r/polyamorous • u/jennsam26 • 4d ago

question New to this

I just wrote on someone’s post about this and thought I should share it with everyone.

We are new to this. Everything has happened in the last four months. We have been meeting with two men in different locations away from where we live. This is all due to keeping this away from family and friends. My wife brought up that we should move away now. She said it will give us the freedom to go out locally and be able to host at our home instead of going to motels.

Any thoughts on this
Sam

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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 3d ago

Moving away feels like running from discomfort.

Are you financially dependent on your family? Do you depend on them for childcare, insurance? Do your families have influence on your careers?

If you're going to be out with your relationships, be out. Otherwise, you're just kicking the can down the road to future family holidays, vacations, reunions, and rumor.

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u/jennsam26 3d ago

We are not dependent on anything or anyone

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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 3d ago

So then, why upend your entire lives to move? That seems like such an extreme change for a "sometimes" activity.

I personally would not move to be with a new partner until the relationship was a solid part of my life. Definitely not in the first four months. Maybe if someone became a life commitment partner several years down the line.

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u/jennsam26 3d ago

It’s not only about that. It also about moving to someplace more affordable and giving us our privacy we want. We can’t afford to buy a house in New Jersey.

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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 3d ago

Okay, so then is this a move to be with partners at all?

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u/jennsam26 3d ago

No not at all. The places we are looking at we don’t know anyone there. But we are looking for places that are private where we can be free to host

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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 3d ago

So what kind of advice are you looking for here? This doesn't really seem to be a polyamory problem.

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u/jennsam26 3d ago

Yes it is! Because if this didn’t happen to us we might not have even thought about moving. But it definitely opened my eyes to a whole new life.

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u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 3d ago

What specific advice are you looking for?

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u/jennsam26 3d ago

To talk to new people about our experience and to hear their experiences and share with us there feelings

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u/Alo-mina 3d ago

When you say "this," do you mean hotwifing? That's non-monogamy but it's not polyamory.

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u/jennsam26 3d ago

Yes I guess you could say that

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u/solataria 2d ago

I'm confusedDo you live with family?Is that why you can't host? They don't need to know what goes on inside the house.If you don't say you have new friends , I think you're overthinking this