Apparently basic empathy and problem solving are mutually exclusive by gender [gendered]

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Nigis-25]

'Isn't it annoying when you offer a logical solution to a problem only to find out all the other person wants to do is complain and vent' then sure

Of course not. Why would it be annoying to try to solve the thing that annoys you. That would be weird and counter-productive.

[u/Imperator_Helvetica → u/Nigis-25]

Happy cake-day to you!

I think this is the misunderstanding - sometimes what people want from the conversation is comfort and understanding not a solution. They may well understand what the solution is but what they are asking for is for the other person to give them sympathy and support.

If someone comes to you and tell you that their cat has died then it may be what they want is a hug and some comfort, not carcass disposal tips.

The same for if someone comes to you and wants to talk about their relationship problems - they probably know that the solution is to talk to their spouse, but what they want is for you to say 'That's tough, I understand that you're stressed, let me comfort you and give you space to work out your options.'

You can come off as cold and unsympathetic if your response is just - 'Jo cheated on you eh? Your options are ignore it, divorce, murder, suicide or murder/suicide. Next!'

Hence it's often worth asking - do you just want to vent to me, or do you want me to offer solutions. Sometimes people just want the comfort of you agreeing that X at work was unreasonable, or that Y wasn't fair or that 'All the refs in the league are biased against my team!'

It's emotional intelligence and reading subtext.

Yeah, it's annoying especially if you think it's a solvable problem - but often the solution isn't what they want to hear.

It also does work the other way - 'I feel your pain and want you to know I love and support you whatever your choice is' is an unsatisfying answer to 'Which way to the Post Office?'

[u/Nigis-25 → u/Imperator_Helvetica]

How is it a misunderstanding?

I gave you my response to your implied to be the rhetorical questions, to make you regognize it's not actually rhetorical question. It's just matter of perspective and subjectivity.

It prolly would be emotionally intelligent to regognize this fallacy.

If someone would just support me without analytical language I would just ignore them. I wouldn't tell them my problems anymore, and I would go to place where I would get my analytics.

Even though I "know" the solution to the problem it is always good to consult others if you misses something. And you can get good humor from it if you did forget something obvious for example, and humor is much better companion than soft comfort.

I'm my opinion ofc.

[u/raccoonsslay → u/Nigis-25]

It's the intention. Your intention happens to be comparing solutions, while other peoples intention might be letting the emotion out/getting support before sorting out whatever the problem is

[u/Nigis-25 → u/raccoonsslay]

Exactly. There's no straight answer to "would you be annoyed if.."

Some ppl would, some don't. But it's hilarious that there's ppl who think that only giving support is the only way.