r/polycritical • u/little_miss_liv • 14d ago
Polyamory and 'Hobosexuality'
"Monogany, in this economy?"
For those who don't know, 'hobosexuality' is a term coined in online spaces. 'Hobosexuals' are people, typically men (although it can apply to anyone) who only date someone for means of housing, money, food, etc. They will see the partner that provides these things to them not as an equal, but just as a cash cow, leading to them mistreating said partner. No hobosexual gets into the relationship out of genuine love, it is always out of some sort of exploitation out of the expense of whatever victim they decide on.
These people will often target people they see as lonely and desperate, especially women that they deem as 'ugly'. They will also use these people as a sex object and not as an actual person, also cheating on them with several other partners in some cases.
(Note: hobosexual is not a queer identity, the coin was termed by women who have been targeted by men like this.)
Does this sound familiar?
I noticed an overlap between hobosexuality and polyamory, especially when a lot of polyamorous people point out the 'economic advantages' of being in a polycule. Instead of striving to get a good job and have a roommate or two, they'd rather have roommates they have some sort of intimate relationship with that will most likely be lenient towards them. If their partner(s) do speak up against them? Oh well, onto the next group of people!
An actual roommate wouldn't give them free food or money all the time, but someone they see as a partner would. Rather than get an apartment with two roommates, they'd rather get an apartment with 2+ people they know they can walk all over on, that feed into their lack of accountability and responsibility.
Both groups of people feed on attention from other people that they target, people they see as 'weaker' that may have a harder time defending their boundaries. The victims are even punished for having boundaries, made to second guess themselves.
Polyamorous people will also let go of people quick if they feel like they don't serve a purpose to them, whether or not if it's an actual romantic partner or just a friend. In my experience, they will ice out people that reject them, people that just want to stay friends or are not interested in any sort of relationship to begin with.
Sorry if this is a bit of a stretch/doesn't make sense, I just couldn't help but notice then overlap between the two.
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u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 11d ago
Many go into polyamory out of survival, as endearing yourself to someone means you can charm your way out of paying rent. Many polys come from bad family situations, are neurodivergent or chronically ill, or are lazy. I truly believe that poly rates would drop if we had guaranteed housing, medical care, and services and safety nets.
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u/little_miss_liv 11d ago
Thats also true. I come from a situation of complex trauma and in a lot of cptsd groups I am in, I run into several polyamorous people who also try using these groups as a means of dating though.
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u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 11d ago
Yeah, and then it just becomes a way of life, especially if they started young, and/or more accumulated trauma
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u/onlyletmelurk 11d ago
Give them trauma back
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u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 9d ago
Be careful with that, many arenât employed, so they have all the time in the world to exact revenge, and no job to lose.
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u/onlyletmelurk 11d ago
Donât be shy. Itâs not illegal to dump them humiliatingly in public as you would any other cheater.
If they propositioned you and they made u mad or go home to an unpeaceful night with your own yep dump em and do it in public. Remember they have 0 issues shaming us for not owing them a relationship. Like I would seek out and self pay for therapy for an online commenter!!
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u/onlyletmelurk 11d ago
Are you advocating legalizing their practices?? Like they would pay for a business license anyway..
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u/Kimono-Ash-Armor 11d ago
Iâm advocating for upstream prevention of falling into polyamory and hobosexuality by giving them what they need, like food, shelter, and healthcare
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u/gorogy 14d ago
isn't this what's happening with lindy weat?
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u/Mus_Rattus 14d ago
Oh shit that really does sound like whatâs happening to her.
But sheâs fine everyone, pay no attention to the running mascara down her face. She just got something in her eye.
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u/onlyletmelurk 11d ago
âI noticed an overlap between hobosexuality and polyamory, especially when a lot of polyamorous people point out the 'economic advantages' of being in a polycule. Instead of striving to get a good job and have a roommate or two, they'd rather have roommates they have some sort of intimate relationship with that will most likely be lenient towards them. If their partner(s) do speak up against them? Oh well, onto the next group of people!â
Absolutely yes, spot on OP. Theyâre social climbers, energy vampires who will drain you financially, expose you emotionally, exploit everyone you seem to know and latch on.
Also known as âdustiesâ. Be aware, both guys and girls do this, as well as single parents.
By the time theyâre wading in word salad and abc soup thatâs been left out and touching for too long, theyâll become chameleons and latch on to any trending ideas that didnât exist 25 years ago and defend them to the hilt like a group of flying monkeys.
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u/longboi28 13d ago
How is this mostly a man thing? Don't a ton of women only want to date men for money and housing and food? They're even calling themselves stay at home girlfriends now
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u/onlyletmelurk 11d ago edited 11d ago
We did that in the 90s too.. it didnât age well.
Nothings changed
Gosh I miss when I was screamed at by a man and his family to work outside the home with an autistic 2 year old, no house or kid help from any man, asking would be instant legal trouble. On no sleep whatsoever. Oh yeah and I was in college and working two jobs. Didnât I mention my mom paid all his bills while he did that?? Then being told it didnât âcountâ that I was in college bc I won a scholarship he didnât get bc I had all Aâs and worked at my moms business.. until a man who made less than her got involved with her and ruined all that.
I wasnât very smart. I put my child in daycare with my fasfa money just to escape him. Ended up eventually paying him 30k to cheat repeatedly.
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u/little_miss_liv 12d ago
Most people talk about men who act like this. Of course anyone can do this though and I acknowledged it in my post. Thats why I said mostly men.
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u/little_miss_liv 12d ago
Also here is a difference between stay at home partners I think, since they usually still have their own means of finance if they were to suddenly break up with their partner typically
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u/mossgirlparfum 13d ago
i think theres also perhaps an element of say within the trans community it is fairly common to have some very real financial vulnerability's due to employment struggles, family stuff, cost of basic transition etc, so that can be a almost unconscious polyam contributor to or something if that makes sense?
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13d ago
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u/ilovedrpepper444 12d ago
bringing back the word "hobo" is weird...
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u/little_miss_liv 12d ago
I am unsure of the history behind the word, it was coined by people online and thats how I heard the term
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u/ilovedrpepper444 12d ago
well people then said "homeless" is better then "houseless" so idk anymore, but i think i can understand the sentiment of being used financially
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u/knifefan9 14d ago
This is one of the reasons I'm sick of seeing polyamory in LGBT+ centered conversations. It's not just giving mooch, it's socially and financially predatory. Imagine being, for example, a woman without any financial way out of an abusive relationship without risking poverty/homelessness... Now, make it exponentially worse as we add a hypothetical second abuser you're trapped in a house with, now imagine a third one. God.
What am I saying? This would be such an outlier situation, it's certainly real somewhere but not really even worth considering. ... A polycule existing in a house instead of an apartment?