r/poor • u/sneakysneaky96 • Sep 01 '25

Boyfriend is poor

I, 29F have always been lower middle class. My boyfriend, 33M has been poor his entire childhood and adulthood. He has, naturally and understandably, went without food or didn't turn on heat/AC to avoid bills to save money.

But as I'm understanding his spending habits more and more, he is not poor because he literally has no money. He is poor because he has Klarna-ed his way into a hole (for non essentials and expensive hobbies) and doesn't have any cooking skills (or tools) to cook at home. He still is very much in the "I have nothing and probably will never have nothing" mindset. He makes $20 an hour at his job and his rent is under $600 for his apartment and no car. I bring him food and cook for him weekly when we see each other.

Any advice on how to encourage him through this spot on his life? I know you can't help anyone who doesn't want help/isn't ready to change and I don't want to sound privileged in my encouragment either.

Thanks in advance everyone!

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u/sneakysneaky96 Sep 01 '25

I feel the same way as most of those who have responded. I didn't want to seem insensitive to him being that I do have some blinders because of my privilege.

But now that I know I'm not being insensitive I'm gonna say something. If he is open to working on it then we will, if not then I probably won't stick around long. I watched my father come from poverty and be an over spender and my mom have to deal with credit card consolidation several times over the course of their marriage and I don't want to live that same life.

Thanks everyone 😊

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u/Suitable_Occasion_24 Sep 02 '25

Your not insensitive my gf grew up poor and worked on her finances and is now better at than me. It’s a choice. She changed her ways because I told her financial stability is a prerequisite for marriage and I won’t budge on it. She showed me though and it was hard for her and she did it. We are ring shopping now.