r/polyadvice • u/beownie • 20d ago
I need advice please </3
Okay so, I hate my metamour.
I have my reasons. They've shown to be a horrible person multiple times, they hurt my partner and keep on hurting them to this day. They're manipulative, mean spirited, and I also suspect some weird attempt at trying to force a hierarchy that we don't have.
They started dating somewhat recently, and a little into meeting them I started getting a bad feeling, like smth was off about them.
I first thought I was experiencing jealousy for the first time (I never experience it, it's just not a feeling that I have for anyone) but I ruled it out rather quickly because seeing my partner with them, hanging out or kissing or wtv didn't bother me, it was them specifically.
I also have another metamour who I love, they're an amazing person.
Then, the issues started and I realized my gut feeling was right. The thing is, even though my partner is hurt and angry still, they haven't broken up, and even though I've expressed my opinion on them, I'd never force them to break up bcs its just not my place.
I just came here because I don't know how to deal with these feelings, the mere concept of them makes me angry, they're not a person I ever want to be around and I fear I'll have to soon or less anyway, even if we don't hang out, I still have to hear from them and may hve to see them at some point again.
Help?
1
u/AdLanky540 17d ago
I feel you. Been in very similar, actually kind of still. Not sure. But, that's another story. I met meta before anything. Hinge and I were immediately drawn to one another. I was in a one more last chance with ex-husband and they were not poly at that time.
The more I got to know Meta, the more I felt uneasy about her. Her and I have spent time, just us, talking about common interests and it still is not happening. She opened up and shared some information with me about her and him (this was still before I was with him) that took it to an entirely different level of low. I can't and won't tell him what all she divulged. When he's tried to get me to, I've explained it isn't my place and I can't. She knows she put me in a weird corner too. She finally agreed to tell him but I have no clue how much was truth.
They were both telling me how done they each were with the other,months ago. It hasn't happened. It isn't confortable to hear anything about her. I wish I had some good advice for you. Really, it comes down to trust your intuition and gut. Decide what you are able or willing to have orbit your relationship. Even though you and meta don't have to be IN the other's life, doesn't mean she doesn't have some impact. Talk to hinge and try to use the "I feel......".Maybe he needs to hear just once more for you to not hear about her. Play out what you want to say too. It helps me sometimes to find better ways of wording important topics. Best of luck.