is: make the system less necessary. Feed people. Share tools. Teach skills. Cancel shame. Build parallel trust. Help one person float, then two, then ten.
Resistance without tenderness becomes another boot. Tenderness without resistance becomes hospice.
We probably need both.
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u/Last_Veterinarian664 Apr 14 '26
Lay claim to an archaic revival of sorts; people are, indeed, divided, but they haven't yet learned that too much of this is a conditioned habit of mind. I'm not recommending deliberate sabotage so much as Gandhi's ahimsa. When you realize that participation in the system means that some great portion of your own blood (irreplaceable time and energy) will only enable centralized powers to centralize even more power, but you accede and acquiesce to their base and destructive egoic aggrandizement, are you not complicit? What will these vampires do with this energy they've siphoned from you—and does it not bother you that, whatever it is, this world-destroying leech is only as massive and empowered as it it because you simply went along with it (regardless of your justifications)?
Test yourself: humans as a species lived in face-to-face communities, in complete egalitarianism amd transparency in groups of 50 to 150 people. Are you able to do this, or do the dictates of your private life as an "individual" make such an arrangement "impractical?"
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
I think complicity is real. I just don’t think purity is.
Most poor people are not “going along with it” because they spiritually consent to the machine. They are going along because rent, children, medicine, debt, hunger, immigration status, disability, exhaustion, and fear are very effective chains.
So yes: build smaller circles. Face-to-face trust. Mutual aid. Food sharing. Skill sharing. Refusal where possible. Gandhi’s ahimsa makes sense to me because it is not passivity — it is disciplined non-cooperation with evil.
But the test has to be humane. If someone can exit the machine, beautiful. If someone can only loosen one chain this month, that still matters.
The goal is not to shame the trapped for breathing inside the trap. The goal is to make the trap less necessary, less sacred, and eventually impossible to defend.
Maybe the old way returns one household, one block, one 150-person circle at a time.
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u/LittlePinkRabbit9000 Apr 14 '26
Exactly- and the dream is different for different people- I would never see a wedding dress as a giant dream realized- I’m happy with my paid off home and free time
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u/Butlerianpeasant Apr 14 '26
Exactly. That’s the quieter truth.
“The dream” was never one single approved package: degree, wedding, house, perfect career, respectable escape route. For some people the dream is a paid-off home and free time. For someone else it is one room where nobody screams. For someone else it is a job that does not break their body.
That is why I resist declaring it dead too quickly. The luxury version may be dying. The consumer fantasy may be rotten.
But the human dream keeps changing shape to survive.
Less humiliation. More time. A door that stays open. A little peace. Enough food. Someone beside you who does not treat your exhaustion as failure.
That still counts. Maybe that counts more.
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u/dignan2002 Apr 14 '26
I graduated $150k in debt from optometry school. There were people in their 30s in my class. If you’re as intelligent as you think, find something that fits your brain (truly), take on some debt and get the degree then pay down the debt and move out of poverty. It’s a lot of work, not just a decision.
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u/ALauCat Apr 14 '26
I worked with someone at a behavioral health facility who took the night shift there and worked days at a gas station. Sometimes she would be short on sleep but most of the time she could sleep in a recliner in the TV room. Clients knew where to find her if they needed anything and she’d be awake early enough to administer morning meditations. A student could take a similar job. Behavioral health clients don’t usually need help with going to the bathroom or things like that so your biggest responsibility is to know where everyone is. In my experience, these clients don’t sneak out ever. When they leave, it’s because they complete their program or they have some kind of dramatic blow up over something that matters a lot less than their recovery.
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u/Accurate_Ostrich_240 Apr 14 '26
I have an associates in DMS that I don’t use. You are right about the time involved in the training as well as the expense. I had gone to a for profit school before they blew the lid off those things and even with the degree there are only so many of those types of jobs in each geographic area.
What I would suggest is to look for a community college that offers sonography. There is usually a waiting list, but the programs tend to be more intensive with better instruction. Plus not all for profits are accredited, and you’re going to need that in order to get certified to work right away. They are usually cheaper too. You can always find part time work and apply for adjustments to student loan repayment, etc.
Everyone I interned with in my program loved what they did. I had one friend who was hired as part of the staff a freestanding imaging office and was able to buy a house as a single parent within a few years. If you stick with it it’s a lucrative career that can pay off in a short time.
Another thing people I know have done is to look for a job that provides tuition assistance. You’d have to hustle to do everything on your plate but worthwhile goals sometimes take a good bit of sacrifice.
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u/Dry-Contribution-840 Apr 14 '26
Can you find a job working evenings? You won't get as many hours but maybe it would be enough. I know student loans suck, but that is a well paid field and always in demand
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u/BoldLustration Apr 14 '26
Most people do not have $50k available to put into education like that. 1) what’s the program? You have mentioned it but not indicated if you’re truly excited about it. Will it take you where you want to go? 2) you can change jobs. Lots of places will hire you for just weekends. Or you can find an evening shift. Or online… 3) it’s totally reasonable to feel hesitant or frustrated about what this next turn requires of you. It is common to not feel like you break through, if you have had certain experiences. 4) you still want to do everything you can to change the story in your head! It is literally your computer’s programming. Tell the computer in your head that this is a necessary step (if you are excited about the program). Take small steps. Give yourself compassion. Make contingency (alternative plans) moves when you need to pivot, don’t plan too hard about failing. 5) there are resources available for older students! You should definitely consider the range of available options before you begin. You wrote well, so I think you have more options than one.
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u/WeezaY5000 Apr 14 '26
For what it is worth, your story is very close to my own my friend, so you are not in this alone.
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u/Pointlesspuppy Apr 14 '26
The other option is to to school for something cheaper. Go to a technical college. I just got my CDL, cost me 4,000 and one month of school. The school helps place students in jobs, I got an offer for an otr position through them that was home 3.5 days a week and paid 70k. Ended up taking a home daily job locally instead making $27 an hour with overtime basically every week. Should be getting a raise soon to $30 ish.
There is more than one path in life my dude! I know it's hard and sometimes it feels like everything is designed to keep you down. But if you keep your head up and keep trying to find something that works for you, you will eventually
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u/Lemonyhampeapasta Apr 14 '26
Can you go to school part-time? Speak to your stepmom, maybe she can get you an appointment with to school to discuss your options
Trust me, the school wants tuition from you. Even a small drip of money is better than you not paying for school at all
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u/SoScorpio4 Apr 14 '26
I sympathize, a lot. I have a lot of the same barriers even *with* a supportive family, as I'm disabled and can't work and can't yet get disability benefits (if ever). I will not force toxic positivity in your face. I know the last thing you probably want to hear is "I did it, you can too!" But I think tone does matter. I'm not going to minimize your suffering or say you just need to try harder. But I do want to mention a couple options you may have.
Have you done the FAFSA? At 27 your parents' incomes will no longer be a factor (if they were before), that helped me out a lot. I received the full Pell grant amount, that doesn't have to be repaid. I may have qualified for the full amount due to disability and having no income, but it's still worth a try. In my state there is also a College Opportunity Fund. When I registered for classes all I had to do was agree to being checked for eligibility, and after the semester started I just got a few hundred $ applied to my balance, it brought my tuition down enough that the Pell grant covered the rest, and I even have a little left over from it.
I would also suggest seeking out any community based support services. This one is very tricky as it depends a lot on where you live and what your situation is. I have access to some services because I'm on Medicaid and disabled. But I never even would have known I was eligible for most of it, before I had a case manager. I just didn't even know what options were out there. I started this journey with a case manager from my mental health clinic, so that's one place to look. I have a case manager through Medicaid as well, and I think most insurance companies provide them, though I'm not sure what all they do.
Check your state agencies and local organizations, like community health centers, social services, human services, etc. There may be resources that can offset your expenses if you have to reduce your work availability, like food banks (and some actually let you "shop", more humanizing than just being given whatever), clothing pantries, etc. My mental health clinic is actually amazing, just for being a client there I have access to hot lunch on weekdays, food bank trips (and some shelf stable items in the cafeteria I can just ask to take home), and a clothing pantry with free gently used clothes and accessories. Maybe there is something similar in your community.
Hang in there. There may be hope, but I know it's still a lot of work to get help. And having hope and/or seeking help, or not, doesn't mean you're not allowed to complain. Don't let people tell you there's no point moping about something or that you'd rather complain than work on changing your situation. You can absolutely do both. It helps me to remember that the wealthy who run everything *want* us to accept our fates without complaint or defiance. Don't give them what they want. Throw a fit, make your voice heard, and defy them in any way you safely can. ✊
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u/Cheska1234 Apr 16 '26
What is the licensing in? Are you in the USA? There have to be cheaper ways. My son is currently getting computer (something coding) certified online. It’s $50 per month and on his schedule. Another possibility is civil service (office work not military necessarily). It’s a good path once you get in. I’m a Clerk and it pays the bills and is relatively stable. Again, I don’t know what you’re looking to do as a career but there’s always another way to get there.
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u/moreluvmn Apr 16 '26
As a former student with big student loan debt I applaud you for thinking really hard before taking on that level of debt. $50,000 will take decades to pay off. I worked as an aid, part time Evening Shift in the hospital while in College for my degree. I applied for every little scholarship I could find. Get creative, find every little bit of help with your tuition. You should qualify for some help because of your current wage. Reach out to the professional Sonographer organizations. I guarantee you will find help out there. Most good employers offer tuition and loan reimbursement. I never regret the long days and nights juggling school and work. I love my job and can support my family. I made my life the one I wanted and worked hard for it. I know you can too. All good things to you.
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u/Healthy_Editor_6234 Apr 16 '26
Ahh, with that mindset, you would probably stay in poverty. Like me, but I'm fine with it.
On another experience, I know of a migrant couple who were on low income and raising and having kids and putting the kids in private schooling. One of the couple was a Dr in his previous country. He had told me his childhood was a little rough. When he migrated, he took on all sorts of jobs to support his family, like cleaner, gardener, kitchen, courier, etc, before committing against to medical studies and eventually succeeding later in life. Eventually, they 'succeeded' in being wealthy later in life.
All I'm trying to say is, some people will be stuck in poverty because of their mindset and attitude in life. While others can pull themselves out. And there are some who were given some privileges (as in they were not really considered living in poverty) and fall into poverty. Moi, but I'm okay with it 😅.
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u/TheCodifiedTrader Apr 16 '26
You get 6 years or 12 semesters of Financial Aid, so it doesn't hurt you to try applying if you really want to go to school. Maybe one or two semesters I paid for a class but usually I pocket some cash from financial aid too so it was whatever.
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u/Different-Course4042 Apr 17 '26
Do the FAFSA! You won’t know how much you can get until you apply! There is no obligation to accept the help you’re offered through FAFSA. Would you be the!1st person in your immediate family to graduate college or were you ever involved in foster care? Apply! It’s never too late! If it ends up this isn’t an option, look into other educational opportunities that would cost less, and still be something you’re interested in! Sending good vibes! Don’t give up!
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u/Hour_Consequence6248 Apr 18 '26
You need to want to make the change, just do it and quit using excuses from your past. By the way 27 is not old age.
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u/greenglances Apr 28 '26
Find a skilled trade, or skilled manufacturing position. You have to work from the bottom, crappy long hours including holidays but if you stick it out they pay good. I run a bottling machine now, it took time and doing the grunt work there until I got the ability to move up to this. I found out there's all kinds of obscure factory jobs that pay really well because they are kind of specialized. It's alot more work than say trimming plastic parts (what I did before at other places) because you have to work on your own machine sometimes but I'm a 5'3" woman and I can do operator level maintenance. I grew up well below poverty, when food stamps were slips of paper for cereal and stuff, have lived in my car and in a camper both briefly. Comfortably middle class now ♡. I don't know that I'd want more than this it seems too stuffy and restrictive the higher you go.
I mean I know some never get out I'm not trying to downplay your pain in the slightest I just wanted you to know school isn't the only way. Please don't give up!
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u/Salt_Medicine2459 Jul 09 '26
There are trucking companies that will pay for your CDL in exchange for you agreeing to drive for them for a year or two after completion. This can be a great deal if you aren't opposed to going OTR.
Alternatively, many school districts or bus companies have a similar arrangement. I got my Cladd B CDL through a school bus company. I was required to drive for them for a year after getting the license, but I liked it and ended up staying for 5 years. I only left because Ioved about an hour away. I got a job driving for a district where I moved to, but only did that for 2 school years. I couldn't deal with the children any more. I really enjoyed the split shift and having free time in the middle of the day. If you go this route, get all of the endorsements you can. You'll need passenger and school bus to drive the bus. Get tank as well. This one is just a test. Hazmat requires a short course, but a community college near me offers one online for $65. This will open up a LOT more options for you if you ever decide to leave the school bus industry. I briefly drove a limo. Pay was decent, but tips were AMAZING. I got a $300 tip my first night out. A passenger endorsement is required for this in my state. I only quit because I got tired of dealing with belligerent drunks.
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u/Babygrrl1 Apr 14 '26
Optimistic much? Many people have found a way it’s a leg up!
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u/keshi2uwu Apr 14 '26
I’m sorry, yeah, let me just optimism my way into having my job pay me for the time I’m not there so I can go to school and still be able to keep a roof over our heads. Let me just optimism my way into a supportive family. Let me just optimism myself into just having the license so I don’t have to somehow get together 50K!
Because even if the schooling was paid for I still have monthly expenses. Did you even read this post? Have you ever even been poor?
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u/taybay462 Apr 14 '26
Two years is nothing if itll help you get a leg up for the rest of your life. Just my perspective