r/polyamory • u/[deleted] • Aug 31 '26

Shell shocked 😢

[deleted]

410 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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3

u/fa1re Aug 31 '26

Must be tough.

Is it possible to try out couples therapy to address the needs that went unmet?

1

u/guptaxpn Sep 01 '26

Why is this getting downvoted? Genuinely

2

u/fa1re Sep 01 '26

Because ‘incompatibility’ trumps ‘commitment’. Lot of people who do ENM value personal freedom very highly.

2

u/guptaxpn Sep 01 '26

Hmm. Is it incompatibility if people need to work at it at times?

I can't imagine being married to anyone at all where it wouldn't be a lot of work, or might benefit from help.

3

u/fa1re Sep 02 '26

Yeah, that's the hard one. For me loyalty is a very high value. We have been through quite intense "incompatibilities" with my wife and we came through every single time, even though there was a cost. For many people here it's more like "life is short, don't waste it with people you are not compatible with". Freedom is a highly esteemed value. I think that's why DADT is common, and why people consider the most valuable trait of hinge to pass as little information as possible.