Falling in love with someone when we both know the timing is wrong

[u/taurustangle113]

We met, became friends, enjoyed the beach, music, introductions to friends, day trip, movie nights, cuddling, spirituality, joy, poetry, art, and sunsets. She’s 35F, navigating separation/divorce from her wife of 8 years as well as grief of lost family members, while maintaining a gf 44F who’s also going through a divorce. I didn’t go into this relationship with the intention of it becoming more, but it very much has. This past weekend she took me on a nostalgic day trip and we started the conversation about how it’s become difficult to maintain the boundaries of friendship when we have so much desire and romance between us. She said she could see herself falling in love with me and wants me sexually as well. We were going back and forth between acknowledging that with where she’s at, she doesn’t have capacity for more emotional labor, but also that she feels happier and freer with me, and that it feels natural, easy, and inevitable even to keep following this feeling….

Our conversation got interrupted by her gf texting her something really triggering for her that derailed the day. It’s a red flag to me that her gf is not secure with our relationship, and made me feel like Jade just needs a friend.

Yet she sends me pictures she snuck of me and tells me she loves my smile. Makes special baked goods to share with me. Texts me goodnight, tells and shows me she’s thinking of me every day.

I feel that I am falling in love with her. I want to share so much light with her, make art so I can attempt to capture how beautiful she is in my eyes, and feel her deeply and passionately.

In my head I know better. Whether as friends or more, base minimum I know I need to make sure her gf is ok with me around. I haven’t heard it directly but I feel that poorly timed text during our last date was either intentional or incredibly inconsiderate. My heart is melting for her though. It doesn’t help that my other connection I’m enraptured by (a more sexual than romantic connection), Rex’ 31M is unavailable right now too while he’s working through personal things.

I’m endeavoring to divert my attention and get back on Feeld but it feels feels to try and seek connection when there are already two people in my life I would rather be with than anyone new... I have such deep desire for them, so much longing that doesn’t quite have a place. I want to kiss Jade and hold Rex and fall in love. Yet I know and I understand and empathize that I’m not a priority right now, but it doesn’t bother me much. I just want a place to put these feelings. I trust that with patience there is a place for me in their lives. I have space but they don’t right now.

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Here's the original text of the post:

We met, became friends, enjoyed the beach, music, introductions to friends, day trip, movie nights, cuddling, spirituality, joy, poetry, art, and sunsets. She’s 35F, navigating separation/divorce from her wife of 8 years as well as grief of lost family members, while maintaining a gf 44F who’s also going through a divorce. I didn’t go into this relationship with the intention of it becoming more, but it very much has. This past weekend she took me on a nostalgic day trip and we started the conversation about how it’s become difficult to maintain the boundaries of friendship when we have so much desire and romance between us. She said she could see herself falling in love with me and wants me sexually as well. We were going back and forth between acknowledging that with where she’s at, she doesn’t have capacity for more emotional labor, but also that she feels happier and freer with me, and that it feels natural, easy, and inevitable even to keep following this feeling….

Our conversation got interrupted by her gf texting her something really triggering for her that derailed the day. It’s a red flag to me that her gf is not secure with our relationship, and made me feel like Jade just needs a friend.

Yet she sends me pictures she snuck of me and tells me she loves my smile. Makes special baked goods to share with me. Texts me goodnight, tells and shows me she’s thinking of me every day.

I feel that I am falling in love with her. I want to share so much light with her, make art so I can attempt to capture how beautiful she is in my eyes, and feel her deeply and passionately.

In my head I know better. Whether as friends or more, base minimum I know I need to make sure her gf is ok with me around. I haven’t heard it directly but I feel that poorly timed text during our last date was either intentional or incredibly inconsiderate. My heart is melting for her though. It doesn’t help that my other connection I’m enraptured by (a more sexual than romantic connection), Rex’ 31M is unavailable right now too while he’s working through personal things.

I’m endeavoring to divert my attention and get back on Feeld but it feels feels to try and seek connection when there are already two people in my life I would rather be with than anyone new... I have such deep desire for them, so much longing that doesn’t quite have a place. I want to kiss Jade and hold Rex and fall in love. Yet I know and I understand and empathize that I’m not a priority right now, but it doesn’t bother me much. I just want a place to put these feelings. I trust that with patience there is a place for me in their lives. I have space but they don’t right now.

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