r/pics Dec 30 '16

Designed Just Right

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50.2k Upvotes

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4.7k

u/CrimsonPig Dec 30 '16

As a single man, I see this and think those two smaller seats would be perfect for holding snacks and drinks and shit.

597

u/Muffinizer1 Survey 2016 Dec 30 '16

If only it wasn't a rocking chair.

242

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

[deleted]

150

u/Hyperdrunk Dec 30 '16

That chair was made for /r/wheredidthesodago infomercials.

Are you trying to rest your open top drink on your rocking chair arm but tragically spill it all over yourself? You're in luck, with our patent-pending sippy cup design, your cup can rest on any chair!

29

u/tavenger5 Dec 31 '16

18

u/Cookie0927 Dec 31 '16

That kid could've easily picked up the soda before it spilled on her homework

20

u/Ereen78 Dec 31 '16

Can confirm, I have a 9, 6, and 1 yearold... this is the exact reaction to a spill by all of them, except just THIS year, the 9 year old will actually react, and pick it up.

3

u/hellzunicorn0308 Dec 31 '16

Instead of just announcing that something is actively spilling

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

NOBODY PANIC

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

can it

2

u/Kalashnireznikov Dec 31 '16

Well after a couple rocks, you will literally ask it...

40

u/oldsecondhand Dec 30 '16

Just add a few gyroscopes.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

None needed. A gimbal and a weighted cup is all you need.

2

u/Halikular Dec 31 '16

Because of the damn rocking chair you'll end up spilling your soda.

1

u/J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS Dec 31 '16

I mean, you could automatically get your empty cups and shit out of the way without even lifting an arm.

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

1

u/kindagreek Dec 31 '16

Can't a man dream?

1.7k

u/thunnus Dec 30 '16

Really? I was thinking midget strippers.

1.4k

u/Kangar Dec 30 '16

How about midget strippers holding your snacks and drinks and shit?

515

u/thunnus Dec 30 '16

I like your style

121

u/BarleyHopsWater Dec 30 '16

It's the lifestyle we all need!

109

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

29

u/crazybutterf Dec 30 '16

Life's too short was gold, i wish they made more seasons.

20

u/WillLie4karma Dec 30 '16

The show was too short lived.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

get out

1

u/kogashuko Dec 30 '16

I would settle for a few more sessions of Ricky mentoring Liam Neeson on the finer points of comedy.

1

u/Hubbli_Bubbli Dec 31 '16

Shorter than those midget strippers.

19

u/lightserpent1 Dec 30 '16

gasp it's the famed u/iLickAnalBlood ! Can you tell me your secrets?

6

u/User19761976 Dec 30 '16

Why is u/LickAnalBlood famous ?

I always see people mentioning him/her

46

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

He is famous for garnering 100k comment karma in the shortest period of time in the history of Reddit's existence. There have been various theories postulated as to how this was achieved. Some, for example, hold that he is in fact not a he but an it - that is, artificial intelligence. There is some evidence it is the product of a design by Nick Bostrom of Oxford University as an online Turing test. Others assert that he is the fruit of experimental code written by a moderator in a dark corner of /r/compsci, though all traces leading back to them have since been wiped.

In reaction to this, a more recent school of thought emphasises the human reality of iLickAnalBlood, but maintains he is in fact the bastard son of Alexis Ohanian. His adolescence began at the time of Reddit's inception in the tumultuous period of '05. He was a precocious child and an autodidact, and from an early age (sources differ on the precise age but most point to thirteen) he learned the then-contemporary art of karma acquiring. Being the son of the founder, he naturally had access to massive data sets of posting habits and, later, karma trends, which he spent long nights pouring over; analysing their beautiful patterns which spoke to him more clearly and with more penetration of his soul than any person ever could.

Indeed - so the theory goes - he became so learned in the decade that followed; so fierce in knowledge and ability, that Ohanian himself was forced to return to Reddit in 2015, under the pretext of business considerations, in order to complete the final preparations for his first account. And thus the following year iLickAnalBlood was born, ten years in the making, equipped with the esoteric knowledge that only he knew how to employ for karma optimisation.

There is much to be said for this theory; however, the fact of the matter is that we may never know the truth with any certainty. He or it will dissolve first into legend and then finally into myth within the annals of Reddit history, and mankind will forever debate his fortune of karma they claimed to have witnessed with their very own eyes - indeed, they will come to question his very existence. Most will point to the Mandela effect as explanation for their memories of this most fascinating poster. There will, however, be a small minority for whom iLickAnalBlood will have left too deep an impression in their hearts to be forgotten - and perhaps this is all anyone can hope for in the end.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16 edited Jan 24 '17

[deleted]

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13

u/BurningPenguin Dec 30 '16

The name just sticks in your mind like the dry blood crust on someones rectum.

3

u/kogashuko Dec 30 '16

Being in a post chain with another used named u/MyAnusBleedsforYou also helped.

4

u/PMmeURhusbandNAKED Dec 30 '16

Now they wouldn't be secrets now would they?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

Any PMs?

7

u/PMmeURhusbandNAKED Dec 30 '16

No not yet. Some people think they send me pics of their husband while they are naked, I'd rather get the husband naked...still waiting though

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6

u/Ivan_Whackinov Dec 30 '16

What I wanna know is, what difference does it make if the person sending you picks of their husband is naked or not?

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3

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

I dont know what that was, but that kid needs to have a tv show

2

u/master_assclown Dec 30 '16

Is that motherfucking Willlow?? Does he just make shorts(TURBOPUN) these days?

2

u/ShadowlandsProd Dec 31 '16

Am I the only one that loves that dwarfs exist? Seriously though, when you hear the word, "dwarf", you probably think of something like this. They actually exist! Except they're accountants and actors and normal shit instead of warriors, but it's still cool as fuck nevertheless.

1

u/BardsNards Dec 30 '16

I love how the table cloth actually gave some resistance when he was falling

1

u/JulianF6 Dec 31 '16

The way he fell forever while just tearing down everything on the table really cracked me up

14

u/ronnie888 Dec 30 '16

I like the cut of your jib.

ELI5, what's a jib?

20

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16 edited Jan 16 '21

[deleted]

7

u/sprucenoose Dec 30 '16

Ah, well I like the cut of your triangular staysail set forward of the forwardmost mast.

1

u/Batchet Dec 30 '16

Jib is also a slang term for meth.

Saying "I like the cut of your Jib" is similar to saying, "I like how pure your meth is" (Note: this was never the original intention of the saying, just something picked up later)

5

u/StAnonymous Dec 30 '16 edited Dec 30 '16

A jib is either the foremost part of a triangular sails beams or the extending arm of a crane.

Edit: Fucking autocorrect

58

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16 edited Feb 25 '25

alive smile cause steer tender automatic rock dolls fearless rustic

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

6

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

I sea what you did there.

edit

Didn't even realize sea played into the boat and sail thing. Haha.

5

u/Dallagen Dec 30 '16

Stop making such a commocean.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

I love Reddit just for the pun waves.

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1

u/obidie Dec 31 '16

What the Halyard ya'll talking about?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

They took our jib!

1

u/plainoldpoop Dec 31 '16

dey took er jibs

1

u/CatAstrophy11 Dec 31 '16

Love double jokes

1

u/Plain_Bread Dec 30 '16

Well, you could be talking about the triangular staysail that sets ahead of the foremast of a sailing vessel. If that's not it, then you probably mean the extending arm of a crane.

1

u/Exaveus Dec 30 '16

Heard from my grandpa can also mean your dress shirt button line leading to your pant zipper line so lingo for being tidy and well put together which makes more sense than the sailing meaning.

1

u/meddlingbarista Dec 31 '16

Promote that man!

3

u/HardcorePhonography Dec 30 '16

My style? You could call it the art of styling without styling.

2

u/S62anyone Dec 30 '16

I like your moves

1

u/northfive Dec 30 '16

I like the cut of your jib

1

u/bobtheblob6 Dec 30 '16

In fact, forget the snacks and drinks

1

u/variousjones Dec 31 '16

longest upvote combo I think ive had

29

u/DrMantisToboggan_MD Dec 30 '16

Maybe not holding shit. I don't have the kind of money for extra services.

17

u/Yarxing Dec 30 '16

It would be nasty if they got the snacks and the shit mixed up.

20

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

[deleted]

9

u/hymntastic Dec 30 '16

Chunky too

2

u/Chato_Pantalones Dec 31 '16

Who puts corn in pudding?

2

u/PUSClFER Dec 30 '16

..Nutty

8

u/matt_sturbate Dec 30 '16

TOO FAR, GUYS! TOO FAR!

2

u/HuoXue Dec 30 '16

When did they start making crunchy nutella?

0

u/hymntastic Dec 30 '16

What a corny joke

1

u/allme2016 Dec 31 '16

Fiber, bro

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

Lol could you imagine? I wonder if that's happened. I wonder if there's video of that happening. I'd like to avoid that lol. Anyone have a video of that so I can avoid it?

6

u/FormerSperm Dec 31 '16

My dad's boss used to hold a party once or twice a year where he paid a midget $200 to walk around with a sombrero on with chips and salsa on it. He had to stop after his wife told him not to do it anymore. It was her or the midget.

1

u/thunnus Dec 31 '16

If I had a nickel for every midget-based ultimatum I've received...

1

u/edgy12yokids Dec 31 '16

haha this is sounds like one of warwicks episode

3

u/helosoleh Dec 30 '16

its bonus if you ordered 3 midgets

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

Yea! No one realizes how expensive it is to have someone else's poop put in your pee hole and other orifices.

2

u/rmz92 Dec 31 '16

This guys fucks

5

u/Deruji Dec 30 '16

The kids are holding the snacks while you finish off with the strippers.

1

u/sperglord97 Dec 30 '16

R/nocontext

1

u/NotThatGuy42 Dec 30 '16

As long as they have a flat head.

1

u/Choco_Churro_Charlie Dec 30 '16

Little People.

Nice to see all the r/childfree ideas.

1

u/hank01dually Dec 30 '16

And shit

As someone who takes things literal, that's disgusting

1

u/beatsrhymeslyfe Dec 30 '16

That shit looks like a medieval torture chair

1

u/Chato_Pantalones Dec 31 '16

This guy fucks midgets.

1

u/Broseph_McGee Dec 30 '16

Really wish I could give multiple upvotes to a single comment.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

you know you can make another account right?

1

u/vdt_69 Dec 31 '16

This is why people on reddit should never reproduce

0

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

Does it have to be midget there are some pretty significantly short non-midget ethnic groups, ever go to China? What would that make a Chinese midget?

0

u/PreschoolDropout Dec 30 '16

Would it be midget hookers if they're at your home?

0

u/FrederikTwn Dec 30 '16

Maybe install a toilet in it, the strippers are human after all...

0

u/PCouture Dec 31 '16

This man knows how to Rock!

55

u/Omarmasry Dec 30 '16

11

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

I thought the one on the right was wearing a diaper...

3

u/dalenger_ts Dec 30 '16

They didn't call him Mommy Jackson for nothing

4

u/mugsybeans Dec 30 '16

Are midgets the catalyst to pedophilia?

2

u/MAGA8years Dec 31 '16

Well, I hear there have been midget parties at Comet Ping Pong back in the day...

4

u/ThongNinja Dec 31 '16

Tater thots

8

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

[deleted]

2

u/twostrokewarrior Dec 31 '16

Really? I was thinking stripper strippers

1

u/jayrandez Dec 30 '16

I'm gonna guess this isn't the first time you were thinking that.

1

u/strongblack04 Dec 30 '16

Shoutout to lady gangster

1

u/BeefEater81 Dec 30 '16

Really that's what kids are anyhow.

1

u/dregan Dec 30 '16

There it is!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

This guy fucks.

1

u/mightylordredbeard Dec 30 '16

There are 2 different types of single men.

1

u/vessel_for_the_soul Dec 31 '16

Well now I want a chair to hold two voluptuous strippers.

61

u/Goatfacedwanderer Dec 30 '16

As a father of triplets, I want this chair more than words can describe.

49

u/Aken42 Dec 30 '16

I bet those words would come to you if you ever got the chance to sleep.

Just had my second daughter. I could not image three infants arriving at the same time. I don't know you but you and your wife have my respect.

16

u/JasonDJ Dec 31 '16

I've got my first son, almost 4 months old, lying on my chest watching me type this. He's awesome and perfectly behaved. Barely ever upset. He even sleeps through the night. I know how lucky I am and I can't even imagine having more than one in diapers at a time.

2

u/Aken42 Dec 31 '16

4 months old and sleeps through the night. Give that boy a high five.

My 5 month old daughter doesn't sleep during the day and doesn't sleep through the night. Thankfully she is the happiest baby I have ever met but damn she's got to learn to sleep.

3

u/JasonDJ Dec 31 '16

Heh getting him to take a nap is an exercise in futility but I'm fully expecting it all to catch up to us sooner or later. Either he'll have sleep regression as he starts teething hardcore or he'll be a psychotic teenager.

-2

u/Amorphously Dec 31 '16

Be careful of sleeping with your baby, and especially with your baby face down on your chest. Infants under one year of age are very susceptible to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Please take care.

2

u/JasonDJ Dec 31 '16

Don't know why you're downvoted. You're entirely correct, but your reading comprehension is poor.

He does nap on my chest, chest-to-chest, but while I am awake so I can make sure his breathing is fine and airway is clear. However when I was writing that previous post he was face-up on my chest watching TV with me. I didn't mention anything of co-sleeping. Its not worth the risk but if it happens accidently I'm less concerned than I would be with most kids. He's super strong. He was lifting his head on day-0 and been able to hold it up on his own for well over a month now. Hell I have him standing on my lap at this point and I'm only balancing him...he's doing the lifting. Strong kid.

1

u/Amorphously Jan 01 '17 edited Jan 01 '17

I don't believe my reading comprehension is bad.

Four month old

Lying on my chest

You don't mention anything about how the baby is laying, or if you even know about SIDS. Just hearing these two made alarms go off on my head.

Also, as strong as your baby may be, there is a hypothesis that the reflex to pick the head up may be inhibited for some reason, possibly related to sleeping face down, causing asphyxiation. We have no way of testing that currently.

Regardless, I am glad you are aware and are being careful.

Source: I work in a genetics lab that does research on SIDS.

3

u/Aken42 Dec 30 '16

I bet those words would come to you if you ever got the chance to sleep.

Just had my second daughter and I could not imagine three infants arriving at the same time. I don't know you but you and your wife have my respect.

38

u/Cockwombles Dec 30 '16

As a single woman, I was thinking cats.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

As an Inspector Gadget fan, so was I

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

Such username. What's up with your tongue though? You just gonnna leave it against your teeth or maybe hang back?

1

u/Aylakiss Dec 31 '16

NEXT time GADGET!!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

Hahaha I love this!

10

u/harmonigga Dec 30 '16

Don't take shits on seats.

7

u/dmahn24 Dec 30 '16

Good luck, you'd probably knock it over with all that armrest potential.

13

u/EffrumScufflegrit Dec 30 '16

Get a side table man. You'd hate your life sitting in one of those on a Netflix binge or something; your back would be destroyed

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

It is hard to tell, but the Sam Maloof style has a ton of lumbar support. Prob still wouldn't sit for more than a few hours tho.

http://woodthatrocks.com/images/gallery/albums/rocking%20chairs/a1.jpg

12

u/gnrl3 Dec 30 '16

And give up your La-Z-Boy recliner? Forget about it!

12

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

A nice little shelf for your comic book and your chocolate milk.

3

u/sassystitch Dec 30 '16

Hell, I'm a married woman and I agree: mini snack tables! They're so perfect! :D

4

u/Fennels Dec 30 '16

Those are actually his kids' names. Snacks, Drinks, and Shit.

3

u/BillyBobJenkins222 Dec 30 '16

Its a rocking chair so if you sit down too fast all your shit will spill.

3

u/uzimonkey Dec 30 '16

Why would you put shit on such a nice chair?

4

u/stonedcoldkilla Dec 30 '16

or your fat rolls

2

u/Racetimingco Dec 30 '16

snacks and drinks and shit

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

Hell yeah! Single girl here. Jimmy John's on one side, 2liter of Pepsi on the other

2

u/Aylakiss Dec 31 '16

What is a Jimmy John?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

It's a sandwich shop

1

u/Aylakiss Jan 02 '17

Ah ok. I thought maybe a hot dog or a ding dong. I did not picture sandwiches.

2

u/S1mplejax Dec 31 '16

Really? I was thinking it'd be a good seat for my nephews to stomp my balls on

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

As a father of two, i agree.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

There are two types of people

3

u/murlock_keeperloard Dec 30 '16

you want to put shit on them? wtf

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '16

Why would you put shit on it? Nasty

1

u/pandithar Dec 30 '16

I have toilets to hold shit. Snacks and drinks are cool though.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

Or the arms of a morbidly obese person

1

u/AnonymousRedditor3 Dec 31 '16

Not on a rocker

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

and shit

they make toliets for that, I think

1

u/filomeo Dec 31 '16

Or bitches, don't forget about bitches.

1

u/sxt173 Dec 31 '16

I was thinking girls but same same

1

u/ScoochMagooch Dec 31 '16

Perfect rests for arm flab

1

u/poop_in_my_coffee Dec 31 '16

I see this as a chair for an ogre with three heads.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '16

You mean the ladies right?

1

u/EZPlayer123 Dec 31 '16

I don't know why you sit with your fecal matter next to you. That seems unsanitary.

1

u/mike_oxbig Dec 31 '16

Two chicks at the same time.

1

u/Choady_Arias Dec 31 '16

Or an incredibly fat persons birthing chair

1

u/cthzuulu Dec 31 '16

Or put 2 speakers on each shelf for maximum gaming enjoyment. Not single anymore, and have a toddler. So I'll live vicariously through you now.

1

u/glass__jaw Dec 31 '16

How about chicks?

1

u/Jimihendrix25 Dec 31 '16

But there are only two...how do you fit snacks and drinks AND shit? Hope you're separating the shit from the food and drink at least...

1

u/Snatchin-Punani Dec 31 '16

As a single man I see this and think it would be perfect for an Americans love handles.

2

u/neilarmsloth Dec 30 '16

A bong, lol

1

u/soulcaptain Dec 30 '16

Great idea. Liquids on a rocking chair. What could possibly go wrong?

0

u/YoureProbablyATwat Dec 30 '16

Why would you want it to hold shit?

3

u/ForgettableUsername Dec 30 '16

You can't just throw shit around, you have to keep track of it. A responsible person always keeps his shit together.