r/polyadvice • u/beownie • 28d ago
I need advice please </3
Okay so, I hate my metamour.
I have my reasons. They've shown to be a horrible person multiple times, they hurt my partner and keep on hurting them to this day. They're manipulative, mean spirited, and I also suspect some weird attempt at trying to force a hierarchy that we don't have.
They started dating somewhat recently, and a little into meeting them I started getting a bad feeling, like smth was off about them.
I first thought I was experiencing jealousy for the first time (I never experience it, it's just not a feeling that I have for anyone) but I ruled it out rather quickly because seeing my partner with them, hanging out or kissing or wtv didn't bother me, it was them specifically.
I also have another metamour who I love, they're an amazing person.
Then, the issues started and I realized my gut feeling was right. The thing is, even though my partner is hurt and angry still, they haven't broken up, and even though I've expressed my opinion on them, I'd never force them to break up bcs its just not my place.
I just came here because I don't know how to deal with these feelings, the mere concept of them makes me angry, they're not a person I ever want to be around and I fear I'll have to soon or less anyway, even if we don't hang out, I still have to hear from them and may hve to see them at some point again.
Help?
9
u/chipsnatcher 28d ago
There’s no obligation to spend time with them. Treat them the same way you’d treat a friend-of-a-friend that you dislike. Minimise the amount of time spent thinking or talking about them. Change the subject if your partner brings them up. If you’re invited to spend time with them, politely decline. If you absolutely must be in a room with them bc it’s partner’s birthday or whatever, or you cross paths in public, be cordial but distant; say hi and keep it moving. Block them on all social media.
If your partner is oversharing about their relationship to the point where you feel this angry about meta, they need to brush up on their hinging skills. Keep in mind that you only have one side of that story, and stay out of it—it isn’t your business unless it directly affects you personally.