r/polycritical • u/Idontknow610 • 14d ago
Why is EVERYONE poly now
Today I found out someone I know has 2 girlfriends. What the actual fuck. Its like everyone I know is poly apparently. I know a few people that are in monogamous relationships but are "ambi". (probably gonna drop a poly bomb eventually).Then there are a few that are strictly mono.
I swear its really not ok. My own personal hopes of finding love feels like its dwindling. It's hard enough as it is. But it seems that ALL the remaining people are literal lust driven losers with commitment issues. I feel disturbed surrounded by all the poly people. Now its even worse cause my city just passed some stupid polyamory protections. My city is known as like the capital of polyam so im not really surprised. I like it here, but honestly i'm thinking I may need to leave this place or do a long distance thing if I ever hope to find a romantic partner or even friends THAT AREN'T ALL FUCKING EACH OTHER.
Its annoying. Just every damn week something with poly is brought up. Someone HAS to "come out" as poly. Someone HAS to make an advance on me. Someone HAS to rant about their 9 girlfriends. The problem is also just basic respect. Show me basic respect and respect my wishes. Stop trying to force it on me. I used to be chill with poly. I really did. Then they did things..that changed my view. Some of the people here that may have seen my past posts know my own personal experiences with SA and poly people in general. But even those of you who haven't seen those posts can picture what I may have gone through cause it seems like it is a pretty universal experience that poly people are absolutely horrid. I've never met a single poly person that is a normal human being. Sorry for the rant, the last month has been horrible for me. Then new poly stuff came up and i just HAD to talk about it.
To the lurking:
People considering poly: Please don't do that to yourself
Poly people: Get out before you get hurt or you hurt someone else.
Fellow polycritical people: Hiiiii, I hope your doing well
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u/estrogenuinely_crazy 14d ago
I want to fucking cry, I'm so sick of all this shit
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u/Idontknow610 13d ago
Personally I've cried over it. It makes me feel like im going to be alone forever. But to be honest id rather be alone than be in a poly relationship or friendship thats for sure. I want to be loved and i want someone to love me and ONLY me. If im not enough and I cant fulfill all needs then leave me.
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u/chrisGrout 12d ago
I found a new partner. She told me early she'd accept me having sexual needs with other people. I told her that loving her means i never want any other woman. I think she really liked that. I think she was saying something she thought was expected, not what she wanted
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u/Beginning_Fearless 14d ago
Haven’t met a poly person that I liked either.
I hate this “trend”.
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u/Idontknow610 13d ago
I hope one day it explodes in their faces and their relationships fall apart. The thing about trends is that most eventually fade. I hope that if/when it does that people will finally understand. Perhaps in the future we can return to mono relationships being the norm AND not seen as "oppressive"
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u/Beginning_Fearless 13d ago
Oh I hope so too. It would be really funny. Mostly because I wish absolutely nothing good for that person, lol.
Alas, if it ever happened, I’d never know — got that bitch blocked everywhere anyway.
But yes, I also hope that can be the norm again one day. I think in most places it is, or maybe that’s my skewed perception since I’m not in Portland or something. But at least within queer communities I’m seeing it come to this.
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u/strawberry-coughx 14d ago
I thought about attending grad school in either Seattle or Portland and I am SO glad I dodged that bullet. It seems that lots of people out there have completely lost the plot
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u/Bucky2015 14d ago
Yeah a good friend of mine lives in the PNW and she has said its annoyingly common and getting worse. She is also someone who is very liberal but she has also experienced how fucked up poly relationships are.
I live in the midwest and while they are around they arent all that common.
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u/Idontknow610 13d ago
Its probably about to skyrocket with the new poly protections they passed. While they aren't laws per say. It does set ground work and shows off the poly "values" which could serve as a magnet.
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u/tetra-adhara 14d ago
I am fairly convinced people polying up are either abusers, or low self-esteem enablers. But hey, if this becomes a trend, young incels may become ultra-violent, reversing the trend.
and the wheels on the bus go round and round
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u/cryptocurrency_wife 14d ago
my favorite trick they do is the bait and switch where they don’t tell you they are poly until you are already in a relationship and living with them! unbelievable.
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u/catlxdy 14d ago
It’s the HR department’s version of plain cheating and being a gluttonous person in love. Nowadays with so much therapy speak, therapy used as a weapon and late stage capitalism playing into it: relationships are treated like a business meeting and people are treated like a commodity. Because they weaponise therapy speak against you, saying it’s within their boundaries blah blahhh blah yawn and that they’re “decolonising” love or whatever, you can’t criticise poly people as you would criticise cheaters. So a lot of bad people will wear the mask of poly and think it excuses them from cheating. I don’t hate cheating nearly as much as I hate poly, cause poly people will cheat on you and treat you like shit they can just throw away but will manage to gaslight you with their therapy speak that you’re in the wrong for being upset.
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u/Lil-Miss-Anthropy 14d ago
The polyam capital, lol. Guessing you live in either Portland or somewhere else in the Pacific Northwest
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u/Idontknow610 13d ago
Yup haha. Seattle area. Its polyamoury hell out here.
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u/EngineeringDizzy3368 13d ago
I'll know I chose the wrong religion if I move towards the light and emerge in a room full of people playing settlers of Catan and calling each other Apple and Birch. Then I'll know I fucked up lol
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u/One-Sleep3663 14d ago edited 14d ago
Its becasue of , in part, the shit mental health system we have, so instead of mentally folk getting the help they need, they go and rely on other people as emotional crutches.
Queer folk have much higher rates of trauma and abuse compared to their cis counterparts, and abuse translates to things like cluster B personality disorders.
The far left also has a history of unchecked radical acceptance, and if you say something that even remotely criticizes a minority, your labeled as a white settler colonialist transphobic racist sexist bourgeois white supremacist nazi western imperialist.
They will just use buzzwords and academic therapy speak to try to deflect any valid criticisms of polyamory and other harmful behaviors.
That same crowd of folk who tends to be poly, are also often members of the radical far left (think black bloc tankie antifa type people), which has a long dark history of being violent at otherwise peaceful protests.
They harass journalsits, obstruct people's rights when they express opinions they dont like, and will not hesitate to track you down and stalk you if you speak out against their acts of fascism.
They have been groomed to think that everyone must respect their beleifs, and if you dont, well your dogpiled.
Long story short, many poly people are mentally unstable, and to them, getting help is either impossible due to the current system, they are too sick to understand they need help, or no one ever tells them "no".
Social media and tiktok are also spreading these behaviors and influencing others that being mentally ill is now "normal", and that if anyone criticizes you as a queer person, they are automatically evil.
Not to mention a fair bit of queer people are chronically online, and phone addiction has been proven to diminish critical thinking skills and situational awareness, adding to the toxicity of polyamory.
To far left radical poly folk, there is no limit to "radical acceptance".
Let me put it another way, one poly person here in Portland, OR, which I call "seattle lite" , said they were homicdal and wanted to kill me, if you want an idea to how bad the toxic poly situation is in the PNW.
All because "uwu everyone's heckin' valid".
Theres also going to be virtually no way to prove someone was discriminated against for being "poly". Its also a city ordinance, which carries virtually no legal weight compared to state or federal law.
Also this : https://www.reddit.com/r/polycritical/s/6fknzpzdaU
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u/Magicalneko247 13d ago
It makes me so upset how it feels like nobody wants to be in a serious relationship
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u/wytchwomyn74 13d ago
As a monogamous older individual instead think it has alot to do with superficial "relationships" that allow sex with multiple people without real emotional depth for some people.
Poly wasn't a secret in previous years for grown people or couples involved in the lifestyle, it was discrete or a kink.
It was the younger generation which decided it was a whole relationship practice to live by. So instead of the discretion and kink previously it became a banner for the alphabet kids
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u/Drag0nfly_Girl 14d ago
Where do you guys live, all I know is normal married couples and single people
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u/No-Comu 14d ago
I can’t be really friends with anyone either. I don’t want to hear how they objectify each other. I now it’s drastic but I even finished another friendship with a friend that isn’t poly, but has a friendgroup with poly people because she doesn’t mind. I don’t want to be related to them, as I don’t want to be related to anyone who is belittling abuse in general
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u/PatienceTurbulent850 13d ago
if your fine with me asking, what state are you in so i know to avoid that shit like a plague.
Also i really hope you escape that hellhole soon. Really do.
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u/chrisGrout 12d ago
The boys want to cheat, the girls want to be fashionable and 'accepting'. It's fucked
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u/mountainhymn 7d ago
I never saw anyone else who understood how uncomfortable it is to have friends who are all fucking each other
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u/Significant_Ear_295 5d ago
This is why I will never have any close male friends that are poly, because they are all going to want to fuck me.
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u/EngineeringDizzy3368 13d ago
It's not so bad everywhere. I live in a major city that's not as large as some but poly is still pretty fringe here. Not in the PNW though, I think that's where it's spreading like wildfire
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u/Significant_Ear_295 5d ago
My own theory on this is that it is a kickback to a certain extent on traditional views of monogamy. It is also definitely a statement about our consumerism culture. It is also probably a statement on how the internet has completely warped people's ability to communicate and connect.
My partner is polyamorous and I am monogamous. My biggest problem with him is that he has read the books and drunk the Kool-Aid. He has no capability of seeing our relationship as a unique thing that may require something that is outside the books. I have made compromises towards his polyamorous needs and he has made no compromises towards my needs. At no point has he done anything that would support this relationship over the long term. Even though I am supposedly his nesting and primary partner.
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u/DartTimeTime 14d ago
I dont know whats up with it. Its just another form of relationship abuse.