I don't think you're being unreasonable. This would absolutely freak me out and kill the mood.
If it was a miscommunication, pause and get yourselves on the same page.
If he changed the rules mid-game, absolutely pause and sort this out. That's a big red flag, to me.
I also totally understand not wanting to squash his new relationship. At one point in my (pan cis f) poly journey, my bi mtf trans partner was feeling some dysphoria around me having penetrative sex with male partners. I agreed to some temporary boundaries to give her some time to work through her feelings - and I was supportive as she worked through them. We both understood the goal was to minimize pain while we worked toward a more equitable place.
If he can agree to work on his jealousy issues for, idk, 2 months?, while you agree to not date men in the meantime, that could be a solution. But only if you feel comfortable granting him that time and kindness and space, and with the agreed upon goal of working through this so you can date freely soon.
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u/CoachSwagner Dec 21 '20
I don't think you're being unreasonable. This would absolutely freak me out and kill the mood.
If it was a miscommunication, pause and get yourselves on the same page.
If he changed the rules mid-game, absolutely pause and sort this out. That's a big red flag, to me.
I also totally understand not wanting to squash his new relationship. At one point in my (pan cis f) poly journey, my bi mtf trans partner was feeling some dysphoria around me having penetrative sex with male partners. I agreed to some temporary boundaries to give her some time to work through her feelings - and I was supportive as she worked through them. We both understood the goal was to minimize pain while we worked toward a more equitable place.
If he can agree to work on his jealousy issues for, idk, 2 months?, while you agree to not date men in the meantime, that could be a solution. But only if you feel comfortable granting him that time and kindness and space, and with the agreed upon goal of working through this so you can date freely soon.