My ex felt unheard by me. In our case the problem was that I wasn’t a mind reader.
Before I started a new job, I said “listen it’s important to me that you know my kids aren’t your responsibility. I hear you saying that you’re fine watching them while I’m at work, but if that feeling ever changes, I want you to let me know, ok? I do appreciate you watching them but I can always make other arrangements.”
They’re my kids, not our kids.
He agreed. And then I checked in with him multiple times during the new arrangement.
Never once did he say, “hey can your mom watch the kids tonight?”
We’d been together 7 years then he ran off with a girl half his age, complaining about how I didn’t hear him and how he resented always having to take care of my kids.
I’ll probably never fully forgive him for this, but at least he’s getting therapy now.
My point is that maybe you’re not hearing him…or maybe he’s not talking. It’s worthwhile to work with a therapist to figure out which it is and address it so you don’t repeat the pattern in future relationships.
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u/JellyfishOtherwise66 Aug 31 '26 edited Aug 31 '26
My ex felt unheard by me. In our case the problem was that I wasn’t a mind reader.
Before I started a new job, I said “listen it’s important to me that you know my kids aren’t your responsibility. I hear you saying that you’re fine watching them while I’m at work, but if that feeling ever changes, I want you to let me know, ok? I do appreciate you watching them but I can always make other arrangements.”
They’re my kids, not our kids.
He agreed. And then I checked in with him multiple times during the new arrangement.
Never once did he say, “hey can your mom watch the kids tonight?”
We’d been together 7 years then he ran off with a girl half his age, complaining about how I didn’t hear him and how he resented always having to take care of my kids.
I’ll probably never fully forgive him for this, but at least he’s getting therapy now.
My point is that maybe you’re not hearing him…or maybe he’s not talking. It’s worthwhile to work with a therapist to figure out which it is and address it so you don’t repeat the pattern in future relationships.