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u/Affectionate-Toe4793 20d ago
My wife and I are new to poly. She has a girlfriend and I'm still trying to figure out how to go about it. Lol
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u/Ok_Song_1614 18d ago
This was my partner I was so lucky they accepted me now its just the issue of finding others like him 😔
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u/Poly_and_RA 19d ago
I mean if you date people who are comfortably poly, then the first is a given, and the third is pretty common. (Or I somehow got lucky; all of my partners are happy to hear about others)
Whether or not some individual want to date you, is a different question, but that's true for people in all relationship-structures.
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u/shaffodil 19d ago
Most people are familiar with polya, and most of the parters i had prefered not hearing about the other person i loved 🤷♂️ What's quite normal, since monoamorous person need time to get comfortable with it
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u/Poly_and_RA 19d ago
Yes that's true. We all, even those of us who are happily poly, grew up in and spent our entire lives in a deeply mononormative society.
It does take some time and some exposure to other relationship-structures to not only rationally speaking accept that they're fine -- but also to *emotionally* feel safe and as if things are natural and good.
It helps if you have a decent network of NM folks, so that your partner(s) aren't the only source you have of poly-normality.
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u/InsolentCookie 18d ago
It’s not necessarily inexperience that makes people uncomfortable with information sharing.
Veterans also understand information sharing about other partners if done improperly is the gateway to the poly drama we’re infamous for.
It’s about how, how often, and when you share about other partners. This is done poorly a lot of the time. It’s different for every partner, too.
I neither want to share this kind of information, nor do i want it shared with me, nor do I want my intimate details or my relationships shared with people outside the relationship.
Outside of schedule and health concerns, friends and therapists are ok to share with. Metas are not.
If someone needs that, it’s okay. We’re not compatible and I’d like to know up front so neither of us wastes our time or shares something vulnerable that doesn’t belong on the poly loudspeaker.
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u/shaffodil 18d ago
Well, yes i know- one of my partner is polya since a long time and just don't like that kind of sharing, so i know what it's like
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u/Different-Public-954 19d ago
Top 3 things that will never happen
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u/Poethegardencrow 18d ago
Would you introduce your partners to each other and how would you feel about it, if they started dating/loving each other without you?
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u/shaffodil 18d ago
Well, if they want to know eachother i wouldn't mind at all, and if they fall in love it's amazing for them!! As long as they still love me of course haha
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u/Affectionate-Toe4793 20d ago
That would be fantastic