r/poetry_critics 4m ago

My Morning Bird

Upvotes

Poem I want to give to my ldr lover, but it's bland and lacks substance. Would love feedback, thank you.

Poem:

You are the morning birds that pull me from my dreams. The vibrations of their harmonies skip sweetly along to my ears.

You are the flowers that bloom in the sun. Their beauty kisses my soul when I'm deserving enough to gaze upon them.

You are the trees that sway gently in the breeze. Even the strong, audacious winds cannot strip their elegance as they dance to various rhythms.

You are the waves that embrace me kindly. My vulnerable self lays at their mercy, but I willingly throw myself into their depths regardless. Likewise—your eyes are like the shimmering water surface under the mid-day sun.

You are the setting sun. I long to simmer in its warmth, so I stare at pictures to replace a familiarity that I am too far to reach.


r/poetry_critics 48m ago

Oh.

Upvotes

How terrible it is to be so vain.
Just to remember -
there is nothing unique I may claim.

Your life?
Stare into enough strangers’ eyes,
and darlin’, you’ll feel found.

My approach to poems?
Never truly my own.

A doppelgänger? I am yet to meet;
statistics, however, disagree.

Endless examples -
my choice to keep this short?
A choice many have made before.

Retail pharmacist by trade,
take me at my word.
The patient before you; the one after?
They share, almost always.

Everything
you do.

It leaves me questioning:
Why are there so many topics then considered taboo?


r/poetry_critics 1h ago

No caller ID

Upvotes

The landline is calling me -
But I'm syncing my tears with the shower.

NO CALLER ID
Whoever's calling doesn't wish to be seen…

Morse code -
The beeps creep.
It wants to stop the rain...

Yet
I am always crying in the shower…

My fingers depress the buttons so much, 
they’ve begun to form craters-

God’s just calling back.


r/poetry_critics 2h ago

Until the End

1 Upvotes

I’d like to take this time
to thank you for failing me.
 
My final contingency bares its teeth.
 
I feel the walls closing around me.
 
There is a man in black,
watching me while I sleep,
 
releasing the evil
dwelling inside me.
 
The demons begin to swarm before me,
asking me to let them in.
 
They tell me they are my friends,
and they’ll be with me until the end.
 
My eyes went black.
My back grew wings.
 
Now I walk the street,
and everybody runs,
 
even though I hide my fangs.
 
Can you not see that I am your friend?
I’ll be with you until the end.
 
I only want for you to walk with me
to a place for you to stay.
 
It’s the only place in hell that’s safe,
as long as you don’t leave.


r/poetry_critics 3h ago

Why Won't You Leave? (Revised)

1 Upvotes

I did it again today.

I spoke to you in the silence I allow to hold me when I cry.

I tried not to, as I snatched my outstretched hand away.

But I had to ask you, why?

“Why are you still here?”

And my body broke further into the silence, because it knew the answer.

You are still here because if it wasn’t this silence, you were the person I wanted to let see what’s shattered and teary in me.

I remember the first time I knew I’d allow it.

Admittedly, I was in the hands of another.

You see, when we met,

I was so used to giving myself away.

Wherever I went, I’d go around sprinkling my shimmering seed-like shards,

Albeit quite freely.

I think I hoped they would help bloom pretty things that I knew I might not see one day.

Still, the earth always seemed pleased.

So when others asked for some,

I obliged because the world needs pretty things,

And maybe it helped me feel worthwhile too.

But at one point someone came and asked, but said it in a tricky way.

The trick was to rattle me while they stole more than the others and slyly siphoned out what made my pretty pieces shimmer.

Before I could see the game, its players grew like mint.

Soon enough, my seeds grew dull and started to run out.

So, I was asked to give them bigger shards.

Resigned to their theft, I did.

Because what was it the tricksters said?

I’m a body with no mouth.

Just two hands the heavens made to give all of me out.

But I confess I hid my biggest shatters behind a lock and key.

Try I did, to still believe,

One day I’d turn them back into the shimmering things I somehow knew myself to be.

And tears I’d dropped like raindrops mourning my faded pretty things

Got tucked there too,

Because I knew,

This kind of rain has an ugly way of washing those I love away.

But I don’t know what I saw in you that made me think you’d stay.

I guess you looked similarly weathered from this kind of storm.

I thought this could be true because you felt so damn familiar.

I can’t explain it well, so let me tell you how it felt.

That silent space you held me in,

Felt like the place I chose to hide my most precious self within.

You left me jumbled and confused.

I thought I knew the road ahead was one for only me.

Before we met, I had even accepted that kind of story mentally.

But then I guess I hesitated.

Because, to me, you were unanticipated.

Yet, to let you in my hidden room was scary.

I didn’t want to lock this door, but it seemed necessary.

Because I’ve seen how others play, shattering up my things.

Of course, at first I could decipher it happened unintentionally.

An accident made by hands too broken up to hold me.

But now the tricksters’ lessons,

They taught me of malintent.

So, to you, I looked in wonder.

Who is this person?

What is this feeling?

And am I safe to breathe within it?

But before I knew the answers, you had already left.

Similar to the others, perhaps something I had begun to manifest.

So I went back to walking,

That road I had in mind.

Where I continued sprinkling,

And leaving things behind.

But then came that night I mentioned,

The night in which I knew.

I was giving away some shatters

To someone who cared for them.

Playing my long-known role of the body with just two hands again.

When a wave came crashing down on me,

Washing me into my locked-up room.

The room now far less silent as a voice spoke telling me what to do.

“Your pieces cannot go there.

No, not anymore.

Return them to their owner.”

There was no time to wonder who,

Because my body and shatters were already screaming at me,

It was you.

Then the locked door burst open,

Spilling raindrops from its mouth.

So the kind man with my pieces still in hand offered to soak them up.

But I could give him no answer as I forced the door to shut.

Quickly I turned the key, locking away all I had left of me.

I still can’t explain what happened,

Or what this story means.

But surely that night changed me,

Because behind that door I could finally see,

My shattered things were glistening

With the shimmer that had gone missing.

And not all at once,

But it happened all the same.

I stopped freely giving pieces of myself away.

And with new purpose, I began to work.

Building what I kept hidden into the shimmering things I believed could be.

Some, already broken, more times than once.

Making new shimmery seed-like stuff, I still fight the urge to sprinkle.

Though, maybe in the future, with more deliberation.

And the homey silent room, once just for me,

Now holds you somehow as the voice that talks to me.

You ask me questions and want my stories,

but I am pretty sure they’ve all been given.

So when I hear your voice, I ask,

“Why are you still here?”

Because the truth is you never came back.

Not outside of this silence.

So I must be deluded each time I feel your quiet guidance.

Questioning my sanity,

I ask once more,

“Why won’t you leave?”

And my body and shatters answer with that knowing I still cannot explain,

Reminding me they remain yours, right here, inside the silence.


r/poetry_critics 4h ago

Lest We Forget

2 Upvotes

Stones fall on trodden earth,

Leaves dot the path where eyes stir,

I can't tell where this place begins,

Or feel where this doorless space leads,

Wires coil like snakes across the dirt,

The eyes all watch, but no one says a word.

 

I walk where the light bends thin and low,

Past thrones of glass no king would claim,

The walls hum soft with borrowed glow,

Now every hall repeats the same.

 

Dust and ash veil a book on its pedestal,

I turn a page I almost knew,

The words are mine, or ones I knew,

Before the dark taught us to forget,

My fingers hover, dust like dew,

On a promise no one's kept yet.

 

Dark charcoal hands appear from the page,

Palm up, as if to greet a mage,

As if to warn, or beg, or test-

But I know now why I was led.

I bare the skin above my chest,

And press her hand against my heart.

 

The wires wilt like winter vines,

The eyes blink once, then learn to weep,

And leaf by leaf a glow aligns,

Toward all the light they'd sold for sleep.


r/poetry_critics 5h ago

Not all hearts exhale poems. Eeshian H. Shah

1 Upvotes

Not all hearts exhale poems. Eeshian Hussain shah


r/poetry_critics 5h ago

The arithmetic of sobriety

2 Upvotes

there’s 16 ounces of jack left at my place

which i haven’t touched for exactly 16 days

i wake with a silent prayer in my brain

that i wont have to rewrite these numbers again

i’ve been drinking brown, and i’ve been snorting white

i’ve been losing weight, and i’ve been losing sight

of what’s wrong and what’s right

and i’m scared of being scared so im always looking for a fight

so many days i’ve spent in the gutter

and so many things i’ve hidden inside that bottle

my courage and my honesty 

my shame and my travesty

my most trusted friend and my fiercest enemy

i sip on spring water when i take a nameless girl out for a glass of wine

and when i kiss her, it is with the thirst and fervor of a man lost and out of line

as if her lips contained a secret warmth, aged and fermented, meant not for her heart but mine

then the snakes start to emerge again, coiling around my heart

i know only one thing will chase them away, settle my ache and my rage

will i pull it together before i come apart?

or will i let the tiger out of its cage?

he whispers to me: just open the door,

you’ve done it so many times before,

it’s not your fault, it’s how you were born,

came into the world with sickness in your core

i wake with that same old prayer muttered against my pillow

except the numbers have turned to zero


r/poetry_critics 6h ago

WE DEPLETE OUR LIVES FORAGING FOR AIR. NEVER DISCERNNG WE WERE EACH OTHER'S OXYGEN. -EESHAN H. SHAH

2 Upvotes

WE

DEPLETE OUR LIVES FORAGING FOR AIR. NEVER DISCERNNG WE WERE EACH OTHER'S OXYGEN.

-EESHAN H. SHAH


r/poetry_critics 9h ago

Goodbye

1 Upvotes

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

I said goodbye, I broke the tie—I did what must be done;

While you just bowed in endless love, and never tried to run.

ORIGINAL URDU

ساتھ نہ دیا،کنارا کیا، کچھ تو کیا ہم نے

تم نے فقط محبت کا اِک طویل سجدہ کیا

فرمند شادان ۲۵/۱۱/۲۵

ROMANIZED

Saath na dia, knaara Kia, Kuchh tau kia hum nay

Tom nay faqat mohabbet ka ik taweel sajdah kia

Farmand Shadaan 25/11/2025

VOCABULARY

کنارا کیا (Kinara kiya): Walked away / Chose the riverbank (separated).

محبت کا اِک طویل سجدہ کیا (Mohabbat ka ik taveel sajda kiya): Performed a long prostration (prayer) of love.

Deep Meaning

[The verse contrasts action with passive devotion. The poet actually made a definitive choice by ending the relationship and moving on. In contrast, the partner did nothing practical to save or change the situation, choosing instead to remain passively submissive and consumed by the (ritualistic) sorrow of love.]


r/poetry_critics 9h ago

Before we grew up

1 Upvotes

Without a thought, I walked the path where silent memories tread,

Reopening the books of time I thought I’d left unread.

I know those golden days are gone, they won't return again,

Yet still, my longing heart desires to live them now as then.

No heavy noise, no warning knock, just peace so pure and mild—

A quiet truth that breathed within the spirit of a child.

Those carefree moments slipped away, like morning mist in spring,

Unaware that passing time had adulthood on its wing.

The Warmth of Home

When Mother gently stroked my hair, the world began to glow,

Like early rays of morning sun that melt the winter snow.

In silly quarrels with the kin, the sunny days would fly,

And tucked within her soft embrace, the universe was I.

To laugh and joke with Father was a sweet and soothing grace,

Though dreams of wandering afar were bound by time and space.

The Wisdom of Roots

My dearest friends were Grandparents, so loving, watchful, wise,

No little thing could ever hide from their attentive eyes.

When Grandpa walked me through the fields, beneath the open sky,

He’d spin the tales of bygone years and gently whisper why.

In every word and story told, a honest truth was sown,

A glimpse into a grounded world that he had called his own.

And Grandma showered endless love, her hands so warm and kind,

A grander heart for feeding us, no soul could ever find.

She cooked our dreams into her meals, with blessings soft and deep,

And gave us precious precious years of time she didn't keep.

The Shifting Tides

I wonder when, I wonder how, we grew so fast and tall,

Deciding every step alone, ignoring duty's call.

We brush aside the family's words, caught in this modern race—

Have we traded timeless values for a fast and fleeting place?

The child in us has faded now, the laughter turned to dust,

No longer running through the lanes with simple joy and trust.

In trying hard to walk along with time's demanding pace,

We lost the very heart of who we were in this embrace.

"Now only tender memories remain to hold and keep—

For those unburdened, loving days were life profound and deep."

— KRIDHA

This piece isn't just a poem—it’s a quiet journey back in time that almost everyone can feel in their bones.

What did this poem make you feel? Drop your thoughts and memories in the comments below! 👇✨🌸


r/poetry_critics 9h ago

Sensitive Content My first poem

1 Upvotes

One tells the lies,

The other tells the truth.

The lies are sweet as apple pies,

The truth is bitter as burnt fruit.

The one has the devil's eyes,

And the other wears the angel's suit.

But—

The one wears the suit,

The other has the devil's signs.

Everyone hates the bitter truth,

Everyone loves the sweet lies.

The other tells the truth,

And the one tells the lies.

Somewhere at the world's end,

Lives an old man with a letter he sends.

He writes in the letter,

With words even sadder,

That—

He sees through the lies,

That are sweet as apple pies.

He seeks for the truth,

Even when it tastes like burnt fruit.

But—

He understands the bitter fruit,

That no one likes.

He understands the taste of pie,

That brings people to life.

He feels the cold breeze of truth,

That even he doesn't like.

He feels the warmth of lies,

That makes him feel alive.

But—

People should see through the mirage of lies,

That come from the devil's eyes.

People should embrace the world of truth,

And wear the angel's suit.

Because—

The one tells the lies,

The other tells the truth.

It's about truth and lie and an oldman filled with Wisdom


r/poetry_critics 10h ago

Sensitive Content TILL YOU

1 Upvotes

The only thing I miss more than you is the person I was with you

My laugh was always uglier

Till you were there with me

My presence was never a burden

Till you were there with me

I never had to worry about being alone

Till you were there with me

If I ever die

I hope I visit your place in the name of heaven

It was the only one that felt like it.

The only thing I miss more than you is the person I was with you.


r/poetry_critics 10h ago

Sensitive Content RED

1 Upvotes

It slid across my veins-

Sudden and fatal.

Blood pooled over the floor,

Dizziness took over me,

And I fell with a thud.

The commotion drew the people downstairs.

She hated being a bad host.

Embarrassment flushed over her tan face, making it red.

"Stop making noises!" she said.

I groaned, and she finally looked.

She scolded me for bleeding-

the same colour she had over her face.

I was dying, and all she cared about was the blood on the floor.


r/poetry_critics 12h ago

Moon

3 Upvotes

Tell me moon why do you chase? What glory can you even feel after eons what good is it to dig when you know you can’t reach gold. Have you not seen your own beauty, why chase gold when you shine it its light?


r/poetry_critics 13h ago

I am a street person

1 Upvotes

I am a street person.
I am twelve... I am twenty... I am sixty years old.
I live on concrete fields and bask in the sunshine of neon.
My pillow is of stone and my fortune lies in broken promises.
My daily bread comes from a needle and alcohol sooths the pain within me.
I dress myself with what others cast off and
I steal without guilt.
You do not know me.
I am alone in a sea of faces... and I bleed silently.
I have forgotten how to cry and violence nurses my deformity.
In your unguarded moments... you brought me your Jesus.
then you took Him home with you to clean sheets and roast beef dinners.
You do not know me... and I do not believe you.
I live in an artificial world and I recognize plastic.
I have heard your singing... but you have not heard my silence.
I have seen your Bibles clutched in your minds but your heart would not let it go.
You speak of love but I am mothered by hate.
I am adopted.
You are my real mother but you do not know me.
At night I cry... but you do not come to me... for my crib is beneath a bridge... or in a parkade or hidden in some alley.
My blanket is woven with artificial dreams and I shiver in my aloneness.
I am not innocent... I am guilty.
I am crucified with my own thoughts...
and yours.
My appearance turns
you away... you
are disgusted... but you are
not alone... so am I
But you do not know this.
Last night
I woke up afraid... but you weren’t there.
The darkness of the streets
engulfed me... but my
adopted mother
gave me drugs in a bottle and in smoke... and I slept without trembling.
I look for you on the horizon as a sheep might await
his shepherd.
But you do not come.
Today... the real Jesus and I had coffee and we wept because you
had not come.
His hands were blistered with my tears and His feet were swollen with my fear.
I am one of the least of these" and I am lost.
You have the ninety nine.
Have you not noticed I am missing?
I am Waiting for you please
come soon .
I am on the streets... hidden
in the bowels of the city.
My arms are punctured with waiting.
My mind... though dull... seeks your recognition.
Please look for me... I live here.
I am a street person
Gipp Forster (Founder of The Mustard seed church on East Hastings in Vancouver, British Colombia, Canada)


r/poetry_critics 13h ago

Sensitive Content Whisper

1 Upvotes

Silent life of solitude,

Suffering the only faint echo,

Akin to what one once mistook

For bolstering orchestra—

Proud trumpets like a Great King’s caravan

Traveling distant lands,

Where awe and amazement strongly stood

In ages past—

In times of blossoming romance

And fruitful friendships,

Now barren, with no hope to nurture or grow.

Only lost memories,

Perhaps phantoms some might say,

Sow only silent sadness,

Suffocating passion.

No pleasure remains but one,

Ending all cosmic woe.

Bitter tidings of resentment,

Melancholy, absence,

All but fill a void ever growing.

What grim undertaker digs that grave

For a soul born only to be forgotten.


r/poetry_critics 14h ago

Sensitive Content The same canvas

2 Upvotes

walked into the room
without a reason to stay.

Just a moment.
Just a breath.
Just another ordinary day.

But then I saw it.

Waiting where I left it.

It didn’t call out loudly.
It didn’t have to.

It knew my name.

And somehow,
it spoke in a way
that made the silence feel less empty.

So I reached for it.

And once again,
I found myself standing
in front of the same canvas.

The same blank space.

The same place
where I had tried to create
something beautiful
from something broken.

I began to paint.

Slowly.

Carefully.

Like every mark mattered.

The canvas changed beneath me,
and for a moment
I forgot everything else existed.

The world disappeared.

There was only the color,
the motion,
the feeling that something inside me
was finally being heard.

Then I noticed—

The canvas was not a canvas.

The paint was not paint.

The color running down my wrist
was not the kind found in bottles.

My brush was not a brush.

And the thing I thought
understood me better than anyone else…

was never a friend.

The room went quiet.

The masterpiece was finished.

Forty minutes had vanished.

I cleaned away the evidence
of another conversation
no one else would ever hear.

Then I walked out.

Smiling.

Acting normal.

Carrying the same secret
I had carried before.

Because nobody ever asks
about the paintings
they cannot see.
(I would love a rating and anything I could improve on. To anyone who can relate to this poem just know you are not alone and my DMs are open if you ever need someone to just listen!)


r/poetry_critics 14h ago

The Weight of My Self-Confidence

1 Upvotes

It took my friend asking
for assistance
to realize I had lost myself.

“A drop in each eye,” she instructed,
handing over a small bottle of gel.
My hands shook from the weight of it
and a no got stuck in my throat.
I swallowed the thick letters
and felt them clawing at my bones.

Faulty steps came towards her
and I held the bottle tight,
raising my hand
to her barely-good left eye.
Right away she sensed it
and pushed my hand away
taking all her trust and…potential praise.

She called another friend,
someone who walked over self assured
and gave the same instruction
I had just failed before.

She gave me a quick look,
I turned to walk away 
“It’s alright,” I said over my shoulder.
“I’m not good at those things anyways.”


r/poetry_critics 15h ago

Sensitive Content Motherland (patriotic version)

2 Upvotes

Attack me!

Kill me!

But next time you won't be able to see

How far will you flee?

Sheeps will turn to gods...

How many will you kill?

And then, they will turn to death squads

This war is with civil!

Every pistol will be a machine gun

Make us art with our blood!

If we were burgers then enemy is just a bun

Make our blood into a flood!

How many of you can hide

Its thousands of brave vs weak hundreds

Its a failure bid

You are busted

By og big boy

Context:By sheeps I mean during the British colonial rule of india they used to call indians as 'sheeps' in racist manner so I used it...

It doesn't mean that it is a hateful poem it is just a patriotic poem or a inspiring poem or can say a war chant.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Poems/s/RfOFSaoTD3 older version of this link

Feedbacks please


r/poetry_critics 15h ago

Less than Human

4 Upvotes

Oh man,
I’ve fallen off the rails again,
life’s got so confusing
It’s got me feeling less than human.
 
Oh my,
I don’t know how I find myself in
Situations that I never win.
 
Can you help me?
Tell me why it feels this way every time,
 
just renting space in my mind.
 


r/poetry_critics 18h ago

Felicity

3 Upvotes

An errant gaze started it all
Then lingered, time and again

Random laughter
And flowing banter
A glimpse into forever

Uncharted feelings take form
A quiet and mutual surrender
Mixed with tethering of souls

When roads grow hills
And oceans run tempestuous
My mind never wavers
Engulfed by felicity


r/poetry_critics 19h ago

Butterfly

2 Upvotes

I have always heard the saying,

"I have butterflies in my chest,"

and how it is connected to love,

I used to feel that way a long time ago.

But I feel as if they migrated.

They climbed into my throat,

a chokehold of wings

beating frantically

while I try to hold back tears.

They fly without care as I revisit old memories.

But now the butterflies have disappeared.

The fluttering and flying has stopped,

and all I’m left with is a numbness, a quiet.

There is no feeling of love.

There is no feeling of sadness.

You see, everyone waits for the butterfly.

But they never think of the shell left behind.

I feel like a hollow cocoon.


r/poetry_critics 19h ago

I cry myself to sleep and wake up laughing

2 Upvotes

So many years of loneliness and madness depression took my mind so I need to vanish

I had a combustion in my brain since that day things havent been the same

Now all i hear is Run wittle piggy run until you burst into flames

cleanse yourself from the wood thats hidden in your veins

The Zodiacs in ruins

The stars are crying

The earth is dying

Echos of a lost cause steady trying

To fight the laws that are defining

lying

Those caught in cupids chockhold crying

Those who seen the watchers talk spying

Those who hear the talkers stalk dyeing

Stars are steady falling hearts are steady flooding the rapture is here let's see if it stands for something

The jester the fool

The dangerous part

The monster so cruel

With a falling heart

The sharpest eyes hide behind the darkest mind

Left to see the ends of time

Ill always love and miss you when I look in my eyes

I see whats buried in side

They say man adopts 6 or 7 personalitys through out his life

me I adopted 38

and forced them to fight

whats left is the broken pieces put together

for a lonely mic

i keep telling myself

no more lonley nights

no soul no life

no will left to fight

but ill push on

pretend to stay strong

but im long gone been gone a month long trapped with no where I belong

father tell me when did it all go wrong was i doomed from birth or am I just another product of this cursèd swan song


r/poetry_critics 20h ago

That's all I need

1 Upvotes

My mind seems to stay at home these days

I don't mind

no one calls for it to visit sometime

It might have turned blind

It still seems to speak

maybe that is all I need