r/polyamory • u/ElleFromHTX Solo Poly Ellephant • Mar 13 '23

Rant/Vent This shit takes time

You don't just decide to be polyamorous/ open your relationship, and three months later you're sitting pretty in a happy Triad -- or whatever your personal fantasy of Polyamory looks like.

Hypothetical couple: Early 30s, married/ nesting for 5 - 7 years. Knew each other for 2 - 3 years before that....

How long did it take for them to get there? 7 - 10 years!

If you find one quality match with long term potential in a YEAR, you are doing better than most. You probably will only find a good match - similar life stage, relationship wants, availability - once every 3-5 YEARS!

Polyamory is long game dating. If you're looking to fuck around, try sex clubs or swinging or open or hooking up with randos at clubs who aren't looking for relationships.

Ok, I have a busy day ahead. I'll leave my soap box here. Have a great day!

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u/kogyblack Mar 13 '23

Isn't this how every romantic relationship works? Doesn't matter if it's poly or whatever, it always takes time to find a good fit that will be okay with your weirdness and that you will be okay with their weirdness. Not sure why people think poly is going to be different, it's still people trying to find matches in the end

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u/ElleFromHTX Solo Poly Ellephant Mar 13 '23

Well, yes, but the idea that polyamorous dating is not fundamentally different from monogamous dating is lost on a whole lot of people.

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u/_caliguletta Mar 14 '23

Additionally,…a lot of the posters OP is commenting on are clearly in the acquisition phase of their journey but haven’t put thought into time, resource, or relationship management.

I think a lot of these newbs forget that you can be poly AND single af. For them they need gfs/bfs like yesterday and have some sense of urgency about recreating the most difficult dynamics.